Halle and Alison go nightclubbing with sexy vampires to ruin The Hunger.

 

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

[theme music]: If scary movies give you dread, keep you up late night in bed. Here’s a podcast that will help you ease your mind. We’ll explain the plot real nicely. Then we’ll talk about what’s frightening, so you never have to have a spooky time. Its Ruined. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, hi. Welcome to Ruined. I’m Halle. 

 

Alison Leiby: And I’m Alison. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And this is a podcast. Where we ruin a horror movie just for you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Just for all of you. Halle, how are you doing? Any horrific things happening in your world separate from the existing horrors of America and the planet? [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: No, I would say that mine are mostly a just a piece, a part of that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm.

 

Halle Kiefer: No, I will say a nice thing. Is that due to all this, I think we’ve talked about this before but like  all the rain in L.A. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm.

 

Halle Kiefer: It is just so full of flowers. It’s my allergies are horrible— 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh I love that.

 

Halle Kiefer: But it’s so beautiful 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s so pretty. It’s so pretty.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I want to read. I want to read something about, like, plant intelligence, because obviously, like, the plants, like it would be like two or three weeks at a time and then it will switch off like the plants are taking turns. I don’t know if that’s like I don’t think they have pheromones, but whatever they have, they’re obviously communicating 

 

Alison Leiby: They communicate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it was like the pomelo trees 

 

Alison Leiby: M. Night Shyamalan. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean, if they oh boy, we better if they become sentient enough to realize that we’re the problem, like those orcas that are attacking yachts off the coast of—

 

Alison Leiby: Love that.

 

Halle Kiefer: Europe and or, the Mediterranean. 

 

Alison Leiby: Heroes.

 

Halle Kiefer: Incredible. Thank God, please 

 

Alison Leiby: Thank God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We I think this this could be something where we take actual like an actual cue from them. I think we should all sit with it. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’d love to be knocking over more yachts in the Mediterranean that belong to multi multi-millionaires and billionaires. They deserve it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, and I again, not that we’re inciting any sort of action, but I someone was tweeting about this. It’s like, well, yeah, like anything that we could really do would have to be illegal. It’s just that like, the orcas don’t know about laws like they don’t— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re like fuck these boats. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Like we were constrained by like you know it’s like the things to stop climate change. It’s like, well, they’re not going to be good. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Like with like, I mean, unless, unless the government it gets on board and that doesn’t seem like it’s going to be possible. Now that—

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t trust that 

 

Halle Kiefer: I just feel like and look I’m not defending Democrats, you know what I mean, they’re they are not doing what they need to do. However, it is difficult to govern when the other party has completely capitulated [laughs] to both the most insane Christian, white supremacist Christian evangelicals and also corporations. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know what I mean, I just, who knows how this is going to shake out, baby, you know what I mean?

 

Alison Leiby: Probably not good. That’s what I would guess. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But to cycle back, I have and I’ve talked about this I think before, but there is a tree. This is also about queerness because this is a pride show, a Pride Month episode. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: So I will tie it to queerness. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: That there is a fruit tree behind my building.

 

Alison Leiby: Oh.

 

Halle Kiefer: And I’m not. I’m from Ohio. So when I see something I don’t know on a branch or bush, I’m. I was instructed as youth, do not eat it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes 

 

Halle Kiefer: If it’s a berry, it’s going to be poisonous because they often are. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Yeah yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So I was like, I’m not going to I don’t know. I’ve tried to Google it. I’m like orange little fruit. Like it’s just, again, Google’s broken. And then finally somebody brought in some of the little fruit to the office and it’s a loquat, which I never had before. 

 

Alison Leiby: Is it kumquat adjacent. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes it is basically a kumquat. But instead of like—

 

Alison Leiby: Yum 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know the kumquat kumquat has like a kind of more of like an orange type of skin. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then it’s like sour inside, sweet skin. Delicious. This is like a little apricot.

 

Alison Leiby: Oh.

 

Halle Kiefer: With three big seeds in the middle, and then a little apricot with sort of, like across the skin. It’s a cross between a plum and a pear. So like the skin is thicker.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: But it’s not a kumquat skin.

 

Alison Leiby: But it’s not like a rind. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. And the flesh and the taste is similar to an apricot. And they’re so good that every day I walk outside of my work and I pick a fresh loquat off of the tree and I eat it like I’m a fucking queen. And I do think this ties to queerness, because it is like I saw a bush and I’m like, well, as far as I know, based on all this information I have, those are probably poisonous. I’m not even going to deal with that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: And now that I know somebody just said to me, hey, just, you know, these aren’t poisonous. And now every day I’m like, now that these are not poisonous. I’m going to learn to bake with these. I’m going to bring— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes 

 

Halle Kiefer: —a bunch of them into the office because they’re just falling on the ground. The squirrels are eating them. I was like, I can do a lot with this.

 

Alison Leiby: Feels like a great fruit a a galette.

 

Halle Kiefer: A galette, a tart, a tartine, baby. You know. So I think there’s something about that that I’ve been thinking about is like, you know how like a spring is happening is like the, the, the endless possibilities in front of us. Even in a world filled [laughs] with horror, that the orcas are doing their best to defend. 

 

Alison Leiby: We love the orcas. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I think that’s really nice. And if anyone ever sees loquats, gets them, they’re delicious. And Alison, how are you doing? You got anything horrific or alternately something real lovely going on with you? 

 

Alison Leiby: I do have something horrific. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay lay it on me. 

 

Alison Leiby: I have an ant problem. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m so sorry. 

 

Alison Leiby: I a couple of weeks ago, did all of I have a terrace and I did all of my like planting because I have like a bunch of big pots. And so I did flowers and a couple of them and then this big, like really cool, like green leafy plant that apparently like flowers in the fall 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ooh okay.

 

Alison Leiby: Which I’m very excited to see. Because I don’t feel like we see that. It’s just kind of like mums. But I think that that plant had some ants living in it and they’re on the terrace and they’ve been getting in because I think there’s like just a a hole or a space in between the wall. 

 

Halle Kiefer: There’s so tiny I mean [both speaking] like there could be any any gap anywhere under any door. 

 

Alison Leiby: This building was built poorly. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: Like I can see every all the time, I’m always like, oh, this is just not straight. And it’s a huge building. And I’m like, You just didn’t even check. The problem is like Rizz is supposed to be a bit of a hunter and he’s caught and eaten flies. But the ants, he just sits and watches them walk around. And I’m like, can you participate here? Like, that’s kind of your thing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: And I’m like, and I know you see that. It’s not like he doesn’t see them. He sees them, He’s watching them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He just has no meaning. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. And so every once in a while he’ll kind of like, get a paw close to them. And I’m like, just kill it, eat it 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah 

 

Alison Leiby: Lick it. It’ll. It’ll go right down. Like, I just don’t know why you’re not doing your job because you don’t pay rent. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess maybe if they were bigger and not that I wish bigger ants on you by any stretch of the imagination—

 

Alison Leiby: Right no. I do think that it’s like their smallness makes him kind of not— 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s like I don’t even know the fuck that is. 

 

Alison Leiby: He’s like what do I do with this, you know? Whereas, like, the fly, I was like, oh, that was like, crunch crunch. So you know— 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m so sorry—

 

Alison Leiby: I’m dealing with the ants. I don’t. I’m. I looked at some natural remedies. And like vinegar or like citrus oils are supposed to deter them. So I’m going to give that a whirl. I’m going to go back to my plant store and be like, that plant had ants in it. So now I need you to tell me what to do about it. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Do you remember when you took your cactus, your dead cactus back? You threw it against the door of the—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. This is a different plant store. I would never go back to— 

 

Halle Kiefer: No, no, no. Fuck them. Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: No, I. They found out that I do that joke on the show and they hate me now. And I’m like, well, you’re a terrible company, so [laughs] I don’t care. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I used to tell a bit about how I got scanned by Cohen’s Optical in New York, and I swear to God— 

 

Alison Leiby: I hate Cohen’s. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I get I keep trying to like unsign up, I keep getting texts from them. It’s like I didn’t get texts for like five years after I went. The one time I went and I was like, why would I why did this begin now? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Why would I come back to you now? Like, what do you think is going to happen? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right.

