Breakups are never easy and for some never easy to bounce back from. How does a break up mess with your mind? How long should I take to get over the relationship? The ladies of Imani State of Mind are breaking it all down to build you back up after that breakup!

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

Dr. Imani Walker: This show is for general information and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to provide specific health care or medical advice and should not be construed as providing health care or medical advice. Please consult your physician with any questions related to your own health. [music break] Hey, everybody, welcome to Imani State of Mind. I’m Dr. Imani. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And I am Meg Scoop. How are you? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Hi. So I just want to apologize to you, Meg, and to everybody out there. So I have a cold. [clears throat] Um. I think I have the flu because I guess the flu– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: What? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Is a cold with a fever. So I like, at night, I just be sweating, like this happened two nights in a row. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Wait did you get. You know, you could get tested for the regular flu. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I mean, I got a flu shot two weeks ago. I got the flu shot and I got my second COVID booster. So I was out here just being maskless, but apparently I played myself. So. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: [laugh] Then you didn’t get it in time. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You know. And after, I got no time. I was just I was like, why do I keep sneezing? And then I was like, oh, no. So I sound a little. Well, maybe I sound normal. I can’t really hear myself because my head is congested. But, but it’s all good because we here and we about to do this show. So. Okay. Now, you and I, Meg, were talking before the show. It has been raggedy. I’m a just say it’s been raggedy nigga October, okay? Like it has– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It has!

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –like like October. October came in with a bang. Like, I am I mean, I’m just like, oh, my God. Like Alex Jones got to pay, like a billion dollars to them families. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: See girl. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I mean, I’m I’m not surprised. I’m really happy about that. But I’m like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Ooop see. See. [indistinct]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I just you know, the only thing I can keep saying is niggas is nigging, okay? They out here just– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: They are nigging so hard. I’m just like, damn y’all acting like it’s 2020. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right? So let’s, let’s talk about some of these current events here. So the past week, I would say there’s been like three or four big celebrity divorces like all and it all happened on Tuesday. Everyone. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I know.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Like everyone’s came out. So we have, Tia Mowry and Corey Hardrict who’ve been together for like 14 years. Didn’t see this coming–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, that was kind of sad. Yeah, that was kind of sad. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. And they were on like the Black Love documentary. So, I mean, it just goes to show you, you don’t know what’s going on in anybody’s house. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, that’s right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: They be talking about their love. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I knew– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It was just, you know, I thought they were going to make it. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I knew another couple. I knew another couple on that show. Um. When I was on Married to Medicine LA, um Asha, one of the cast members– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –And her husband was on was on there. So they didn’t ask me– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Though, cause my husband was trife. Well my ex-husband’s trife. So um anyway. [laughter] I will never– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Well good cause then you wouldn’t be one of the–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –miss an opportunity– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –one of the [laugh] you wouldn’t have been one of the couples that didn’t make it off off there because there’s a few that were on there that didn’t make it. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh, yeah. No, yeah. No. I will never– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: So it– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Miss an opportunity to talk shit about my ex-husband, so. Anyway, sorry. [laughter] Never. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: So we have them, the Tia and Corey. Then we also have a Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. Um. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay, wait, hold on. Theys wait. Did they break up for real? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: So so the rumors are that they both have hired divorce lawyers. So there hasn’t been any like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Damn. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Formal anything. They haven’t put anything out yet, but it’s it’s been in the works and it seems to be that there’s is because he came out of retirement and you know, he’s been in the le– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh I’m sure. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He been in the league forever. So I think this was his promise. Like. Okay, I’ll be done with the league and then I’ll be more present with the family because, you know, being an NFL, like they’re gone or busy from maybe like August to if they make it to the Super Bowl like, you know, beginning of February. So they’re just kind of–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But they busy all year. They training–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s what I’m saying, they still got to work out and stuff but like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –For the most part like you know for that set a time like you’re basically a single parent and so– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –That’s kind of I can see why she like I’m done with this okay you was retired and then you went back. I’m mad.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I saw something. I mean, I could be wrong about this because I like I don’t even know if this was, like, you know, a real, like for real site. But I saw something yesterday when I opened up my Google app, it was like, yeah, Gisele Bundchen went followed her ex, Kelly Slater, who’s like a surfer on like social media or I was like, I don’t I was like, honestly, I was like, I don’t know these white people business so I don’t I don’t know that. Like I don’t know. I don’t know white people gossip. I really like I don’t. I don’t know. So I was like, I guess, girl, I mean, I will say this. I never was a big fan of Tom Brady. I’m not a sports person, but I am from New York. So anything Boston related, sorry, Boston. I’m just like, get it out of here. So like the Patriots and anything like Boston Red Sox, what is it, the Red Sox– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Or I’m just like [makes puking sound] um but also Tom Brady wild cheated. He cheated. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Remember that whole scandal, I’m like nigga you cheated like you this is rid– like. That’s ridiculous. That’s ridiculous. But honestly, I’m kind of not surprised that they split up because. Well, not that my parents are split up. My parents have been together for. Oh, my God, how old am I? I think 35 years. My parents have been together um and my mom was working like she she just was working all the time. And my dad was like, oh, my God. Like before my mom retired, she was like, he was like, oh, my God, I don’t know what’s going to happen because your mom going to be in the house, and she going drive me crazy. And I mean, they do you know, they do drive each other crazy from time to time. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But they’re also I mean, they both stay busy, so it’s not so bad. But I guess Gisele was like, you know what? I’m tired of you– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. I mean.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And I would be too cause I don’t I don’t I’m not playing.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And obviously there’s got to be more to it than that because at this point, you should be used to him being gone that long. So there’s something else that we didn’t hear about in this story. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Well, that’s what I’m saying. He’s probably up in up under her. And she like, ugh, get off me. That’s what I’m saying. She, he probably like, what you doing? what you doing? what you doing? What you doing? And she like really? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Go back. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Go back to work. [laughing] 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Get go somewhere. Like, I don’t know, go, go, go cheat some place, something. Just get– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Out of my face. So, yeah, she probably like, I’ve been with you a long, long enough. I can get like half your money or whatever they figured out. I do know this piece of white gossip. You know who’s probably happy? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Who? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Bridget Moynahan. Do you remember her? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh yes. His ex-wife. Or ex or is it baby mama? Or ex-wife?

 

