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July 11, 2023
Ruined with Alison Leiby and Halle Kiefer
The Terrifier

In This Episode

Halle and Alison try not to barf through Art the Clown’s exploits while ruining Terrifier.

 

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

[theme music]: If scary movies give you dread. Keep you up late night in bed, here’s a podcast that will help you ease your mind. We’ll explain the plot real nicely then we’ll talk about what’s frightening so you never have to have a spooky time. It’s Ruined. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, hello. Welcome to Ruined. I’m Halle. 

 

Alison Leiby: And I’m Alison. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is a horror movie podcast where we spoil a horror movie just for you. 

 

Alison Leiby: For all of you. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, how are you doing? 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m good. I had, like, a momentary horror yesterday that is now—

 

Halle Kiefer: Do tell. 

 

Alison Leiby: —solved. I thought that I lost my joke notebook, which, as a comedian is an absolute and total nightmare. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Are you someone like are these fully written out jokes? 

 

Alison Leiby: So—

 

Halle Kiefer: Are these bullet points, are these thoughts? Are these are these revelations what are we, what are we looking at— 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s a mix. Cause I like I have kind of a patchwork of of recorded things that I say on stage. And so like for for stand up, I have a notebook. I also have like a giant Google doc where a lot of it is like written out like word for word. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Hell yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But not everything. And then I also have audio recordings of sets. So like there’s everything is backed up in some way, but not so like the notebook is a mix of like writing out new bits that I think of, but also like set lists and like ideas of like how to order some things and then like old jokes that I want to slot in and then just random thoughts where I’m like, ooh, get back to that. That’s like a something that you should do. And so I thought, I have a very small notebook that they have discontinued. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh interesting. 

 

Alison Leiby: Which I was almost more upset that they don’t make this notebook anymore because I was like, well, that’s that. That was my last one. But it is the Moleskine, soft pocket sized ones. So it’s like, you know, it’s like the size of like a jeans pocket. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Why did they Stop making that? That’s so bizarre. 

 

Alison Leiby: They still make that, but they used to make all different paper in it. And I use graph paper because it’s like a little more, I don’t know, I like it and they don’t do—

 

Halle Kiefer: The mind can, the mind can move move freely on the graph. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes I can move laterally and then back and then up and down. [laughter] And you know, there’s a lot to put together and they don’t make the graph paper in that size anymore. And I was like, no, because like this one only, you know, it’s like a third fall and it’s pretty thick. So I still have plenty of I can finish out the rest of the year with it. So at least now. But I found it. It was in my closet. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Thank God. 

 

Alison Leiby: Thank God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. When I was living with Bi Friend of the pod, Dave, when I was, I would say, fully having a mental breakdown at the end of last year looking for an apartment. I was sleeping on his couch. I at one point thought I’d lost my passport. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And had a just a moment of true and absolute despair. And thankfully Dave was like, hey, have you checked every bag? I was like, I’ve checked every thing I’ve ever owned. He goes, what about the backpack you wore when you were Velma on Halloween? I was like, I didn’t look in there and there it was. 

 

Alison Leiby: Wow. Why would you have a passport with you on Halloween? Or is it just a travel backpack that you had left—

 

Halle Kiefer: My driver’s license has expired and I haven’t got renewed. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so I carry my passport. I literally went on a date with a woman who was like, I’m going to bring up the fact you have your passport, which is very embarrassing. Again, I have talked to all this ad nauseum. I have my efforts to receive treatment for ADHD continue apace. The medication I was on, didn’t work. That’s fine. We gave it a go. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: My brain is crazier than ever. 

 

Alison Leiby: Great. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And that’s fine as long as I don’t lose my passport before I either get Medicaid or get my driver’s license. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: One is probably gonna have to proceed the other. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: But. Yeah. Yeah. Dark day—

 

Alison Leiby: Get your driver’s license. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Carrying my passport in my Velma backpack. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oy, scary yeah. The times I’ve been without a license either like I had lost it and needed a new one or it was expired. And you have to use your passport. It’s like everything is very high stakes all the time. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, God. It’s part of me’s like it will happen because I have to learn a lot. The universe has to teach you a lesson about losing your passport. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like it’s taught me a lesson about everything else in my life, and that’s fine. 

 

Alison Leiby: How are you doing? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m good. I’m trying to think I just did really, the movie we watched, that we were doing this week. I just watched it for the first time. I think I’d seen parts of it but all the way through and God, I just I’m not really a big gore person. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But this really hit the spot. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh boy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I think I’m just it was I’m in such a horrific fucking mood. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, I also have horrific, horrible PMS. 

 

Alison Leiby: Ugh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like it’s like a weird like intersection of all these different things. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes everything at once. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I was like, I need to see something absolutely disgusting on screen. And this hit. 

 

Alison Leiby: This is it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it was the first movie for our Jaw Droppers July. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. New month, new theme.

 

Halle Kiefer: Which felt like a fun way to do. Not necessarily all gory, but like movies that had—

 

Alison Leiby: Shockers. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A jaw dropping moment. A classically so. So the movie we are starting things off with is, of course, Terrifier. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: From 2016. 

 

Alison Leiby: This is an original because there is a sequel and we are doing it for our live show. Monday, July 17th. Put it on your calendars. Okay. $10 tickets that you can get at Moment.co/Ruined. We’re doing the sequel to this movie. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: So if you like this episode, which I think you’re going to because I already have a lot to say. Then you’re going to want to come to the live show. So it’s a Monday, not a Sunday, but 7 p.m. Eastern, 4 p.m. Pacific. If you’re a $20 Patreon member, you will have your tickets in your inbox that day. And if you’re not, buy them now. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Thank you. You are, you are so good at that Alison, I really appreciate it.

 

Alison Leiby: Keeping us on track for plugging our own show during our show. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean, good Lord. 

 

Alison Leiby: What a snake eating itself nightmare the self-promotion stuff is. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But you have to do it. And I really have been struggling, like with social media. And it’s like to me, my social media I mostly interact with Twitter and Instagram. And it’s like every time I go on there, it’s like, I, my eyeballs are going to fly out my fucking head. 

 

Alison Leiby: I know. It’s a nightmare.

 

Halle Kiefer: Like it’s like I can feel my yeah, like I can feel like it, corrodes. You know how like if you believe like a penny in a Diet Coke, long enough and it dissolves. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Oy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Like the longer I leave my brain in social media, I can feel it fucking dissolving. But then you have to be on there and you have to post stuff. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That is where I find out news. So any who, what I feel like we live in traumatic times. I guess everyone forever always has. So I want to be clear about that. So we wanted to bring you some real horror and—

 

Alison Leiby: Real horror. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is horrifying because we have done, of course, movies that I feel like you could have watched. Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes—

 

Halle Kiefer: This is the exact movie for you not to see. 

 

Alison Leiby: Ever, ever. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it is focused on specific, horrifying images. It is. There is of course there are, of course characters, but they exist to be tormented by the individual. But I just want to say, it was written and directed by Damien Leone, who also did the sequel, and the character who is the star of Terrifier. Of course, you saw in the trailer, Alison. His name is Art the Clown and Art the Clown. I just want to say that he had actually appeared in an anthology film called All Hallows’ Eve from 2013, so I should really—

 

Alison Leiby: We should do that. 

 

Halle Kiefer:  Like having just recently rewatched Nightmare on Elm Street, I really am in the mood for a creepy guy who doing bad stuff I like. I like Art the Clown for what he is and a gleeful piece of hell that is unleashed into the world. So I think that’s fun. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So I even feel bad that you had to watch the trailer. Speaking of which, Alison, what do you think about the trailer for Terrifier? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, like, I’ve seen the trailer for It. I’ve seen clips of the original movie It. Like scary clown. This is like the next level of scary. Also, like, when did Clown become scary? 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s a great question. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like when when in our cultural history. And why did it like because like for a minute everyone was like, here’s my weird thing. I’m scared of clowns. It’s like, that’s everybody’s thing. Everybody’s afraid of clowns. But like, why are like, I know that they’re pretty scary looking, even the ones that aren’t intended for horror can be very scary looking because it’s just this kind of surreal version of a person. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But like, where did that come from? That they’re scary because, like, it feels like their intention is like that. They’re not supposed to be scary. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, and I feel like as a kid, you see, like Ronald McDonald, that he’s seemed fine. I didn’t have any beef with him. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Like there was a cultural shift. And I definitely remember the first Stephen King’s It. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: God, we have to do the nineties version. 