 

Halle Kiefer: But I’m very sorry about that because ants are hard to get rid of. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I know. There’s I just like, I just want to start natural. Just because, you know, Rizz in the picture, I don’t want to be like, just covering things in chemicals if I can avoid it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Poof. Well, Godspeed [laughs] to you.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. It’s a journey. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m sure it’ll work out in the end. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’ll all be fine. It’ll all be fine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And before we begin, we just want to remind, to remind everybody, as we have throughout the month, that we are taking part in Crooked Media’s fundraiser. It’s called Fuck Bans: Leave Queer Kids Alone. And it is specifically to raise money to support organizations advocating for trans freedoms, specifically in states, you know, unfortunately, mostly red states.

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Where there’s just this fucking constant onslaught of LGBT anti LGBTQ legislation and how much so much of it being anti-trans, we are raising money amongst them, with them. And also you can donate money right now and also find out more about it at VoteSaveAmerica.com/fuckbans. So you can find out what you’re donating to. You have sort of two options. Either you can donate to non-profits who are doing work or you could donate to potentially have money go to candidates or more political— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Organizations in those states. But yeah, this is a company wide effort that we’re really excited to be a part of. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Our, all of our profits from our live show. And the merch we sold this month also went to Fuck Bans. This is also something like it’s going to be ongoing. It’s just they’re doing a push 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like you’re going to always be able to go to this website and donate if you want to, but we just want to, you know, you know, this is I’m gonna cry. This is something that means a lot to us. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I think unfortunately, as we talked about this, like this does not just go away. Like, if only, you know, I mean, this is the kind of thing where we do have to pay attention to every piece of legislation. We have to read about fucking Ron DeSantis every fucking day. 

 

Alison Leiby: Jesus Christ. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because if you, we don’t, then they, they then they keep it moving. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right, right.

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s either we keep moving or they keep moving, you know what I mean? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right, they’re just steamrolling things anyway. So we need to be aware. We need to be supportive, participatory, and especially for the young people, the queer and trans young people out there that are having their lives— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: —completely upended. And it’s so sad. So, you know, donate now, participate now. But also, you know, we’re moving towards election season this fall. You know, the fight doesn’t end. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And the Votes Save America does a lot of great work. If you haven’t, you know, have you been interested to be like, what could I do? Or, you know, what candidates are in my area, you could look by state as well. So feel free to check out the website they have a lot of great resources. Yeah. And and fuck them I guess— [laughter] 

 

Alison Leiby: Fuck bans. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And with that this is our last movie of Pride month. And we are. It’s a famous one again, if you are interested in queer horror at all, it is of course, The Hunger.

 

Alison Leiby: Mmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which is our bisexually focused—

 

Alison Leiby: Ooh.

 

Halle Kiefer: —movie of the, of the month, and there should be more, obviously. 

 

Alison Leiby: I love that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But this is from 1983 and it is Tony Scott’s directorial debut, which I did not realize, and stars Catherine Deneuve, Deneuve, Catherine Deneuve. I’m trying. I apologize to the French, Catherine Deneuve [laughter] David Bowie and Susan Sarandon. It also has a small role by Dan Hedaya, who will always be Cher Horowitz’s dad in Clueless to me.

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. That actor. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: He’s such a character actor who’s been in so many things and he is talented, but he is Cher Horowitz’s dad, the lawyer, through and through. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so we wanted to kick things off. We always have Alison, watch the trailer. Alison, what are your thoughts about the trailer for The Hunger? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, hard to parse through what the plot exactly is—

 

Halle Kiefer: Uh huh, fair. 

 

Alison Leiby: But very, very sexy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, it’s very sexy. 

 

Alison Leiby: Very sexy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We also like to take a baseline scary. How scary do you find the concept of bisexuality, Alison? 

 

Alison Leiby: What if I was, like, terrified? [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Some people do. I think historically, that’s kind of what this I think this is what both what people I think we have an issue with this movie about and also love this movie because it is playing with that idea. But we’ll get into it. But yes. Alison, are you afraid of bisexuals? Let’s have it out. 

 

Alison Leiby: Not at. I mean, I think there are bisexual individuals I’m afraid of no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Sure. Absolutely.

 

Alison Leiby: Bisexuality. Absolutely. And I like I there’s a writer and friend of mine I follow on Twitter, you know, Lux Alptraum? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. She talks a lot. She’s a bi woman and she talks a lot about how there’s so much erasure of bi people and I think especially bi women. And kind of she’s a great follow on Twitter. I’m going to do a terrible job paraphrasing the important points that she makes about about bisexual people. But yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Not scary. At all. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, it’s interesting. I feel like there is, you know, how do I put this there it, like the first of all, like bi, the most queer people are bisexual or I would say maybe pansexual now that like 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Bisexual is sort of like the beginning of that concept. The idea that like, you shouldn’t have to be limit your attraction by gender.

 

Alison Leiby: To one. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s sort of like it’s interesting to have like a group of people who I think are the majority of the LGBTQ community. But just because you, you know, I imagine a lot of bisexual people end up in heterosexual relationships, that it is sort of like, how do you express your queerness? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And like, how do you ever recognize and I do feel like people are kind of down on bisexual sometimes, which I don’t understand where it’s like— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: You know this is all just like part of being alive. [laughs] 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. A lot. It feels very of I think of, of all of all of the sexualities that we identify. I feel like it’s the most policed. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, I agree. 

 

Alison Leiby: Within the community of like, well, that doesn’t count, and even like I hear, you know, there are, you know, entertainers and performers and comedians who are bisexual. And like, I can hear sometimes people will be like, I mean, but she’s with a guy, you know, and it’s like, well, okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s kind of the definition of what we’re talking about. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like that that is a possibility and that is a relationship option. Like, I just don’t. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: It does feel. I mean, what’s scary about it is the way that people talk about it often in pop culture, but— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: I find nothing scary about bisexuality. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I agree. It feels very retrograde and it does kind of like, you know, like we’re, you know, women of a certain age. And there’s definitely this idea when we were younger and I don’t I don’t think younger people younger than us think this way. So maybe it’s just like us and older people. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But there really was this idea that, like, if you’re a bisexual man, you’re really gay. And— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —that’s not really real. And if you’re a bisexual woman you’re really straight.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s not really real. And you know, it’s interesting if you notice that it does, it both situations it has to be about men, boy, you know—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, wow. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —that’s just interesting for us to sit and think about. How that always works. 

 

Alison Leiby: It always comes back to men. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I’m going to be honest, I’m going to admit something that I do think this is my own internalized biphobia. But I want to be clear. I recognized it and then I, you know, I like sat with it and thought about it. And it was that I had like a friend or her younger brother was dating a guy for the first time. I was like, oh, okay, great. You know who is queer? You know, who knows where he’s out with that, whatever. And then he met a woman and she was dating a woman, and both of them broke up with their partners and started dating each other. So they’re a straight couple. And literally, I had the most reaction like, no—

 

Alison Leiby: And they were both dating— 

 

Halle Kiefer: People of the same sex, and now they’re dating. Now they’re an opposite sex—

 

Alison Leiby: Which is a heterosexual— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Relationship. And I was like, no, you can only go the other way. And I was like, that’s silly. That’s not what it is. But that is, I think, like a nineties idea of what bisexuality is. Where like— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s not real or something like, but I guess I only acknowledge that to be like, as soon as I thought that I’m like, well, that’s not true. What am I talking about? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: But there is something there you know?

 

Alison Leiby: Us in our youths absolutely had kind of those and I think it’s like I think people are afraid of the lack of rules. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: More than what actually is happening—

 

Halle Kiefer: Right.

 

Alison Leiby: —in a bisexual person’s relationship history. I think it’s like but you can’t like everyone.

 

Halle Kiefer: Right.

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s like, well, first of all—

 

Alison Leiby: There is a kind of like uh oh, you know, I think that that is probably what is scary to people. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And I think that that is. 

 

Alison Leiby: Even though it’s not scary and feels great. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I think that it is a holdover. It’s like, unfortunately you do see queer people and I think less and less like I think about the queer people I younger than me that I work with. And I’m like, I don’t think that they’re thinking about this in any way—

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm.

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, I mean, I’m not that everything’s like roses and sunshine, but like, I think they have a very different perspective on it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I think that, like that, that desire to police is from being everyone being raised to have straight heterosexual relationships. And so even when you’re queer, like I am queer and I don’t I don’t logically think that that makes any sense to stigmatize a bisexual person. In that moment I had within me, that like, well, no, but you could only go the one way. It’s like, but it’s like. Like I think it’s like we all have to sit with ourselves and sort of realize when you have that reaction to like, oh, well, you could sit with that and sort of [laughs] you know, parse that out.

