In This Episode
In a society that romanticizes late nights at the computer, early mornings paired with multiple cups of coffee, and constant maximum effort to achieve more, choosing rest has become the gift we all need to give ourselves. The ladies of Imani State of Mind chat about the importance of rest on your mental health.
TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Imani Walker: Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to Imani State of Mind. I’m Dr. Imani.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And I am Meg Scoop. Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa.
Dr. Imani Walker: Happy Kwanzaa.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Happy Anything.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yes.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Like everything. Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right? Everything. Yes. Everything. Everything. So, look, it’s two days before Christmas. Um. I’m excited. Uh. I love Christmas time. Also big ups to my dad, his birthday is tomorrow. It’s Christmas Eve. Um. Hopefully he won’t forget this time because he has a tendency to forget his birthday. [laughter] Um. But with that being said, it is two days before Christmas and hopefully everybody is gearing to shut down these laptops and put down your phones for the holidays to just rest and disconnect from the hustle and bustle of life. So we’re going to talk about what rest really looks like and the benefits of just disconnecting and quieting your mind. Okay. So plans, holiday plans, you got any plans or you gonna kind of keep–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah girl.
Dr. Imani Walker: –low or what do you what you about to do?
Meg Scoop Thomas: I’m about to um I’m going to I’m heading to Kentucky after this to go see–
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh nice.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –some family. I’ll be there for you know a couple a few days. Um.
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So when I but I love it because when I go, first off I’m from Radcliff, Kentucky, shout out to the cliff where–
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –not a lot of people have ever been and will probably never go, and that’s okay. So there’s like nothing to do there. Like nothing. Um. There’s like a Walmart er two Walmarts, but there’s nothing else.
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Um. So when I get there, it’s legit rest time for me because my mom takes my kids, I basically do not see them the whole time I’m there. I can just sleep in, I can do whatever. So that is what I am looking forward to.
Dr. Imani Walker: Nice.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And that Grandma has problems, grandma and grandpa, these your problems now. Haha. I’m free–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –to sleep. Catch up on shows, eat, do whatever. Like.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Just chill. So I’m excited.
Dr. Imani Walker: That sounds awesome.
Meg Scoop Thomas: What about you?
Dr. Imani Walker: Um. I’m not doing anything like. I mean, it’s funny that you mentioned that because I remember those days. So I remember, like, my dad’s from New Orleans, so we would go to New Orleans. My parents have um they have a house out there um in the country, like in in like like little legit, like where Britney Spears grew up. It’s over there, like you gotta cross this–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Long ass bridge to get out there. And because I grew up in Texas, like I you know, I do. I grew up in Texas, then I moved to New York for good. But I do appreciate the quiet and sometimes I do appreciate, you know, the hustle and bustle. Um. But I remember Idris being like really young. And when we would go out there for Christmas or for other holidays, it was just like that. It was like, I’m in bed. Um. If y’all need me for anything, this is where I’m going to be. I’m just going to be eating and sleeping and watching my shows. And my parents were just so happy just to, you know, like, like take Idris and they would just go off and do whatever. And I was like, That’s fine, whatever. Like, I am chilling. I’m chilling so hard. Like, if anybody–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: –needs me, this is where I’m going to be. If anybody, you know, dies, let me know. But outside of that, like, this is this is where I’m at. So. So that sounds that sounds super fun for you. Um. But for me, I’m not doing anything like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: I’m just going to chill. Um. It’s probably going to be like any other day, but it’s just, you know, just like with, you know, like, here’s your presents, like yay! Um. But yeah, just super chill. Super, super laid back um by default I’m kind of somebody that doesn’t like to travel on holidays just because–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah, crazy.
Dr. Imani Walker: Like airports, and it just it just gets crazy. It’s just–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –A little too much. So I usually if I do go somewhere for the holidays, it’s usually like the day after Christmas or might even fly out Christmas Day because it’s dead.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay. That’s true.