 

Alison Leiby: We have to. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I love that one and seeing it as a kid it was that to me it really seeded. I’m not afraid of clowns but that unsettledness was definitely there I guess when Stephen King wrote It. So was it Stephen King’s It that sort of sort of was the time that changed. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean I would believe it. Yeah, that might have been like the thing that kind of because everybody was probably always like, I’m uneasy around this guy, but then here, here they are like kind of used for horror. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah. Super scary, too gory. I just also at one point, one of the two women is like, she’s like, yeah, what about that guy? And she’s like, who? The clown? It’s like, yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: The clown. 

 

Halle Kiefer: The clown. And this is not just any clown, Alison. [laughs] This is a—

 

Alison Leiby: It’s, I mean, the scariest. If I saw this clown out in, around even on Halloween when everybody’s dressed up. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes.

 

Alison Leiby: I’d be like, that’s a problem. And we need to do something about it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, that is, of course, a problem. As many of the horror movies we’ve done where if you set a horror movie on Halloween, well, of course there’s going to be a creepy clown. So of course people are going to normalize creepy clowns, which we absolutely reject. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We would like to alienate and isolate creepy clowns. Which brings us to our baseline scary. Alison, how scary do you find the idea of a disgusting, filthy, homicidal clown that lives only for slaughter and depravity and wanders the earth murdering the innocent? How scary do you find something like that? 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s, like, the scariest thing I can think of. [laughter] That is so fucking awful. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah it stinks. 

 

Alison Leiby: I hate it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It stinks. 

 

Alison Leiby: Like max. That’s. We’ve talked about so many things, and this is definitely up there as one of the. I didn’t like watching this trailer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And I think it’s like this is built out of it is specifically designed to give you a bad dream, like because—

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: There’s so many individual images that could be lifted by the brain and focused on. And we’re going to be doing that now. So let’s get into it before we do. Would you like to guess the twist in Terrifier? 

 

[voice over]: Guess the twist. 

 

Alison Leiby: Would you say that there’s a twist? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Nah, not a traditional. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean, there certainly isn’t like—

 

Alison Leiby: It’s not like surprise, he’s a dog. Or like, you know.

 

Halle Kiefer: No, I wish. No, just a fucking dog. It’s just a bad dog. 

 

Alison Leiby: Bad dog. Cujo, get out of there. I mean then I’m going to guess that. And Art the Clown has a boss who is not a homicidal clown who actually is telling him what to do, which is even scarier. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ooh I like that, yeah he’s being puppeted. That’s scary. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. By like a corporation. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ooh, okay. To what end? 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t know. Capitalism. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Capitalism. All right. [laughter] Let’s get it going. 

 

Alison Leiby: Keep people scared and keep them spending money somehow through that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I love it. And also, let’s begin ruining Terrifier. We open on a little tiny, staticky TV. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And we see a news reporter, anchor, rather, Monica Brown, interviewing a woman who was the sole survivor of the Miles County massacre, which happened a year ago today. And the woman is has been attacked and her face, so brutalized that essentially one of her eyes is like a milky orb and the other eye is totally healed over and her mouth there’s nothing recognizable on her face. Right. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Monica is kind of a bitch and is pushing her. And says, like, so was your so you say, like, what was your reaction when you woke up and saw your face? I remember you reading that you said you wish you were dead. Do you still wish you were dead? You know, just like the least sensitive way to go about it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Oh, God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And, you know, basically, you know, the survivor says, you know, I really do struggle. People react to me horribly. I really prefer to be alone. So this is a big thing for me to be here. And Monica asks about the attacker, who, of course, is Art the Clown, as he’s known to the public. Not only did he kill a number of people on Halloween the year before, but his body then subsequently disappeared from the morgue. And she says—

 

Alison Leiby: Well what the fuck? Keep tabs on that guy. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Monica says, You know, there’s been rumors. It turns out that he he isn’t dead at all. He was able to escape. He was, you know, mistakenly taken to the morgue and the survivor says, nope, he is dead. I saw him die myself, unfortunately, Alison then a clown shoe kicks in the TV. You’re not going to believe it. It’s Art the Clown. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. He must hate that press. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And let me describe him in case you’re someone who’s like I don’t even want to look him up. He’s a he’s a black and white clown. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But but most importantly, his his teeth are blood red. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Presumably from all the blood eats. And he is constantly doing mime and sort of he has a little top hat, which I think is extremely important to know. But he is sort of a classic French style—

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Black and white mime. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And is—

 

Alison Leiby: The spookiest kind of clown. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. This is not a fun warm okay. Children’s, you know, party. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, no. And now he’s frowning. It’s like, oh, everything about him is the source of nightmares. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. And he is acted by David Howard Thorton, who absolutely crushes it. I mean, he is giving everything to this role. He’s and also he is having the time of his life, which I appreciate. 

 

Alison Leiby: Good for him. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But of course, this means that, Art the Clown is, in fact, alive watching this—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —news story. And he has sort of A Nightmare on Elm Street set up where we, much like the beginning of the first Nightmare on Elm Street. We see Freddy putting together his iconic claw gloves. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: His razor gloves. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: In his boiler room, we similarly see Art the Clown in his clown dungeon, and he’s suiting up. He’s putting on his face paint. And we see he is sort of selecting what he’s going to take with him. We’ve got a butcher knife, we’ve got a scalpel. We’ve got a drill, remember drill, baby, drill? 

 

Alison Leiby: Wait, what’s that from? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I believe it was, wasn’t it? It was about drilling for oil in Alaska, I believe. It was Sarah Palin. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Drill, baby, drill. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Wow, simpler times. I mean, I think we did end up drilling. I could be wrong. 

 

Alison Leiby: I’m sure we did. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. Was it from the 2008? It was a Republican campaign slogan. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it was first used by Michael Steele, the former Maryland lieutenant governor. Don’t remember him at all. That’s on us, any who. Sorry. So he’s putting a drill he’s putting a number of things into this big garbage bag. He doesn’t have a duffel, he doesn’t have a weekender Alison. He just got a big garbage—

 

Alison Leiby: Garbage bag of nightmare tools. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Weapons. Yeah. [laughter] And we see back at the news studio, Monica’s on the phone with her boyfriend saying like, oh, my God, I thought I was going to gag looking at that woman like you thought she looked bad on TV she looked even fucking worse in person. And I thought, she was going to attack me when I asked her, like, do you still wish you were dead. And we see a moment where the survivor, kind of lunges in her seat and the executives all freak out like she’s about to, like, leap across the table at Monica. And Monica is like, oh, they think it’s going to be big ratings. That’s what you have to do to get ratings these days. Faceless victims and a host in jeopardy. Of course Alison—

 

Alison Leiby: I hope someone kills this bitch. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, I’ve got great news because Monica hears sort of a rustling in the clothing racks and in a classic horror movie move runs over and sweeps the clothes aside. There’s no one there. She turns around, the survivor is there who leaps on Monica, gets her on the ground, and then jams her thumbs into Monica’s fucking eye sockets. 

 

Alison Leiby: Good. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Essentially tears the top of her skull apart, laughing maniacally. Cut to two sexy gals out on Halloween night. I almost said Hawaii night why isn’t there Hawaii night?