 

Alison Leiby: Where’s that coming from? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Where’s that coming from? 

 

Alison Leiby: And what really caused that versus like— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah 

 

Alison Leiby: That it’s right. Or anything like that, because it obviously is not so. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I think this movie, you know, I think we sort of try to be thoughtful about sort of villainous queers. It’s hard. It’s like queers as villains, queers as villains, but also queers as victims. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s like maybe this is a horror movie podcast, you know 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is tough to get around that. And this—

 

Alison Leiby: We don’t get a lot of characters coming through here who are just like, well, I’m an accountant. [laughter] 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m neutral in all of this. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m an accountant I’m bisexual and it’s all going to work out for me. Also, I’m a giant slug or whatever. [laughter] Yeah. And I think I think to your point like bisexuals like summon a lot of sexual anxiety in people. And I think in that situation I definitely had that, which was absurd. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it’s like how long I dated men. Like, I like the idea that I can’t wrap my mind around it. [laughter] It’s insane. But I think it’s good for us to, you know, for everybody to sit with the things, the reactions, emotional reactions we have and be like, is this actually real? Is this based on something that, like, I would ever, should or should ever be concerned about? Or is this a hold over? Because I think we are at a very important time with regards to LGBTQ existence in society and thinking about things differently. And you can see that in the way, like all the anti-trans sentiment is, relies on a discomfort with the idea of being trans or transition. And you can sort of capitalize on that because people don’t want to examine that, because they don’t want to examine gender. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And at all. And I think we are hopefully going to enter a time where, I don’t know, it’s like if they’re not thinking about it, we all have to be thinking about it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s like part of it’s like thinking about the fundamental truth, which is like there is there’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s. There’s no wrong way to have consensual sex with another adult. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Absolutely. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Or like like that is the that is the fallacy behind all homophobia. And then, you know, with regards to trans people and non-binary people, like there’s nothing wrong with examining your gender. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, there’s no wrong way to have a gender, and that includes being trans. So I think this is like, I don’t know, I just think like we’re an important time to think about our reactions to things and the things that we do find scary and sitting with them and being like, well, what is this based off reality? Because I know a bunch of bisexuals. I think they’re great. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: An extremely pro bisexual podcast here. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: And on that note, we will start doing the movie finally, Alison, would you before we get started, would you like to guess the twist in The Hunger? 

 

[voice over]: Guess the twist. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, I’ll say there is like not a lot to hold on to—

 

Halle Kiefer: Mm hmm.

 

Alison Leiby: —in the trailer. It’s more a vibe and a fun vibe, but it’s not. It’s hard to know exactly what we’re getting into. Can you give me, like, an idea of like, what genre? Like is— 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would say this is like, an erotic thriller. They’re vampires. They’re vampires. They never use the word vampire, but that’s what it is. They are, yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, I’m going to guess. Is there a twist? Is there a traditional twist? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean, it’s so hard to say. No. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay got it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would say no. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would say there’s not. Yeah, but what do you think happens regardless of that? 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m going to guess that ultimately the vampires. Infect everybody and everybody is a vampire. [both speaking] What I assume is a bisexual person. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay, great. Excellent guess. Let us begin ruining The Hunger. There’s also, like, we start out in like, what to me is now the signature [clears throat] concept of vampirism, which is, like, very, very thin, white, androgynous, hot people—

 

Alison Leiby: Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: —in the eighties. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, we have. Like, we got to get some other vampires out here. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, we can’t just have these the— [both speaking] 

 

Alison Leiby: More vampiric representation. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. And we open on, like, a club. Like. Like, you know, and it’s like it’s the eighties. Everyone has— 

 

Alison Leiby: And they love clubs. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, absolutely. Who doesn’t, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. They’re up at night anyway. Go out. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We’re watching. That’s a really great point. [laughter] The vampires are always out all night. They’re—

 

Alison Leiby: Party animals. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re at a club there’s a show song being performed by Bauhaus. And it is their song, Bela Lugosi’s Dead. And I love when a real band plays in a movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s really fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I love that shit. I don’t know what it is about it. It’s like we exist. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: These real people exist in this vampire movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So we see our main vampire couple. It’s Miriam Blaylock, played by Catherine Deneuve and her partner John, played by David fucking Bowie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they both have sunglasses on in the club, which I just took to be like, because it’s the eighties. I’m like, It must be that. Like we are doing coke or we have coke. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But what a great look. I love the idea sunglasses. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean it’s a great look. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so they’re kind of making eyes at this other couple because they’re looking you know, they have the devil’s foursome, but not like not like in the way, do you know the concept of the devil’s threesome? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, right. Two men one woman? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Two men. Again, how dare you. How I don’t know who invented that. It’s like, objectionable. But they want to have what seems to be more— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes 

 

Halle Kiefer: —of like, an actual devil’s foursome. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like devil, like satanic. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, we’re going to fucking get into it. Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so you see this couple dancing, the couple sees them. If you see Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie in a club, they’re trying to pick up you and your boyfriend. Well, maybe you’re getting in that car like there’s no way, you know. No way you wouldn’t.

 

Alison Leiby: Even if they were like, also, we’re vampires. I’d be like, all right, I’ll still go like—

 

Halle Kiefer: Hey, what else was I doing? Not getting killed by David Bowie? Come on. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m in a club. You’ve got cocaine. Let’s do this. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So they drive home to their like, incredible, beautiful, sickening, like what looks like a brownstone, basically. Like multi-level apartment, you know? And the woman’s there. She’s they’re drinking. The woman’s dancing for them. And David Bowie says oh there’s no ice so   David Bowie and the woman end up in the kitchen and they start hooking up like he’s sort of starting to seduce her. And Catherine Deneuve has the man, the male member of the couple on the couch and she tears his shirt off. And I’m sorry, I will stop calling them David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve here in a minute, cause I realize if I if I don’t start calling about their character names, I never will. So John sort of pulls the woman’s tops down and is sort of like just starting to tongue her down and just things are starting to get good. Alison. A monkey leaps across the screen. 

 

Alison Leiby: A monkey? 

 

Halle Kiefer: A rhesus monkey leaps screaming across the screen in slow motion. 

 

Alison Leiby: They were really in in the eighties. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So many monkeys in the eighties.

 

Alison Leiby: There were so many monkeys around in the eighties into the nineties even. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I wasn’t scared, but I was mad because I’m like, we’re having this sex scene and now there’s a monkey. 

 

Alison Leiby: We’re having fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Don’t make me see a monkey in the middle of the sex scene. 

 

Alison Leiby: No.

 

Halle Kiefer: Well they’re committing to the monkey. So like, we’re cutting between we’re cutting between Miriam straddling this guy and they’re starting to have sex. And then David Bowie’s like, starting to go down on this woman on the kitchen counter, and then there’s just a fucking monkey screaming in between. I’m like all right. [laughter] 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, it’s chaos. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. And in separate rooms. But simultaneously, at a certain point, John and Miriam reach up and they both have a necklace with an ankh on it.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: And they take off the ankh, pull it off. And inside is a tiny dagger and as we watch this monkey that we’ve been seeing screaming, tear apart another monkey. We also see John and Miriam slash their respective victims throats and start drinking their hot, steamy blood. Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wait. Are those people dead now? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Those people are dead now. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And that’s the other thing—

 

Alison Leiby: And where did the monkeys come from?

 

Halle Kiefer: We’ll find out in just one minute. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But I agree, because the monkeys are like, well, I don’t know where we’re doing to this [laughter] but unfortunately these people are dead. John and Miriam have fed on them. And we see John washing himself in the bath as dawn breaks over New York City. Back at Monkey Murder Palace, we see that there is there’s a scientist watching and screaming, no, no. Which again, is I’m not a scientist. It’s not going to work. The monkey doesn’t know what you’re talking about. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, oh, sorry. I thought you wanted me to do this. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, this is so embarrassing. 

 

Alison Leiby: I thought you wanted me to like, scream and tear apart another animal. But, like, you’re right. [both speaking] I’m going to go back to the desk. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We see the sign is [?] over her boss, Dr. Sarah Sarah Roberts, played by the incredible Susan Sarandon and is Dr. Sarah goes Jesus Christ. And she’s a researcher in the field of why’d a monkey do that? No, she did it in she’s in the field of gerontology. So the field of aging, Alison. Okay. So she’s at the top of her field at Monkeys Hating Foursomes University. [laughter] So we see John and Miriam go into their basement and they have a essentially a crematorium under their house. And they—

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, you’d have to if this is your game. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. And we find out at some point that you have to feed once a week. That’s so many bodies. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they don’t like split one person because I thought when they saw this couple, oh, they’re going to take either the man or woman home. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Two, they each have to have one. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wow. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s 104 people a year. 

