Halle and Alison clip in and hit the slopes to confront a bevy of fears while ruining Frozen (2010).

 

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

[AD BREAK]

 

[theme music]: If scary movies give you dread. Keep you up late night in bed, here’s a podcast that will help you ease your mind. We’ll explain the plot real nicely then we’ll talk about what’s frightening, so you never have to have a spooky time. It’s Ruined.

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, hello. Welcome to Ruined. 

 

Alison Leiby: Hello. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m Halle. 

 

Alison Leiby: And I’m Alison. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is a horror movie where we ruin at a horror movie. Wait. [laughter] This is a horror movie where we ruin a podcast just for you—

 

Alison Leiby: That sounds great, too. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, so this is of course, a podcast where we ruin a horror movie. Alison, how are you doing? 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m doing alright. I just before we recording this was chomping down on a very crunchy half sour pickle and— 

 

Halle Kiefer: God that makes me want a pickle so bad. 

 

Alison Leiby: It like, I mean [both speaking] pickles are that thing where like, they satisfy both my want for something like super savory or salty, but also something crunchy and also hydration. Like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: [laughs] Like a really good like a really good crunchy like I like my pickles to be borderline still cucumbers. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m the same way. Yeah— 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t like a really, really soggy pickle. 

 

Halle Kiefer: How do you feel about sweet— 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, I hate the bread and butters. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I was gonna say, like, do you like a sweet pickle like that? 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. It was really, really delightful. I love. I love a pickle. And it kind of, like, just, like, cuts through any, like, grease. You can like, it’s just a nice a nice little a little snack to feel like it’s good for you because the vinegar, it’s like, good for your gut and, like, all those things. So I really am thrilled with my treat. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know what, I’m going to suggest a pairing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Hit me. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A piece of pizza and a pickle. 

 

Alison Leiby: Delicious. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Seem like they’d be good compliments to each other. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Who’s doing it? Well, are we going? 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t see it much, but, I mean, one of my all time favorite things is to have a grilled cheese and one or two really crunchy sour pickles. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay, I think we’re heading the right direction. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, it’s similar. Similar vibes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I also want to say, this kind of reminds you of I’ve never eaten Somalian food, but of course the Instagram reels is just people trying different foods. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And that’s all I want to watch anyways. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s fine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s sort of one of the ways in which Somali food is served is with a banana. So you’re sort of eating a savory dish and then you’re also eating a banana. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, interesting. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I feel like I was born born, born. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: For this cuisine. 

 

Alison Leiby: Are you a big, salty, sweet mixer? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Huge fan. 

 

Alison Leiby: Me too. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And especially a banana fan.

 

Alison Leiby: Interesting. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And having them separate to me, it’s like versus like a cooked banana, which is good. But like, you know what I mean it can be a little mushy. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sure, sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like to have a raw banana and then a cooked savory dish. 

 

Alison Leiby: What type of like what texture of food is it typically like? Is it like a stew and you’re eating a banana?

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I think it’s like— 

 

Alison Leiby: Or is it more like a hard, like a—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah it’s sort of a stew, potentially. Yeah, Like a cooked dish. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A soup, a pasta, even. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. So it’s like a cooked meal versus like, I understand like, like a rice dish versus like a sandwich or something. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, yes, yes, yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. No, it’s a fully cooked—

 

Alison Leiby: Like a salad type. Like where it’s like more raw, more crunchy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Yeah. Let’s see. 

 

Alison Leiby: Versus a cooked dish. Interesting.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Cooking, cooking with meat. Sort of a polenta looking dish. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And then a fucking ripe banana. Oh!

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. I could fuck around with that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: It sounds good. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, shout out to every Somalian person. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Listening. And I guess it’s like one of those things where I have never had the cuisine. So now I have to, now it will become my. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I want to say, hyper fixation, but my mother calls them enthusiasms. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, I think that’s nice. 

 

Halle Kiefer: One of my enthusiasms. 

 

Alison Leiby: One of your enthusiasms. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Finding Somalian food in L.A.. 

 

Alison Leiby: How are you doing? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m good. God, I’m trying to think it’s one of those things. I’m currently taking a couple of days off, just like where is this September 1st we’re recording this? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just. And I just like I, I really struggle to relax. And also, there’s just so much to do. Like, I’m just setting up doctor’s appointments. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s nonstop. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I have to go to FedEx. So it’s one of those things where it’s like, oh, I’d really like to do something fun. It’s like, no, I really just got to like, clean and do all the other human stuff that I’ve been putting off. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, that’s not much of a vacay. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I my plan on Monday while everyone is off, including me. But you know, from what is to, like, completely empty out and reorganize my, like, front closet, that’s like a catch all for everything I own. That doesn’t make sense in another place. And it’s chaos in there and I’ve got to deal with it. It’s like there’s like a beach umbrella. Batteries. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Mm hmm. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like old photos, water cans, like it’s just chaos. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, how would I do the same? And then we could be cleaning our big catch all closets at the same time. 

 

Alison Leiby: I really like that. Let’s do that on Monday, you know, cross-country. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because what else are we doing? 

 

Alison Leiby: Nothing. I’m not doing anything. I’m going to get stoned and put on some music and just slowly go through everything that’s in there and hopefully throw some stuff away. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Sound’s like a treat. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I also I’m going to go see Bottoms. I haven’t seen a not a horror movie in forever. I’m going to try to see some non-horror movies. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s fun. I’m excited to see that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: People said is really funny. And. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I just want. A movie that’s not the movie Strays. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which I will continue to have a horrific vendetta against. I want a movie that feels like a human being wrote it and I refuse–

 

Alison Leiby: And that human beings are in it. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: And human beings are in it. And I refuse to see anything less. I don’t need it to be the best movie in the world I just need it to have a human touch. Don’t tell me about any more Star Wars movies. Don’t tell me what the Marvel—

 

Alison Leiby: Marvel. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —movies. I don’t want to hear about any fucking IP. Unless it’s like a book. 

 

Alison Leiby: Nope. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Or book or something. That’s fine. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, sure, sure. But not like the 10th iteration of an entertainment institution. Like, I just don’t want it anymore. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ugh. 

 

Alison Leiby: I want new—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: —fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Please. 

 

Alison Leiby: Human stories.

 

Halle Kiefer: And if they’re queer, that’s even better. 

 

Alison Leiby: Even better. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But, yeah, let us begin. We are doing greatest fears month. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we are using our own greatest fears. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm, to do. Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: We did the the dentist last week with The Dentist from 19— 

 

Alison Leiby: I’ll tell you. I brushed my teeth after finished recording. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Fuck I didn’t, you didn’t just see my teeth starting to fall out. 

 

Alison Leiby: But then I had the pickle and I’m just like, we are mixing some stuff here. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Interesting, yes, like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We are doing this week we’re going to do heights. One of Alison’s fears. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. One of my biggest.

 

Halle Kiefer: Now we are going to do. I tried to do watch the 2022 movie Fall. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it’s about two women climbing an extremely long, tall tower. 

 

Alison Leiby: That tower. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But I had a problem with my Netflix account. Where it’s just sort of like I will just never use Netflix if like, if you’re making it hard for me, that’s the one—

 

Alison Leiby: Was it like a login situation. Or was it like this title is unavailable? 

 

Halle Kiefer: The title’s available for if you have a subscription where you have ads. But I didn’t realize that’s what I had. So I was like, oh, I’ll upgrade to no ads because it’s not that much more expensive. But then, like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It doesn’t take effect until like the next the—

 

Alison Leiby: The next billing cycle?

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s like, I guess I could watch it after September 30th. So then what did I do anyhow the fact that they’re trying to do this means obviously they’re not making money. Streaming is a scam. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know what are you gonna do. 

 

Alison Leiby: Streaming is a scam. They don’t pay residuals. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: They don’t take care of their artists and employees. So. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah and if they think that—

 

Alison Leiby: Fuck them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —if they think those yachts of theirs aren’t going to go up in flames sometime soon, they got another thing coming. 

 

Alison Leiby: Orcas, do your thing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But I did find a movie that I had wanted to watch for the pod for a while. And that movie is 2010’s Frozen. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we always like to have Alison watch the trailer. Alison, what did you think about the trailer for Frozen? 

 

Alison Leiby: This is very scary. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: This has a lot of this has like a lot of different fears all—

 

Halle Kiefer: Good I’m so glad. Okay great.

 

Alison Leiby: Heights being a big one, but also being abandoned somewhere. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Mm hmm. 

 

Alison Leiby: Is like a very scary like I don’t know if I would like identify that as like I’m terrified of but like. And then also dark—

 

Halle Kiefer: Deeply dark. 

 

Alison Leiby: Dark. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Deeply dark. 

 

Alison Leiby: Darkness. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Trapped at night outside. 

 

Alison Leiby: High up. 

 

Halle Kiefer: In the winter time. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: High up. 

 

Alison Leiby: And high up. It’s everything. It’s all the stuff. So. I, didn’t like it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then there’s one more. I don’t know if it’s in the trailer because I have not watched the trailer. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh is it wolves? 