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, let’s get Hawaii nights started. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, in Hawaii, every night is Hawaii night. And that’s one of the great things about that state. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s true. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But for us, it’s Halloween night and we see Tara and Dawn and they’re wearing their hot girl Halloween costumes. And I hope that everyone is the sluttiest they possibly could be this Halloween. Okay. If you want to be. If you don’t want to be, it’s not for you. But if you do, I need you. I need to be out here showing hole. Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I want to be walking out—

 

Alison Leiby: I do feel like everybody is ready for that. This. Like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Like what other—

 

Alison Leiby: I’m not a huge Halloween person. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Surprise, surprise. But if I were, this would be the year to just be like, you know what? Here it is. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You got to fucking go for it. I want to see cervixes out in the fucking street—

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —people. [laughter] And so Tara is sort of like a sexy skeleton with, like little garters that have the skeleton legs on it. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then Dawn. I wasn’t sure. Later we find out it’s a scarecrow of like, but it’s like a little dress with, like, a matching scarecrow hat. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which I think is like, you would never know that without the hat. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, it’s like that mean girls thing where it’s like girls just wear lingerie and a pair of animal ears and they’re like, I’m a cat. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I love that shit. And they are—

 

Alison Leiby: It’s so fun. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re yeah, they’re barely even trying, so but they’re both pretty drunk. It’s like the end of the night. It’s like two in the morning. They stumble over to Dawn’s car. But Dawn’s clearly too drunk to drive. They have this exchange and Tara’s like wrestling the keys out of her hand. But then once Tara gets the keys. She’s like, actually, I’m also too drunk to drive. Unfortunately, Alison, during this exchange—

 

Alison Leiby: Good for them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Getting to that point of like, you know what? Maybe not. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Unfortunately, her responsible decision isn’t going to help her none because she looks to the end of the block and we see Art the Clown approaching out of the alley with a garbage bag, which of course we saw him fill with implements and Tara says, look over there, D. Alison, just seeing this guy on the street. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. It’s so upsetting. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would piss and shit my pants. 

 

Alison Leiby:  I’d throw up on someone. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would run. [laughs] I would run immediately to any building. 

 

Alison Leiby: Anywhere. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would barricade myself and like this. This triggers something biological in the human brain that you have to listen to. 

 

Alison Leiby: This is the, I would say, of all of the villains that I’ve actually, like, laid eyes on from a trailer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: The worst one. 

 

Halle Kiefer: The worst shit, I completely agree. 

 

Alison Leiby: The worst shit I could. Like, I don’t want to go to sleep tonight and it’s only 3:30 [laughs] like. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And it is the costume is he has the big gigantic shoes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know what I mean like he has the gloves. He has a little dot on the end of his nose. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And some really fabulous swoopy black eyebrows. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s incredible. Tara is freaked out, but D’s like, oh, my God. Amazing costume. Halloween. And she shouts to Art the Clown. Hey, handsome, my friend wants your number? Alison. Unfortunately, this puts them on Art’s radar. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which you don’t want to do. 

 

Alison Leiby: Bad move. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Tara tells D, Dawn to shut the fuck up when she looks back. Luckily, Art is gone. 

 

Alison Leiby: Luckily. Great now he’s lurk—

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, I mean, because it’s better to have eyes on him is what you’re saying.

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, I think it’s better to have eyes on Art than not have eyes on Art. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, Art’s about to have his eyes on them. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they have their eyes in him? 

 

Alison Leiby: Removed? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Luckily there’s an all night pizza place so they go in there to get some food to sober up, and we see Tara looking at her phone. Alison, her phone dies. Always carry a phone charger, especially on Halloween. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: You can’t be getting stranded out here dressed like a slutty skeleton—

 

No. 

 

—without a charger. Now we see Dawn, Dawn is taking this so flippantly, you know what I mean? And she’s she’s just comes back from the bathroom and she’s like, that was the longest piss of mine of the night. And, you know, like, oh, I can’t believe like, look, all these guys we talked to, you know, just like, having a good time. While, so she’s faced away from the door, Tara looks up Art the Clown walks in and sits at the booth, like right behind them. 

 

Alison Leiby: Also, like, is anyone else? I mean, clearly people work there. Is everybody else just like, oh, you know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, so not initially the guys, the pizzeria guy is on the phone with seemingly setting up an affair with his mistress. Like they just give you these snatches of like— [both speaking] Yeah. So he’s when he walks in, the guy just goes, I’ll be right with you, buddy, because again, it’s Halloween. So it’s like he looks like no one ever has looked on Halloween. But everyone is interpreting it as a Halloween thing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Nothing about it is Halloween.

 

Halle Kiefer: Which is, yeah, well, that’s why—

 

Alison Leiby: Everything about it is from the depths of hell. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So Tara’s like Dawn she can’t see that Art has walked it. And Tara looks over and Art just suddenly smiles really big. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then starts miming like he’s, like, preening and, like. Like waving at her. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm mm. Mm mm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: In this grotesque. It’s worth looking. If you could stand to look at him, just look up a clip of him just to get what I’m saying. Where it’s like—

 

Alison Leiby: The vibe. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s giving. Yeah, exactly. And Tara says can we please get our food to go and Dawn says why and she turns around she’s like, oh, because of the clown, she goes over to Alison again rookie horror movie mistake. She’s like, you don’t scare me. And she sits in his lap, but she’s like, can I take a selfie with you? And she goes to adjust his little top hat and it snaps against his face and he’s just sitting there stone face, as she takes some selfies with him and post them and she goes back and Tara is horrified—

 

Alison Leiby: Also is nobody like, hey, that guy, like, horrifically disfigured a woman. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, so this is ostensibly we we don’t know, well I’m trying to say, when do you reveal this? This is this is prior to the events of the beginning. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So people don’t know about Art the clown. Art the Clown is about to make himself known. 

 

Alison Leiby: I see. Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So, yes, in any other reality, you see, that person it’s like, I’m pretty sure that’s the guy that—

 

Alison Leiby: That’s gotta be the guy. I don’t care if people say he’s dead. That’s him. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s I, again, I’m not an expert about it, a detective. I’m going to go and say that motherfucker is Art the Clown. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: So this is, in fact, before the events that we saw at the beginning. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, got it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So. But Tara at least knows enough to be, like, why the fuck are you doing that? And Dawn comes over she’s like what do you think he’s going to chop me up into pieces in the middle of the pizzeria?

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Meanwhile, the pizzeria guy comes over to take Art the Clowns order. Art does not talk to him and just stares at the girls and the pizzeria guy says oh, God it’s going to be a long night. Like, I think again, he’s just like, oh, great, The Halloween freaks are coming out. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. God, I’m just trying to get home to my mistress. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, I have to get home to my wife, my horrible wife, and then go over to the other home where I have my wonderful mistress. And Dawn is scrolling on her phone, being like, oh, my God, I already got eight likes on the photo, you know, of the clown. We see Art stand up and take a quarter off of one of the tables someone left as part of their tip puts it in like, a, oh my God, it just went out on my head. When you put a quarter in and it gives you like a little plastic bubble with like a little gewgaw in it.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah like a gumball machine, but—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But not gumballs. 

 

Halle Kiefer: For little pieces of crap. [laughs] Yeah.

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. What are those called? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t know. And I don’t want to know. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. Don’t tell us. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So he gets one and he opens it. There’s a little silver ring with a heart in it, heart on it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he goes to Tara and before she can say anything, he slips it on her hand like it’s an engagement ring. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, you’re married to death now. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You’re married to death. Tara I got bad news, girl. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh Tara. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he scampers off to the back of the pizzeria. And finally the pizzeria guy comes over. He’s like, is that guy bothering you? 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But Dawn is like, no, he’s harmless. Dawn says he’s harmless. And what happens to Dawn is some of the worst shit I’ve ever fucking seen in a horror movie. So, Dawn, wrong again, my friend, you know Dawn’s going to die because she’s the hot blond. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Everyone is hot in this movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Even Art, I suppose, has his charm about him. But you know that she’s too hot. You know, too hot to live. 

 

Alison Leiby: Too hot to live. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And so. And she said, don’t worry about it. But he’s like, don’t worry, I’ll take care of him. I won’t let it bother you. Tara meanwhile keeps looking at the garbage bag. And she’s like, why does that clown have such a heavy garbage bag? A great question, Tara. You’re going to unfortunately find out later— 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s almost like there’s a ton of metal implements to ruin your life in there. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: It is. A good like if I was—

 

Alison Leiby: Also like aren’t they sharp, like, won’t they poke like?

 

Halle Kiefer: Well, I was gonna say, is it a Hefty ad? Like, what garbage bag is so durable— 

 

Alison Leiby: The scalpel—

 

Halle Kiefer: —that it doesn’t get ripped or punctured. 