 

Alison Leiby: So you got to be picking up couples. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You have to be David Bowie— 

 

Alison Leiby: Every week? 

 

Halle Kiefer: You have to be David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: What happened if you’re not? What if you’re just a regular schlub?

 

Alison Leiby: Guess you’re not eating. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Damn. Yeah, to be an, that’s why vampires have to be hot. Because if you’re not hot. How do you get people to come home with you? 

 

Alison Leiby: How do you get people to come home with you? 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, and everyone’s hot in their own way. But I mean, in the way that you get 142 people to go with you [laughs] even—

 

Alison Leiby: You have to be David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Come on. Let’s be realistic here. So they wrap the bodies in garbage bags and they throw them in the heat. We get this really great gnarly shot of like the heat shrink wrapping against one of the faces which I loved. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yuck. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Later, they’re taking a shower, and John asks Miriam, which is something that he must ask her all the time. He says, forever? And she says, yes, forever. They’re going to be together forever. And then we see one of their butts. And the societal expectations for buns have changed so drastically.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And for the better, I think. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But back then, I couldn’t tell you who’s I’m assuming because David Bowie’s because his buns looked like two unused teabags. And I was like, wow, you just don’t see butts like this anymore. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, you don’t. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’ll tell you. Like.

 

Alison Leiby: That’s an eighties butt. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And not that David Bowie has to get a BBL. I don’t know if you can get one of those in heaven. But it’s just interesting where it’s like the white thinness was the beauty standard— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —in a way that like now the thing those things are better now. Like you have, the expectation. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Is still so extreme, but like there’s a little bit more, I don’t know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: But of course, the vampires, they sleep during the day, but John cannot sleep Alison. And he keeps thinking about a scene from his past. So we find out where he sort of was made a vampire in 18th century France. So we’re got, we’re seeing powdered wigs 

 

Alison Leiby: Sexy.

 

Halle Kiefer: And we’re seeing him playing and we see him playing a cello. In his like little short pants and his powdered wig. And they never say the word vampires, but we know they’re vampires for three reasons. One, they wore sunglasses in the club. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Two, their little teeny tiny white buns. And then three monkeys hate them. So that’s enough. 

 

Alison Leiby: And that’s what we know about vampires. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s what we know about vampires. Over at the Research Institute, Dr. Sarah and her team are trying to figure out, like, why did this monkey go insane? Why would he tear apart and eat his cage mate, who he’d always apparently had a very cordial relationship with? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, do you think if you lived in a cage at a research facility, do you think you’d have a cordial relationship with your cage mate? 

 

Alison Leiby: I think you would either have to be a team or I would murder it. Like that. Like it’s like best friends or mortal enemies. Those are the options. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I think eventually I would. We would fall in love just because there be nothing else. We would just have to in order to survive. 

 

Alison Leiby: You’re bored. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly.

 

Alison Leiby: Right. And it’s like then it’s like you kill them and it’s like, well, now I’m alone. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We find out, Alison, that the monkey hadn’t slept in 56 hours and apparently that it had entered a manic state at this point. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean 

 

Halle Kiefer: And and that’s—

 

Alison Leiby: I would. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We also we keep coming to John’s or reminiscing about meeting Miriam at the beginning of their eternal relationship. And we see Miriam watching a TV interview with Dr. Sarah, who’s on the local news this is like supposed to be in New York, obviously. And so she’s been studying progeria, which I feel like is all over the news for a little while. Do you remember that? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. What is it again? It’s like little— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, it’s. 

 

Alison Leiby: Young people who look old? Or is it old people who are small? 

 

Halle Kiefer: They are young people who are old.

 

Alison Leiby: None of this sounds right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No I mean, you’re circling the drain. I feel like you’re almost there. 

 

Alison Leiby: I can see, like, the 2020 story, like.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah 

 

Alison Leiby: But I don’t remember the mechanics of the disease. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it is described as basically. So here we go. It’s a progeroid syndrome, of which there are apparently several. It’s a gene caused by a gene mutation. They are a group of diseases that causes individuals to age faster than usual, leading them to appear older than they usually are. And I remember when this sort of like people were studying this, it was sort of a conversation about the body, the body’s natural clock, like how does it age and what can we do to interfere with it? Which is sort of what the movie is getting at here. 

 

[clip of Susan Sarandon]: The main focus of our work at Park West is to try to reverse this process and actually slow down this internal clock. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Dr. Sarah has just written this book called Sleeping Longevity, where basically she says, in order to like to live as long as possible, you have to get good sleep. Meanwhile, we just saw John, is unable to sleep. And as a vampire that’s going to cause a real problem, right? 

 

Alison Leiby: I would imagine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So the host asked her like, well, is there any way we can use this to like, like, create immortality? And she’s like, bitch, I don’t know, like, that’s why I’m here. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No, I can’t make someone immortal. I’m just saying, like, it’s interesting, and we have all this great research on it, but Miriam is really intrigued by her as a vampire obviously, the concept of sort of hijacking the or hacking, rather, the human biological clock. How do you do it? 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Meanwhile, she and John are musicians and they been at it for a couple of centuries. So in order to make money, they teach music lessons. And we see one of her students, Alice, who I guess I would say she’s like in eighth grade maybe.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She stops by for violin lessons that John is giving her while Miriam plays piano to accompany them. John has to stop and go, excuse himself and Alice says to Miriam like, what is that guy’s problem? And Miriam says he, John hasn’t been sleeping and Alice offers them Quaaludes. And Miriam says [both speaking] why do you have Quaaludes? And she’s like, oh, I stole them from my aunt’s purse. Don’t worry, she’s never going to notice. Different times. Alison.

 

Alison Leiby: Different times. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. We see John in the bathroom, and despite being a vampire, he looks in the mirror and he is. And I God, I hate to even say it. Alison. He’s getting older. The worst thing imaginable. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Meanwhile, we see Miriam later go to, I’m assuming The Strand to get a copy of Doctor Sarah’s book because she’s having a signing.

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Miriam’s wearing, like, an incredible skirt suit, like a white skirt suit with a black hat, with a black veil, with white seed pearls on it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She looks fucking incredible. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s in the trailer and it’s a look. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s so good. And Miriam starts talking to Sarah like, I love to talk to you. And Sarah’s really like, hubba, hubba. You know, she’s like, oh, I’d. I’d also like to have a conversation with you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. [laughs] 

 

Halle Kiefer: But then there’s all these people want these books and they get interrupted and Miriam ends up leaving, and then later going to Sarah’s research facility and meets with one of her colleagues, Dr. Humphries. So basically says, basically, I want to interview you about your research.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Dr. Humphries. He’s like, well, if if Sarah if Dr. Sarah is getting all the attention, then I’m going to do an interview, you know? And so he says, we basically find out that all the things, the things that are connected to our blood like blood type—

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, really any elements of the blood that they’re intimately attached to sleep, which is the key part of aging. So we’re we’re setting this up. This makes sense to us, we’re all vampires. You know? Unfortunately, back at home, John is deteriorating and aging very rapidly. And he says to Miriam, how long did this take the others? And she says, I don’t remember. It was a week maybe, or a couple of days. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she says, now, how long did Lollia take? And this is where the bisexuality is introduced. And I don’t want to say like, I think someone else could watch this and maybe I’m not bisexual. Like, maybe they would feel a certain way about the depiction of a vampire as bisexual, as someone who loves horror. I personally love it, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But also I think it is introduced in a way where, like, no one makes any big deal about it is not like they—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He knows that she had a female lover. She will once again take a female lover later in the movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No one acts like this is. No one is homophobic about it. No, none of the vampires care—

 

Alison Leiby: It’s just like these are the relationships.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. So I do think it’s like that is frankly more realistic where it’s like he knows. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is not, you know, we got bigger fish to fry than our vampire vampire bisexuality, you know, but. He’s saying like what, how long did your last lover take? And she said, you know, about a week or so, because she could feed, but she couldn’t sleep. So you keep feeding as a vampire to replenish you. But if you can’t sleep, it doesn’t matter. 