 

Halle Kiefer: There’s another, the other element is wolves. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And obviously I didn’t. I didn’t look, I just started watching this. I wasn’t anticipating the wolves. I was like, oh, boy, take it from bad to worse. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wow. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m not afraid of wolves. But in this context, I would be. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I very much would be. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We always take a baseline scary. And I guess what I would ask you, Alison, which how does this just from the trailer what of this evokes in you the biggest fear. And then also because you said you’re afraid of heights. What to you was like the most the, a situation with heights you would never find yourself in because a chairlift is high but it’s not that high. 

 

Alison Leiby: I like I used to ski a lot when I was younger and I didn’t love being on the chairlift, but I could kind of like dissociate for the ride. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it’s very brief. Yeah. I guess it’s not taking too long.  

 

Alison Leiby: To me, it’s like I saw there was something I saw on TikTok that wasn’t even supposed to be like. Like evoking this the other day. But it was like, I get served a lot of, like, New York real estate shit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh. 

 

Alison Leiby: And it’s like, you know, look at that $57 million penthouse. [laughter] And I’m like, okay, but it was a guy who was like, on like the 50th floor of this like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: Luxury apartment building. And he was out on their terrace and he was like leaning on—

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: The railing. And it’s like it was like a glass wall. And it was like, you know, it came up to like maybe his like waist. And I was like, I don’t think that that is height like, like a strut, like I and so there was a drone that was like, kind of like zooming in and out. And I was like, this is so like, I like I remember my friend lived on the 31st floor in midtown of a building, and he had floor to ceiling windows and—

 

Halle Kiefer: I couldn’t do it. 

 

Alison Leiby: I wouldn’t go near the window. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: I was like across the I was like up against the front door the whole time and like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: It wasn’t and that wasn’t even that bad in comparison to like what some heights are like. I don’t I. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t get it. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m not bad on flying. I like I have other fears of flying

 

Halle Kiefer: Cause you’re kind of contained, and you’re also moving. So it does feel a little different.

 

Alison Leiby: You can just look out the window and like you’re not visually aware of the height situation. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But like being on a ladder, being up on a like. I just I live on the third floor and I have a terrace. To me, that’s high enough. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I you know, I, you know, whenever you see, like window washers in New York. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: On the outside of a building. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, I always get video of and I’m assuming this is the building you get a videos of as well is the Central Park Tower. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which has 98 above ground stories. 

 

Alison Leiby: Nope. Mm mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it is the second tallest building in New York City, the United States and the Western Hemisphere, the 15th tallest building in the world. And literally, like I’ve seen, you know, because obviously they’re like, oh, look how luxurious. I don’t know what. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Rich people think being alive is. I. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like it just to be that high. Is there something in me? I don’t know if it’s my lizard brain or my mammal brain. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Or what? It is perverse in a—

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t like it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —very particular terrifying way. And I’m just thinking. New York gets rain, it gets wind. It get snow. You want to be up that high? 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Hearing your windows flex against the fucking wind. When your—

 

Alison Leiby: No. No. And there’s like certain tall buildings that sway in the wind. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: And the rain. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They have to because they’re, in order so it doesn’t get knocked down.

 

Alison Leiby: They’re built that way. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So you have to know that it’s going to sway and you’re 1500 feet above the earth. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You might as well be on the moon. 

 

Alison Leiby: I have no interest. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No fucking interest. That is not impressive. If I if I, if I met someone I’d be like, you have to whatever it is. 

 

Alison Leiby: You’re an idiot. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You have to control it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Stop it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You have to see a doctor about whatever. 

 

Alison Leiby: Stop it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Is making you live here. So we’re on the same page and I’m really glad. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Would you like to guess the twist in 2010’s Frozen, Alison?

 

[voice over]: Guess the twist. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, so from what I can tell from the trailer, it’s these three friends that are going skiing and snowboarding and they, like, scam their way into getting a lift ticket without paying. My guess is the lift operator saw their grift and intentionally trapped them up there. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh malicious, malicious, malignant, evil, depraved debased. We love to see it. Let us begin ruining Frozen. We open on a beautiful ski slope. Oh, wait I didn’t ask. Do you do ski? W—

 

Alison Leiby: So I used to ski. I can’t ski anymore because my back, obviously. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But I spent my whole youth—

 

Halle Kiefer: You’d shatter into a million pieces. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I spent my whole youth skiing a lot. We used to get my dad and I used to go out to Colorado and ski in the powder, and I would ski up and down the West Coast all the time. And. But I haven’t done it since college. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, we used to go. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s such a bummer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We used to go skiing we’re from northeast Ohio, and we would go to this ski, it was just like sort of like a smaller. I don’t even when you call it it’s not a resort, but it’s like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like a slope. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. But unfortunately, I believe they’ve been having I don’t know if it’s still open because of climate change. 

 

Alison Leiby: Climate change. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like northeast Ohio does not get the snowfall. Like when I was in fifth grade, I remember going and it was like they had like five feet of powder. Like we got so much. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like lake effect snow. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And now I really wonder if this is okay. It looks like it’s still open, but yeah, I imagine that it is a struggle to keep snow on it.

 

Alison Leiby: I think a lot of the ski slopes got hit like I think about like we used to go in western Maryland and in New York State and Pennsylvania all the time. And like, none of those places got snow in the last two years. So I don’t know what’s happening with that. But.

 

Halle Kiefer: And it looks like, okay, I found their Instagram. It looks like they do a lot of like nature stuff. Like, you know, like other seasons, like they have like concerts and stuff there. That’s smart. I because I, I do wonder that is part of, part of a sporting world that I wonder if yeah, does climate change naturally affecting it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: What that’s going to look like? 

 

Alison Leiby: RIP skiing. Did you ski or snowboard or both? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I did ski. Snowboarding was like popular in the nineties. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But I never I remember my brothers trying it I just never had any interest. I thought it looked cool, but I was just like it’s not for me.

 

Alison Leiby: I was like once I learned how to ski and was like a decent skier, I was like, well, I’m not going to start from scratch. Like, it took a minute to get good at skiing. Like— [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’ll just be able to do what I’m doing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess. I feel like I oh, my problem was like this. I have the same problem with the beach. I want to do something for about a half an hour. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s like you go, you have to pay money to rent all the stuff. 

 

Alison Leiby: Whole day. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, so you’re there for hours, cause, like, your parents are like, we bought you these fucking passes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Lift tickets. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You’ve gonna be here for five hours, bitch. And I just after about an hour I’m like, I’m just going to go drink hot cocoa, and. 

 

Alison Leiby: I do love, like, après ski culture. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh. Oh, yeah. A snuggly little sweater. Little packet of Swiss—

 

Alison Leiby: Your kind of like, your cheeks are runny from being outside and you’ve, like, exercised. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I do love that. 

 

Alison Leiby: So you kind of get to, like, enjoy, like, I remember getting, like, hot chocolate and, like, chicken tenders and fries and. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Heaven. I will say, I do remember somebody tweeting it was like the Winter Olympics were invented so that white people can win some of the sporting events. [laughter]

 

Alison Leiby: Correct. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And if you look at the demographics of who was playing the—

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But then remember when they had the Winter Games in Sochi and they had to basically import all the snow because they didn’t have—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —snow there and that was couple of years ago. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, anyway. [laughter] Oh yeah. There were like dogs, like they were claiming there were like dogs walking around in the hallways of the hotels. I don’t think that was true. But um. [laughter] 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. What a time in our nation’s history. Well, moving on I suppose. Let us begin ruining the movie Frozen, Alison. We open on a ski slope and we meet our friends. They are Dan, Parker and Lynch. That’s his last name his first name’s Joe. And basically, Dan and Lynch have been at this ski place before, and Parker sort of brought along. She is Dan’s girlfriend. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they’ve already established that Lynch and Parker sort of Lynch does not like Parker because he sees her as sort of butting in on their bro time. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. Yes, of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he’s been friends with Dan since they were in first grade. And he’s like, and the implication is they are in college and Parker sort of Dan’s first real serious girlfriend, and they have seemingly a really positive, healthy relationship. But Lynch is very jealous of their like, connection and time he’s already like, Oh my God, we’ve got to bring her? This was supposed to be like, our, we go skiing together and that’s our thing. But they’re waiting at the ski slope because they do not have enough money for a pass. So what they do, these two guys when they’ve gone before, is wait until there’s a woman who works at the ski lift. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And one of them will go with a hit on her and then give her $50. And be like, let’s just let us ride. We’re paying you directly. We have our own stuff. Don’t worry about it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And usually it works. Alison. This time the person who shows up is a dude. And everyone has to be heterosexual. Apparently. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yep. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So they say Lynch and Joe oh sorry, Lynch and Dan say to Parker, You’re going to go hit on this guy. You’re saying me and my girlfriends, okay, you’re not going to mention us. We want to know, oh, we forgot our credit cards. This is so embarrassing. We drove all the way here. Is there any way you could let us ride and Dan leans over and unzips her coat to see her like cleavage. He’s like, You’re going to do great. And he gives her a 50. And two 50s. So 50 and 100 dollars. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So she goes over to scam the ski lift guy, and Lynch turns and just unleashes all of his pent up friend animosity towards her to like on Parker to Dan immediately. He’s like, why did she have  to come? We haven’t seen you at [?] $1 drafts all semester or at Monday Night Football. It’s like you’re pussy whipped, you know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And there. The ski resort is called Mount Holliston. He’s like Mount Holliston used to be our thing. And Dan, it seems like the most emotionally mature college guy. He’s just like, you know, you got to tell me when your this upset, like you don’t let it build up like—

