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What A Day: Fools Trolled

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CAPITOL HELL

Donald Trump and Republicans want to ram a busload of right-wing priorities through Congress in one multi-trillion-dollar, mega-MAGA bill. Their own notorious incompetence and infighting may stop them — as it has many times before.

 

  • Welcome back! It’s a new year, ho ho ho, and we’re making the best of things. That was pretty much the vibe on snow-covered Capitol Hill today, too, where lawmakers gathered to show how adults handle a political transition: by calmly certifying the results of the last election. Four years ago, supporters of President-elect Donald Trump refused to accept his defeat, rioted, and sent lawmakers running for their lives through the halls of the Capitol before leaving the building marked with blood and feces. This year, nobody on the Democratic side disputed Vice President Kamala Harris’s loss. Harris herself stoically presided over the ceremony certifying her own defeat.

 

  • Unfortunately for Trump, that bipartisan show of unity may be the high-water mark for congressional cooperation for the foreseeable future — including within the GOP’s own microscopic House majority. That’s because Republicans are hatching ambitious legislative plans and, judging from their recent history, they’re probably gonna start tripping over themselves while fighting and calling each other insulting names… while not getting much done.

 

  • Trump is working with leaders in Congress to pass a “big, beautiful bill” that would include all of his major policies goals, from tax cuts for the rich to extreme anti-immigration measures. There’s a few, uh, problems with that. First of all, the lawmakers aren’t even all on board yet. Far-right House members told House Speaker Mike Johnson last month that they want it separated into two bills. Some Republican senators want it split up, too. And you can’t pass shit if your party can’t even agree on how many bills should be considered!
  • The thinking is this: House Republicans are so bad at their job (agreeing on stuff) that Johnson thinks it would be easier to pass one massive bill rather than convincing Republicans to pass two. Senate Majority Leader John Thune, however, favors passing one bill quickly to deliver Trump a speedy win before moving on to nitty gritty tax policy. Rep. Markwayne Mullin (R-OK) provided a surprisingly sensible point of view on the situation: “It seems more realistic … that we may only get one bite at the apple because you have a highly thoughtful, and a highly dysfunctional, House.”
We got more evidence for Trump’s legislative incompetence just before we clocked out for the holidays.

 

  • Remember when centibillionaire conspiracist and “first buddy” Elon Musk helped spike the House spending bill, flexing his muscle as the shadow president? House Speaker Mike Johnson barely managed to pass a temporary measure to avoid a government shutdown. That time, Musk and Trump created chaos and controversy when almost everybody had already agreed on what to do. 

 

  • After all, these are the guys who promised “infrastructure week” so often in Trump’s first term, with zilch to show for it, that the phrase became a running joke. And infrastructure was supposed to be the thing literally everyone in D.C. actually liked.

 

  • Trump isn’t helping the current situation at all. In fact, he’s probably emboldening Johnson and Thune to remain steadfast in their positions. Less than a day after supporting the single bill approach, Trump tempered his own stance: “I would prefer one [bill], but I will do whatever needs to be done to get it passed,” he told radio host Hugh Hewitt this morning. “I’m open to either way as soon as we get something passed as quickly as possible.” Very helpful. Good leadership. This guy surely knows what he’s talking about.

 

  • Trump will still be able to accomplish a lot through executive actions, including restarting border wall construction; banning diversity, equity and inclusion programs in the federal government; and pardoning as many January 6 rioters as he wants. But historically, presidents have a short window to get big legislative priorities through, early in their tenure. So the clock is ticking.

Grab your popcorn and prepare for Republican infighting of epic proportions in the coming weeks, months and years. It’s worth remembering that a key obstacle to Trump’s iron rule will be Republican lawmakers sucking at their jobs.

RAILROAD TO VICTORY

There have been countless (some would argue too many) debates and think pieces about the future of the Democratic Party, and how Dems should retool their message to connect with voters. But some progressives have apparently cracked the code — by focusing on public transit.
In many cities and especially more rural areas, buses and trains are highly inconvenient, if they’re even an option.  But cars are expensive and you can’t Uber everywhere! Public transit is the most wallet-friendly, and often climate conscious, way to get from Point A to Point B. What’s more, when it works well, people love it.
Two progressive candidates in Texas and Atlanta won their races for the city council and state legislature in November and December, with improved public transit at the core of their campaigns. Socialist New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani’s campaign reportedly raised a quarter of a million dollars in its first three weeks, faster than any other candidate. His platform includes “fast, fare-free buses,” an especially hot topic as NYC implemented congestion pricing this week.
“Public transit, done right, could be politically powerful: Not only does it solve multiple policy problems at once — making cities more affordable and easier to navigate, while curbing pollution and addressing the climate crisis — but it offers a way to improve people’s lives materially, in easy-to-perceive ways, on a daily basis,” The New Republic’s Liza Featherstone writes. Elected Democrats have a lot to prove after November’s definitive losses, and this is a great start.
“I don’t how to get it to you. I don’t want to mail it.” — Rudy Giuliani, insisting in court that he didn't withhold his gold watch from creditors, but that he was just being super careful... shortly before a judge found him in contempt.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

Judge Juan Merchan denied Donald Trump’s request to delay his sentencing in the hush money case, scheduled for Friday. It comes as Trump appeals Merchan’s rulings dismissing his attempts to toss the conviction. Very normal president-elect stuff!
A federal judge found former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani in contempt of court for failing to forfeit $148 million in assets that he owes two election workers as part of a defamation case. He admitted to not turning over some of his assets, including a Joe DiMaggio jersey and cash. Giuliani has, finally, turned over that Mercedes formerly owned by movie star Lauren Bacall. Happy New Year, Rudy!!!
A patient in Louisiana died after contracting the bird flu, according to state public health officials. The person, who was over 65 years old, is the first person in the U.S. to die from the illness.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau resigned today as the leader of the ruling Liberal Party. Trudeau, who has led the country for 11 years, has recently faced crises including the resignation of allies, low approval ratings, and the threat of tariffs by Trump.
French President Emmanuel Macron slammed Elon Musk for supporting a “reactionary movement” that’s spreading around the world. He also sounded the alarm about the centibillionaire’s involvement in electoral politics in the United States and Germany.
A longtime Fox Sports hairstylist accused former host Skip Bayless of harassment and offering her $1.5 million for sex, according to a lawsuit. And here we thought Fox News was a beacon of moral uprightness and respect for women. This changes everything.
UFC macho man and Trump loyalist Dana White will join Meta’s board of directors, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced today. I assume part of the deal is he has to help Zuck train for his next “cage match” with Musk.
Donald Trump Jr. will make a surprise visit to Greenland this week, shortly after his dad rekindled his weird obsession with buying the island, which is actually part of Denmark. Don Jr. insists the trip isn’t intended to help further Trump’s ambitions. Apparently, he’ll be shooting video for a podcast, which is somehow even worse.

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