Dr. Imani Walker: His ex. Yeah, his baby mom’s because he left her for Gisele. So I– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –know she like ha, ha. Stupid. Now what? [laugh] Now you look dumb. I won and I still. And and I still ain’t got to deal with him. You got to deal with him. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Mm hmm. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I only got a deal with him like to co-parent.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No she does because they have a kid together. She’s still gotta deal with him.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, but not like going to court and getting divorced and all that. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh true. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: She like. She like, please, I. I stay getting my [?] child support, so. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, I got my check. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Haha stupid. Okay. Like, haha you played yourself. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And then there’s additional like, two more couples. The the singer Miguel and his wife, Nazanin, this is like the– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh really! 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Second time they’ve announced. Yeah this is like the second time they announced– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Getting divorced. So I think they were going to get divorced and they got back together and now they’re back to saying they’re going to get divorced. And they’ve been together for like 15 years, married for like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Under five. I think so. Yeah, they done. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Well– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And then– [laughing] 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Let me tell you. Being together being together is way different than being married. I will say that. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: What do you think is the difference? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Well, the diff– I honestly, a lot of people will say, like, oh, it’s just a piece of paper or whatever. But like, it’s not just a piece of paper. Like like when you get married, you know, you do it like some people are like, you know, I’m doing it front of my family and God and everything. You’re dealing with a lot of family, like a lot of stuff com– a lot of stuff for me came up when like the day I got married, I was like, okay, well, this is how things should be. And these were things that I thought we had discussed and covered, but we really didn’t like it just it brought up a lot of old not not old like not like old shit. But it brought up, I guess, what expectations I had that I assumed my partner would know. And it just it was clear that, you know, we were not on the same page, like like at all. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Um. And what he thought was acceptable, I was like, that’s inexcusable. Just like–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But it wasn’t– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –dumb shit. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But this was something that was never brought up while y’all were together because you all were together how many years before you got married? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: We were together like six years. Um. And I mean, I honestly thought we had talked about stuff, but like because when we got married, we eloped and we did it on the super under. Like, I like, I mean, this is not a, you know, a crazy thing to expect, but we we just got married like at the beach. We got married in the middle of the day. And that night or that, like I went, I had to, like, run an errand with my son. And then I was calling my now husband and I was like, yo, I was like, Yeah, I’m about to do this. Then I’ll be back home and he was like, oh okay, well, I’m at a meeting and I was like, Okay, well, when are you going to come back? He was like, Well, I’ll be back later. I was like, nigga we got married to– We got married today. And that was kind of the beginning of like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Just me knowing that like this was somebody who really just we weren’t on the same page when it came to things. Um. But that’s a really drastic example because our relationship was crazy. I mean, our relationship just wasn’t built for any type of marriage. But but I have heard from other couples that, you know, you really do need to um some people even recommend going to therapy before you get married just so any little things can come out. Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Now, I was gonna say I’ve been engaged for four years now, and we’ve gone to therapy a couple of different times. I’m just a big believer in it and um like I always wonder, because, you know, I have my own hang ups when it comes to marriage, so I’m like and I remember polling people like back in the day when I was like in my twenties, I was asking older married couples that I knew I was like, okay, outside of like sex and kids, like, why do you get married? [laughter] Don’t you know that nobody have no answer for me. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And these were like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: The most like happiest looking couples. Right. You don’t know what reallys — 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –going on behind closed doors but. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No you don’t. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –They seem to be very happy. They’ve been together for many years and they’re kind of like, well, that’s kind of it. I was like, really? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, yeah. I mean, marriage at the end of the day, I mean, yes, you I think a lot of people, I mean, still to this day are very caught up on the day, like the– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah the actual wedding. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –celebration. Exactly. Like we gonna have fun this is what we gonna do, da da da da da then we gonna go on our honeymoon and we gonna be married. Yay. Um but I mean, it’s work even like I’m not married now. I’ve known my boyfriend for sixteen years and we spent pretty much like all day together, all day, all night together before the pandemic. And then once the pandemic happened, we started living together. And it was a eye opener because, like, he’s messy. I’m not, um. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Mm hm. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You know, our arguing styles are different. Like we when we went to couples therapy so that we could kind of try to figure, not kind of but figure some things out. It’s it’s a different. So you take that, then you put– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Marriage on top of it. It’s a whole other animal. Like it’s just I think there’s a lot of um like I said, there’s a I don’t think it’s necessarily like family pressuring people. But it definitely can be a situation where um people have expectations. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And ooh. That’s big. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I’m, I’m, I’m yeah, I’m using, I’m using Miguel as an example. I don’t know their relationship. I’m, you know, I don’t know these people at all. But Miguel is an is an artist. And, you know, he tours a lot. I’ve definitely seen his um then girlfriend, now wife out on tour with him. But I mean shit. I’m I’m sure it’s it’s a whole lot of I’m sure it can be very difficult when you’re with somebody who gets that much attention. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And loves receiving that much attention because that really is his job. And then you kind of have to go back home. And then meanwhile, he’s thinking like he’s in his whole creative mind. I mean, we all know after seeing Mo Better Blues back in the day, like don’t marry no musician or no artist. But I apparently have– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Done that and it was but but, but at the same time, like my my boyfriend now is an artist so and it’s completely different because– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah I mean– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He’s not a poop butt. [laughing]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And know you just have to find the right person. And I know that’s I mean, that’s great that we’re talking about that because I saw an article about like Starter Husband Syndrome, but we’ll get into that a little later. A little later. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But yeah, like so oh oh one other couple we forgot to talk about was Mike Hill and Cynthia Bailey from Real Housewives Atlanta. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Are you surprised, though? Are you surprised, though? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Kind of. And the reason I say kind of was because I didn’t think it would end this early. I thought and let me tell, [Imani grunting] let me tell you why. [Imani grunting] [indistinct] Because the starter husband thing like–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You remember her and Peter, though? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right? But I thought she got all of that out with Peter like, okay, you know how you you it’s your starter husband. You start with one husband and he’s like your play husband. That’s what a lot of women are doing these days. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: First of all her starter–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You learned. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Husband was Leon. Poor. I mean. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Was that [indistinct]. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Leon, I mean, no, but they might as well have been like Leon is so supportive. Like he like he just he’s just like, girl, I don’t know what you gonna do. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. Right.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like, he just seems– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right, right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: -hella cool I feel like Leon was her starter husband and Leon was like, girl, I, I don’t I can’t marry you like you be all over the place. And then she got with Peter, who’s a total– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Scammer. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Um. And just raggedy. Raggedy. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And then she got with Mike Hill. And I thought that this might work. But at the same time, you know, being on a reality show and like dating. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And then, I don’t know, like, I do not know Cynthia Bailey, but I have been on a reality show and I know that, you know, I’ve said this before, I believe on the show, but when like every season you have to come as a castmember, you got to come up with your um your storyline. And it is a big deal. It’s like, okay, what it’s it’s it’s not really I mean, the drama you can improvise and you can deal with all that, but it’s like, bitch, what is your storyline going to be this year? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Mm hmm. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Because if you don’t have a good one, you either will get cut or you know you like you’ll get cut the next year because your storyline was wack. And for Cynthia on Real Housewives of Atlanta, her, two or three years, let’s say, her story lines was that she was getting married. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. And then–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You know what I mean? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –it’s tough because relationships are hard enough as it is now, and when you put them on camera in front of everyone, you are inviting public judgment on an already tough situation. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Which is a relationship. So I I can only– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Imagine I wouldn’t want to be. Kudos to– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Anybody who’s been on reality television, including you, Imani. I couldn’t. I’m scared to let the world see my life because I can’t take it. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah no. [indistinct]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I can’t take the comments.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It– Yeah, no, it was that’s that’s why I don’t be on social media like that. I’m like, you know what, y’all wore me out. I’m a just, [laughter] play with my plants.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Come back to my garden. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Hell, yeah, exactly. But I will say that when it came to Cynthia and Mike Hill, I honestly thought that it would work better only because he is a TV personality. He is on ESPN, right? He on ESPN, I believe? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. But he also has I mean if you read his book and so he has a history of cheating, so I have a feeling that might have played a part? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Ugh, Cynthia. Oh, no girl. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And and I think she might she might be a bit much to deal with. And he might have been cheating I don’t know– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s really 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I feel like it’s so all of that put together. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s really what I was kind of alluding to when when you first were like, I can’t believe they got divorced. I’m like, for real? Because– [laughter] 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I just said too soon. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Because– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I said, [indistinct] yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No, no, I agree. But you big up to Leon who, you know, still is out here looking exactly the same as he looked back in like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Fucking vampire. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –The eighties. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay Black vampire. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. Okay. Jamaicans, okay Leon. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. [Imani squealing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Anyway um. Okay. So as far as on my end, I was saying that it has been raggedy nigga October. I spoke a little bit about Alex Jones um and how I think that was just so incredibly hilarious that he um now has to pay a billion dollars almost to the Sandy Hook families who he said that they were crisis actors, like the parents? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like it was just so sad. But two things I wanted to I wanted to bring up is that so I read this article about triangulation in relationships and I didn’t even realize– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That that was the thing, right? I was like, what is triangulation in relationships? So triangulation in a relationship is basically when and I’ve done this before and I was like, Oh my God, Imani, you can’t do that shit again. Like, that’s really, like it is. It is terrible. But like, I was like, now there’s an article calling me out. I was like, Oh my God, you can’t ever do that shit. Basically what it’s what it what it explains is that, you know, you’re in a relationship. So there’s two of you guys and then let’s say I’ll use myself as an example because I’ve done it. So I’m just like, Well, we’re at an impasse, so I’m going to bring somebody else in like my mom or my best friend to basically like take my side and pressure the other person to change their behavior or agree with me. And so this article was like, yeah, like that’s, that’s a form of emotional abuse. And I was like, oh, no, I don’t want to be emo– be thought of as emotionally abusive. I mean, I I yeah, I mean, I’ve never I mean, don’t get me wrong, the person the person that I had been with when I did do this was afterwards was like, yo, um like that was really fucked up. And I was like, okay, you know what? You right like, I’m not going to do that again. Um. But it’s it’s not a it’s not a good thing because and this is according to the article, according to family therapist Tamika Dove, she said that it’s usually done to create an emotional distance and space between the abuser and the person they would like to control or manipulate. Um. The person uses triangulation to manipulate others, and communication is used as a way to control and mislead. I never thought I was doing that, but I was just mad because my boyfriend is messier than me. And so I asked my mom. I was like, Mom, can you just like, I don’t know what to do. Can you please tell him? But I certainly like that’s that’s as far as I went. I certainly was not like, but that was still, it was still pretty bad.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Mmm [?] called you an abuser. Here you are, emotionally abusing– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I know! 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –poor Peter. Okay. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I know. I was like. Ah. I was like, Damn, I fucked up. Um. But. But now that I know that that really can be considered emotionally abusive, I ain’t never doing that again. But I also promise to never do it again so um the other thing I wanted to talk about briefly, because I kind of vacillate between like, you know, how much time should we collectively as Black folks give Kanye West? Because– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Ha yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –He is really sick? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But I’ll put it I’ll say it like this. I definitely am of the the the thinking that like this is like I know bipolar disorder. I know patients. I treat patients like this. His behavior is not shocking to me. But I also have to recognize and realize that there are a lot of people who still do cling to what he says, despite the fact– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –That he is very, very sick, despite the fact that he’s admits that sometimes I don’t take my meds. I even I saw this um I replayed the interview he had with David Letterman, where he was like, yeah, like when my he’s like, my brain is sprained. And there’s times when some people he’s like, I know I’m bipolar and some some people who are bipolar get depressed. He’s like, I don’t get depressed. I’m always up. I’m always manic. So that’s pretty much where he’s been for a very long time. We had spoken about this last week, last Friday, I think it was Thursday and Friday. Tucker Carlson. Ugh. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Tucker Carlson had um a two part interview on Fox News with Kanye West. First of all, let me–. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Just say Kanye West looked fucking terrible. He looks– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He did!