 

Alison Leiby: Wow. That’s some emotional maturity. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s like, I watched football with you last week. He’s like, and Lynch is like, well, I know, but that’s not the same thing. And it’s like trying to have this conversation. But sure it’s like, Oh, I’m spending more time with my girlfriend. You know, this seems like a serious thing. Lynch was sort of my life partner, and now it’s like, you know, this sort of friend jealousy of a romantic partner, but that we can’t have any more backstory because Parker comes over. The guy bought it, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Well, they’re going up. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And Dan immediately is like, you know, they’re in line. And of course, the guy’s like, I thought you said your girlfriends were riding the lift. And she’s like, I’m sorry. And they get on the lift and immediately Dan says, You gave him the full $100. She’s like, I never scammed anyone before. I’ve never—

 

Alison Leiby: Well what was she supposed to do. Why did he give her $100? 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she says, you gave me two 50s. Was I supposed to ask for change? Or try to convince this guy to let us on the fucking left? And Dan’s like, No, you’re right. I want to say great work, babe. And Parker has. You never call me pet names. You just call me Parker. And so then you kind of see Dan try to intentionally call her babe and baby to make her like she clearly likes it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I was like, Oh, he’s take what she said. He’s like, Oh, I don’t use pet names. I should call her baby. She like that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wow, Dan, I’m so impressed by this character. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. And I feel really bad what’s going to happen to him. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So of course we get on the ski lift and we already hear, like the groaning, the metal, the straining. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re like. They’re like having a time of the lives. We know that they’re a horror movie, so we’re seeing like the cable—

 

Alison Leiby: I mean even hearing those sounds. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: When, you know, you’re likely to be safe and you’re actually like is not a nice thing to hear. It’s the dental drill. You’re like mm mm, mm mm.

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly, exactly right. Because you just imagine you’ll just hear like the metallic, like sprang and the whole thing will just fucking drop. Exactly. But Lynch keeps trying, trying to want to pick a fight with Parker and sort of, like, position him, like, triangulate against her. And it’s like, dude just, like, learn to like her a little bit. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then you can all hang out. It’s you know what I mean, like, just accept that this is a natural part of life. But they’re also suppose to be like 20, you know what I mean? And so she lights up a cigarette and she smokes, and he’s like, Oh, wow, I’m really enjoying the fresh mountain air. Let me see what it smells like, and old man’s dental floss, which I thought was a funny way to describe the smell of cigarette smoke.

 

Alison Leiby: That is, interesting. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she’s like, oh, my God, we’re outside. Like, it’s not a big deal. And Parker then says, When do you think we’ll be back? Like, because basically it is that they are probably like an hour or two drive from their college. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So they go for a couple of hours and they say, when do you think we’ll be back, because I have all this reading to do? And Lynch says, See, she’s already breaking the first rule of ski day. No talking about anything else, except, it’s like, of all this powder, you know, like we are here to unplug. And as a result, Alison, they have left all their cell phones in their locker. 

 

Alison Leiby: Great. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So none of them have a cell phone because it’s 2010. You’d be like, well, we if we were skiing, we would have our cell phones on us because everyone has their cell phone all the time. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, right. It’s like, yeah, yeah. Like, that’s like one of the good things that cell phones have provided us is the ability to be— 

 

Halle Kiefer: This exact scenario could wouldn’t happen. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like communication in a dangerous scenario. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so of course they had to explain it because otherwise, yeah, one of them would have their phone, you’d be able to call, but suddenly the lift stops and also it’s like 10 a.m. like they’re there early. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s still daytime there’s people, there’s a ton of people on the slopes, lift stops. And Parker starts freaking out and Lynch realizes, Wait a minute, are you afraid of heights? Would you be afraid if I did this? And he starts shaking—

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God people that do that, just go to jail. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I will say I am very afraid of specifically roller coasters and Ferris wheels. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I do think it’s from growing up and being, like, stopped at the top of the Ferris wheel and someone going like, well what about this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, for sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I wouldn’t care for that. Please don’t do that also. We would be like. I just assumed that if someone were to shake my cart, mine would be the one where the bar comes off in my hand and then I fall out, you know what I mean? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Absolutely. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And again, we hear the cable groaning above them. Finally, the lift gets moving again. They get to the top of the slope and again a very cute Dan and Parker moment. So Dan is snowboarding and is teaching Parker to snowboard. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Lynch is skiing. And the implication issues that Lynch and Dan are both pros. Dan is trying to teach Parker and insists that she wears a helmet. And he’s like, listen, I know this seems like a childlike thing, but she’s like, no one else is wearing a helmet. He’s like pros wear it. It’s just the only safe way to really like to learn how to snowboard is wear a helmet. 

 

Alison Leiby: Also, now everyone wears a helmet when they’re skiing and snowboarding. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: This was just like right before it was the thing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she’s arguing with him. But I’m like, if I was dating a woman and she was like, I bought you a helmet to protect your little brain while you learn to snowboard, I would propose like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m like, that’s the nicest thing Dan is really looking out for you, girl. You don’t want your head to burst open with it hits the fucking ground. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Meanwhile, Joe goes over to help this hot brunet, whose name is Shannon, who falls out of her skis. And he’s helping her fashion like put her foot straps back on. And then this guy named Ryan comes over and shoves Joe to the ground like it’s the fifties. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we’re like, you know, I don’t know, like a beach musical or whatever. Shannon says, Ryan like, how could you do this? And helps Lynch up? So now they’re actually flirting. Before he genuinely was just helping her with her skis. And now it’s like, Oh, okay, so if this guy. 

 

Alison Leiby: Something. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, and they’re flirting, but then she ends up sort of skiing away and, you know, we’ll see her in a little bit later and then we have a very cute montage of Dan trying to teach Parker how to snowboard and Lynch being in the background, being like, Oh my God. Like, oh, like, just complaining. 

 

Alison Leiby: Just go ski bro. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She stinks. But it is very funny where it’s like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. This guy’s being immature, but he’s like we have to teach her and she keeps falling down. You know. So then later they’re at the ski lodge Parker’s getting again hot cocoa from a mix. [kisses] The best kind. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm. Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Lynch is grumbling about, like, we spent all day on the bunny hill. We didn’t even go to the black diamond or whatever. And I had to watch your girlfriend fall on her ass, like wow what a great day. And of course, as soon as you he’s done complaining, Parker is immediately standing behind him with her cocoa and she’s like, Look, I don’t want to ruin anything. I’ll go to the locker, I’ll get my phone, I’m sure I have messages. You guys just go and do like a more like whatever. Right. Sophisticated. Like go do one of the other more complicated runs. I don’t care. You know. But you know, Dan says, no, I. We want you to come with us. And of course, Lynch feels bad that he she heard him talking shit. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So he’s like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No, we’ll just go again. It’s fine. By this point. 

 

Alison Leiby: Well, fine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: By this point, night has fallen, but it is winter. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. And so that’s like 3:45. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. So, you know, basically they’re I believe they say, like, Oh, when does this place close? This other place closes at ten. So they do that like these places are open later, you know, they’re well-lit and everything. But it also could be 5 p.m. like, I don’t know at this point. It’s dark.

 

Alison Leiby: Right. I remember night skiing was like a thing. It was fun.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, it was really fun. Yeah. And but I guess this place doesn’t have it because they also bring that up and Shannon stops Lynch and it’s like, thanks again for helping me. I’m so sorry. That guy, that guy Ryan is not my boyfriend. He’s an ex-boyfriend. I just want to be clear. And so that was really rude. And we’re trying to be friends, but obviously it’s not working out because I’m not going to deal with that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know? And she says, like, do you come up here? And he says, Yeah, we’re here pretty much every Sunday. And she says, Me and my friend, come every Sunday. I guess I’ll I’ll see you next week. And he says, Yeah. And he goes back is like, I don’t know have phone, but I wanna take your number. And, but she doesn’t have her phone either, and neither have a pen. So he goes [laughter] Why don’t you tell me your phone number and I’ll try to remember it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I was like, and I mean this, Alison. If I put a gun to your head, if I. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: If I put a drill in your mouth, could you remember any numbers that are in your cell phone right now? 

 

Alison Leiby: I only know my parents house phone number because it’s the same from when I was growing up like that has. Like.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: I know my phone number. I don’t know, including my parents cell phone numbers. I don’t know any other phone numbers. I remember the phone number for the Domino’s in my neighborhood when I was growing up. And we would call them from the pool every day. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Of course. Yes.