 

Alison Leiby: There’s not enough. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then she said that she says, and that was true of the one before that and the one before that. So this keeps happening. Right. So—

 

Alison Leiby: To her partners?

 

Halle Kiefer: To her partners. So she—

 

Alison Leiby: Not to he hasn’t had partners that have—

 

Halle Kiefer: She turned him. So she is she is basically his partner. She turned him to make him into one of her companions. 

 

Alison Leiby: In the 18th century? 

 

Halle Kiefer: In the 18th century. So he’s been around. Yeah. For 200 years. But now he’s falling apart. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And John reaches up— 

 

Alison Leiby: Well he had a good run. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. But here’s the problem Alison. And I do think this is genuinely a scary idea because he’s pulling out handfuls of hair and he says, have you thought about who will keep you company when I’m gone? Who will it be? Will it be Alice, the little girl? And she’s like, no, like what are you talking about. And he screams, Miriam, what am I going to do? And he picks up Dr. Sarah’s book. He hurls it against the wall, shattering a picture frame. And next day we see John, who is inspired by this book by Dr. Sarah go to. He has like a black fedora sunglasses on, black trench, looks incredible. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. I mean. Incredible.

 

Halle Kiefer: Goes to the Sarah’s research facility and because he’s a vampire just sort of makes it all the way to her office even though there was security he just get’s in. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he says, do you really think that aging is a disease we can cure? And he said, she says, I mean, not yet, but yes, it seems like we could address aging, like we address disease, like we can manage it and stop it. You know, we can’t prevent it entirely. And he says, yesterday I was 30 years old and today I have liver spots on my hands. And he shows her. He says she immediately thinks, okay, so this guy’s crazy. So how about you wait here, I’ll be back for 15 minutes. She has him wait in the waiting room and she says, again, 15. As soon as he relaxes, she walks to the hall and calls security to say, okay, another fucking nut job got into the building and he’s harassing me, so just keep an eye on him. Usually I put them in the waiting room and usually they just get bored and they leave eventually. Meanwhile, Dr. Sarah goes down and she and her team are studying the rhesus monkey, which has just entered his seventieth hour of being awake. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh this poor monkey. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. So he’s starting to break down physically because at first I was like, oh, they don’t know why he’s not sleeping. I’m like, oh, no. I think they’re making it, stopping him from sleeping, which I think is wrong. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh no. That’s wrong. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison it’s wrong. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s wrong. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Never, never stop a monkey from sleeping. It’s morally wrong. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: And they’re like, oh, he’s looking real bad. And as they watch, the monkey collapses and dies. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. Monkey. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But here’s the thing, Alison. In the waiting room, we see David took off his hat and his hair is just falling out. John is also rapidly aging, but because he’s a vampire, he cannot die. So what does that— 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: What does that entail? Finally, he gets up to leave and he’s obviously really upset. Also, he looks so much older, like I’m like, did the nurse’s desk not notice that he looks like this now? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But so Dr. Sarah goes to Tom, who was her colleague slash live in lover and says, I need you to show the execs these videos. We need more funding. I really feel like we got something here. And he’s like, I don’t know, maybe you have a monkey dying I don’t know if this is really gonna cut it. But she kisses him. He says, I will do my absolutely best to get you the funding. As she happens to walk out, just as John is exiting, he’s now an old man with white hair. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he goes to the men’s room and he sees a man changing his shirt and he reaches for his ankh because he’s going to kill this man, and feed, even though it’s the middle of the fucking day in a research lab. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right.

 

Halle Kiefer: But somebody walks in right in that moment, so he puts it away. So then he ends up taking the elevator. He could hear everyone’s heartbeat. He just wants to, you know, sink his teeth in their veins, and he exits the elevator just as Dr. Sarah walks by and he chides her. He’s like, oh, you told me you were coming back in 15 minutes. I’ve been here two hours. And she’s like, sir, you’ve aged 40 years and he’s like, bitch, I know that’s why I’m here. But he’s so mad. He storms out and he almost gets hit by a car and then she chases him, but she can’t catch up with him. 

 

Alison Leiby: So I don’t know if this gets worked out or if this is more just death becomes her. But like, if they. If he can’t die. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Mm hmm. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, aging is one thing, but, like, would injuries. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well— 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, not take?

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, that’s a great question. And the answer is I don’t, I’m like not sure.

 

Alison Leiby: Like if he got hit by a car. What would happen? 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is the problem with vampire movies is that you really unfortunately, you do have to [both speaking] set up a very strict or you set up a strict set of rules, but then that kind of limits you in a certain sense. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it sure seems like injury does kill you in a sense, but also not so. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: We’ll get into that. 

 

Alison Leiby: So. Okay. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: So now we’re suddenly in a tunnel in Central Park. It looks like one of those tunnels. 

 

Alison Leiby: Convenient. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And there’s a guy dancing by himself to a boom box on roller skates. And John appears out of nowhere and tries to slash the guy’s neck. But because he’s much younger and stronger, and on fucking roller skates, he’s able to get out of John’s grasp. And the cut doesn’t go deep enough to kill him. And John has to run away. And next day, Miriam is out. And Alice, their students pass by to say, hey, could you tell Miriam I can’t come to my class the next day. I have something for school. And John buzzes her in and, you know, it ain’t gonna be good. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Alice doesn’t recognize John. She’s known John forever, you know, or two years or whatever. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But he now looks 85, so she’s like, oh, who are you? He says, I’m a friend of the Blaylocks, I’m just visiting. She says, oh, are you John’s father? You have the exact same eyes. You look just like him. He says, nope, I’m just a friend. And she says, okay, well, I’m going to leave Miriam a note. And she has, like she said, her dad gave her a bought her Polaroid, when he was in Hong Kong. So she’s taking photos of all their statues. And we see, unfortunately, she she took a photo of John like a week before, and he looks 30, you know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, he can get photographed. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He can get photographed. I don’t know how they do in mirrors.

 

Alison Leiby: Can they use mirrors? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t know. 

 

Alison Leiby: [laughs] Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think they can, though. I think, yeah no, you’re right when he’s in the bathroom and he’s about to stab that guy. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh right because he looks in the mirror. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, he could see there. So against the rules in this case, a little different and but you know, he’s I guess he’s like, hey, would you mind playing me something on your violin? 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I said, violins are vampires. That seems right. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And unfortunately, Alison, as she plays, John comes up behind her and takes off the ankh. And he forgives, he grabs her from behind, he says forgive me. And he slashes her neck and her blood soaks the sheet music and he feeds on her. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Miriam arrives home later and calls for John, and he’s just sitting slumped in the piano room. He’s like, don’t you remember what you told me? You told me I’d never grow old. She says, stop it. But she did. She lied to him. She said, I said that we’d love— 

 

Alison Leiby: Is he— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Go ahead. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like does feeding stop the aging process? Ore, does it reverse it? 

 

Halle Kiefer: It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t do anything. Like you still stay alive, but your body continues to age and break down. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, so he’s aging now, moving forward from 85. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And and also, she made it seem like I’ll never grow old. And it’s like, well, technically you’ll never die, but you will grow old. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So does that make sense? And he stands and he asks, her for a kiss. He goes, kiss me. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Think of me as I was. And she obliges him. And we see their first kiss back in good old 18th century France and Miriam’s sobbing. And he says give me, can you give me a little longer? She’s like, I can’t. I can’t give you. I can’t do it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I wish I could. And he says, then kill me, release me. Alison, what would you do? 

 

[voice over]: What would you do?

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. I think I’d find a way to kill him. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, me too. 

 

Alison Leiby: That wouldn’t implicate me criminally or anything like that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I don’t see how what the other option is. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, like to keep someone, like, technically alive around. Also, like, it’s not like you guys can go clubbing together anymore. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Right. Yeah. Like, you’re like no offense—

 

Alison Leiby: That’s kind of done. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Like your social capital kind of drops when it’s a hot woman and then a man who looks like the crypt keeper. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. [laughter] Not that there aren’t a ton of those couples walking around. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Hey oh. No but let’s be honest here. 

 

Alison Leiby: Al Pacino?

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, yeah. Boy, I just don’t get that. I don’t know, I. That’s don’t you wanna be around— 

 

Alison Leiby: Why would they want— 

 

Halle Kiefer: And know your kid? Yeah. Like. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t like. I understand some. The women. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like being like, I want a baby. There’s money here. Like, not money, but, like— 

 

Halle Kiefer: But money. 