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –So bad. He look I’m like it he he listen. He jumped off raggedy nigga October. I was like, damn you look bad. Ugh, like. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. He did look real [?].

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He looked real busted, right? Like he kind of– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He kind of looked like he did smell though, like through the TV. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He did, he did. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He kind of did. I was like, ugh I don’t know, you need, you need some more you need some new friends. But he said some really crazy things. Like he said some really grandiose things during this interview. I didn’t want to just say crazy because that’s a little dismissive. But he said some grandiose. He made some grandiose statements, which is what I would say– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –on an evaluation. So he said, quote, “I have visions that God gives me just over and over on community building and how to build these free energy, kinetic, fully kinetic energy communities where we can impress. We put the least impression on the earth. We’re not building the New York skyline cock fight, that we are humble in the way that we present ourselves. We’ve got to rethink who we are as a species.” Okay, what? Like–. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: What is the cockfight? What? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know. You know what I’m saying and don’t get me wrong, there are like when you speak to somebody who’s bipolar and they’re manic and they make these, like, bizarre statements and sometimes they’re grandiose, it’s kind of like, I see what you’re trying to say, but like, say that again, like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Cockfights? Free energy, kinetic energy communities. So Kanye West also said, not even alluded to he said that he believed that there were fake kids in his house with his real kids. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Are you serious? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, I’m for real. Like, I think it was another article that I was reading, but yeah, Kanye. Kanye West, in addition to saying some really anti-Semitic things and getting himself banned on Instagram and Twitter because what did he say? He was going to go Defcon three on the Jews? I was like, What? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And then he was like, because they’re Black people. Like I I get what he’s trying to say but he–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But that’s the thing. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas:  –doesn’t say that. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He’s not saying it. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He says the– Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. Right.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He’s saying all these. It’s just like. Oh. That’s how you know he’s sick. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So it’s it’s a mess. I mean, I really um I mean, hey, listen, I’ve spoken enough about Kanye West. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He was talking about Lizzo and how her weight. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: She’s unhealthy. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You know we shouldn’t be glorifying being. And it’s like that’s not what she was glorifying. She’s glorifying loving yourself despite where you might be on the weight spectrum. You have to love yourself.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But also I’m like Kanye, have you looked in the mirror? Have you looked in the mirror? You look wild greazy and you do not look healthy. So I’m like, I’m I’m you know what? Anyway, Kanye, I really hope you find help. I know you’re not, but I don’t know. I don’t know. Um.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I know I feel, I just. Ahh.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know. In any case. So, hey, you know what? Kanye did talk about uh Kim Kardashian, and he was like, well, you know, it just really messed up how she did me. Um. That’s kind of a little intro into today’s deep, uh deep dive, that’s the little tease because we’re going to be deep diving today uh about healing from heartbreak, which we all know about. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: We all know about in depth. Um. So we’re going to get the show started. But first, if you guys are loving the show, please let us know by rating the show on your favorite podcast app. Listen um Ann is amazing on iTunes. I saw your comment. I saw you’re um, your review. Thank you. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes, thank you. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: We really appreciate that. Yeah. And for anybody else who wants to leave a comment, do it because I’m a shout you out on on our um upcoming shows. Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Eyy. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So we have a lot to talk about, so we better start this show. [music break] Okay, everybody, we want to know what’s on your mind. What are you struggling with? What you going through? We love giving our professional and also not so professional advice. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes, ma’am. It’s time for Ask Dr. Imani anything. Our first letter today comes from Mel, and here is what she had to say. Dear Dr. Imani and Meg. Ladies, I have a huge secret I am keeping from my boyfriend. This is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. We started therapy out the gate to build our foundation. We go to church together and even discuss marriage. He is perfect in every way. He has a good job, treats me well and can cook. Dang. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Well in one of our first therapy sessions my boyfriend mentioned a deal breaker for him would be if I smashed one of his boys and I said no because I didn’t smashed one of his boys. However, years before I met him while I was in college, fig– figuring out who I was, I smashed his sister. The first time he took me to meet his family, the sister pulled me to the side and said, no one has to know. So let’s keep the past in the past. Well, I’m worried about what’s in the dark will always come to light. And the longer I keep this from him, the more likely he will find out and break it with me. But I’m also afraid he’ll break up with me if I tell him now eight months into the relationship. What should I do? Mmm.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay, Mel, first of all, hi. And thank you for your letter. So I think that, you know what? I think it’s awesome that you have a great relationship with your boyfriend. Um.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And that you guys are going to church and you’re in therapy. And I mean, yes, of course, like your boyfriend would be incredibly hurt if you, you know, smashed one of his boys. Now, here’s the thing, though. You when you and his sister had consensual sex back in college. Um, he didn’t know. And you didn’t know him. And, like, that was in the past, like that. I mean, don’t get me wrong. He’s going to feel some kind of a way and I’m kind of um getting ahead of myself. I do think you should tell him. I do think you should tell him. That’s his sister. I think you should mention to his sister first. Like, yo I’m going to tell him because I really don’t want to keep secrets from this person that I really care about and that I love and that I’m in love with. I would let her know and then I would tell him, because it’s it’s not cool to keep secrets like that in a relationship. It just really wears you down and– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –It can really, like, make you anxious and, like, just get you, like, really like in a, in a, in a bad place, um you’ll feel a lot of guilt and it’s just not cool. So I would definitely tell him and he’s, I mean, he may he’s may feel some kind of a way or he might be like, you know what that was in the past. He’s going to feel some kind of a way. But I think that it’s always better to be honest and truthful and just be like, boom, this is what it is. I’m being honest with you because he can get over being mad. He’s not going to get over if you like like lie to him by not telling him like that’s– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –could like that to him could be like a deal breaker. And then you’re going to you’re just going to be put in a position where it’s going to be very, very difficult for him to forgive you and or take you back. I’m not going to say it’s impossible, but I would just I mean, I would just tell him and be like, listen, I didn’t know I didn’t know you. I didn’t know her. And y’all, you know, obviously y’all’s familial bonds. Like it happened and I only saw her at this gathering we had. So anyway, what would you what would you say, Megan? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No. I would say you are given the correct advice. Now–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That. But wait. I’m a tell you this, though, before you start celebrating, Imani. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That advice is gonna get y’all broken up. Like. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh! 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I’m, like, 80, 85% sure the dude, because think about it. If you know the one that you’re in love with, smashed your sibling. Now your sibling–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –is in your life for the rest of your life. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Mm hmm. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: If you aren’t okay with your your significant other smashing your boys who you may or may not see all the time and who you could cut out your life if you wanted. How do you think he going to deal with finding out his girl slept with his sister? I don’t think– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: See that’s– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –It’s going to. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know, because, like, I’m an only child. [laughter]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I mean he may not care–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He may be like, you know, I don’t I don’t know because it’s still like you smashed my sister. And although it’s– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Different because this is a lesbian type of, you know, consensual sex– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It’s still the same. Yeah.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That that’s what I’m saying. So that’s why I’m saying, I don’t think he’s going to stay with her during this. I. You know, so I think you need to be very okay with saying, all right, I love him and I’m gonna be honest with him. But I also know this is probably going to end my relationship with him. But at least I walk out of here with my head held high knowing I did the right thing. Because that is the right thing. Right. That is the right thing. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It is. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And there is a chance that he may be like, you know what, I’m mad, but you right. That was a mature, that was before me. It is what it is. There’s a chance he may do that. However-