 

Alison Leiby: 987-3000. That was pre area codes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I was gonna say, that’s a jingle. So I feel like that’s easier to remember. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Right. 3000. But like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Do you know. And it could you remember a phone number? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I believe I could tell you Jess’s cell phone number but really the number and then Dave’s number. I know, but I always forget. So I actually have both the numbers written down and my parents. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I carry like a it’s literally just a piece of paper in my wallet with their numbers written down. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s honestly very smart, and I think I might start doing that just, somebody. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because I got my phone stolen. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And luckily I was with friends who also had Dave’s number. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, it was like they were able to trace back to, like, my parents cell phone number. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which, shout out to my friends and Dave for thank you for helping me in that moment. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Wonderful. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But no, and especially I could maybe remember if I was able to sit here quietly in my room for 20 minutes. In this scenario, they’re going to be in. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I wouldn’t remember my own name. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s chaos. Everybody’s doing stuff. You’re like all, like, you know, keyed up on flirting. You’re still skiing. There’s a million things and sounds around. 

 

Halle Kiefer: There’s no way. There’s no way if someone told me their cell phone number. I would remember it. There’s no—

 

Alison Leiby: Never. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well. So they go and they want to take like a last, one last run. And apparently they’ve only gone up four times. But it’s like the way it’s laid out. It’s like, you sort of ski through the whole resort before you get to. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So they’ve gone up four times, but like they’ve been doing it for hours. Right. And they go to find this huge guy and it’s shutting down early because a storm’s coming in and they’re like, come on, man, we give you $100. We’ve only been up four times. And Parker sort of like, you know, giving a big puppy dog eyes and they’re like, just one more. And that’s said he’s like, okay, but that’s it. And you guys are the last ones. So he’s trying to do them a solid, but of course that solid will backfire. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So as soon as they start heading up the hill, the lift guy, his name is Jason, has seen his coworker Rifkin coming over and Rifkin says, Hey, you gotta go talk to our boss because he wants you to work next weekend. And Jason’s like, I took it off two months ago. It’s my brother’s fucking bachelorette party. I told her this a million times. I am not working next weekend. So he’s already distracted, right? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then he throws Rifkin the keys to the lift. He’s like, there are three more on the lift. And when you see them come down the mountain, you can shut the whole thing down. But don’t don’t leave before you see the three. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, as our trio is still heading up, they see three guys snowboarding down. [gasps] When these guys get to the bottom of the mountain. Rifkin. Because he doesn’t know any better, assumes—

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He said there are three more in the mountain. Three came off the mountain. 

 

Alison Leiby: Three just came right.

 

Halle Kiefer: Shuts, shuts down the lift. 

 

Alison Leiby: No

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re almost they’re not all the way to the top but they’re closer, much closer to the top. 

 

Alison Leiby: Higher than they are like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, exactly. 

 

Alison Leiby: Cause there’s parts of a lift where you’re like—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: I could get down. And that you could still see that there’s clearly people on one of the chairs. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, exactly. Yeah. And I think because it’s night and because the storm’s rolling in, like there’s like less visibility and I would say where they end up, I’m really bad. I’m bad at children’s ages and I’m terrible at heights. I’d say we’re looking at least a five story drop. Because to me. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Three stories less, maybe you can feel like, okay, maybe I could do this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They are of a distance that, you know, if you survive, you’re going to be very badly injured. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. I’m on the third floor and like I looking down. It’s I mean, I would not want to jump, but like, it is not as high as, like, the highest chairlift. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Yeah. So they are at the highest pinnacle point. And that is going to be the issue is like, yeah, because if you’re if you’re a story up, you just jump for it and hope for the best, you know? So unfortunately, the lift stops. However, the lift stopped when they were on it earlier. So they of course assume, oh, it’s a mechanical thing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, like somebody, there’s some issue, it’ll start again. So of course, Parker’s the first one to sort of flip out because she’s new to this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, she’s like, but luckily Dan is trying to distract them. So Dan asks, So what do you think? What do you guys think each we’ll all say, what’s the worst way to die? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean bro, read the room. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Dan says, I think it’d be eaten by a shark, but it’s not really like about, being eaten by the shark is terrifying. But if you see the fin beforehand because then you know it’s coming and you see the shark’s mouth beforehand. That’s what terrifies me. And Parker says, I think probably burning in a fire. But Lynch says, No, that’s the wrong answer. Like Lynch is like I already know the worst way to die—

 

Alison Leiby: There is a right answer, and I know it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, he’s like, actually, most people in a fire die, die of smoke inhalation first. So it’s not that bad, you know? And she says, I just remember watching videos from 9/11 and she says, I remember watching people jumping from the buildings and thinking how terrifying that must have been. The fire must have been so bad to think I have to jump. 

 

Alison Leiby: I have to jump. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Knowing that there’s no other option, like how terrifying. And I’m like, Damn girl, bring up 9/11 here. 

 

Alison Leiby: That is bold. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then Lynch is like, Well, actually they say if you jump from that height, you have a heart attack first. I don’t know why we say that. There’s no way we could possibly know that. 

 

Alison Leiby: We can’t know that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, how would you study that. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: When the person is hitting the ground. Like, I’m like, that makes no sense. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think we tell ourselves to make I think you are awake unfor—

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, that that’s more of assuaging fears.

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s for us. Yeah it’s for us. Also I found a soy sauce packet. I’m just holding. Like.

 

Alison Leiby: Oh good. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Little soy sauce. A little soy sauce filled safety security blanket, I guess. I don’t know. And she’s like, okay. Lynch. So I guess you’re the only one with the right answer. So what is it? And the answer is the Sarlacc Pit, which is from Star Wars. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s not an answer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s not real. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Or are you are you a Star Wars gal? I forget. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. The Sarlacc Pit is it is a creature that lives into the ground and Boba Fett was knocked into it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: At one juncture I have not seen the Boba Fett show, so I don’t know how they talk of that moment. If it’s before or after or The Mandalorian. I’m sorry, I haven’t seen any any of the new Star Wars shows. I only watch horror. But the idea is that it’s a creature that if you sort of a gigantic Venus flytrap that lives under the sand of this particular planet, and when you fall into it, you don’t die. You’re simply digested over thousands of years. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I would say. 

 

Alison Leiby: People don’t live thousands of years. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, and that’s the thing. I guess we have to assume the thing keeps you alive for that long. Maybe it’s like a source of protein or something. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So you’re slowly it’s like a Venus flytrap, but it keeps you alive to sustain itself. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which I would say I wouldn’t like that. You hate to see it, you hate to hear it. 

 

Alison Leiby: You hate to see it. You hate to.

 

Halle Kiefer: So and she’s like, Oh, okay. Like, that doesn’t exist. I brought up 9/11. You know, Alison, as they’re arguing, we see much like the sharks fin we see from the bottom of the hill, the lights start to turn off on every pole. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So they can’t they don’t know. We see it’s coming. And finally the light on the nearest pole turns off and they’re plunged into darkness. Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: What would you fucking do? 

 

[voice over]: What would you do? 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s so scary, because, like what? Like what do you do? What do you do? I think I’d kill myself with a pole. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You would, say it again? Sorry.

 

Alison Leiby: I’d use one of the poles and just stab myself. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’d be it.

 

Halle Kiefer: See I would I was going to. I’d say I’m going to piss and shit myself immediately. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then I would start screaming and crying. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then, realistically, I think the pole makes a lot of sense. I think that’s the right move for you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think I would be the one that’s like, we got to jump. But I know that if I jump, I would immediately flip upside down and my head would explode and I would die. [laughter] Best case scenario. No if anything I’d probably fall and get paralyzed.

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t want to like break my legs. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And you will, like. Like if you had to jump, whatever you’re landing on is broken like it’s that height.

 

Alison Leiby: Even if you like. What if you were to, like, slide out and be hanging from the lowest rung—

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s definitely gonna help, but unfortunately—

 

Alison Leiby: But that’s. That’s like five feet. We’re talking about. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: A big distance where like five feet probably won’t be the difference between you like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Saving your legs or not let alone surviving.

 

Halle Kiefer: Like if you had some sort of like length of rope or even like a bed sheet where you can sort of lower someone, maybe there’d be, like a little bit, but unfortunately—

 

Alison Leiby: Maybe you can take off the jackets and like, tie them together. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: And like, use the like, you know, obviously it’s cold, so that complicates things. But like, that would be like my thought at a solution realistically. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah—

 

Alison Leiby: Pissing, shitting, throwing myself over the side. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You would just take it. Just stab yourself with the ski pole. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. I’d be out of there. 

 

Halle Kiefer: [AD BREAK]

 

Halle Kiefer: Parker immediately realizes what’s happening and was like, Oh my God, they forgot we’re up here. Dan, of course is like, Baby, we’re going to be fine. Like, do not worry. Let’s calm down. There must be. Maybe there’s a power outage. They wouldn’t leave us up here. Like this is a ski resort. They have hundreds of people every day. They must have some sort of process by which they make sure like they have cameras somewhere. Right. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: All logical things. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, very. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But Parker offers it Sunday, and this place is closed till Friday. It’s only open Friday to Sunday. If there’s. If they closed this off and there’s a storm coming, they. It doesn’t matter. I mean, like, we can’t survive that long. Even if it wasn’t freezing cold, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But Lynch is like, No, no, no, you’re being crazy, you know? And then for the first time, they look down and it’s high as hell. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, it is of a distance that you assume best case scenario, you break both your legs, right? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Parker starts screaming. Lynch is trying to shush her. 