 

Alison Leiby: To sustain a family. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Right. Yeah. I just don’t get it. 

 

Alison Leiby: As opposed to doing it by yourself without a partner. But, like, boy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It couldn’t be me. I mean, literally, physically, I couldn’t do it, but also couldn’t be me. I agree. You got to kill him. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. I’d kill him. I’d kill him. That’s the nice thing to do. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Here’s the thing. Miriam refuses. So then I was like, can you kill yourself as a vampire? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because in some movies, yes, but no one ever addresses that in this movie. So I have to assume that he wouldn’t consider that cause it’s not an option. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Right.

 

Halle Kiefer: But then, of course, Alison, she looks down and she sees because Alice’s body is nowhere to be seen. But she sees that a Polaroid from Alice’s camera, and she realizes that Alice is, Alice was just there. And she says, John, what did you do? And she. They go into the basement. And of course, he has killed Alice and has burned her body. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he says again to Miriam, kill me, release me. And she says, you don’t understand. And he collapses down the stairs, and she picks him up and says, I literally can’t. There’s no release, my darling. There is no rest. There is no letting go. 

 

Alison Leiby: What? 

 

Halle Kiefer: So even I think even if she were to burn him, dismember him, kill him, some part of him, you would remain alive in a sense. 

 

Alison Leiby: But like, if he doesn’t feed anymore?

 

Halle Kiefer: This is what she says and we have to just take it with a grain of salt. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, it’s like, look, we don’t make the rules. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We, if only we did. But.

 

Alison Leiby: If only. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Miriam carries, you know, and now he’s like a little old man, you know? So she’s carrying John upstairs. She says. 

 

[clip of Catherine Deneuve Catherine Deneuve]: Human kind are one way. We another. Their end is final, ours is not.

 

Halle Kiefer: Even if you were to bury us in the internal darkness, we can still see, hear, and feel. They literally cannot die. Like, that’s fucking horrifying. 

 

Alison Leiby: That sucks. I don’t want to do that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That, I’m gonna say it. Sucks.

 

Alison Leiby: Sucks.

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, she takes him up to the attic, which is, like, open, like, to the to the air. So it’s full of, like, billowing gray curtains. And. Alison, it is full of pigeons. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Sure. Some people might call them doves. They’re all the same. 

 

Alison Leiby: No I would not. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Doves are just pigeons with a dye job like they are the exact same thing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison she takes John and she puts him in an empty coffin, and she pushes him next to all the other coffins of her past lovers. Alison. And she puts her hand on the one next to John, says, Lollia, this is John. Comfort him. Be kind to him tonight, all of you. So basically–

 

Alison Leiby: So they’re all alive.

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re all alive in there. And they’re all like desiccated mummies. But they are alive.

 

Alison Leiby: But they’re alive. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ding dong. The doorbell rings. Alison, Just in time. It’s Doctor Sarah, and she’s like, hey, I’m so sorry. I want to speak to your husband. He came to my clinic, but then I couldn’t see him. And I there’s miscommunication, but I know he was dealing with rapid aging, and I. I really want to talk to him to see what we can figure out. And— 

 

Alison Leiby: Well. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just then. A cop car. Well, it is an unmarked detective’s car, but, you know, it’s a cop inside. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because Dan Hedaya comes out, he pulls up and Miriam realizes, oh, shit, that motherfucker’s here to talk to me about Alice’s disappearance. 

 

Alison Leiby: Disappearance. Right.

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it’s 13 year old’s don’t go missing without somebody noticing. She takes Dr. Sarah’s number and rushes her away, and Hedaya comes to talk to Miriam. Detective. Lieutenant says. Okay. So Alice went missing. The only places she went were her home, her school, and here for lessons. So I need to take a look, look around. Okay. And also, is your husband here? And Miriam’s like, oh, this is crazy. [both speaking] Like, my husband my husband actually went to Sweden. Yeah, he’s at like a— 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s like a sleep clinic there. He’s so he’s out of the country sure come on in. And, you know, I’ll let you know if I can think of anything, but there’s no evidence like there’s nothing to go on. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s sort of like now the lieutenant’s going to be like monitoring her, kind of not believing her bullshit. Right. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: However, Miriam is starting to begin her process of acquiring her new lover. So sort of her law, her seduction of Dr. Sarah begins as her next companion. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. Great. 

 

Halle Kiefer: For example, Dr. Sarah is getting ready for bed at the house where she lives with Tom. And then suddenly Miriam appears in the bathroom mirror behind her. She whips around. No, it’s just just my imagination, I’m just imagining this beautiful woman I talked to for a couple minutes, and that night we see Miriam put on a black veil and play the piano, and Sarah starts having uneasy dreams. And the piano playing is affecting her across, like time and space. And Sarah wakes up crying. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she’s doing all these little weird things. Like the next day she thinks the phone rings at the office, but no one else hears it. And finally she goes back to Miriam’s and she’s like, oh, I. I didn’t hear from you. So I thought. I don’t know why I’m here. And Miriam invites her in. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, you did. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s like, okay, well, things are going to be happening in a minute and Dr. Sarah says like, oh my God, you have all this incredible art and there’s a bust. And she’s like, oh my God, look at this. And as well, it’s a 500 year old Florentine bust. And Dr. Sarah goes, you know it actually looks a lot like you. Miriam was like, damn that’s crazy. Anyways, can I borrow you a sherry? 

 

Alison Leiby: Ooh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she’s like, I don’t really don’t like sherry and Miriam’s like I think you’re really going to like this. So they’re drinking sherry. And they’re talking while Miriam plays piano. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t know you at all, but I’m going to go ahead and assume you’ll like this sherry that you claim you don’t like. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: And Dr. Sarah, you know, they’re sort of talking and then Dr. Sarah takes off her blazer. So that’s how you know that things are gonna get blazed in here in a minute. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s like, well, now that I’ve had a glass of sherry. Also, it’s clearly the middle of the day, which I also think— 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —is super fun. And Miriam is playing oh shit, let me see if I can find the name of this song, playing this beautiful piano song. And Dr. Sarah asked her about it and she’s like, oh, what is this song about? It is a love song. And she says, well, you know, it’s two women in a garden, and it’s a story about, you know, like being together there. And Sarah says, will you know it sounds like a love story. And Miriam says, well, it’s two women. And I think she meant that as like, well, so what do you think about that? Like— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: So does that seem like a love story to you?

 

Alison Leiby: Putting that out there.

 

Halle Kiefer: And Sarah says that that sounds like what a love song is. And Miriam was like, well, then I guess that’s what it is. And finally Sarah calls it out. Is like, are you making a pass at me, Mrs. Blaylock? And Miriam I don’t know why she should of just said yes. Whatever. It’s not my movie. But she says, well you know, not, not that I’m aware of, however. So you’re like, okay. I mean—

 

Alison Leiby: Okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: —I don’t know why we’re pretending at this point, but whatever. And—

 

Alison Leiby: Like, she’s already here drinking the sherry the blazers off like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Why did you what, why, what was the plan here. Fucking, you know, make the move. But then of course, fortunately for the film, Sarah spills her sherry on her T-shirt and thank God that she had the wherewithal to wear underneath her blazer to work a paper thin white T-shirt with no bra on. And I was like, that is a choice— 

 

Alison Leiby: You know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —research scientists to go to work. 

 

Alison Leiby: Business casual. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: And things are about to get real casual here in a minute, so Miriam goes to get her a T-shirt to be like, oh, you could put this on and I’ll wash your shirt or whatever. They don’t say that, but that’s the implication. And as soon as Dr. Sarah takes her shirt off, it’s like, well, well, well, let let us begin, you know? So they get down to it and they’re, you know, Sarah strips down and they’re on their bed. And of course, it’s shot very gauzy because it’s like, how do women— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes 

 

Halle Kiefer: —have sex? We’re not really going to get into it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Still a mystery to all, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But it’s hot, obviously. And then after they start making out, you don’t see her make the cut. But Miriam’s starts feeding on Sarah’s arm, like drinking the blood out of her upper arm and then has Sarah drink out of her arm. And that is what lesbian sex is. So, who knew?

 

Alison Leiby: Who knew? 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, that night, Sarah goes to dinner with Tom. Two thumbs down for Tom who could tell something is wrong. And she’s like, wait. So in the middle, the day you just went to this woman’s house for three and a half hours, and I didn’t know where you were because they work together. 