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s how I would be. That’s how I would be. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But you– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But you know what I would do too? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –you’re really mature. You’re really mature Imani. You’re really– [laughing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I mean, kind of. I’m really I mean, kind of I’m I’m pretty petty. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You can be petty but you be mature about [?], so I don’t know. I think Mel you need to be ready just readily, you know, you need to bring yourself to the point where you’re like, okay, this is prob– this may possibly end the best relationship I’ve ever had because that’s kind of what it seems that you’re saying. But here’s the other piece. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Mm hmm. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You could also not say anything because, number one, he did specify his homies. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: True. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And she ain’t his homie, that’s his sister. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: True. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Also– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Ain’t it kind of worse though?

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Uh the– Your, the sister says she’s not gonna say nothin. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: So you also have to take into account if she’s not. She may not be open. What if. What if the sister is not um an open lesbian. And maybe she was experimenting too. And she doesn’t want her brother or her anybody– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: To know. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –In her family to know about that— 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah that’s true. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Phase of her life. So now you can’t really out her because outing yourself outs her. So I would– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh yeah. No that’s true.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Take that into consideration first and say, okay. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Is this the situation? Let me talk to her about it. I want to tell our, you know, unfortunate if she’s not out– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Don’t out her. [laugh]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No that’s true. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: So then you get a– you get a free pass, you get a free pass because it works in your favor. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, that’s that’s kind of true. I mean, yeah, I didn’t I guess I was being a little bit too mature and in anticipating that. But also, you know, I don’t I don’t know the ages of Mel and her boyfriend. I don’t. And, you know, when it comes to Black people of a certain age, like, you know, some of us are cool, some of us are like, what! Like I’m not into, you know, any LGBTQ, you know, how the the Dave Chappelle’s of the world–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right, right, right right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –would say. But, you know, I would another option would be I mean, this is kind of a hard like uh letter. Another option could be that, you know, you could bring it up in therapy. [Meg makes unsure sound] Is that me triangulating again? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It could I mean yeah okay.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Well not necessarily because your therapist’s supposed to be unbiased, right? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: True. True. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But I think that’s something you spring on him– if you’re gonna tell him, spring on him before, and then you guys can talk about it in therapy, cause that may– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Give you some extra tools that both of y’all need to get through this tough situation. But. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. That’s tough.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I hope y’all stay together. I mean, and I’m just saying– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I know. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –As somebody who’s done some really trife shit in relationships because I had a lot of like emotional trauma growing up. Um no, I’ve done some really like fucked up things in relationships. I never smashed nobody’s wait. [laugh] Kind of. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You’re like, wait a minute before I say this. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No, no. Well, kind of. Kind of like but we actually were together for, like, a, like a while. Okay it happened one time. It happened one time. But, like it, like we were together for years after that. Um. But but that being said, um you know, as somebody who has had to basically claw their way back into the good graces, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, you know? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Um. But I guess I’m more I was I jumped to just be honest because like I said, I’ve done some really trife shit and it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s really, like, impossible to have to, like, claw your way back. And if the person is mature, you know, they will love you and continue to love you and want to be with you. But you’re also– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: For sure. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Going to have to deal with a lot of stuff that comes along with them choosing to stay with you, which is they’re going to be like, you know, triggered a lot and, you know, almost kind of have like PTSD in a way. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Um. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So, I don’t know, Mel. I mean, you know, your boyfriend, if you think I mean, if you think that he’s mature enough. You know, tell him. But if you’re like yo like, he’s going to completely lose it, especially with his sister. I mean, and also we don’t know like is his sister out? You know what I’m saying?