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. And no screaming feels like a good thing. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, yeah, because it’s like he’s like she’s screaming, help. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s like, what if somebody like a maintenance person—

 

Alison Leiby: Is around. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like there are people who work on the grounds here. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: At least try, you know. And it’s kind of an area where there’s not a lot of other sound. So it’s like if you’re screaming, it probably carries further in this particular scenario versus if you’re in the city or, you know, somewhere like that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, right. Where like it gets drowned out in noise pollution. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, you’re in the middle of nowhere. It’s and a storm’s coming. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right it travels on the mountain like you can hear people yelling for longer distances. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Parker starts sobbing. She says, I have to pee wicked bad. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, man. See, that sucks. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And Lynch says, me too. And he tries to strategize how both of them can pee— 

 

Alison Leiby: Unfair because, like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Men, it’s just easier. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know? And he’s like, and she’s like, if you take your dick out in front of me, I’m going to puke. He’s like, Well, unfortunately, here we are. And he lifts up the bar to pee, sort of like from a sitting position with his dick out. And then the snowstorm just sweeps in. So before he could even piss, there’s lightning. It’s hard driving snow. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. See, this is where I’m out. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And Parker says it feels like needles hitting my face. Like it’s like, almost hail like it’s like that icy snow.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah icy. Terrible ski conditions. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. Thank God they got a full day in and they tell Lynch put the, because he lifted the safety bar to try to lean over to pee so he didn’t pee on himself. And then they put the safety bar down and they put it down. And right then, as the squall sweeps over, a snow plow machine goes up the mountain, so it’s passing underneath them and they’re trying to scream and call. But there’s the the sound between the sound of the storm coming in and then the driver’s radio keeps crackling. He can’t hear them. You know, it’s like wind. It’s all of this noise. The driver’s name is Cory, which I’m like oh it’s just nice to know. And he gets a radio transmission says, hey, the mountain is clear and apparently this storm is going to be really bad. So come back to base. So everyone can just go home already. Alison. They, the trio think quickly and they start throwing stuff down onto the ski lift, or onto the snow plow. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So Parker takes off her helmet, throws it in, misses. They throw a pole and misses, but then one of them takes off a ski and it hits oh, it must have been Lynch takes off a ski and hits the windshield, but it bounces off and it’s it’s with the snow. The driver looks—

 

Alison Leiby: Didn’t really see. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It looks like a branch or something like it does—

 

Alison Leiby: Right. It doesn’t register as like there’s people trying to get my attention. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my gosh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so he just drives away, he drives down the mountain and he’s gone. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Wall stops and they are freezing covered in snow. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Lynch is still trying to assess the power is going to come back on. He also tells a joke and Alison, I’m going to repeat this joke and no offense to anyone because they’re suppose to be in New Hampshire. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No offense to anyone from New Hampshire. What is a 14 year old New Hampshirite, tell her father after she’s lost her virginity. 

 

Alison Leiby: What? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Get off me. You’re crushing my Marlboros. 

 

Alison Leiby: All right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He then starts asking. He’s just trying to like, say anything.

 

Alison Leiby: Like anything to keep like the mood. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: From addressing the reality of where they are. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he says, Top three breakfast cereals of all time. Go. Alison, what are your top three breakfast cereals of all time? Are you a breakfast cereal gal? 

 

Alison Leiby: So I go through waves I like sometimes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m like, I’m in cereal mode. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: And then sometimes I’m like, I don’t want to look at cereal. I mean, my favorite treat one as a kid was always Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That was my number one, dessert cereal. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: I would say I really like a Honey Nut Cheerio. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A classic. Absolutely. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like I’ll put that in anything. I’ll eat a bowl of that very happily. And then I would say I used to, like, Smart Start, remember Smart Start?

 

Halle Kiefer: I do. I think I remember hating it. But it’s it’s a very particular. Oh, this is so personal, you know what I mean. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. What about you? What would yours be? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would say my dessert ones are from childhood Cookie Crunch or Golden Grahams. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, big Golden Grahams fan. Do you remember, Honey Graham O’s? 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: They were so sweet. They hurt your mouth. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, okay. This does sound familiar, Honey Graham O’s. 

 

Alison Leiby: They’re like, big, and they’re super, super crunchy. They’re these, like, big, like fried, crunchy O’s. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh I don’t think I’ve ever had these. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, if you ever come across them, give them a whirl, and that they had these, like, really hard, crunchy clusters of, like, kind of like a brown sugar crumble on them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay, okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: They were dessert. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I will say I’ve been going to the Target near me and they, capitalism ladies and gentlemen. 

 

Alison Leiby: Capitalism. 

 

Halle Kiefer: There are 12 new kinds of Cheerios. I want to try them all. We got lemon, a frosted lemon, alone, we got a honey, vanilla. I want to try them, but it’s like 12 different versions of Cheerios. I struggle to find a doctor who is accepting patients, you know, that kind of stuff. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess it doesn’t hurt for me to buy these, but then, I don’t know. Just like almost like this. It strikes you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Our priorities. That being said, I’m going to get the lemon ones. They do look delicious. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. There is a there is a, a brand that like I only see them sometimes. I’m going to ask you to my buy like two boxes. But they’re basically like they’re they’re not Cheerios, but they’re Cheerio style. But they’re cinnamon. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ooh. Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: Instead of honey, like big fan. If you ever come across those. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That sounds good. And always with every cereal a banana like to me, if I’m having a bowl of cereal, I want a banana cut up in it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I want Honey Nut Cheerios with a banana. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: If for some reason a banana is a breakfast fruit. 

 

Alison Leiby: 100%. It’s a breakfast fruit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Thank you. Where, where are we picking up? Oh. Okay. Yes. Top ten. Top three celebrities you’d fuck. Alison, top three. Give me the top three celebrities who do fuck? 

 

Alison Leiby: Tom Hardy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Great. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mark Ruffalo. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Great. Good. 

 

Alison Leiby: He’s in the mix. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Great choice. I can’t see why he wouldn’t be. 

 

Alison Leiby: I can’t even name a third person. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s fine. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s two. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would say it’s. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s two names I could think of right now. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think that seems, that’s pretty good for us. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. What about you?

 

Halle Kiefer: My first answer, I think would be Salma Hayek. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. I’d throw Salma Hayek on my list. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean, my God—

 

Alison Leiby: She’s so hot. She’s still so hot.

 

Halle Kiefer: Jesus fucking Christ. 

 

Alison Leiby: Why is she still so hot? [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, I because we live in a patriarchy and like, we there’s this idea of, like, I have to say, like the hottest women I know are in their forties and fifties like that—

 

Alison Leiby: Yes absolutely no question. No question.

 

Halle Kiefer: —whatever. It’s also tied to like fertility and all that stuff. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s like, okay, but have you spoken to a woman who is their fifties? Like, grow up? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But that’s the only one that comes to mind. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’ll I’ll think more on this though. 

 

Alison Leiby: Rachel Weisz. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Stunning. 

 

Alison Leiby: I saw Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig eating dinner once a couple of years ago, and I was like, I’ll fuck both of you here. Like, I don’t understand. Like they’re so hot. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re like ma’am please back away from the table. [laughter] Thank you for letting us know. Please back away. And then after that question, Dan interrupts and says, Someone needs to jump. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because if we’re up here all week if what Parker says is true—

 

Alison Leiby: All week. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it makes sense like we can’t survive up here, we will freeze to death. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Lynch is like, what’s your what’s the best Christmas present you ever get you ever got? You know, he’s like, try to ignore—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —what Dan’s saying. And Parker says, Oh, Shaina my puppy. So she just got a puppy for Christmas. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. Puppy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And also when she’s getting a cigarette out, I’d be just fucking chain smoking if I was her. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh I’d be chain smoking. I’d be like, Let’s wrap this up, baby. 

 

Halle Kiefer: [laughs] Yeah. Just set fire to the chair. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But, while, she’s getting her cigarettes out. She drops one of her gloves and Dan looks at her face and realizes it’s already getting red. She’s getting frostbite on her face. 

 

Alison Leiby: Aw. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So, Alison, Dan’s decides he’s going to be one to jump. Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t like it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He jumps and he hits the ground in a standing position and we see his legs, I would say explode. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Both femurs shatter so badly they burst through the skin. Alison, you hate to see it. 

 

Alison Leiby: If you were to fall, if you were to jump and you had control over the way you landed. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which I wouldn’t. 

 

Alison Leiby: But let’s say you could. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t know what other options are there. Like, however you land, you’re going to be so badly injured. What would you how would you land? 

