WHITE HOUSE OF PAIN

Donald Trump’s plan to host a UFC cage match at the White House is the ultimate symbol of his incessantly distracting, made-for-TV presidency. Pay no attention to that troubling economic data, or those mysterious Epstein files!

• The White House is ready to rumble, as President Donald Trump’s approval ratings tumble. One of his wildest dreams — a UFC match on the White House grounds — is “absolutely going to happen” on July 4, 2026, for America’s 250th birthday, according to UFC macho man Dana White.
• Just when you thought Trump couldn’t get wackier, he’s plotting an actual televised punch-out on the White House South Lawn. It’s a move fit for President Camacho, the fictional pro-wrestler-turned-commander-in-chief from the film “Idiocracy.” But Trump has really agreed to do this, after raising the idea in public last month, according to White.
• “This is so monumental and historical and just such a cool thing,” White told the Wall Street Journal, while waxing lyrical about putting up a 25,000-pound Octagon fighting ring under the Washington Monument. “Fighters will be warming up in the White House … It’s incredible.”
• Naturally, Paramount is involved — the media company that paid $16 million to settle a Trump lawsuit earlier this year and struck a massive deal to show UFC fights on its streaming service. Paramount also owns CBS, so the channel will likely be subjected to Trump’s nonsense. Boy, I can’t wait for the “South Park” episode about this.

A cage match on the White House lawn is, of course, outrageously vulgar. But it’s also the perfect example of Trump’s flash-over-substance administration.

• The White House goes for the splashy headline and entertaining video, every time — over serious results or actually helping people. It’s run by a guy who, after all, staffed his administration with television personalities, including at least 23 people from Fox News. Even his top communications director, Steven Cheung, was the UFC’s chief spokesperson.
• One recent example of image over results: Trump’s authoritarian takeover of Washington D.C.’s police force, which stoked fear across the country about his authoritarian powergrabs — but comes with no real plan to actually reduce crime rates.
• Or take his economic policies. Trump fired the federal official who delivered jobs numbers that made him look bad, instead of, y’know, rethinking his destructive trade war, which economists warn will cost jobs and boost prices. His new nominee comes from the Heritage Foundation, the think tank that birthed Project 2025, and recently suggested suspending the jobs report until data is “corrected” — even though investors rely on unbiased data to understand how the economy is doing. Today, a fresh inflation report showed that the cost of his tariffs were passed on to consumers.
• Or think of the Epstein files. Trump launched an attempt to get a judge to release protected grand jury testimony, even though most legal experts predicted a judge would refuse (and they were right). Trump COULD have simply released files in his administration’s possession. But instead, he went for making it look like he was doing something — not actually doing something.

Will Trump get in the ring, like he did at WrestleMania? I mean, he’ll probably do something dumb.

Call out: Do you (or anyone you know) work at the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services? I have a question for you! Reach me on Signal at mattberg.33 or email whataday@crooked.com. I’ll keep you anonymous.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

The Trump administration is planning to create a military “reaction force” composed of hundreds of National Guard troops, which could quickly deploy into American cities during protests or unrest. Six hundred troops would be on stand-by at all times — adding a fresh dose of authoritarian vibes in Trump’s nationwide powergrabs.

Israeli planes and tanks attacked Gaza City overnight, killing 11 people, according to witnesses and medics. Hamas leader Khalil Al-Hayya is in Cairo today to attempt to receive U.S.-backed ceasefire talks. But with Israel’s new plan to take over the Gaza Strip, hopes for peace remain low.

The White House intends to vet Smithsonian museum exhibitions to make sure they fit Trump’s interpretation of U.S. history ahead of the 250th anniversary, according to the Wall Street Journal. “This is about preserving trust in one of our most cherished institutions,” White House senior associate Lindsey Halligan said in a statement. Yeah… my trust in the Smithsonian skyrocketed after it removed any mention of Trump’s two impeachments!

Russia’s military launched a surprise offensive in Ukraine this week, ahead of Trump’s meeting with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin in Alaska on Friday. This comes as Trump proposes thatUkraine and Russia agree to a “land swap” to end the war. Sure looks like Putin is already making a fool out of him!

The State Department drastically slashed its global human rights reports, blatantly ignoring authoritarian abuses in other countries. One example: The El Salvador report doesn’t mention poor prison conditions, instead saying that “there were no credible reports of significant human rights abuses.” The prisons in that country are infamous for, y’know, significant human rights abuses.

Attorney General Ken Paxton (R-TX) asked a local judge to consider jailing Democratic politician Beto O’Rourke. Paxton accused an organization aligned with O’Rourke of raising money to help Democrats who fled the state to block Texas’s gerrymandering efforts, even after a judge ordered the group to stop. But we all know Paxton just wants to lock up as many Democrats to look tough for his Senate race.

Democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani holds a 19-point lead over certified creep Andrew Cuomo in the New York City mayoral race, according to a new poll. Meanwhile, comically corrupt Mayor Eric Adams is polling at 7 percent, lol. For a socialist, he sure is hogging all the voters!

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