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s what I’m saying yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: If his sister, if his sister’s out, then like I would just be like, yo, like, I you know, I don’t know, like, you’re going to have gauge it. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I don’t think. I don’t think she should base her decision on how he’s going to react. I think she should base her decision on what she believes the right thing is. Now, if she feels like, look, there’s other people in my past that I didn’t tell you about that I slept with because that like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You know, they may not, so like, why should I tell you about your sister? Because you really only want to know about your homeboys. So you could argue that– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: True. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Is correct. Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But uh you know [indistinct]– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know. It just feels kind of oily to do that. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It does. But again, you you got to do whatever you feel is right for your relationship if you can live. Because I’ll tell you, I have a friend who has a herpes and didn’t tell her husband and has and will take that to the grave and her and I have–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No you got to say that. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s what I’m saying. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You got to tell him that.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But she was like, I don’t have outbreaks any more. I don’t feel like that’s something that I need to tell them. And I was like, I feel like that’s something you absolutely need to tell him. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s not the point. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Because that’s his body. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No you, you have to tell–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But But that’s why I bring that right. I bring that up to say there are some thing– like you have to let people make the decision with all of the information. And a lot of times that may not be in your favor. And this is one of those times you need to tell him– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –All the information about you and a girl, as long as your sister’s out. I don’t feel like you should out her but– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I feel like you need to tell him and then let him make the decision whether he wants to–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Be with you or not. Unfortunately, that sucks because like I said, a lot of times they don’t be in your favor, but you never know. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, well, also, I mean, since we kind of switched to your friend, um that’s illegal in certain states, isn’t it? Like you–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh true. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like, yeah. Like you can’t not tell people that like, you know. So I mean, I don’t know your friend. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Don’t girl. I’m–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Anyway. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –I’m working on her. I’m working on her. I’m working on her. Okay? [laughing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I’m like, oh, no. Do you remember okay, you you’re younger than me. But I remember like back in the nineties when everything was life, safe– safe sex and condoms and everything. Like, every time I would get into a relationship with somebody, like, we would both go to the clinic like it was a it was– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh that’s good. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh, yeah. Like it was like, oh, bitch we going to the clinic, like, and we would get, we would both get tested on the same day and we would both get our results in the same day. And– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s good. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –If somebody has some– yeah. Like that was. But that’s when everybody was so freaked out about HIV and AIDS. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So it was like, oh, I got syphilis. Ah, that’s cool. Give me that doxycycline. [laughter] No I’m just kidding. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s syphilis though. [laughing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No you know–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Alright our next letter [laughter] comes from Devin. Our next letter comes from Devin and dear Doctor Imani and Meg, I am stuck in the middle of a best friend feud and it is really draining my mental. I have called these two best friends my big sisters since I met them my freshman year of college, and they were seniors. Well, now, after 11 years of friendship, they got into a big fight and they aren’t speaking to each other, which is not the problem. The problem is that they say it’s cool to still hang out with the other, but that is not the case. Any time I am with either they are talking about how bogus the other one is and how I need to be careful to watch my back. So they say they’re cool with me hanging out with the other, but they both clearly want me to pick a side. My birthday is coming up and I invited both, but both of them said if the other is coming, they ain’t coming. This made me extremely hurt and angry because I feel they should be able to come to celebrate with me. I am to the point where I want to say I don’t want to be friends with either of them while they play these childish games, but I really do consider them both family. What do you think I should do about this draining feud? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Girl bye. I would dump both of them. I don’t have time for that. [laughter] I don’t. I don’t like stuff like that. Like, I like. I really–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Really, really don’t like that. Like. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I, I actually mentioned this on the show before. I know I say that all the time, on this show, but I mentioned on the show before my best friend Chezik and I had a mutual friend and she was like, y’all both can’t be friends. Which meant that we were like, well we gonna be friends, like. And to this day. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: We’ve been friends for 20 years. When I have a friend, I, I expect and antic– I anticipate and then expect that my friend is going to be cool with my other friends. And it’s so and that’s how I’ve always been. Like I had a Zoom call like back in July and it turned out that my, some of my friends knew my other friend that they had never met through like one or two degrees of separation. It was awesome. Like, I was like, this is amazing. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I love that. But I, you know, but when it becomes like a contest to see like, well, I love her more, it’s just like, this is stupid. Like, I didn’t ask for this. Like, I just want to be, I just want to kick it. So. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: At the very least I would say, Devin, that they can’t come. But if you want to celebrate, if you’re, if you’re like, you know, fuck it like these are my friends, you know, still I would just I would just celebrate with them or I would go out with them separately on another da– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –At another time. But I would tell them separately. I would tell them separately like, listen, you’re not coming and I’m a tell you why, because I don’t like this, okay? Like, I don’t like it. And you can be mad as as as long as you want. But I don’t. I don’t do this. And you gonna have to change your attitude. If you guys want to hang out together with me. If you don’t, I’ll still hang out with you later. But it may mean that I may start to not want to hang out with you as much. And that could– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Really, like, cause um an issue with our, you know, relationship moving forward. So yeah, I don’t like shit like that, but what do you what do you think Meg? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah, I think ah that’s too childish. Who has time for this? I would say this. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It’s your birthday. And if both of them don’t want to be there, goodbye. Good riddance. That’s your day. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You don’t need no drama or anybody that isn’t happy to be there on your special day, regardless of who’s there. So uninvite both of them to your birthday and then tell them, hey, happy to celebrate with you separately, because that’s an additional two free birthday meals girl that you gonna get because each one of them– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Got to take you out separately. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I would do that. I would tell them that. Yeah, you can take me out. You can take me out to eat. Take me out to lunch, whatever. And then I would have this conversation with them when you when they do take you out or whenever you have them by themselves. You should tell each one. Do not mention the other person’s name to me. You’re not friends with them. You don’t like them. I’m still friends with them. So. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Hang out with me. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s a good point. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And I we don’t have to hang out, all three of us, or I’ll make sure we ain’t all in the same space, which sucks. All right, at least I’ll give you the heads up if the other person’s going to be there. But guess what? Don’t mention this person’s name to me. Keep their name, because I can’t. I’m friends with them. That’s not fair to me. So talk to your other friends about person.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Keep that name out your mouth. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. Talk to the–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Keep that name out your– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Talk to your other friends about them. When it’s you and me, we do other stuff because I’m a tell you. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I’ve been on the feuding side and I was always like, I don’t mind my friend being friends with somebody else. Like. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Do that. Because I– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Why would you? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Because I resp– Right. Exactly. Because I’m under the impression they not talking about me. Because I’m not talking about them. I found the hard way that the person in the middle was entertaining what the other person said. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Which that was a whole. I had to. I had to let both of them go. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I was like [indistinct]. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: [indistinct] That’s righty. Right. Because I would have I was like, she talked about you too girl and I ain’t never said nothing. I told her not to talk about you no more when y’all wasn’t even friends. But anyway, that’s another story. I had to let them both go. So give them girls, tell them what’s up. Tell them not to keep each other’s name out they mouth when they around you. And keep it moving. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Keep it moving. Yeah. Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I agree. I agree. Well, you know what? I think we you know, for that, I mean, both letters we pretty much agreed, but for that one, we definitely agreed. Like they got to go. Or at least they–. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: They they can’t come to your birthday party. Um. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: For sure. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: The day’s about you, so. Yeah. So thank you, Mel and Devin, for submitting your questions. Sorry, Devin, that your friends are so um raggedy, um [laughing] but I hope we were able to help. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And if you have a question or a problem centered around mental health and you want our expertise or lack thereof, please send your emails to AskDrImani@Crooked.com. You can also text or leave us a voicemail at 818-252-9462, hit us up. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. So we’re going to switch gears now. So since there have been so many people writing in looking for advice to heal from break ups, we thought this would be the perfect time to dive into the importance of healing from a break up. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Can’t wait, because I need to hear about this girl. I’ve been through enough break ups myself. Okay. 

 