 

Alison Leiby: Part of me was like. Do you land? Try and land on your side. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. But I’d be concerned. I would hit my head. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. If you could land, like. I mean, like, you’ll lose your shoulder and your hip. Like, I mean it’s— [laughter] 

 

Halle Kiefer: Right. You’d break that arm. 

 

Alison Leiby: You’d break the ribs, you might puncture your like, it’s like, look, there is no good way to go down. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Let me see what Google has to say about this. Best way— 

 

Alison Leiby: Because if you’re going if you land feet first, like the pressure is on the smallest, you know what I mean? That’s like there’s such a small point. Like the impact is so intense. But if it if you kind of go down on your side, the surface area might— 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is Harvard EDU now to be fair, I think they’re talking about just a regular fall, not a fall from [laughter] a ski lift during a snow storm. But they say fall sideways if possible. Use your shoulder and use your shoulder to protect your head. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So I guess if you were to land like this, you would again, you would die by this scenario. [laughter] Right. It also says here some other suggestions in case anyone finds themselves falling, fall like a sack of beans. So try to relax—

 

Alison Leiby: I do everything like a sack of beans. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: So try to relax everything. Yeah. You don’t have that ability. Just. I don’t know how to relax. And I’m on vacation. You think I’m going to be able to relax—

 

Alison Leiby: Falling through the air? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Falling to my death. 

 

Alison Leiby: Fall on the soft, fleshy places like your butt and thighs. I again, if I fall on my butt— 

 

Alison Leiby: You’re spine would snap. 

 

Halle Kiefer: [laughter] My spine would explode out of my fucking back bitch. Like, give me a break. 

 

Alison Leiby: It will go through your skull. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I mean, like. I mean, listen, Harvard, you know, we didn’t go there, but, like, come on. [laughter] No but obviously they’re talking about if you trip and fall. 

 

Alison Leiby: If you just are like falling—

 

Halle Kiefer: Fall on your butt that makes more sense than having your head hit the concrete. But any who, as you can imagine, there’s no way this could have gone not horribly. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So the problem is not only is he in horrible pain, but he cannot walk. So, like, he’s—

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —stuck there screaming. 

 

Alison Leiby: He can’t do any of the things he’s trying to do to help them, which is to go get assistance. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly so now he’s just trapped. He’s essentially in the exact same situation, 30 or 40 feet below them. You know what I mean? 

 

Alison Leiby: And worse like and in pain.

 

Halle Kiefer: And in horrible bleeding, like shock, blood loss, and it’s still freezing. Maybe the cold would slow the blood loss?

 

Alison Leiby: That’s what I was wondering, if maybe the cold would also prevent, like, infection?

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, and listen it can’t hurt. But it did hurt when he hit the ground. [laughter]

 

Alison Leiby: For sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Detonated like that fucking submersible. I guess that imploded. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I will say. Like, the special effects aren’t that great, but the effect is awful. And I. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I. Lynch throws down his handkerchief, and I, you’d have to think that Dan would lose consciousness. But he’s awake and he’s screaming. 

 

Alison Leiby: That sucks. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But he’s tying up his leg. And I will say all the acting in this is really good. I only say—

 

Alison Leiby: Oh nice. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —it because it is mostly just them trapped talking to one another. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, it’s a small. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. So to be good. So is this guy’s name is Kevin Zegers. He’s been in a ton of stuff. Let’s see the Mortal Instruments. I never saw that he was in Transamerica. I didn’t see that fuck I haven’t seen—

 

Alison Leiby: Mm I didn’t either. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, he’s in Gossip Girl. He’s in the Rookie: Feds. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s been in a million things that I have not seen. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So. But he’s great in this movie. I really. Because he has to he is the emotional heart and then has to. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Is screaming this panic like help me please. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s and it really is heart rending. And at one point, Parker is so distraught, she’s like, I’m gonna jump down. I have to be there with him. But Lynch is like, do not do that.

 

Alison Leiby: Don’t do that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And and Dan hears it and he’s screaming, Don’t jump. Stay up there. Because he’s he’s like, if jump the same—

 

Alison Leiby: —this didn’t work.  

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. [laughter] So here’s the new plan. And they pivot and they’re like, we have a new plan. I’m like, What else can you do? 

 

[clip of Shawn Ashmore]: Maybe I can climb up to the cable and get your a chair that’s closer to the ground. 

 

[clip of Kevin Zegers]: You got to be careful, man. Those cables are razor sharp. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison just as they come up with this, I would say pretty good plan. In the distance, they hear the howling of wolves. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Dan hears it and he starts screaming. In part, it’s distress. In other part because it’s like, I need to scream to keep the wolves away. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right? 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Parker says, No, no, no, no, no. And she’s to to yell down like it’s not the worst case scenario. It could be the Sarlacc Pit. Which my autocorrect kept changing to the garlic pit. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’d love to die in a garlic pit. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’d love to die in a garlic pit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Lynch goes to stand up and reach for the cable. And he says, You know, I’ve never been afraid of heights until right now. It’s like, Yeah, sorry bitch. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah bro. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is on you. You have to do this. He also says, I have never been able to successfully do a pull up. It’s like, yeah this—

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. Well, this is going to be really hard then. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison Dan looks up and a wolf is snarling at him from about ten feet away. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. And he can’t move. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he screams, What the fuck am I supposed to do? And so Parker’s is like, she takes off her snowboard, she’s throwing it at the wolf, and it scares the wolf away. For now. 

 

Alison Leiby: For now. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Dan reports he has lost feeling in both his legs. He’s like, I feel good that I don’t hurt. But it also seems like a bad sign that I’m losing sensation in my leg. 

 

Alison Leiby: That is a bad sign. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Lynch realizes that Parker’s skin is getting more and more discolored, so she’s getting more frostbite on her face. And it’s sort of like they’re bundled up, except for her glove is gone. But their faces are exposed, you know? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Lynch is like, Fuck it, we got to do this. And he reaches up to the cable and Dan tells him, Be careful, because the cable will be freezing cold and razor sharp. It’s like, Oh, my God. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. Why don’t they just make it out of like, barbed wire at that point. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean. Basically. I guess they weren’t planning for this scenario.

 

Alison Leiby: It’s probably also just like frozen and icy.

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. So it’s like icy, slippery, pointy and a hard metal. 

 

Alison Leiby: The worst of the seven dwarves. [laughter]]

 

Halle Kiefer: And right as Lynch goes to pull himself out of the chair. He looks down, and the wolves are surrounding Dan. So he drops back into the car and they’re like, both he and Parker are trying to scream, you know, trying to scare the wolves away. And Alison. There’s about a half dozen wolves. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, that’s too many wolves. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Dan screams, Don’t let her look. And Lynch grabs Parker’s face and, like, makes her look at him as we hear the wolves start to tear Dan apart. And he’s screaming as he’s being torn apart. Don’t let her look. And she’s screaming at Lynch, trying to fight him, being like, let me look. Because what else I which I understand the impulse is like, I can’t be there. I have to look. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know what I mean. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s it’s a tough like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: You don’t want to look, but you do want to look. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That I don’t know what I would do. I would probably look just because it would feel like I’m there in some more significant way, even though it’s like, No, you’re not. You know, like. But unfortunately, while they cannot look, they certainly can hear. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so we hear Dan screaming and Parker and Lynch are also screaming like basically into each other’s faces so they don’t look down. And finally, Dan falls silent and all the wolves howl. And both Parker and Lynch are, like, sobbing. I genuinely teared up at this point. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean it’s awful. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. I don’t. Yeah. Like you were completely powerless to save both your, either your best friend or the love of your life. Like, it’s so sad pour one out for poor out a ski lodge hot chocolate for a real one. Because that’s a feature wrap on Dan. 

 

Alison Leiby: Aw Dan.

 

Halle Kiefer: Listen he tried his absolute best. I’m sorry. Dan. Alison, Parker and Lynch are still stuck on the ski lift. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Now they have to live through this and it’s like, well, fuck. And Lynch reveals when he started to reach onto the cable. It is so sharp, it cuts through it, cut through his gloves, and his palms are already shredded. And because they’re trapped, Parker kind of does what Lynch was doing earlier and picks a fight with him. So sort of like, distract in like this human way. And she says, Why did you let him jump? And Lynch was just like you didn’t stop him either. Like and she says he wouldn’t have listened to me. He actually listens to you. And Lynch says, I know what you’re thinking it should have been me, I should have jumped. Parker’s like I’m not saying that, obviously. But then he comes back, he’s like, you know, if you hadn’t try to force yourself into our thing, that maybe this wouldn’t have happened. It’s like. Lynch. That doesn’t make any sense. 

 

Alison Leiby: Not helping. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And a good I think a good reminder for our audience in a crisis. Try your best not to go wide with it. You know what I mean. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know they obviously they want to blame each other when because there’s simply nothing else to do this. This is not a scenario which is anyone’s fault, truly. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And eventually they both break down crying and they, like, hold each other. And as they, you know, sort of go on as the night goes on, Parker turns and she remembers the phone number that Lynch because Lynch said, would you guys help me remember this Shannon’s phone number? And she tells him the full number. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wow. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Lynch is like. 