 

Alison Leiby: —stays inside. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison just then the pizzeria, guy hauls Art out of the back of the pizzeria and throws him out and throws his garbage bag after him. Apparently he did something in the bathroom that we’ll find out in a minute that was so egregious that he had to be forcibly ejected from the pizzeria. So he gets thrown out and then disappears in the night and the girls walk back to Dawn’s car having sobered up and Tara realizes, oh, God, I still have his ring and she takes the ring and throws it into the street. Alison when they get to the car, the tire is slashed. Dawn freaks out, is this always happens to be, but Tara says. Don’t worry, I’ll call my sister Vicky. She’s a nerd. She’s also a brunette, so she may survive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We are calling, we’re gonna call her from your phone because my phone’s dead. She’ll come to our rescue. Back at the pizzeria, Alison, this chef is screaming that he shouldn’t have to clean the bathroom. And we look and Art—

 

Alison Leiby: And you know what? I would like the chef to not also be cleaning the bathroom at any—

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s what he says like I cook the food. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I better be paid extra for this. You want the person cooking the food, cleaning this up? 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. Art the Clown has smeared his shit all over the bathroom. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s a spicy pizza pie, is what I would say. And literally, it looks like it’s written in both shit and maggots. Like, maybe, he had maggots in his shit, which seems like—

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. His vibe. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It seems like that’s. Yeah, that’s very much—

 

Alison Leiby: Very much Art’s deal.

 

Alison Leiby: [laughs] Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: That’s Art all over. He wrote, he writes in shit and maggots on the wall. It says Art. [laughs] As if we weren’t sure who did that? Somebody else might— 

 

Alison Leiby: Better sign your work there, buddy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Sign his masterpiece. Vicky, Tara’s studious sister is, of course, home on Halloween. She’s in a zip up sweatshirt. She’s she’s, of course, going to be our final girl. She’s studying for a midterm. And Tara says, can you come pick us up? We’re stranded. And Vicky’s like, oh, I got this huge test. I only have five, 5 hours. And Tara is like, that’s fine don’t worry about it. Fortunately, Vicky’s roommate comes in drunk with a guy, and it’s it’s a dorm room where you’re just sleeping in the same room. Like, it’s not even, like separate bedrooms. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they start essentially hooking up on their on the roommate’s bed. And Vicky says, I’ll come get you. So Vicky is now on the way back at the car. Tara and Dawn at least have the wherewithal to get inside the car and like, wait there. And Tara finally speaks aloud the obvious, what if that clown we saw is the one who slashed your tire?  

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, what if? I’m so sorry if I’m distracted Rizz has major zoomies and is running around making owl sounds, so it’s terrifying. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Cute baby. 

 

Alison Leiby: Cute little baby scratching walls. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Dawn says, don’t be ridiculous. Just because some horrifying mute clown followed us into the pizzeria and smeared feces on the wall, does mean he’d be crazy enough to slash a tire? That’s crazy. Why would he do that? You see that motherfucker and anything happens he’s—

 

Alison Leiby: You’re like he did it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s whatever crazy it is. That’s where he’s at. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You have to be that crazy to get up every day and put that in. Put that on. Back at the pizzeria. Oh, the chef’s name is Ramone. And the other pizzeria guy’s name is Steve. Sorry, I should have said that earlier. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So Ramone is the one who cleaned it up and is complaining. Steve is the one who’s having the affair. So Ramone’s finally done is like, Steve, I’m done with a disgusting bathroom, you bastard. And he comes back up to the front where there is a what we saw earlier, a burning jack-o’-lantern on the counter instead of a jack-o’-lantern, there is Steve’s hollowed out skull with face filled with candles illuminated like a lantern. 

 

Alison Leiby: I thought you were gonna say candy. [laughter]

 

Halle Kiefer: Filled with delicious candy. No, unfortunately filled with flames from candles. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay, cool. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And behind him is Art, covered in blood, wielding a butcher’s knife. And in case again, what is Art always doing? He’s always smiling. He’s got a big smile on his face. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s so upsetting. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ramone tries to run to the phone, to call the police. But Art runs over and hacks his hand off with a butcher knife and stabs him in the face. 

 

Alison Leiby: Getting stabbed in the face with a butcher knife is— 

 

Halle Kiefer: Ugh. There’s so much face work in this. There’s so much face stabbing in this fucking movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So we’re cutting back and forth between Dawn in the car with Tara being like, I think you’re being a little crazy. It’s Halloween. He’s just some weird, pathetic guy who is trying to talk to you. It’s not a big deal. We cut between that conversation and then Art the Clown. Just fucking stabbing Ramone’s eyes out over and over again. Alison, back in the car Tara says I have to pee. 

 

Alison Leiby: Pee your pants bitch. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Piss in my car, girl. Go ahead and piss. 

 

Alison Leiby: Piss in my car. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Piss in my car. 

 

Alison Leiby: Piss in my car. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Do not get out. And Dawn says it’s in the middle of the night. If you have to get out stand next the car, just pee on the street. 

 

Alison Leiby: Don’t get out. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Nobody fucking cares. Also, nobody’s on the sidewalk. Also, walk to a bar and stand in a bar like, what are you doing? But you know, she’s like, whatever. If you have to pee, pee and then come back in. And she’s like, I don’t want to do that. And just as they’re talking, a guy steps out of a building to smoke. And Dawn says, oh, how about you ask that creepy guy we don’t know if you can pee in that building we don’t know anything about. Tara opens the door and gets out and goes over to the guy who we find out his name is Mike the exterminator, and he’s just an exterminator. 

 

Alison Leiby: Also, girls, we’re not splitting up anymore. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she says, can I pee in the building? And Mike’s like, oh, I’m not supposed to let you, but you are a hot girl, so I will allow you. So he says, go ahead. Takes her to the basement and says, it’s so good you got here because I’m literally about to start spraying the building. Well, you know, to fumigate it, to exterminate things. And she says, oh, are there roaches? And she’s like, and, he says, oh, no, it’s rats. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oy. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I was like is this the original rats czar? But he says, we got plenty of time but just use the restroom. So he takes her into the basement. Which is where the restroom is.

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Oh, of course. The basement is where the restroom is. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he turns to leave. And he’s like, do you want me to wait here until you’re done? Or do you remember how we how you got in? And she says, go ahead. I got this. And then Mike heads back up to start spraying the building. In the car, Dawn is taking selfies. She also turns on the radio and there’s a radio announcement about there’s been a double homicide at the Deer Hills Pizzeria. She of course immediately tunes in. Turns out that a bystander saw the person who did it leaving. And they’re looking for a tall, thin man in a clown costume if you can believe it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh wow. What are the odds? 

 

Halle Kiefer: The announcement also says firefighters are rushing to put out the blaze in the adjacent building. So ostensibly, he not not only killed Ramone, I don’t know if he intentionally said it or just because he left a flaming skull—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that seems like a fire hazard. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —it caught the building on fire. Yeah. So obviously they’re all distracted, which of course then gives more Art, a little more leeway to, like, really enjoy himself because he’s already created this distraction. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, so she’s listening, horrifying and realized, oh my God, I took a selfie with the guy and I posted it. The passenger side door opens and she doesn’t even look up and goes—

 

[clip of Catherine Corcoran]: Oh, my God, you’re never going to believe what I just heard on the radio. [screams]

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison. You know what I’m about to say, which is she turns to the passenger seat. It’s Art covered in blood, staring at Dawn. Wide eyed with a smile. Alison. What would you do? 

 

[voice over]: What would you do? 

 

Alison Leiby: I think I would grab his knife from him and cut my own head off. Like, I just, you know, like I. Even if there is a world where I survive, whatever happens next, I can’t like, I can’t go on knowing that this all happened and this person existed. And I just. No I’m out. I’m gone. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, you you know too much of the world, to, to stay in it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, exactly. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I feel like I’d grab him by the back of his head and smash his head in the dashboard and then get out and just try to run take off my shoes and run as fast as I could. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that’s—

 

Halle Kiefer: But realistically, he’s going to kill me. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. You know, just not. I’m not built to survive that. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Just like a public party, they don’t actually want to govern. They only want control. So they’re not. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re not bogged down with things about like, how will things actually work or how are people’s lives much like that, Art the Clown doesn’t have any other concern but murder. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, he’s just a killing machine. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We have all these other concerns to distract us. Exactly. He gets up every day. And he says, how can I murder as many people as possible? And that’s what makes him he’s at the top of his field. The top of his game. 