[AD BREAK]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. So let’s get into this deep dive. All right. So we’re now going to be talking about how to properly heal from a breakup. Is there a proper way to heal from a breakup? I don’t know. I mean. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I mean. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I think you definitely got to, there’s the steps that probably look like healing from grief, you know? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: True. That’s true. That’s true. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I do think you need to take those steps. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, for sure. Ah do you remember, like, I don’t know where this came from. This might have just been, like, just people talking, but, like, a while back. And, I mean, like, high school, college people would say, well, for however many years you’ve been with someone, that’s how many months it’ll take to get over them. And is that true? I don’t know. I kind of– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No it ain’t true girl. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Always use that as a gauge. I always use it as a gauge.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No wait but I saw something. So I think it depends on how in love you were with the person. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: True. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Because if it’s, if it’s like a yeah, I mean, I love them, but whatever, you know–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah like what–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –That that’s quick. But if you were in love with somebody, I read somewhere it takes a year and a half. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Damn. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: A year and— 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –A half to get them out your system. And I feel like that’s true if you were really in love with them. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. No, that’s true. That’s true. I mean, I think the first person I was in love with, I was in college and oh, my god, I thought like my whole I was like, oh, god, my whole. I thought my whole life was just uh just over. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But then but then it was like, you know, we get back together, we break up, we get back. I mean, it was. It was all over the place, girl. So um. But, yeah, I mean, I definitely remember being like, oh, my God, this is the worst thing I have ever dealt with. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And especially because we were in college, we went, we were in college, went to the same school. So sometimes, you know, like, you might you might like I might have seen him, like, talking to somebody. And I was like, I was like, look at that bitch. I was like trying she trying she trying to get with my man. It’s like, Imani that is not your man no more like whatever. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Do. Like, just do what you. Like, what are you talking about? But it was hard. It was really hard. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It’s yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Because I just couldn’t like, I was like, I can’t believe this is happening to me. [gasp] Why? And and, you know, like, it’s I mean, we’re we’re actually super cool now, but um but yeah, back then, I thought I was like, I’m just gonna die. I mean, it’s it’s kind of I mean, it’s it’s kind of interesting what you said in terms of grief, like grieving and breakups can be really similar because when you like when someone dies, let’s say, you like you like you may have pictures of that person, you may have mementos of that person. You got memories like it’s and in and how do I say this? I was going to say something, but then I kind of held back. I was going to say that in a way, sometimes a breakup can be worse because sometimes you may still see them around. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah, and no, no, no, that’s not I don’t think that’s wrong to say, because the thing about death is that it’s final, right? It hurts, but it’s final. There’s an ending. You know what that ending is. They’re not coming back. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And you have to deal with that. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Whereas, you know, if for a really bad breakup, that person ain’t dead, you know, they’re they’re– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: They right there. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: They’re still grieve– right. And then if if you work with them or if your, you know, they live close to you, you have to see them at certain events like that is not final and you don’t know when they’re going to pop up. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You may not. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And so now you have to relive this hurt over and over and over. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That is why I always said to myself, I was like, Never shit where you eat. Like–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: When I was in high school. I think I maybe dated one dude that I went to high school with. Everybody else was like from another high school. When I was–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –In college. Like I did date guys in college, but my, my high school was super small, whereas my college was a little bigger. But I would still, I could still like see them. And that was that was annoying. But it was a good it was it was a good primer on how to deal with a breakup because it was like, okay, there’s that person I used to be with, whether I whether I broke up with them or not. And you know what? Like, you kind of have to learn that they don’t exist or they don’t matter– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –As much as you anymore. So that–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Was a good primer. But like, yeah, don’t date nobody in your same building. [laugh] 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Although although like don’t, don’t date nobody in your same building. I I did that in a not med school. I did that when I was um a resident. Did I tell you the story? Did I tell you the story about this guy I dated? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No I don’t think you did. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: In the same building? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No you didn’t. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No you didn’t, no you didn’t. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. All right. Are you ready? Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I’m ready. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: This is [laughing] so. Okay, so, you know in Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sheree was dating– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –That guy who was in jail. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: His name was, his name is Tyrone. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah girl. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You better call Tyrone. You call Tyrone. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. And so this was so so [gasp] Tyrone. His name is Tyrone Gilliams. Um. When I was what year was that, 2004, I moved to Philly and–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: What? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I was living in this building, like this really nice building. And there were a handful of Black folks in there. I think at one point um Chris Webber was living in the building. Um. So it was like–. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You know, it was like one of the like one of those buildings. But um but I was living there. My parents were paying for it. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Um. And I was living on the top floor. And um there was this guy I would see sometimes in the elevator, and I’m a Black person. He wouldn’t say anything like we might, you know, give each other the head nod. And I’m a Black person, so I’m like, hi, how are you? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like, after a certain–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Time I’m like, I’m not going to try, you know, like we got to interact. So long story short, we like he lived one floor beneath me. I lived on 20, he lived on 19. And so I would, you know, like we would like go over to each other’s houses and we would kick it. Like really quiet dude, very like, respectful, like, like we dated for months before anything jumped off. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And I’m not listen, I’m not the person to kind of sit back. I was basically, like, throwing myself at this person, and he was like, like at one point I was like, sitting on his lap, and he picked me up and was like, okay, you need to sit on the sofa. And I was like, damn you [laughter] really dissed me but it’s fine. So so anyway, we so lik we–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You was ready to pop and he was like, no ma’am. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I was ready to get it popping girl. So anyway, long story short, I knew him as this really reserved guy. But in any case, we dated, we lived in the same building and I went against my own like advice like, don’t shit where you eat. Like, don’t date the–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Person. Long story short, years and years pass. And then I hear all this stuff about him and I was like, who? I was like, Tyrone is in what? Girl. And then I seen Real Housewives of Atlanta. I was like, who is this person? I was like, this is not the person that I remember. Like, like he was really, like, narcissistic and just, you know, just like, I don’t know, I was just like, I don’t know who, like, who is this person? Because he was really sweet. Anyway, I say all that to say don’t shit where you eat in case years later you see them on a reality show and they’re dating Sheree. Okay. [laughter] Anyway, anyway, anyway, I swear I thought I’d told you this because when that shit came out, I was like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Not Tyrone! 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I was like, that voice sounds familiar. But I was like, I don’t know. And then I was like, Oh my, I was like [indistinct. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: That is Tyrone. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And then I found out why he was in jail. And I was like, you stole all that money. You stole that money and had parties? I was like, Oh, no–. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh gosh. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Tyrone. Anyway, anyway, so that that was kind of fulfilling for me [laughing] in terms of seeing that on television. But in most, in most instances, yeah, it is very difficult to get over a break up. I mean, there’s there’s– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Also there’s also the the adage of like, well, you just, you know, find somebody else to be like, you get over somebody by getting up under another person. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Somebody is. That is a lie. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It’s it’s a I mean, you’re not going to get over him, but you you’ll have fun though. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You’ll have fun. That’s the thing. You’ll have fun for the moment. You, you know, you’ll forget– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Your troubles for a little bit. But the the same feeling is still there. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, still there. Yeah. And if you’re like me–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And then you might have some additional baggage with this new person that you did not want, because it was supposed to just be fun. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Exactly. Yeah. And if you’re like me, you may end up seeing. You may end up like, you know, fucking around with people who are just, like, dumb. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You should not be. No so here’s the thing. So [laughter] I’ve been in a few different relationships, but there’s one that like I was in lo–like the first– I never realized I had never been in love until– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I was in like my late twenties. I had boyfriends, I was like oh I love them. In my late twenties I had a boyfri–. He was like a rapper girl. He was like everything– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Girl–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –I would never pick. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Pause, pause. No. No.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: [laughing] Everything. I would. I’m a tell you Imani. Everything I would never pick on paper. I would never have pointed him out in a lineup. Nothing.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Do would we would we know a song that he sang? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No, girl, no. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. No.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He’s like a local. It–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –wasn’t. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. Okay. All right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay. So, but what ended up happening, I like fell in love with this boy because he was totally like, what I didn’t think he was. Totally different than what I had assumed. And–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Always, girl, always. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Always right. We dated for like–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He different. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Six months or something, right? Huh. You said what?