 

[clip of Shawn Ashmore]: I’m gonna ask her to marry me. I’m not messing around, I’m just gonna call her and I’m gonna be like Hey Shannon it’s Joe. From the chair lift, will you marry me? We’ll get a house, have two kids and a dog named Steve.

 

Halle Kiefer: And she’s going to be she’s has a lot of money. Actually. She is it’s going to be her house. She’s an orthodontist. She’s an extremely successful orthodontic. She’s like, orthodontists make good money. That’s I love that for you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he’s like then we’re gonna get a dog named Steve. 

 

Alison Leiby: Aw. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Parker starts panicking because Shaina, her puppy has not been fed. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So then she was like, why you, honest to God. And the actress who plays Parker is also great. It’s like a five minute realization of her dog will die because she’s the only one. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: With a key to her apartment and no one knows. 

 

Alison Leiby: And no one knows she’s not there and she can’t even tell anyone.

 

Halle Kiefer: So if they don’t find us for a week then her dog will die. 

 

Alison Leiby: The dog is dead. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s like knowing this and she’s like, My dog’s going to think I abandoned it. And if someone finally finds us, we’ll be frozen and my dog will be dead. And we’ll have no, we’ll just think I left her there and she’s, like, sobbing. And the tears are freezing to her face and she keep trying to wipe her face because she has frostbite. Lynch says, Don’t wipe your face because your skin’s going to come off. Because her skin is like—

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. It’s awful. Oh, the actress name is Emma Bell. She’s in The Walking Dead again I didn’t watch The Walking Dead. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She’s in a lot of stuff. She’s great. Oh, she’s in the Final Destination 5. We got to do—

 

Alison Leiby: Oh we got to do more of the Final Destinations. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We got to do it. 

 

Alison Leiby: We got to do it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So she’s panicking. And Lynch is like, No, no. The people, your neighbors will hear the dog and they’re going to kick in the door when the dog barks that dog’s gonna bark all night. You know what I mean? The super. The landlord’s going to come, someone will call someone for the dog.  

 

Alison Leiby: If a dog was non stop barking. I would call like the super or the doorman. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: And be like, hey, like, in like 2L, somebody going nuts. Like, somebody should go check. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, and he’s like, oh, also, we’re not going to die. So we’ll get back there. And it’s sort of like, well, the other thing you said was more plausible which is like someone will save the dog. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. You are going to die.

 

Halle Kiefer: Freeze to death. Yeah. And she says, I just want to see my mom and my dad. Alison. Dawn breaks on the mountain, so they’ve survived the night. The lodge is all closed up tight. Everyone’s gone and now everything’s covered in snow. So it’s sort of like to even get back there, there will have to be like plows and stuff. So it has things have gone from bad to worse inasmuch as that now snow is covering things and there are people are going to be slower to come back to the mountain. Does that make sense? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We they look down and we also see—

 

Alison Leiby: Has the snow gotten high enough. Like, is it not like is that assisting the distance? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, I believe so. So we look down and Dan’s corpse is now pretty much covered other than his fingers. So his fingers are poking out. But I think the idea that there have been a a significant pillow of snow, but perhaps not quite so much that you’re again, your legs would not explode were you to jump. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But again, they’re going to have to revisit these question. So we see Lynch and Parker, she wakes up first and her bare hand is frozen to the safety bar. 

 

Alison Leiby: This is in the trailer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she goes to lift it and she starts prying it off. I’m saying, kill two birds with one stone. You haven’t peed yet, tried to piss in your hand and then put it on in the frozen hand. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. That is so. Because my first instinct was spit. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Also a great idea. 

 

Alison Leiby: But yeah, piss on your hand. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Piss in your hand. Put it on the other hand. See if that. But instead she just rips her hand off. 

 

Alison Leiby: Ugh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So her palm skin gets ripped off on the bar. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I would have. I also said even spit it would have had probably would have helped. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Look at us. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And her sobbing as she does this wakes Lynch up and he goes, Oh no, I thought we I was dreaming this, in my dream this wasn’t real. And he looks over and there’s a big brown and red spot on her cheek, which is like fully frostbitten. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So the skin on her face is dying and he says, Do not touch your face because that skin’s gonna come right off. And he says, Well, it’s morning. Maybe someone will come up. We don’t know. Like maybe they have maintenance people during the week, you know? I mean like look—

 

Alison Leiby: After a storm. You might. Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. But I was also like— 

 

Alison Leiby: No, no, you might like there might be like, we got to go check and just see if anything got destroyed in the storm.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah electrical or like, yeah somebody checking the lift and he’s like plus when we don’t come to. So it’s like now it’s Monday, it’s like well if don’t come to class. People are going to be asking where we are. So like there will be, there is some sort of timeline of people realizing and they know that we go to this place a lot. So, you know, but again, it’s like the timeline of that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Is not in their favor. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he says, I’m going to get to the left pole and I’m going to climb down. Even though his hands are shredded. He’s like, there’s no other option. I don’t see any other way. And she’s like, well, let’s wait a couple of hours to see if anyone shows up if anyone comes in. And then if if not, then you could do it. And she finally just pisses her pants and she’s sobbing and she’s trying to wipe the tears of her face and the frostbitten patch of skin just comes off, off her, off her, her face. It’s also forming around her mouth. And Lynch is also getting frostbite patches like red patches, and he falls back to sleep, probably because his body is shutting down. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And later they wake up and they’re like, oh, the sun’s actually kind of nice right now because it’s the sun’s out. And Parker goes, Lynch, why don’t you ever have a girlfriend? And I was like. Oh, girl, we got to leave this guy alone. Like.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. He met this girl—

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s probably never going to have a girlfriend. Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: He could have a girlfriend in the future if he wasn’t trapped on a ski life.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, it may be in heaven. He could meet a nice lady. Liz Lemon style. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She’s like, well, you’re a decent guy, and chicks clearly dig you. And he tells the story about, like, basically his first love. They met during Frosh O. They both love E.T., he says. We both loved E.T. and Aerosmith. We were soul mates, you know, like that shit you read about, which I love. Like being in college. It’s like we both love E.T. and Aerosmith. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that like, popular movies and popular music that, like, that’s an inseparable bond that nobody else could challenge. It’s very—

 

Halle Kiefer: Very sweet. 

 

Alison Leiby: —very college. It’s very sweet. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Unfortunately, she liked this this frat guy named Dean or I thought she did. And one day they were at lunch and he says, like and he was sitting with like my back was to the cafeteria and I was facing the wall at Annie and Annie was looking behind me and laughing. And she says, Dean’s making fun of you. But when he turned around, he couldn’t even see where Dean was. And it was just sort of like some guy I don’t even know what he looks like is laughing at me. And you’d rather talk to him than me. So he just walked out and he’s like, you know, I always wonder, like, if I like, really try to talk to her or like, I don’t know. And also they’re like 20. So it’s like, what are you. I don’t know. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, it’s yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it’s like, well, look, when we go home, you should call her and be like, listen, that was fucked up but like, I still clearly have feelings for you. And he’s like, oh, I can’t do that. She’s dating Dean. So it’s like, well, he was right. It’s just sort of like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So I think he was like, oh, that. I’m just still not over that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Parker says, Dan was the one. Dan was the boy I was going to marry, like he was the one. And they. And then Lynch tells Parker about meeting Dan. And he does describe him constantly as fat. But in my mind it’s cute. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But he met Dan in first grade. And he was new to the school and he couldn’t stop crying. And the teacher says, well maybe you could sit with one of your friends. You know he was just new. And he pointed at Lynch, and he’s like, I want to sit with him. And so they end up being friends and then going to college together like friends forever. And Lynch said, Lynch tells her, Dan didn’t die just for you, and I to die up here too. So let’s fucking do this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, let’s try. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s going to try and scale the cable again. So, Alison, my question to you, who will survive? 

 

[voice over]: Who will survive. 

 

Alison Leiby: I think Parker is going to survive and just barely. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay great. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like barely, like at the very last seconds, someone’s going to be able to rescue her or sees her or like, gets to her. But I think that Lynch is not going to survive. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alan. Oh, my God. Alan. [laughter] Oh, I was thinking, oh, I was going to say. Alison. But I was thinking of Dr. Alan—

 

Alison Leiby: Dr. Alan from Dentist. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We did not in The Dentist. I skipped over who will survive, and I think that’s because I didn’t want anyone to survive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It was like the protagonist is like, I don’t give a fuck if this motherfucker lives from jump. So then I think maybe that’s mentally I just skipped right over and so— 

 

Alison Leiby: You were just like, it doesn’t matter. That’s okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah fuck him. I don’t need to know. Like, I hope everyone dies. Not really, but I hope he did. 

 

Alison Leiby: Well not Paula Roberts. But you know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Not dear, and you didn’t. Paula Roberts. Oh, yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Paula Roberts made it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A spoiler alert if you haven’t seen go listen to the Dentist where we get into it—

 

Alison Leiby: Listen to The Dentist and then come back and finish this. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Paula Roberts would survive this movie, no question. Paula Roberts—

 

Alison Leiby: No doubt in my mind. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Snuggled up in front of a fire. 