 

[AD BREAK]

 

Halle Kiefer: Back in the building, we see Tara. She goes to the bathroom, which is disgusting. And everything in this movie—

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —is covered in rust or filth or feces or blood. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. The dirt levels are. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Are really high. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You’re getting tetanus the second you watch this movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She hears, there’s so this is like the bathroom is in the garage. And this movie is filled with like basements upon sub basements, upon boiler rooms, upon stairwells. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So but they’re all within this building now. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she hears a cat start to yowl, and she tries to find it. And then when she approaches it, the cats like screaming aggressively, like, don’t come near me. And she backs up into another character, a strange gal who’s referred to only as the Cat Lady who lives in the building. And she seems like a real New Yorker. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because as soon as you see her, she’s holding what looks to be a baby and she says, oh, you know, you don’t have to tell me anything. Your eyes tell me everything I need to know, which is an opening line to meet a stranger you don’t like to hear. 

 

Alison Leiby: I guess I know everything about you now, though, too. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. She says. You know, we haven’t had a new neighbor in the building in a while, have we, Emily? Here’s my, meet my daughter. And, you know, it’s just a plastic baby doll—

 

Alison Leiby: It’s just a cat? Oh. Oh God—

 

Halle Kiefer:  It’s just a doll. It’s not even a cat. At least a cat’s alive.

 

Alison Leiby: A cat you’d be like, oh, that’s my little baby. My fur baby. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Tara does something very smart. Which again, it’s nice even in this context to try to do your best. And she’s like, oh my God, yes, I am the new neighbor. I’m actually I have to go now to pay the landlord. I don’t want my rent to be late and Cat Lady’s like well, punctuality is the thief of time, dear. And Tara says, okay, great, I’m going to head out. So it’s like she plays a long enough to get the fuck out of there. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Yeah. To not be, like, answering questions or, like, suspicious. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Alison, Tara gets to the top of the stairs to leave. She opens the door and unfortunately, standing there, smiling, holding up a bloody scalpel. You’re not going to believe it. It’s Art the Clown. 

 

Alison Leiby:  I mean, of course he’s there. He’s everywhere all at once. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he kinda has jazz hands with the other hand and he’s just holding a scalpel. He lunges at her, Tara, runs into the basement and manages to get the door closed to try to like buy herself some time. And she runs down and she cannot, now she there’s no she doesn’t know where the exits are. And also, this movie is filled with doors that are locked from both sides. 

 

Alison Leiby: Sure. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So people constantly run into a door, not being able to go through it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Great. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She’s in the garage, she’s hiding under a car. We see Art’s big old clown shoes clomp clompety. He’s looking and she’s sort of trying to creep away and put distance between them. Just when he sort of seems like he’s headed in the opposite direction, she turns Art is directly behind her and rams the scalpel into the back of her ankle. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, and he does this multiple times. Tara starts to fight back. She knocks the scalpel out of his hands. But Art is able to get on top of her and is straddling her and starts to do the old jam his—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —jagged fingernails of his thumbs into her eyeballs. Luckily, in the scuffle, he dropped the scalpel and Tara’s able to grab it and jam it into his rib cage. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. That’s something.

 

Halle Kiefer: Unfortunately. Yeah. So she buys time he kind of rolls off her, she runs over Alison, the door that she runs to is locked. So she has to hide behind a dumpster while Art recovers and is seconds away from finding her. But she picks up a little loose of a piece of metal like you’d find in a garage. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah of course just hanging around.

 

Halle Kiefer: And hurls it back towards the cars. Much like I think I’m is that a Jurassic Park move, a very classic move of throwing something to distract. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Something that’s gonna kill you. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, that sounds like Jurassic Park. Or Cujo.

 

Halle Kiefer: Outside. We see Vicky driving, and hears the radio announcement about the clown murder, and she’s already seen and made a comment, joking, sort of ribbing her sister like, oh, my God, you and Dawn posted everything to social media, like every 30 seconds. So she’s seen Dawn with the clown. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So you can imagine, again, she what is she, 22? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean—

 

Halle Kiefer: She’s sort of like, oh, no, what do we do? Tara manages to get up to the second floor where Mike is spraying for rats, and she’s at the end of the hallway screaming for him. But he has his headphones in. 

 

Alison Leiby: Of course. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And unfortunately, she. He doesn’t hear her. When Art grabs Tara from behind and injects a gigantic, filthy hypodermic needle full of milky fluid into her neck, knocking her out. 

 

Alison Leiby: [sighs] Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Mike turns around only to just miss them. Like what was that? Doesn’t matter, Alison—

 

Alison Leiby: Also like, why are you spraying for rats like in the middle of the night on Halloween? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t know. I just. Someone’s probably done that. I feel like maybe it’s—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, you know what. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Maybe you get overtime if it’s a holiday. Is Halloween a holiday? Not a federal holiday. 

 

Alison Leiby: Uh no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: It should be, though. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I don’t think so. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think the Supreme Court should use their powers for good and make Halloween—

 

Alison Leiby: Make Halloween a holiday. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A federal fucking holiday. 

 

Alison Leiby: Make Hawaii day, a real thing. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Unfortunately, Alison, Tara wakes up. She is tied to a chair. There’s duct tape on her mouth and Art’s just go in through his bag. He pulls up a chain, eh not a chain. He takes out a hatchet and then finally a dirty, rusty hacksaw, which he holds to her neck. 

 

Alison Leiby: Why. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she screams because she can’t. There’s nothing she could do. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he kind of like, jerks her head back. But he’s not done because he wants to put on a show for her first. Alison. 

 

Alison Leiby: Well, he’s a performer. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I mean he probably went to clown school. And he walks over and there’s a sheet hanging down. Alison, I regret to tell you, he pulls a sheet down. And unfortunately, behind the sheet is Dawn hanging upside down by her feet. Totally nude, except for her underwear. Hands tied behind her back, duct tape on her mouth. 

 

Alison Leiby: No.

 

Halle Kiefer: And. It’s all I frankly kind of tasteful how they treat this murder until it’s not. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because he reaches up and you see him, he you don’t see it, but like, he rips off her underwear. So now she is totally nude. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he takes the hacksaw and both she and Tara are screaming, but they’re both bound. 

 

Alison Leiby: But. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison and you, you do see this shot, it’s just a split second. He sort of saw her in half vertically. Vagina first. So he is sawing her in half down the entire length— 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I’ll tell you, I didn’t I hadn’t seen this movie before all the way through. I didn’t I hadn’t seen this part. And boy, I’ll tell you, you could have knocked me over with a feather when we get to it. You know?

 

Alison Leiby: Wow. That is the worst thing I have ever heard. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. Again, there are some movies you can watch. I. I’m sorry—

 

Alison Leiby: This ain’t it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —to tell you this. I am so sorry to inform you. 

 

Alison Leiby: I hate this. 

 

Halle Kiefer: As he’s sawing her, her her entrails are dumping out of her body cavity. And then finally he has to saw through her skull. And I wrote in my notes. This isn’t for me. This is not—

 

Alison Leiby: This isn’t for us at all. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This isn’t for us. And I think for me, and again, porn, violence. We live in America. They’re one and the same. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But there is something to me that the similarity between porn and horror movies is I personally do need a little bit of a character. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: A little bit of investment, a little bit of a story. 

 

Alison Leiby: Something. 

 

Halle Kiefer: This is just like this is gore and mayhem. For the sake of gore and mayhem, which I support existing, I do think there’s a place—

 

Alison Leiby: But is not perhaps—

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s just not my bag. It’s not our bag for sure. And even I even though I appreciate the moment. I appreciate any—

 

Alison Leiby: You don’t want to watch it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I just it just bums me out. Like. It’s like it’s not scary. It just makes me sad. But that’s fine. Fortunately, the horror of this gives Tara enough strength to rip through her bindings just as Art gets through Dawn skull and Tara’s able to grab a knife from his murder pile. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I mean, he’s got a whole bag of tricks. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And that’s what he doesn’t realize, is that multiple times his victims are able to grab one of his many weapons. 

 

Alison Leiby: Well, he’s got a bunch lying around.

 

Halle Kiefer: Versus if he just has the one signature weapon, it’s much harder to get away from him. 

