VODKA SAUCED

Is Vladimir Putin really interested in a ceasefire — or is he just having a good time mocking Donald Trump, and pushing him around like a chump?

• We all know what it’s like to run a few minutes behind for something important. But showing up an hour late is straight-up disrespectful — especially when you spent that hour giggling about being tardy, on live TV where others can see you, in front of a room of Russian bureaucrats and tycoons who are laughing it up, too. That’s exactly what Russian dictator Vladimir Putin did before for his much-anticipated phone call with President Donald Trump this afternoon, during which the two leaders discussed how to end the war in Ukraine.

• “This shows the level of respect Putin actually has for Trump — which is zero — and there’s no chance this question wasn’t pre-planned,” Ukrainian analyst Jimmy Rushton wrote on social media. Last week, Putin reportedly made Trump diplomat Steve Witkoff wait eight hours before a meeting at the Kremlin, an account that Trump denied.

• Making people wait is one of Putin’s favorite power moves — and in this case, it seems to be paying off: One of Putin’s right-hand men said that “the world has become a much safer place today” after the call. (Would you like to elaborate on who is “safer,” exactly?) The White House described the meeting as productive, saying that Trump and Putin agreed that there should be an “energy and infrastructure ceasefire.” In plain English, that means Russia agreed to stop bombing the shit out of Ukraine’s power grid and residential buildings for 30 days.

• It’s basically the same as a deal discussed by Ukrainians and Russians a few months ago, which Moscow “is trying to sell as an act of good will,” a person close to Ukraine’s leadership told What A Day. “The only proven means of keeping Russia at the table in good faith is by maintaining strong defense support for Ukraine.”

• Putin still wants the U.S. to stop sending weapons to Ukraine and sharing intelligence with Kyiv, according to the Kremlin. There’s no sign that Russia is ready to cede back all the territory it has taken by force. (Trump is considering recognizing Ukraine’s Crimea region as part of Russia as part of a deal.) Also, the leaders agreed that American and Russian hockey players will play against each together sometime… because that’s the most important issue right now.

• “The Kremlin is essentially sticking to its optimal strategy — dragging things out indefinitely, saying ‘no’ without actually saying ‘no,’” Ukrainian journalist Illia Ponomarenko wrote on social media. Putin is “manipulating Trump by massaging his ego, tossing him silly trinkets like imaginary ‘thousands of Ukrainian soldiers lives spared only thanks to Trump’ and hockey games (!), all while continuing its full-scale war against Ukraine.”

Trump may think he’s in control… but his own former top aides believe he’s being fooled: When the two are chatting through an interpreter, “Putin’s actually making fun of him,” said Fiona Hill, who was senior National Security Council official. “All of this is amateur hour.”

SUPREME RETORT

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is finally pushing back on Donald Trump’s assault on the judiciary — with a mild “tut-tut!” that’s still remarkable because it comes so rarely from a chief justice.

In this case, he’s slapping Trump’s wrist over the president’s stance on those deportation flights to El Salvador.

Trump’s Department of Justice is still arguing that they’ve done nothing wrong by deporting scores of Venezuelan immigrants without due process, even after Judge James Boasberg ordered the planes to return.

“This judge, like many of the Crooked Judges’ I am forced to appear before, should be IMPEACHED!!! WE DON’T WANT VICIOUS, VIOLENT, AND DEMENTED CRIMINALS, MANY OF THEM DERANGED MURDERERS, IN OUR COUNTRY,” Trump ranted on social media, like a dictator midway through a mescaline trip gone horribly wrong.

Like the brain-rotted servile henchmen they are, House Republicans immediately introduced a symbolic measure to impeach Boasberg.

Chief Justice Roberts quickly rebuked Trump’s call for impeachment as “not an appropriate response.” The president is acting so unhinged that the most powerful judge in the country felt the need to weigh in and ask him to chill.

Trump keeps insisting that he deported violent Venezuelan gang members to El Salvador over the weekend. That’s not the reality, according to the deportees’ family members. For example, four men arrested in Dallas and deported don’t appear to have any criminal court records. “If there are people with criminal records, then look for them,” one of their mothers told the Washington Post. “But the innocent shouldn’t have to pay for the rest.”

NEWS NEWS NEWS

Israel ended its ceasefire with Hamas, launching massive airstrikes that killed more than 400 Palestinians in the Gaza Strip, according to local health officials. Israeli officials and the White House blamed Hamas for refusing to release hostages.

Some people in Trumpworld are already predicting that Vice President JD Vance will be the next GOP presidential candidate, Axios reports. “I think it’s inevitable at this point that Vance will be the nominee in 2028,” Sen. Jim Banks (R-IN) told the outlet. “He’s the future of the America First movement and he’s already proven himself.” You know what, that’s okay with me. The man has literally no charisma. Don’t we all think a wet rock could beat this guy in a popularity contest? Run, JD, run!!

The Defense Department is planning to cut between 50,000 and 60,000 civilian jobs, raising concerns that some servicemembers may have to fill those duties. About one-third of those will be leaving in the coming months after taking the voluntary buyout offer.

The Pentagon also removed a website celebrating one of the soldiers who raised the iconic Iwo Jima flag, as part of the Trump administration diversity, equity and inclusion purge. It was presumably removed because he’s a Native American. Information about Navajo code talkers, who were critical to the U.S. victory at Iwo Jima, was also erased.

Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA) sent burner phones to tech CEOs, yet another sign that this guy really wants to be president. One note that Newsom sent to a top CEO’s firm: “If you ever need anything, I’m a phone call away.” So… will the rest of us non-tech-CEOs just have to listen to hold music?

Microsoft founder Bill Gates is personally lobbying the Trump administration to keep funding world health programs around the world, Reuters reports. Gates is arguing that his foundation can’t make up for the lack of money flowing to childhood vaccination and HIV clinics, among other projects. Elon Musk, take notes! This is how you get people to like you!

The U.S. won’t return the Statue of Liberty, despite a French politician’s tongue-in-cheek demand, White House Press Secretary Karonline Leavitt said. “My advice to that … low-level French politician would be to remind them that it’s only because of the United States of America that the French are not speaking German right now,” Leavitt said, referencing the U.S.’s assistance to France during World War II. Chill out, Karoline, it was a joke! Snowflakes smh.

Michael Imperioli, aka Christopher Moltisanti from “The Sopranos,” appears to have donated to Andrew Cuomo’s campaign to be New York City Mayor. That makes sense on two levels: Imperioli played Cuomo on a TV show, and both dudes are as Italian as it gets. Capiche?

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