 

[AD BREAK]

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, we see Lynch get up and he starts hoisting himself down the cable again, cutting into his hands. Alison, as soon as the wolves see this, they run out of the woods and stand under them. 

 

Alison Leiby: And now there’s blood in the. Like, I mean, I imagine—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: —the same way with sharks, like there’s blood in the water. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, and it’s one of those things where it’s like wolves, wolves don’t really attack people, but they would—

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —if they were starving. And it’s like, well, they would if they we’re encroaching on their habitat or they didn’t have food because of climate change. Like, I think the implication is like these wolves are starving. So that’s why they’re acting like this. Like it’s not a normal thing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: In New Hampshire to be attacked by wolves. And we see his hands get cut over and over again. And finally he gets to the next chair. So basically it’s then another chair and then the pole. So he’s able to like, get to the next chair and rest for a second. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And take a breather. Alison, Parker looks up and the actual screws connecting the her car, their car they have been on to the cable mechanism is coming undone. And I was like, What kind of shithole fucking ski resort is this? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’ve just been sitting on it. It’s not like they’ve been dancing I guess they’ve been moving around a little bit. But like—

 

Alison Leiby: But like no more than you would be. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Exactly. 

 

Alison Leiby: In a standard day of of. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It gets a lot of wear, exactly. So she’s watching this and Lynch says to Parker throw your because there’s a ski poles. They still have one ski pole. Throw the ski pole as far as you can towards the pole, because when he gets to the ground, Alison, he’s going to have to fight off at least a half a dozen wolves. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, that sucks. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Who are out for blood. 

 

Alison Leiby: That sucks. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So he starts scaling and he’s doing a lot better, and Parker is like, Oh my God, you’re doing it. And he finally gets to the pole and starts climbing down the ladder. He gets to the ground, and he’s immediately set upon by wolves. Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Luckily he’s able to get the ski pole that Parker threw and he’s like, sit still, I’m going to get somebody. And then because he’s so weak, he doesn’t put on skis or snowboard, he little grabs a snowboard and sits on it and starts sliding down the mountain. 

 

Alison Leiby: That is smart. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Smart, that is smart. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just fucking get moving. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s just smart. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. But as he slides the wolves, start chasing him. 

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we’re left with Parker, who is there alone. And night falls again, and there’s no— 

 

Alison Leiby: And then being by yourself. At least when there’s another person with you. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like, even after Dan died, like, there’s like, you keep each other from going crazy. You talk about scenarios that could, like, maybe work out, like, when it’s just you. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh boy.

 

Halle Kiefer: And so there’s we don’t see Lynch return. There’s certainly no rescue team. Nothing has changed. Alison, she wakes up in the morning. So she’s been there, there, been there two nights.

 

Alison Leiby: Two nights. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Wakes up, barely survived. At one point, I thought her she was frozen to the bar. But really, it’s just like her frostbite is sort of like coming off her face. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she looks up and sees the screw connecting to the chair, wobbling, and then the screw just pulls apart and the chair falls. But because it’s still connected to the cable, it kind of gets caught by the cable and swings. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So it’s like the actual chair she’s in is suspended by the broken cable. And you can hear that very classic like ping pong as it starts to break apart. Yeah. So she’s dangling, panicked, halfway between the sky and the ground, and then the cable snaps entirely. But to your point—

 

Alison Leiby: She’s closer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —because of it she’s closer to the ground. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She falls. She’s fine, Alison. The car falls on top of her, breaking her leg. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. No.

 

Halle Kiefer: And I say this at this moment, which is something I say to myself every night when I look in the mirror, this bitch cannot catch a break. [laughter] I was like, oh, Jesus, God woman. But she has no choice but to survive. So she’s able to hoist the chair off and then just starts crawling down the mountain on her stomach, because she cannot walk. And there’s like, basically everything’s covered in snow, so there’s no other. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She can’t find the other skate, snowboard. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, it’s been too long. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Also, there’s wolves on the mountain. 

 

Alison Leiby: There’s wolves on the mountain. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she slides down only to basically slide into Lynch’s torn apart corpse being picked apart by wolves. And she sort of braces herself. But, Alison, the wolves have been satiated because they ate two people already. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they look at her. They’re, like, stained with blood, but they look very full and sleepy and they didn’t even follow her. And so she has to keep going down like a penguin sliding down the fucking mountain. And she at one point she has to like, get up. So she’s like half sliding, half just stumbling. Like the propulsion of her falling just down the mountain. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And as she finally sees the road, but as she tries to wave to her car, her leg gives way and she has to belly crawl crawling to the snow. And I thought for sure she was going to be hit by a logging truck or something—

 

Alison Leiby: I mean absolutely what I’m expecting. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Please. But she’s so tired, she basically starts succumbing to the elements as she puts her head down on the shoulder, too exhausted to go on and a minivan whips around the corner. But thank God sees her in time and veers out of the way and the driver runs over and helps her up. And we see her with her head on the passenger side window as the driver calls the hospital, and 911 is like—

 

[clip of  Peder Melhuse]: The hospital’s only ten minutes away. You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. 

 

[clip of Kevin Zegers]: You’re gonna be okay baby. 

 

[clip of Shawn Ashmore]: You’re gonna be okay.

 

Halle Kiefer: The end. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. Alison what are some fatal mistakes you think people made in the movie Frozen? 

 

[voice over]: Fatal mistakes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Once they were stuck. I think everyone did like all they could do. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, I think they were really, brainstorming. They’re working well together, like what else could you do? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. I think just not bringing their phones with them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, that was the biggest mistake. That was it.

 

Alison Leiby: If they had had their phones. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: You could have set out an emergency alert or something. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Even if you didn’t have, like, service, like there’s always some kind of, like, S.O.S. call. Other than that, I mean, everybody really did try their best, both like physically to escape, but also like emotionally to keep each other going. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They really did. And then even after Dan was again. Torn apart by wolves, you know, like Lynch and Parker really came together and they shared stories about him and and sort of bonded in a way that at least kept her alive, I think. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And yeah, I feel like. They did the best they possibly could. 

 

Alison Leiby: They really did. This was just a bad situation. 

 

Halle Kiefer: One of those bad situations. [laughter]

 

Alison Leiby: One of those bad situations that you don’t want to find yourself in. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then where would you place Frozen on the spooky scale, Alison? 

 

[voice over]: A spooky scale. 

 

Alison Leiby: Heights is one of my big fears. And being trapped in heights is up there. I think that this is a. I’m between a seven and an eight. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: I think like the frostbite, the isolation, the like. Even if you get down there’s wolves. It’s just like it’s inescapable. And those are all like pretty real scenarios you can find yourself in. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: So I’m going to say I’m going to say seven and a half. I’m doing a lot of halves these days. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. Yeah. You know what I’m going to say six. 

 

Alison Leiby: For sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I, a ten for enjoyment. I really liked this movie. I feel like because of the nature of how it’s formatted and the actual scenario, like you do get downtime, like I really enjoyed, I felt like, again, the acting was great. Like they really sold these, like little anecdotal moments, but it sort of gave you it took away from me the scares to have those sort of warm moments. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I like a horror that does more unrelenting. Like, that’s usually what is. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But I still really enjoyed it. And I would say in terms of as a film, I ten out of ten loved it. And if you if you’re scared of any of these things, either do or don’t watch this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Depending on which variety of listener you are. Yeah. But yeah, I’ll tell you, the wolves. I wasn’t expecting the wolves. 

 

Alison Leiby: The wolves are a little bit of a left turn and they really upped the ante. So. Tough,

 

Halle Kiefer: They really did and I appreciated that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Tough. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I guess I, I’ll shout out. I realized I didn’t say who wrote or directed this. I apologize, everybody. And it is written directed by Adam Green, who also. Let’s see. Okay. He worked on the Hatchet franchise. We’ve not delved into the Hatchet franchise, but we will have to, of course. And yeah, this was this is a treat. This is an absolute treat movie that I wanted to watch for a while because it keeps getting recommended to me, I believe, on Shudder. So, yeah. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We will continue with our worst fears.

 

Alison Leiby: All of our fears. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they will be realized. 

 

Alison Leiby: So many. Yeah.

 

Halle Kiefer: I know. Yes. Dentists, heights and. And God knows what if a dentist was up real high, Alison? 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, high up dentists, no thank you. 

 

Halle Kiefer: No, thank you. And until next time. Thank you for listening. And please. 

 

Alison Leiby: Please keep it spooky. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Come on. 

 

Alison Leiby: Come on. [music plays] Don’t forget to follow us at Ruined podcasts and Crooked Media for show updates. And if you’re as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Ruined is a Radio Point and Crooked Media production, we’re your writers and hosts Halle Kiefer and Alison Leiby. The show is executive produced by Alex Bach, Sabrina Fonfeder and Houston Snyder, and recorded and edited by Kat Iossa. From Crooked Media our executive producer is Kendra James with production and promotional support from Ari Schwartz, Kyle Seglin, Julia Beach, Caroline Dunphy, and Ewa Okulate. 

[AD BREAK]