 

Alison Leiby: Or like, maybe if you keep them in like, an organized like a tool kit or something—

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: —that closes, not just like a garbage bag full of weapons. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And you like care about your equipment. I mean you certainly spend enough time—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Take a little pride in what you do, bro.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, for God’s sake. So she’s able to stab him and runs into the garage, Alison, she’s still trapped in this damn building. She grabs a board. She shouldn’t have dropped the knife, but she grabs a board and Art comes up behind her and lunges at her with a huge fucking knife. Like the kind of knife like you should not be able to buy that at the store. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Yeah. There’s no need for that kind of knife. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Also, it’s like, how does he have money? How does he live? 

 

Alison Leiby: Well, that’s like it’s like, does he pay rent? Does he have a P.O. box? Like, what’s going on? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think he lives in the sewer. I don’t think he’s getting mail. 

 

Alison Leiby: You don’t think he’s getting mail? 

 

Halle Kiefer: No. 

 

Alison Leiby: You don’t think he’s mailing in rebates when he buys all of these tools? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Hideous, disgusting. Clown Quarterly. I, I think when you when you– [laughter]

 

Alison Leiby: Bloody Teeth Monthly.

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. When you subscribe to Bloody Teeth Monthly, you don’t put in your address. They just take a copy and throw it into the nearest sewer. It’ll get to where it’s suppose to. [both speaking] It gets to you. So I would say these knives should only be for slaughterhouse like—

 

Alison Leiby: Like actual slaughterhouse activity. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But now they’re letting kids work in slaughterhouses. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because and I’m like even the kids in the slaughterhouses shouldn’t be able to have one. So Art walks past Tara as she hides with the board, having scampered away and she hits him in the back of his head. And kind of gets like a final girl moment, like starts beating the hell out of him, screaming like, fuck you, get up, mother fucker. Which you need to have in this moment? You need to have a moment—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah you need to just be, like wailing away, just screaming. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison Art takes out a gun and shoots her in the thigh. [laughter] I was like, he’s got a gun?

 

Alison Leiby: He’s got a gun? He’s had a gun the whole time? So he’s really in this for, like, the love of the game. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, absolutely. It is. Mayhem upon mayhem. Unfortunately, the Cat Lady who again lives in the basement and is insane, hears all this and she’s talking to her baby in it’s bassinet like don’t worry, I won’t let them hurt you. I won’t let anything hurt you. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said of Tara as Art stands over her and shoots through her ribs and then finally in the fucking head. And not only like shoot her in the head, we see her, she’s been shot in the cheek and she’s still alive. And Art goes to shoot her again. Alison, he’s out of bullets. 

 

Alison Leiby: Good God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So, Tara, against all odds, has been shot, I think, three times, including once in the cheek. She’s still alive. Just that Vicky gets to that block and sees Tara and Dawn’s car and parks. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, God. It’s like, girl, you don’t even know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, I have to ask you now who will survive? 

 

[voice over]: Who will survive?

 

Alison Leiby: Art obviously keeps on going because there’s another one of these that we’re going to have to—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: For some reason talk about. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Absolutely. 

 

Alison Leiby: Live and drunk. Vicky, I think survives because you’ve basically said that. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Mm hmm. 

 

Alison Leiby: Vicky is the sister, right? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. I’m going to guess Cat Lady survives. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Great. 

 

Alison Leiby: And Rat Guy dies. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And do we think Tara is getting out of this considering she’s been shot in the cheek?

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Okay. 

 

Alison Leiby: I hope not. 

 

[AD BREAK]

 

Halle Kiefer: Vicky immediately goes to the creepy building and knocks on the door because it’s like, oh, it’s right near the car. Maybe they went in here to wait. Meanwhile, Art is rifling around in his garbage bag for another clip of bullets to finish Tara off. Unfortunately, he also has Dawn’s cell phone, which starts ringing and buzzing. It’s Vicky saying, I’m outside. Like, are you guys here? I see this creepy building. He text back, Tara is sick, come around back. So again, now she’s thinking oh great. 

 

Alison Leiby: So now he’s—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: I don’t think of him as a texter. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I have so many questions about his relationship to technology [laughs] that I see that we cannot know the answer to. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right, no. We can’t. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because it’s like, oh, so you know, enough to use a cell phone, but you choose to do this I guess?  

 

Alison Leiby: Right. Like you could do anything else. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess there are different kinds of intelligences. And in this one, insane, disgusting murder clown is one of them. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So. So we got that going. So Vicky gets gets the text, starts walking around the back, trying to find a way in. Art takes a selfie with Dawn’s severed corpse. 

 

Alison Leiby: Jesus. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she says, and he goes out to Tara, who, against all medical reason, is still alive, and he shoots her in the head. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then he shoots in the head again. And then he shoots her in the head again. 

 

Alison Leiby: That’s enough. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then he turns and sees the Cat Lady has seen all this is horrified. And he waves at her with a sort of a sprinkle finger. I don’t know what you call that kind of wave, but individual finger wave. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, one of these. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And finally she sprints off.

 

Alison Leiby: If you’re listening to this. Sorry. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: Imagine all of your fingers individually are saying hi. That’s how he’s waving. 

 

Alison Leiby: Hi. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I’m going to keep doing this as long as I can. And she sprints off, terrified. The Cat Lady runs upstairs and finds Mike and in classic horror movie fashion. And to be fair, she’s already starting at a loss. She’s like, there is a dead lady in the basement. He’s got a little hat, he’s got a little top hat he’s laughing he thinks it’s funny. And so Mike’s like you need to get the fuck out of my face. It’s the middle of the night. I’m just trying to do my job. I’m assume you just got in the building and you’re just talking crazy. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Again, classic horror movie, dumb dumb. And he basically physically shoves her away and she’s like, oh, my God, where did I leave my baby? Emily? And so now she’s running back down to get her baby doll. And we hear Mike hears Vicky banging on the door and he calls his coworker to be like, I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but like, something’s happening, he calls his his coworker, Will, Mike feels a tap on his shoulder and turns. Alison. It’s Art and he brought his best friend a hammer and he buries the hammer in Mike’s skull. 

 

Alison Leiby: Jesus Christ. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Mike drops like a sack of trash—

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. 

 

Halle Kiefer: —and is dunzo. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And his coworker Will’s like bitch, it is the middle of the night. Why are you calling me? And Art smashes Mike’s phone with a hammer. The Cat Lady finally goes back to the bassinet. Emily, the baby doll is gone. She freaks out and she’s scrambling around. She gets to the garage, she’s looking around, and I’m also like, I know you’re the Cat Lady but, like, if your baby gets taken, you call the cops. I’m like, or run outside, Like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know this guy’s crazy. 

 

Alison Leiby: You don’t just that into your own hands. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But again, she’s got other stuff going on, and finally she makes it what are those  hallways where on one side, it’s just a bunch of pipes and cables. I don’t know if there’s a term for that. A maintenance hallway—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, but, I know what you’re talking about. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. And she finds in the hallway Art sitting on the ground, cradling her baby, Emily, who is, of course, a doll and Cat Lady begs Art—

 

[clip of Pooya Mohseni]: Is there kindness in you? Somewhere in your heart? Have you ever felt a mother’s touch? Can you show no mercy? She’s all I have in this world. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he looks through is kind of taken aback. And she goes right up to Art. She touches his face. He smiles and he kind of rests his hand, head on her hand, and she cradles him and shushes him as he sucks his thumb. Unfortunately, Alison, Mike’s coworker Will, was so freaked out by the phone call, he shows up because Mike—

 

Alison Leiby: Oh God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Wasn’t answering. So now Will is arriving and he has his own rat poison gear and he’s going to take to like, okay, if I have to finish this job or join him or whatever. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And he’s he’s like, Mike, I’m calling you. Every fucking door is locked from the outside. How the fuck am I going to, call me back already. 

 

Alison Leiby: What is this building?

 

Halle Kiefer: Vicky meanwhile has gotten into the building. And so now Vicky has entered the mix. 

 

Alison Leiby: Why hasn’t she called the cops? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Wait say that again?

 

Alison Leiby: Why hasn’t she called the cops? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I that’s I guess she’s still under the impression that Dawn is the one texting and saying, hey, we’re inside. It’s also like, inside where? 

 

Alison Leiby: And like you know there’s a murderous clown out [both talking] and you know that she posted a photo with him. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. 