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No I’m like ooh he, he different.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He was! He’s different.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He’s so different. He’s so different.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He’s just nothing you would ever put me with. Six months we dated. I was like, so in love with him. Like, to the point where he was like going to move to a new city and I was like, I can move too. No I’ll get away. I had moved to L.A. for my dreams, right? Like, no, ma’am. What? What are you doing, Megan? No. Um. So we ended up breaking up because he he moved back to his hometown. And I remember being in the shower and just busting out crying. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Mm hmm. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And that was the first I was like, oh, I was really in love him. I ain’t never cried over nobody because usually I was the one breaking up with somebody. I’d be like, you know, it’s been. It’s been real sir. Like, God bless you. Godspeed, you know. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: May the Lord keep you whatever. Benediction on you. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right, right, right , right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I’m out. So, like. But this time it was different. And so I remember I was, like, hurt, like I was. And it wasn’t even no bad breakup. It was just literally he had to go back home and he had to live his life. You know, it wasn’t just we just didn’t match. It wasn’t going to match. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And that killed me and I remember–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He had to go back to Saint Louis. It was Murphy Lee. I’m just kidding. [laughing]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: [laughing] Murphy Lee. But um so I remember, like, I was so messed up and then I started dating my homeboy that was like my friend for years. Just my homeboy. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And it was just I was like–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh, Megan why are you doing this? Like, you know, good and well. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. Like, you just wanted– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He’s your friend. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You just needed something to do, right? You just needed–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –something to do. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And I was like, this is the worst decision I made. So you know what I did? I felt like I felt like the Lord gave me a sign and he said, do not date for a year. And I–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –like I woke up one morning and I was like, I am not dating for a year. I need to just be to myself. And I will tell you, that was like the most cleansing like that was one of the best years of my life to date because I remember–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: — I was I just needed because I was making poor decisions out of, like, sadness. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And so it was like, okay, you need to get over this dude. You need to get back to yourself? You need to learn some things about yourself. Um. And I every dude that I encountered during that year, I’d be like, hey, you know, because, you know, when you meet somebody, there’s a little flirtation happening. And then I would just be like, hey, so I’m not dating for a year. Just so you know, I’m in this like journey on my own and I and there was like a lot of guys was like, okay, that’s cool. But there was one dude in particular who was like, okay, well, I’ll wait the year. I thought he was joking. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I kid you not. He called me– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Like a year later and was just like, hey, so you available now? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Whats up. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And I was like, dang, I didn’t like you for real. Sorry, but– [laughing] 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: [shouting indistinct] Okay let me ask you this. When you took this year off, were you in a warm climate or a cold climate? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I was in LA. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like did it. Oh. Yeah, okay, girl. Because I was just like I when when um when uh cuffing season comes. And that’s not even cuffing season when it gets cold. Like when I lived in New York, and Philly, I was like, it is too like, I got I got to find somebody. Something. And– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Is that real? 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –which led to terrible deces–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: People don’t, You can’t just use like a–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Hell yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –warm, you can’t use a warming blanket girl. A weighted warming blanket. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Hell no. [laughter] We didn’t have no weighted blankets back then. I mean, and I was like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Wow I didn’t think that was a thing. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I didn’t want to use like a, oh no, that’s the thing. I was like, okay, it’s brick outside and I am not about to be in this house by myself. But then after a while, I was like, you know what? Like, I need to get this dumb dude out of here because he has no conversation. And I really would rather just, like, watch my shows and, like smoke this blunt. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And, like, be [laughing] by myself. Cause I was just like, ooh, are you stupid? But in any case, in any case, I think, you know, I think that that is that is very good advice. Don’t do what I did. You guys. Do what Megan did. Like, take your time. I would I would attempt to take my time. But then I’d always I mean and I really wasn’t looking to be with anybody, but then I would um, you know, I would just meet somebody that I would just interested in. And then it was like, okay, fine. Like, this is fine. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Mm hm. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Like, I like you. So. Yeah, like, let’s, let’s just see. Um. But, yeah, take definitely take your time. The other thing that, you know, that I think has been like really positive and beneficial, especially because I am almost the same age as Mary J. Blige. Like, I remember when Mary J. Blige first came out and I was 16. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Mhm. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And I was so excited because she like I was from Uptown Manhattan. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And she was like, I’m from Uptown Manhattan. She was from Yonkers, which is way uptown. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Different yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Um. And I was like, Oh my God. I was like, I love her. She’s so awesome. And. And then, you know, Mary, like, people was making a joke back when Mary got divorced from uh her husband Kendu Isaac’s I believe his name is. And people were like, damn, like, I guess now the music’s gonna get better because because Mary is she’s sad again. Because when she was happy she was making him happy songs, and people was like. I mean it’s–. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Cool but– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But it ain’t the Mary that I know. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –[?] I want to hear I want to hear the heartbreak. But it had– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Like but let me tell you let me tell you for real. When I got my heart broken in college for doing some really, you know, wack shit. Per per usual. Right. Um. My life. Listen. I was just like. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: [fake sobbing sounds] God, I mean, and it was perfect because she went from, like, heartbreak to like, you know what? I don’t even wanna fuck with you no more. To, like, I’m a be happy. And I was like, I was 20. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I was like, Yes, Mary, I’m straight out the womb. I don’t have no life experience. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But I this this is helping me so, so much. And that has been the one thing I will say that in my life that’s been a constant like any time I’ve been in a relationship and it and I mean if it was somebody I really cared about and I was just like, well, guess we gonna listen to Mary and Sade [laughter] for the next six months. That’s, that’s what’s about to happen. I mean, um look, there are so many people who I mean, I’ve never met Mary J. Blige. I really wish that I could I totally wouldn’t freak out, I promise. But I’m just like [sigh] I’m like, Mary, you got me through. I mean, life life! 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You know–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You got me through some raggedy dudes, you got got me through. I mean, everything. I’m like, girl, like, we like bf. Mary J Blige is like my sister in my head. I don’t care. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You know what, I’m like that with Monica. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I’m like that with Monica, I think a little bit younger that uh. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Like everything. Like I’ve sang that in my head to a guy like in my head, I’m just in here like. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t want to cause, you– [singing]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Before– [singing]. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –no pain. [singing]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes, yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I just wanna go back. [singing]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Or like, looking like [starts singing] so go nowhere, you [indistinct] [stops singing] [laughter] You know, like, why I love you so much. [singing again] I’m talking, I like everything, girl. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. No I feel you.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Monica has gotten me through. Thank you, girl. Like, I love her. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I know I love Monica. I loved Monica since day one. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: She live in Atlanta. I want to try to find her and be friends with her, but that might be weird. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I think she’s, she’s dating a rapper now. She like rappers and ballplayers and I’m not mad. I mean. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: She dating another rapper? Girl. She need to get away from that. She need an accountant or somebody. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Isn’t she? [laughing] [?] Girl.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: She needs to stop with them. But she do like–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You know. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –them rough around the edges. You know, she’s still–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –her her the love of her life uh C-Murder in prison. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Girl. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: She still love him.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I forgot all about him. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He’s still in prison huh. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Girl yes. And she still go see him and everything so. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Are you serious? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. She like went to go see him– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Damn. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –like earl–she, like, posted something that had. That’s like the love of her life. But, you know, what can you do? This man been in prison for how many years now? Like 20 years or something? I don’t know. You can’t– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Girl. She she was like she was like you she like he different though. He different. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: [laughing] Right? Right. Now, Monica– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: He different so. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Get you an accountant girl. You got to try something new. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Uh uh. I mean, let me tell you, as somebody like my mom was like, you need to get with a doctor and just stop all this foolishness. And I was just like, I don’t want to be with a doctor like they’re boring. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I feel like doctors, male doctors are the worst. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: They’re the worst. They are the worst. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Trust. I’m like, No, because I’m like, what you’re not going to do is try to like you not going to try to like quiz me, okay. Because I’m like it just it it’s too much of a dynamic where like I’m type A, they type A and we both kind of do this like not that we do the same thing I would never get with a psychiatrist that would be way too way too much. But yeah, I would just be like, like on the real wish. What you do does not impress me. I did the same shit. So please get out of my face. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It would not–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Plus I’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy. I know what happened. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Surgery. Listen. Let me tell you something–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I know what happened. [laughing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Let me tell you about surgery residents, surgery. They. That shit is true. Surgery residents be fucking all the time. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: See. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: They do. They do. Because they got no life. You know, a surgery residency is seven years. Seven like general surgery. It’s seven years. Mine was four. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oooh yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. Yeah. I was like, so they, they you got no life girl. Anyway, I’m getting way off topic. Anyway, the point is, is that here’s, here’s, here’s the, here’s the takeaways. Don’t shit where you eat. [laughing] Okay, like. Try not to date people that you um work with or, like, live in the same building with or, like, you gonna see, like, all the time. But if you do, it’s okay. Like, just, you know, give it your best shot. If it doesn’t work out, always know that you can just– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Quit your job. Move your house. Sell your house. Leave. [laughing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You can always you can you can always listen to Mary J. Blige, Sade, and Monica. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: There you go. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And you can also write to us and get some advice. And then we will give you some really good advice as far as like how long it would take to get over a person. Megan says it’s a year and a half. I say it’s one month for every year you’ve been with the person and and if you really didn’t care about them and you get over them like in a month, like I did with my ex-husband, even better. It’s great. [laughter] You’ll be fine. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I love it. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: It’s like, oh, it’s like, yay, I’m dating again. Yay, this is great. But in any case, I think that, you know, it’s um break ups are, like we said, they’re just like grief. They can be really, really difficult. And also, you know, try not to just be like out here, just like getting with anybody cause you don’t want to end up with–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You gonna regret that even worse. Yeah. Don’t rebound, honey. Just do your own thing. Don’t rebound. Get you a hobby while you’re waiting on the on the– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Get you a hobby. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –on your thang. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Get you some plants. Plants are awesome. Get you some plants. Get all they need is water and sunshine. And if you really want to freak it, you can, you know, go to the store and get you some little, you know, plant vitamins or whatever. So, yeah, just get you some plants. Don’t, don’t, don’t try to like, you know, hop up on somebody and be like, okay, I’m done. It’s not gonna work. So. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Nope. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Anyway, I hope that was helpful for you guys. Oh, I hope that was helpful. That’s all the time we have for our deep dive conversation today. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. Let’s lighten this mood and do our favorite segment Pop Culture Diagnosis. [music break]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. So let’s get into our pop culture diagnosis for this week. Meg, can you please give our listeners a quick synopsis of Love is Blind after the Altar and who we are diagnosing today? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. Oh, I love this show. Love is Blind is a Netflix series that took us all by storm during the pandemic and the lockdown in 2020. So basically what happens, you’ve got all these singles, you’ve got men on one side, women on the other, and they go into pods and they can hear each other so they can talk. Um. They get to know each other just by talking, and then they have to decide if they want to be with that person. And literally they meet when the man proposes to the woman, and then from there, then the show takes off. So like it takes the couples that are engaged and it follows their life until they get married like it’s a few weeks and then they have to get married. So they meet each other’s families. They, you know, try to live together. They kind of see what the other person is about now that they’ve declared their love for this person. And we’re going to talk about one of the most popular couples who actually like they were so cute on the show, but they just announced their divorce and that is Jarrette and Iyanna. But I’ll be honest, I knew it was going to happen. [laughing]