 

Alison Leiby: Don’t worry about it. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: And and then she’s, of course, haunted by the sex. So she keeps like having, like flashbacks of the sex they had. And also she’s watching two women swimming. One of them is nude. In like a pool across the restaurant. And she also has an ankh necklace now that Miriam gave her and he’s like, what do you mean this woman gave you this thing? You met her for three hours and she’s like, look, her husband is really sick. He’s in Sweden at a sleep clinic. She doesn’t have any friends. I was just being really friendly to her. He’s like, yeah, but she gave you—

 

Alison Leiby: You know, friends. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —good friends. We’re dear friends. And it was the friendliest anyone’s ever been to me Tom. [laughter] And she he’s like, but she gave you a gift, she says, which I think was my favorite line. She goes, she’s just that kind of woman. She’s European. [laughter] Which I think is basically in the eighties, a euphemism for gay like— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah for sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She’s one of those European women. 

 

Alison Leiby: Europeans. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he says to her [both speaking] you’re acting really weird. I think you should see a doctor. It’s like, okay, thanks, Tom. Thanks for your input. But Sarah says, I am a doctor. I think I’ll be fine. Unfortunately, she’s ravenous, but she can’t eat her food. So she has this really rare steak, but she can’t eat it. She attempts to and then vomits when she gets home. So she’s hungry. She can’t eat. You know, where this is headed. She—

 

Alison Leiby: That’s how all the vampires are so thin. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, is that you’re a hundred percent, right. That’s. Yeah. Vampirism is the original original Ozempic. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Vampirism. Nature’s Ozempic.

 

Alison Leiby: Nature’s Ozempic. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But she has her lab tests her blood because she keeps having the symptoms. They say, like, there looks like they say. I don’t know like, I’m, I don’t know what this looks like. It’s like there’s it looks like there’s another kind of blood in your veins fighting your blood for dominance. It’s like, yeah, that seems pretty bad then, my friend. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that’s not good. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison she tells the team she and Tom, she lies and says she’s going to a blood specialist, but instead she goes to see Miriam, who’s like, oh, you know what? Actually, that is my blood in your veins. I drank your blood, you drank mine. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sorry. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Now you are mine and I’m yours. And I’ve giving you the gift of eternal life. But the thing is, Sarah doesn’t want this, so she fucking freaks out. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And is like, this is horrifying. And she leaves. And Miriam calls— 

 

Alison Leiby: I would not want that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I wouldn’t either. She calls down she says— 

 

[clip of Catherine Deneuve Catherine Deneuve]: You’ll be back when the hunger gets so much, you’ve lost all reason, then you have to feed. And then you need me to show you how. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, who will survive?

 

[voice over]: Who will survive?

 

Alison Leiby: Oof. I think. Sarah and Miriam will both live, but no one else. I want to say that the movie ends with them in an eternal relationship in the way that she was with David Bowie at the beginning of the film. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: And then everybody else in their orbit is dead. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That stands to reason. Unfortunately, Sarah needs the answers to how she’s going to deal with this hunger sooner rather than later. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, she leaves, she makes a phone call. She’s trying to find Tom, but she pretty soon starts. She staggers back to Miriam’s brownstone. And we see Miriam pick up a and sort of the analogy here is, of course, drug use. You know, like we see Sarah start to break down. She’s shaking. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Miriam puts Sarah in her bed and she’s all curled up and Miriam goes and picks up I thought she picked up a male sex worker. And then I’m not exactly sure, but she brings a man back to the house, slits his throat, and then calls down for Sarah, who’s so sick she can barely get out of bed, calls for her to come down. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Sarah makes it out to the railing and looks down, and Miriam’s already feeding on him. So Miriam’s calling to her with blood in her mouth before Sarah can drink the blood. Tom rings the doorbell and Miriam’s like, okay, great. And he says, I’m looking for Sara. She says she was seeing a blood specialist. But then I called the doctor and she wasn’t there. Do you know where she is? And Miriam buzzes him in and says, yeah, she’s upstairs. He’s like, oh. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh.

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: Hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But she tells him to be careful because she’s not well. And the problem is that Tom does find Sarah and she is very unwell and she’s on the floor of the bedroom. Unfortunately for him, Tom has got some hot, thick blood coursing through those veins. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And Sarah, he sort of she fights him at first and he grabs her he’s like it’s going to be okay. I’m going to take you out of here. But unfortunately, now she’s right up against that big, fat, delicious neck of his. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, just coursing with blood. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she pulls off her ankh and she takes out the dagger and she stabs Tom in the neck with it. And downstairs, Miriam plays piano, and you just hear, like, thuds as. Like Tom, like, you know, his death throes and she plays—

 

Alison Leiby: That’s fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And finally a blood soaked Sarah, who looks so much better, she’s like, oh, my God—

 

Alison Leiby: Finally. I just needed something to eat.

 

Halle Kiefer: —and she comes down and she’s Miriam tells her, you’re part of me. Now, from this moment forward, you will never grow old. You will live forever. Which is technically not true. Like, yes, you will live forever, but you will grow old. 

 

Alison Leiby: Why is she couching the like, will she grow old? It feels— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well so the implication is that no. And there is a shot of her because we see like her meeting John in the 18th century France. But then there’s a shot of her, what appears to be ancient Egypt, which is problematic because she’s white. But my the implication I took is that she is the originator. Like, she can make vampires.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay so— 

 

Halle Kiefer: But she is some sort of entity that is timeless or something. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. And every and all the other vampires are kind of like. Okay, can die or not can die, but will age. But she won’t.

 

Halle Kiefer: And the reason she doesn’t tell them is because she doesn’t want to be alone. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. That’s it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That makes me sad. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, if she would be honest, no one would agree to this. It’s like yep— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah who would possibly agree to that? 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so they kiss. But during their kiss, Sarah is a vampire now, obviously. But she still had the objection that I guess John didn’t have. So during their kiss, air reaches up and grabs Miriam’s Ankh and pulls the dagger out and Sarah stabs herself in the own in her own neck. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which then causes what I would say, a sort of a when you knock over a domino. There’s a domino effect because— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: As soon as that happened I’m like, wait a minute. So then what? Like, I was like, okay, so you can’t. And so Miriam runs to stop the bleeding. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She’s like, please stay with me. Please stay with me. Because then I’m like, can you take a vampire to the hospital? Like, how would you solve this? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But Sarah says, I can’t. It’s basically like I refuse to do this and pulls Miriam’s hands off her neck and the way that Miriam reacts. I think we’re to think Sarah is bleeding quote unquote “to death.” But it’s a kind of death like the vampires had in the attic. So basically her body will become incapacitated, but some part of her will still be alive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which sounds horrible. 

 

Alison Leiby: That sounds terrible. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But Miriam’s sobbing, takes her up to the attic and lays her body down. And I don’t know why this happens. I’m a be honest. I, I. And I’m going to accept if I. If I misunderstood something, that’s fine. All of suddenly, like, there’s like a tremendous shaking in the room. And all of Miriam’s old past loves start to rise up from their coffins, including John, and they start descending on her while she screams. I don’t know why that happens. I don’t know. What, what— 

 

Alison Leiby: Do you think, do you think that’s what happens when one when someone inflicts like because Sarah tried to kill herself that it like awakened all of them? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I was thinking that or it was because she is bleeding so her blood. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like they still want to feed. 

 

Alison Leiby: Hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But it’s not clear. 

 

Alison Leiby: But like, there’s been other blood around. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well— 

 

Alison Leiby: But it’s her blood in particular that’s making this happen. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. So I guess maybe it’s like, because it’s a vampires blood. I don’t. At the end of the day, and there’s so many pigeons and doves flying around like it is—

 

Alison Leiby: Yuck. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re like, as Miriam— 

 

Alison Leiby: I’d rather there be blood around then like a ton of birds. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Would you rather someone throw a bucket of blood at you or like five birds? 

 

Alison Leiby: Well, five— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ten birds. 