 

Alison Leiby: So, like, what do you just be like hey—

 

Halle Kiefer: She should be much more freaked out. Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just call 911 to begin with, I completely agree. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So she goes in, unfortunately, Alison, she hears Dawn’s phone ringing as she calls, she follows the sound and she’s like, this is a fucking prank. I will kill you both. 

 

Alison Leiby: Mm hmm. 

 

Halle Kiefer: She steps into the room, she finds Dawn’s dead, bisected nude corpse. Now, more than ever, you hate to see it. 

 

Alison Leiby: You hate to see it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just then so her instinct, of course, is to run out, but that she is a woman screaming from the subbasement. So this is the garage’s basement’s basement Alison.

 

Alison Leiby: You couldn’t. There’s no amount of money. That would get me down there. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I would die. The second I took that first step, I my body would explode into a million roaches. I’d be fucking dead. Of course, we know that Tara is dead, but her sister does not know. So she presses on, sobbing with terror, but committed to finding her sister. And she finds a half, like a brunette, like it’s half nude. Doesn’t look at her face, assumes its Tara, and thankfully, finally tries to go to call the police. 

 

Alison Leiby: Finally. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But before she can Alison, she turns—

 

Alison Leiby: Also everybody’s like 40 levels underground, like whose cell phone would work? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t think. I think that’s where we’re going with this is it doesn’t. 

 

Alison Leiby: I see. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We see the Cat Lady totally nude. Her breasts have been removed and her scalp has been removed. And she says, help me. 

 

Alison Leiby: How? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Vicky turns, because the person she thought was Tara leaps up. It’s actually Art wearing the Cat Lady’s hair and breasts to disguise himself as Tara, and is now totally nude chasing Vicky up the stairs. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Just no. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Just when you think things couldn’t get worse. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she and Vicky runs up into the garage desperately trying to search. And Art has sort of do a sort of doing like a little hehe. And that is what being a woman is. Of course. 

 

Alison Leiby: Totally. Its hehe-ing.

 

Halle Kiefer: It’s going hehe. Is playing with your hair. 

 

Alison Leiby: It’s having a bag full of knives. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And also yeah it’s also being covered in blood. It’s also being a murderer. So it’s like he’s not wrong. There is some truth to it. It’s a little much, but he’s having fun with it. And Vicky goes to hide in the closet and she peers at the people we see fully nude, blood soaked Art wearing again a dying woman’s breasts and hair pointing directly at the holes she’s peeping through. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Luckily—

 

Alison Leiby: What? 

 

Halle Kiefer: He can’t. He can’t get the door open. He cannot get the closet door open. So she’s just screaming, leave me alone. It’s like, well, you know, he’s not going to he already did all this stuff. 

 

Alison Leiby: He’s not going to. He’s he’s got nowhere, nothing but time. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He’s got yeah time’s on his side, man. Upstairs Will is still trying to get into the building, honking his horn, calling for Mike, and the honking distracts Art. Who then goes downstairs to deal with Will, leaving Vicky alone momentarily, Will gets in his truck and is about to leave and is like, Man, fuck you, you’re on your own, buddy. Unfortunately, Alison, he remembers there’s a spare key under the mat. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: He enters the building. This motherfucker is in the building for 30 seconds before Art comes up behind him, stabs him in the top of his head. Like you’re at a carving station at a wedding [laughter] and then just starts hacking his fucking neck open and decapitates him. 

 

Alison Leiby: Jesus Christ. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I wrote again, this is not for me. Just not for me.

 

Alison Leiby: No, it is not. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And I, my complaint about this is we don’t know anything about Will. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Did he have hopes? Killing rats maybe? What did he have dreams? What did he  dream of killing more rats? 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Has he ever been in love? 

 

Alison Leiby: What’s his deal? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I hope he loved killing rats because that’s the last thing he was ever going to do. Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: But luckily, his arrival does give Vicky time to get out of the closet and she goes back into the garage to get to the one door that she was able to get in through. Unfortunately Alison, when she arrives at the garage, we see Art frantically riding his tricycle through the garage. 

 

Alison Leiby: Where the fuck did that come from? 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t know. He’s crashing into things again, having the time of his fucking life. 

 

Alison Leiby: Is he clothed or still nude? 

 

Halle Kiefer: He is back in his outfit. He did put. He did put his look back together. Yeah. At a certain point, you gotta get your, put your pants back on. 

 

Alison Leiby: As a man, I would imagine that nude tricycle riding would be a hazard. 

 

Halle Kiefer: If you’re a man, please let us know. She’s. She’s sort of slinks through the garage, and we see a bunch of rats, but, like, clearly, they’re like pet rats that you get from, like, an animal handler. So they’re really cute. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they’re just kind of, like, fuzzy with round ears, and you’re like, okay I get it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, they’re little sweethearts. And she creeps through a disgusting little hallway. And then, like, every crevasse or shadow, is like Art there? Is Art there? Unfortunately, the one place she didn’t look was directly behind her Alison and Art suddenly wrapped her head in plastic wrap. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And starts suffocating her so that we see, like, her mouth, like, gasping against the plastic wrap and she’s, like, screaming. Luckily, you can rip plastic wrap pretty easily, so she’s able to rip it apart. She falls to the floor and grabs a metal spike and stabs into Art’s foot and is able to get away from him. And he flips her the bird angrily. Upstairs, Alison, we find out that Mike is alive. Barely. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But he has a big head wound. But he is alive. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. He was stabbed directly th— 

 

Halle Kiefer: He was hit in the head with a hammer. So, Mike, I guess— 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh right. I guess you could still be. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t—

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, I don’t know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: At least he wasn’t hit with the claw side. I feel like then you’d be done. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, as she runs to the subbasement, Vicky runs finally runs to the room where Art has put her sister. And we see Tara’s horrifically mutilated face and body wrapped in string lights and then holding a sign that just says circus on it. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Because Art has how many skills. But I don’t think like the written word is one of them. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Alison, Vicky sobs, you know, her horrified and in her sobbing. She doesn’t see that Art is creeping up behind her. Alison, Art just starts beating Vicky to death with a chain. I was like, I don’t know about that. 

 

Alison Leiby: Jesus. That’s upsetting.

 

Halle Kiefer: We saw the chain earlier, so I knew there was gonna be like some chain work [both speaking] but like Jesus Christ. Fortunately, Mike has made his way down there and Mike smashes him over the head, saving Vicky’s life. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And Mike has enough wherewithal. He grabs Vicky and they run out of there and they get to a phone in an office and he’s like, calls 911 he’s like, we need somebody here. There are two dead bodies here. This guy’s fucking insane. And they’re like, okay, sir, stay on the line. He’s like, this guy is armed and fucking dangerous. I will not stay on the line, we’re getting the fuck out of here. 

 

Yeah. So at least Mike has the right idea. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes, that’s correct. 

 

Halle Kiefer: They’re racing out of the building, but again, every fucking door is locked and they finally get to one. It’s. It’s padlocked shut. And before they could do anything, Art leaps out of a doorway and beats Mike to death with a barrel over the head and then stomps his—

 

Alison Leiby: A barrel? Like Donkey Kong?

 

Halle Kiefer: Like, out like a little metal. I couldn’t figure out. It was like a metal— 

 

Alison Leiby: Like a mini keg?

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes, but something a little more obscure. But yes, I would say the size of mini keg.

 

Alison Leiby: Okay got it. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Beats Mike and then stomps on his head until his skull explodes. 

 

Alison Leiby: What? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Luckily, this gives Vicky enough time to break the padlock on the door with with a hammer while Art creeps up behind her. But then it’s too late. And he starts strangling her. And fortunately, she’s able to stab him in the eye to buy herself  a little more time. She runs to another door. It’s locked. She runs through another door it’s locked. She finally gets to one that says keep out that she hasn’t tried and she’s able to squeeze through. It’s like two wooden doors padlocked together so you can open it a little bit. And she’s able to squeeze through an Art’s, grabbing her hair and ripping it out as she goes through. And she screams, leave me alone, you fucking maniac. And when he puts his arm back through the crack to grab her, he’s holding a bicycle horn that he frantically starts honking in her face. 

 

Alison Leiby: No, no, the theatrics are too much. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So this is. So the door she’s gone through is the door to this room. Like so. So basically, the garage is on one side of the door. She’s in this little anteroom. And then there’s one final door to get outside. Alison you’re not going to believe this. The door is locked. [laughs]

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, my God. What are the odds? 