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I mean. Okay. Look, look, I didn’t. I know you love you some reality shows. Um I had heard of this show, and I was like, these people are crazy. Like, because dur– when the pandemic first started, girl, I was watching I was watching Floor Is Lava. I was watching oh I saw a Turkish science fiction movie that was actually decent, there was nothing on. And then this–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –show kind of came not kind of. But it did come on. And then I was like, I mean, way for social distancing, but I was like, this shit is crazy. Like, what? I didn’t know that they actually were getting married. I thought they were just going to, like–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Be together and, like, you know, see. But I guess that’s how a reality show works. I mean, being together is not enough. Like, you got to up the ante and actually get married. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah, well, it ends with them saying if they want to go ahead and get married or not. And so–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –That’s where most of the couples said no. Um. And I really felt like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Ooh. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –all the women kind of like chose themselves because it was real, because, you know, a lot of times we think that women are the ones that like want to get married because society tends to look down on single women. But all these women chose themselves with the exception of a couple of them. They was like– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right, right right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –this man is not right for me. I’m good.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And I [indistinct]. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s what’s up. Think it’s the same with this with with Ayanna. I think she was the one who was like, you know what, I don’t think this is going to work. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: But she but they did get married. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I will say that. I–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. Right.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: If you watching the show, you could tell, first of all, she wasn’t his first choice. Okay. She wasn’t his first choi–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: That’s what I saw. Yes. She was really like well, you was you know, I wasn’t your first choice. And because things went really fast, like at first I was like, well, girl, okay, like it’s not a big deal. But then when I really stopped and thought about how quickly their courtship was, it was like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Yeah, I wasn’t your first choice, like yesterday. So that’s, [laughter ]you know what I’m saying, like that that’s a lot. That’s a lot. Um.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And now we have a couple of weeks to get to know each other and get marr– like, decide if we’re gonna get married, that– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: This is foolishness.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –It’s just fast. And it– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I always– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Wasn’t even just that it was, it was it was a deception behind it because after they had already gotten engaged. So mind you, Iyanna wasn’t your first choice, but then you got engaged to her. And then after you got engaged, what they did was they took all the people, all the couples and they let them all meet each other. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Mm hmm. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: So what was crazy was that one, the Jarrette’s first choice, which was a chick named Mallory, had gotten engaged to another dude. So they was the couples. They all got to see each other. And this was the first time he got to see Mallory. And you could see he has some regret on him. He was like dang. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oh, no. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. And then he had a conversation while they were all at this little mixer. He had a conversation with Mallory and was just like, that ain’t the ring that you wanted. I know you like gold. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oooh. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And so that. And then– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Oooh, that’s trife. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –and she was sitting there kind of like. Yeah, you right. Like, yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You right. Yeah.

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It was just so like why are you getting married? You clearly– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Have some some type of regret. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You wanted to be with this girl. You just settling because you don’t– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Really want to be with Iy– even though Iyanna is amazing and wonderful and sweet and beautiful, but like you, you feel like you’re settling. You should let– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –That woman go. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Right. [?]

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And it’s sad for her because she’s so sweet. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No, she was really sweet. I, I, I didn’t. I didn’t watch the whole show. So I’m going to rely a lot um on you to kind of tell me if you know my diagnosis is correct. I’m I’m not even sure what I would diagnosed him with, but I did see this one particular scene that was very triggering for me because I’ve dealt with this before. And they so Iyanna apparently is more of a homebody. What’s what’s the dude’s name? I totally just forgot. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Jarrette. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Jarrette. So Iyanna is more of a homebody. Jarrette seems is more of like a sociable person and she was like, yeah, I’m a just stay home. Like, you know, I mean, that the issue wasn’t you know, that, oh, I want you to go out versus I want you to stay in. It was the fact that when they were having this conversation, he was like actively playing like X-Box or PlayStation and was conversing with whoever was in his headphones, like whoever he was playing with. That shit drove me, I was just like, uh uh no, I’m like, I’m not about to. First of all, if we supposed to be in a real for real relationship, I’m not about to be fighting to have a conversation with you about some real shit with somebody you playing a game with, like–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –That was super selfish to me like–

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: You gotta grow up. You got yeah–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Like, I really I didn’t like that. I like once once I saw that, I was like, Ooh, this dude is just wild selfish. Did he do anything like along along similar lines. Like, was he was he somebody who was, like, super selfish because Iyanna just seemed like, really, really sweet? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. It’s been so long since I watched the series, but I think the gist of all of it was like, he’s not a good guy. He kind of–

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Needs to grow up. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: He’s kind of selfish, you know– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: For sure. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Narcissistic. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Ugh. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: And you, you– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Wanted the best for them because, you know, Black love, right? You just, you wanted it to work out but clearly. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I mean, no, no. Just because you Black, that don’t mean I want you to all to be together if it don’t fit. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: No, I’m saying if they could get past their issues. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: It would have been a beautiful love story to be like, you know, like, oh– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –We met. We were just talking. We met, like, you know, we overcame all that. Now, that would have been a beautiful story, but– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –they didn’t work out, neither did the other couple that got married. So clearly love is blind does not work because none of them people– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: No. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –Got married. And none of the people stayed married.

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Well, also Iyanna was really cute. Jarrette, he was he aight, I thought Jarrette’s dad was cuter than Jarrette honestly, I was like– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Ah not the [?]– 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You are [?] selfish. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: –[indistinct] that a pastor or something?

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I think so. I just saw his dad was, like, crying and like, they, like Iyanna went to meet his family, and his dad was just really moved. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: And I was like, Aw, that’s so sweet. And then I seen Jarrette, you know, basically ignoring his fiancee. And I was like, this is wack I was like, Girl, don’t do this. But– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: They not together no more, which is, I mean, which makes sense. I remember we, we had, um, we had done a pop culture diagnosis on that other show that I know you liked to watch with um they were both Muslim. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh, no, no. 90 day fiance. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: 90 day fiancee. And they’re still together. And I was like how? 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yep. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: But they still together. So, um, I mean, I would diagnose Iyanna as being like, super cute. I really liked her. Like, [laughter] she just really she’s really nice. And– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I love that her diagnosis is cute [?]. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: She’s just, she is really cute. I was like, you know what– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I was like, she could be my friend. Um Jarrette. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Just yeah, he just seemed like I was like, you not ready for a relationship, let alone marriage. So. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: You know, I mean, I’m sure that, you know, this is reality TV. You get exposure and you get a little bit of money. But I was like, hell, no, this ain’t gonna work. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t really have an official diagnosis for Jarrette. I just think that, you know, Jared, if you’re listening, you just need to, like, just, you know, mature a bit and grow up and, you know, when and when it’s time for you to be in a relationship like, you know, you’ll know, but I don’t unless you’ve done a lot of soul searching and growth between the show airing and now, you know, don’t be in a relationship, just kick it. Date. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Whatever. But– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: I’m going to I’m gonna diagnosed him with immaturity. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, he was, he was, he was wild immature. He was wild wild immature. So sorry that I didn’t have a more official diagnosis, but yeah, Jarrette, you’re just wild selfish. So sorry. You’re not trash, though. You’re not trash. I’m not going to– 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: –Give you the trash diagnosis, but you just need to grow up a little bit. Um. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So that’s it for pop culture diagnosis, you guys. We’re going to have another fun character to analyze next week. So if you guys have suggestions for fictional characters out there that you’d like for me to diagnose, hit me up on Twitter at @doctor_imani. Hit Meg up on Instagram at @MegScoop and email the show at AskDrImaniAnything@Crooked.com. And again, if you’re enjoying the show, don’t forget to rate and review the show on your favorite podcast apps, because then I’m going to shout you out on future shows, which I think is kind of cool. 

 

Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. 

 

Dr. Imani Walker: So anyway, you guys have a good weekend and we will see you or you will hear us next week. This is a Crooked Media production. Our executive producer is Sandy Girard. Our producer is Leslie Martin. Music from Vasilis Fotopoulos. Edited by Veronica Simonetti. And special thanks to Brandon Williams, Gabi Leverette, Mellani Johnson and Matt DeGroot for promotional support.