 

Alison Leiby: I think the birds still, like I get like I’m a little put off by getting wet in that [laughter] like, but the birds, like, birds carry disease. I guess blood also probably carries disease. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, it’s hard. It’s hard to pick. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s a no win really. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m going to get I’m going to guess birds. I would say birds because. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m going to say birds up until a cert— Like there does become a point where it’s like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A hundred what if it’s a hundred birds. [laughter]

 

Alison Leiby: A hundred birds swarming around you? I’d rather somebody just throw a bucket of blood on me. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that. So all of them rise up and descend on her. And there are like 20 birds minimum in this room, and they’re all screaming and all of them look like wizened mummies, right and she and they grab Miriam and she screams. No, no, no. And she wrenches herself free birds fly in her face as she runs down the hallway and John grabs her and kisses her with his old bog mummy mouth and she pulls back and screams. And when she does, she falls from the balcony and plummets all the floors of her gorgeous brownstone and slams on the ground. And then I was like, okay, so now her body will die. Like she’ll be she’ll be like them, you know, but which happens, but that also she begins to age rapidly. And so all and then as she does, as she starts to as her bodies starts to die I guess she ages rapidly so she becomes to be a mummy and then her old lovers start to collapse. So I guess as she enters this mummified part or her‚

 

Alison Leiby: Maybe they finally die?

 

Halle Kiefer: At the end of this. Miriam now looks like them. Miriam looks like full crypt keeper. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: In the morning someone knocks on the door. It’s Dan Hedaya, the lieutenant again. And instead of either of the Blaylocks, it’s a real estate agent that opens the door. He says, oh, I’m sorry. the Blaylocks don’t live here anymore. The. This house. Actually, I’m in charge of selling it, but it’s through a law law firm. I don’t really know anyone’s name. It came onto the market unexpectedly and the proceeds of the sale are supposed to go to some sort of clinic, probably to buy a new homicidal monkeys. If I had to assume. Any way a sale’s a sale. I’m a real estate agent. I would ask any question about what I can only imagine was a big old mess [laughter] that we found here. So the detective walks through the house as the real estate agent excuses himself to go talk to this couple who is hopefully going to buy this place. And he finds a Polaroid taken by Alice of the trash. And realizes, of course, he was never going to solve this. They’re gone. All this evidence is gone. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Somewhere else. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be. Let me look it up. Where is it? Okay, now London. So in London, there’s this beautiful room, beautiful man and woman. They kiss, and then the woman goes to the third person standing at the window, and it’s Sarah, and she’s alive. And she looks better than ever baby. And she and the other woman kiss. 

 

Alison Leiby: How did— 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we see in storage the coffins. So she took the coffins of the other lovers. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, God. I mean, imagine shipping all of that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And inside from the coffin that we focus on, we hear Miriam’s voice call Sarah? Sarah? The end Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So I don’t know [laughter] I guess like—

 

Alison Leiby: I guess like, I think it all kind of works for me except for Sarah. Like, is it because Sarah drank her blood but like they all drank her blood? To become vampires so it’s—

 

Halle Kiefer: Was it because she right was it because he just became a vampire? Sarah. Or was it just because she just had her first feed? I don’t know, Alison. I don’t. I genuinely don’t know. Because I was— 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s a stumper.  

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay, so she stabs herself. But the way Miriam reacts, it’s like Miriam knows that that would send her into the— 

 

Alison Leiby: Maybe—

 

Halle Kiefer: —deathless death state. I don’t know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Maybe drawing your own blood is some kind of, like, role reversal with whoever you’re with. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But then also. 

 

Alison Leiby: But it’s like all this. Like, it’s like, been her the whole time. And now suddenly it’s Sarah. But I guess we don’t know if she’s imm—

 

Halle Kiefer: Well then like if she lived. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Why? Why would Miriam have that reaction? Look, there was nothing between that. I understood between Miriam being like, oh, my God, you’re. You’re deathlessly dead and then Sarah being fine at the end. I don’t understand. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that’s. That’s the leap I’m not able to follow.

 

Halle Kiefer: Right like, okay, sure. Like, if she. She felt she was grievously injured. Miriam rather like, okay, maybe she trusted her mummy, her old lover. They were all connected to her. They’ll turn to dust. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer:  But then the Sarah part of it. I can’t—

 

Alison Leiby: The Sarah part of it.

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t know. But I am glad—

 

Alison Leiby: If you know the answer, write in and tell us. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know what it probably is it honest to God probably is like oh it tested better with Sarah living or something like there there may not be an— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —intuitive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Or logic.

 

Halle Kiefer: —logic. It might just be like, oh, people, Susan Sarandon is hot right now and maybe we’ll do a sequel. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And— 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, we there’s no reason that we just, we thought it’d be like a sexy end. And then she’s with a man and a woman because bisexuals shouldn’t have to choose. And I completely agree with that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Absolutely. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I agree with this ending. What are some fatal mistakes you think people have made in the film The Hunger?

 

[voice over]: Fatal mistakes. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, I think indulging in that midday sherry really ended up. [laughs] I mean, I guess it kind of worked out for Susan Sarandon, but not really. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: Because she probably has a terrible fate ahead of her. But, you know, going over there and if she hadn’t gone over there, she wouldn’t have gotten all mixed up in all of this. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s I feel like that’s a good way to put every horror movie. It’s like if only they hadn’t gotten over there. They wouldn’t have gotten all mixed up in that. [laughter] But you’re absolutely right. I think Miriam’s mistake was not being upfront with her lovers. You have to be honest. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You have to be candid. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, you cannot just presume that they’re going to be okay with becoming undead mummies in your attic. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, no. I mean, that’s why she, you know, hid that truth. So we know why she did it, but it was a bad idea. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And but, you know, we understand because don’t we all. Don’t we all want love? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And don’t we all have our exes in coffins in the attic of ourselves? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Desecrating, but still alive. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Still alive. Still calling our names. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, on that note. How spooky. Where on the spooky scale. Would you put The Hunger, Alison? 

 

[voice over]: A spooky scale. 

 

Alison Leiby: This feels like a six. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: I think, you know, it’s a lot of blood. And the withered, desiccated corpses. I don’t want to see that. And I think the horror of being alive forever. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, that is tough. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, existentially, that one’s a tough one to swallow. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I agree. I’m going to give this a three, because I think it’s very romantic and atmospheric and interesting and beautifully shot. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And also not that scary. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So I will say that is a scary concept. But then, like once you got a monkey in there. 

 

Alison Leiby: Not an execution as much as yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: In theory. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But I really did enjoy it. And it’s one of those movies where I had never seen— 

 

Alison Leiby: A great one. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —people talk about it constantly. I had never seen it. Really enjoyed it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Terrific. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And again, we stand in solidarity with all bisexuals. And I will say as a queer person, and I consider myself a lesbian, but underneath, foundationally underneath that, I am a queer person. 

 

Alison Leiby: Queer, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We need the numbers, right? So if you’re like, I don’t know if I should come out as bisexual, you know, maybe you’re in a heterosexual relationship. You’re like, I don’t know if that’s my place. Come out. 

 

Alison Leiby: Come out. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because we need the numbers. Okay? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Any kind of queer you are. Please come out. If only if you feel comfortable and you can obviously, you know what I mean, I’m not telling you, you have to do it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Feel safe and right yeah but. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just do it. And you’re going to feel better if you have the opportunity to, even if you’re not going to act on it. I think like there is the the level of well, first of all, you should and it’s your life, so you do whatever you want. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But there is a level of like relaxation and a relief that is that comes from accepting yourself that, that that that is like preclude precedes having sex entirely. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like the sex is is great some of the best sex we have out here but you know it does not that’s not what it is that’s not like what it’ll give you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’ll give you so much more, I’m gonna cry if you can if you can come out. And if you can’t, we just have to change the world. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we were going to do that anyway. So it all works out. 

 

Alison Leiby: We love you either way. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Whether you can or you can’t. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we love you so much. And thank you for listening. And maybe we’ll be back at it next week. 

 

Alison Leiby: We’ll be back at it. Not going to stop. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Never going to stop. Simply can’t contractually can’t stop. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Obligated to not—

 

Halle Kiefer: Legally obligated to not stop. [laughter] And until next time, we love you very much. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And happy Pride. 

 

Alison Leiby: Happy Pride. And keep it—

 

Halle Kiefer: Keep it spooky. 

 

Alison Leiby: Don’t forget to follow us at Ruined podcasts and Crooked Media for show updates. And if you’re as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Ruined is a Radio Point and Crooked Media production, we’re your writers and hosts Halle Kiefer and Alison Leiby. The show is executive produced by Alex Bach, Sabrina Fonfeder and Houston Snyder, and recorded and edited by Kat Iossa. From Crooked Media our executive producer is Kendra James with production and promotional support from Ari Schwartz, Kyle Seglin, Julia Beach, Caroline Dunphy, and Ewa Okulate.