 

Halle Kiefer: And she could hear the cops arriving outside. So she’s thinking, okay, do I go back to the garage? He’s disappeared from the door. You know he’s coming back. She goes and she peers through the wooden doors back to the garage. Only for Art to drive a truck through the doors, hitting her, sending her flying unconscious to the ground. He’s also listening to what I would describe as insane clown jazz. 

 

Alison Leiby: Great. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Where it’s just jazz for the most insane clowns amongst us. And Ari crawls on top of Vicky’s unconscious body and starts licking the blood off her face. And the cops arrive just in time to find, again I’m terrified, I feel so horrible telling you this they fine Art the Clown eating Vicky’s face. Alison, the cop screams, show us your hand. But it’s got one last trick up his sleeve. Or rather, in his sock. He takes out a gun, he puts it in his mouth and he fucking blows the back of his head off. The cops run over to Vicky, and one of them says, oh, my God, she’s still alive. At the morgue. The cops are dropping off the body to the coroner, including Art’s body, and they give him the low down like it was a fucking massacre. And he’s like, okay, great. I’m going to be here for the next 24 hours. Thanks, guys. He like, can you give me a bacon sandwich? Like, something would be like a breakfast sandwich. [both speaking] Okay. I think it’s just sort of like it could be bacon and egg. It could be a— 

 

Alison Leiby: BLT, a club—

 

Halle Kiefer: —give me something with bacon. I’m going to need bacon. And one of them goes, how can you eat like a greasy, croissant sandwich while you open up dead bodies? And the coroner goes—

 

[clip of Cory DuVal]: Sweetheart. I’ve been doing this 22 years, all right? Once you’ve seen an eight month old microwaved to death, everything else is just old hat. 

 

Alison Leiby: What the fuck do we need to say that for? [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess it would stay with you. And he opens the body bag and sees Tara, but he’s like, no, I’m going to go and open the bag of the man of the hour and opens Art’s body bag. And he unzips it, only for the lights to start flickering on and off. The phone rings, the radio starts blaring, and over the radio we hear a woman’s voice say, you’re really going to like it here. And then suddenly it’s normal again. And in that moment of confusion, Art sits up on the slab and strangles the coroner to death. 

 

Alison Leiby: How is he alive? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Biggest smile on his face. I think we’re to think he is not human. [both speaking] And our final shot—

 

Alison Leiby: He’s like look, I died, but it’s like he knows he didn’t. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. Death. The ultimate trick, I suppose. And finally, we see a patient sometime later, a year later, being released from the hospital to her parents care. And they tell her. Good luck with your interview tomorrow. So the survivor, the beginning who killed the anchor is Vicky. 

 

Alison Leiby: Vicky. 

 

Halle Kiefer: The Terrifier. Well, what do you think of that, huh? What do you fucking think? Did your jaw drop? When did your jaw drop in? During this movie, would you say? 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean. When I watched the trailer, when I like, when I laid eyes on Art, when the survivor hits the screen and is so horrifically mutilated from this violence that it’s just every single fucking scene is a nightmare. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, your jaw dropped early and often, is what I’m hearing. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And what are some fatal mistakes you think that people may have made in the movie Terrifier? 

 

[voice over]: Fatal mistakes. 

 

Alison Leiby: Okay. The gals at the beginning taunting the clown. Don’t let him know you’re there. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah Dawn—

 

Alison Leiby: You could have just gotten in your car and fucking left. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And they and they do sort of say this like oh, man, if we had just got in the car, let me drive drunk, we wouldn’t be dealing with this. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes [both speaking] driving drunk, if you see Art the Clown, that’s the only time. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I guess it’s the only legal loophole where you’re allowed to drive drunk. 

 

Alison Leiby: But then, like, I saw them splitting up like her going to the Met, like when she went to the bathroom. They both should have gone. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. That was a mistake that no one ever recovered from. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. And then, you know, and from there on like, what could you possibly do? 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, because as we learned at the end, he’s not human. 

 

Alison Leiby: Right. 

 

Halle Kiefer: So you cannot treat him as a human or survive using human means. 

 

Alison Leiby: No. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Really. Really puts you at a disadvantage. I’ll tell you what. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah it does. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I think. Yeah, fatal mistakes staying, going to the bathroom in the building, staying in the car with you. If you stay there, the door’s locked. I guess he could have shattered the windows. Go to a bar. Do not. If you see a creepy clown, go to a place with other people. 

 

Alison Leiby: With other people. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Do not isolate yourselves. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And then—

 

Alison Leiby: And also Vicky not calling the cops like when she was like, going to meet them. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yes. When you hear the clown on the radio and you know that that one of the people you are going to meet was just with the clown. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. You call the cops and be like, I think I got a coordinates for the clown and I’m going like, what are we like? Yeah, I that that baffles me. But—

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah. 

 

Alison Leiby: Again with [?] the movie. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Yeah, hindsight’s 20/20. Even when Art the Clown is gouging out your fucking eyeballs. And then where would you please Terrifier on the spooky scale, Alison? 

 

[theme music]: A spooky scale. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, this is a ten. 

 

Halle Kiefer: You know, I found it. I didn’t. I found it disgusting. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which I really appreciated, but I didn’t necessarily think it was scary. I’m going to give it a six, but I think for you, it’s a fucking 11. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, it’s just—

 

Halle Kiefer: This is the kind of shit where like, you. This is everything that you cannot watch. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Which is it? Is. It is. It revolves around horror. The horror imagery. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes. 

 

Halle Kiefer: More so than any other movie. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I feel like. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, so. Well. Can’t wait for the rest of this month. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I know imagine, because it’s like we’re going to have to up the ante. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah, we started at a we started at a ten. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Thank you, everyone, for listening. Yes, we love you very much. 

 

Alison Leiby: We love you very much. 

 

Halle Kiefer: And yeah, let let us know what’s dropping your jaws this month as we start planning, we have some some movies picked out, but we always like to take your advice. And—

 

Alison Leiby: If anybody’s got a real jaw dropper. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Oh, another thing, I just want to say this. Because people keep recommending this and I absolutely will do this. The movie is The Others starring Nicole Kidman. It is currently not available on streaming. 

 

Alison Leiby: Oh, interesting. Okay well/

 

Halle Kiefer: And this is something that I keep periodically checking because it’s absolutely a perfect film for the podcast would love to. And I’m not sure what that is. And also it could very well it’s one of those is where it could enter streaming at any point.

 

Alison Leiby: Right. Yeah. And like it could be like August 1st. It’s like, oh The Others is coming to Netflix. Like, we don’t know. 

 

Halle Kiefer: But the second we do also, it could be on a streaming platform I just don’t have access to because I don’t pay for everything. So if you do subscribe to something and you do see it there just let me know. I’m happy to like pay for a month. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yeah. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I don’t give a fuck. Okay. Great. 

 

Alison Leiby: A month’s worth of streaming money. 

 

Halle Kiefer: We love you very much. 

 

Alison Leiby: Love you very much. And if you liked this, join us for the live show on Monday, July 17th for the sequel. Terrifier 2. I don’t know what that could possibly entail. 

 

Halle Kiefer: I haven’t seen it yet, but I can’t wait. He’s gonna he’s got to really got to get up to some new reindeer games. That’s what it sounds like. 

 

Alison Leiby: I mean, we’ll see what else is in his garbage bag of tricks. [laughs]

 

Halle Kiefer: And until then, from our garbage bag of tricks to yours. 

 

Alison Leiby: Yes.

 

Halle Kiefer: Please.

 

Alison Leiby: Please. 

 

Halle Kiefer: Do everything you can to keep it spooky. We love you. Don’t forget to follow us at Ruined podcasts and Crooked Media for show updates. And if you’re as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Ruined is a Radio Point and Crooked Media production, we’re your writers and hosts Halle Kiefer and Alison Leiby. The show is executive produced by Alex Bach, Sabrina Fonfeder and Houston Snyder, and recorded and edited by Kat Iossa. From Crooked Media our executive producer is Kendra James with production and promotional support from Ari Schwartz, Kyle Seglin, Julia Beach, Caroline Dunphy, and Ewa Okulate.