Dr. Imani Walker: And then like. Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That is very true.
Dr. Imani Walker: And then yeah, because I’m just like, if y’all could just all get away from me, that’d be great. But yeah, I’m just going to chill, play with my plants, uh play with my dog. You know.
Meg Scoop Thomas: See, the simple, the simple, peaceful, stress free life. I love it.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yes. Yes. So that’s yeah, that’s that’s pretty much that’s pretty much what I’m going to be doing. Um. And then I guess eventually these people are going to come and take these lights down um. [banter] [laugh]
Meg Scoop Thomas: Don’t they do that in like January?
Dr. Imani Walker: They do. Yeah, they do.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: Plus, they kind of owe me some money, so I guess that’ll be free because they were like, Oh yeah, we um well you know, it’s it’s going to cost this much to take them down. And I’m like, Well, y’all owe me some money. So I guess you know that’ll already be free, already paid for but anyway. Anyway, anyway, anyway, um outside of that, um you know, this, this Christmas season I think is probably one of the more recent Christmas seasons that I’m just like, yo, like I am ready to just completely like I’ve been on legit I don’t know about you, Meg, but I’ve been on autopilot since Thanksgiving. Like th–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Girl me too. That’s every year for me though like, stop asking me to do stuff? Yes–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Job that pays me. Okay, fine. [laughing]
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, legit like there are there are emails that I’m like, Oh, yeah, that’s right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: But then I’m just kind of wait. And if they don’t reply, like, if they’re like, okay, Imani, you know, like, what’s up? Then I’m just like, oh, okay. I don’t know what to tell you. So I’ll see you next year so or–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah I love it.
Dr. Imani Walker: Or honestly, I’m really not back to kind of like my fighting mode. And I’m I’m joking about that. I’m not. I’m not fighting nobody until, like, maybe the second week of January.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: Um. And then I’m like, all right, I guess I’ll do some work, but on the real like, really like February 1st. Honestly.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Cause then ML– because MLK, you know, weekend comes and it’s like, okay, I need I need to like, I need another, like, three day weekend to just, like, get it together. So let’s move on to something that is equally important. The Meg thee Stallion Tory Lanez trial that is happening right–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Here in Los Angeles. Okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I just have to say this–
Dr. Imani Walker: [sigh] okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: First of all, the trial is the people versus Daystar Peterson. That is Tory Lanez real name, by the way.
Dr. Imani Walker: Daystar?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Why he go by Tory Lanez? You’re named Daystar. That is a–
Dr. Imani Walker: Daystar.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s a that’s a performer’s name. Like why–
Dr. Imani Walker: I know!
Meg Scoop Thomas: –not just use your legal name. Daystar.
Dr. Imani Walker: I know. Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I don’t know.
Dr. Imani Walker: Exactly.
Meg Scoop Thomas: But outside of that, he’s you know on trial um for basically shooting Meg thee stallion. He claims he didn’t do it.
Dr. Imani Walker: Then who did it?
Meg Scoop Thomas: There’s only, right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Who did it then?
Meg Scoop Thomas: There’s four people in that car. Megan didn’t do it. Clearly, uh he said he didn’t do it. Her best friend, who she is no longer friends with.
Dr. Imani Walker: Best friends with.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Didn’t do it. Uh. The guy driving, which is um Tory Lanez’s bodyguard driving. He driving. He can’t do it. So I just don’t get this trial because it seems like, like this to me this should be an open and shut case. Right. You got a girls, Meg hopped out the car. Foot was shot. Tory Lanez’s gun. It is Tory Lanez’s gun.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right. Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I don’t know why this is so confusing and why there’s so much–
Dr. Imani Walker: I saw the video.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –that has come up [?]. Why is it, why is this even a thing though why didn’t they just charge him and be done with it? Like what is? To me, there’s some stuff that is missing. There’s a big piece of this that we are missing that people don’t want to talk about. And I’m not sure what that–
Dr. Imani Walker: Honestly.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Piece is.
Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t think. I don’t.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And there has to be–
Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t think there’s a big piece missing.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Imani there has to be.
Dr. Imani Walker: I think this is just a–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Lemme-.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Bunch of like. [banter] I’m like listen, I I seen the video. I seen I saw Meg. This was so sad. I saw this the other day because I typically do not watch videos of, like, people being shot, people being killed. I’m just like, just tell me what happened. That’s enough for me. So I happened to stumble upon the video. Meg is clearly in distress. She’s–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Walking like like a newborn giraffe, like her feet are and you see on you see on the pavement–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: In the street. The blood–
Meg Scoop Thomas: There’s blood.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Coming from her feet. And I’m like, Jesus Christ then and you and and so I guess police got told Tory Lanez or Daystar to get out of the car and get out of the car and lay down flat like face down on the street and so he’s on the street. Meg is hobbling in the street. Then the best friend Kelsey comes out, now Meg got shot. She didn’t shoot herself.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Tory Lanez is already out and Kelsey is comes out last, now kelsey said oh yeah Tory Lanez shot her. She she he shot her in the foot.
Meg Scoop Thomas: She legit texts that to somebody right after the shoot like right after the–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –shooting happened. She texted that and she claims in court that she don’t remember that she don’t remember texting that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Why cause she have PTSD?
Meg Scoop Thomas: It doesn’t matter if you don’t remember texting it. Girl, you texted it okay, it’s on your phone. Okay there’s in addition to that, Tory Lanez allegedly calls um not allegedly he did. He called uh Kelsey to apologize. And he says now that he was apologizing for I forgot what he said, but it wasn’t for shooting Meg. He said I didn’t apol– I wasn’t apologizing but I didn’t do that. Outside of that it just that, you know, Tory Lanez is actually charged with uh what is it? Assault with a semi auto–
Dr. Imani Walker: Shooting people in the foot.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –automatic handgun [laughter] carrying a loaded unregistered firearm and discharging a firearm and could nearly face 23 years in prison. Which is why he’s over here like, I didn’t do this.
Dr. Imani Walker: [indistinct]
Meg Scoop Thomas: He doesn’t want to go to jail. I wonder why they didn’t give him um what is it like–
Dr. Imani Walker: Manslaughter?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Manslaughter. Like, why didn’t they give him manslaughter? Because I thought, what does manslaughter mean?
Dr. Imani Walker: I mean, can you get manslaughter for shooting somebody, like nonlethally?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes!
Dr. Imani Walker: Because he, because it’s the foot.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh, you have to die for manslaughter. Is that what it is?
Dr. Imani Walker: Um. Yeah. Or, like, you know–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh maybe so that’s why.
Dr. Imani Walker: I mean I guess.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Maybe. He, like, if he shot her in the chest, in which case, I would personally go down to that trial today and beat his ass, because that’s–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: –So ridiculous. But, I mean, okay, so he’s a gremlin. We moved past that. We’ve all dated gremlins, even tiny gremlins. Okay, fine. A lot of a lot of what has this a lot of was very riveting about this case is the fact that when she got shot the co– like what I saw on social media was just abhorrent. It was like, well what, you know, what did she do? It was like it was blaming the victim. And I was like, if ya’ll motherfuckers think that she wanted to get shot in the foot. And like, that’s her like, I was so concerned because I was like, oh my God, this girl just, like, popped off. Like, she just became, like, a superstar.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah–
Dr. Imani Walker: And she [?]–
Meg Scoop Thomas: [?] it’s sickening. That people–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. And I was just like this I’m like damn–
Meg Scoop Thomas: And they and they keep–
Dr. Imani Walker: –Like Black people like this is where we at? This is really where we’re at? Okay. Mmm mmm.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And they just keep bringing–
Dr. Imani Walker: [?].
Meg Scoop Thomas: –up like during the trial. Meg was on the stand. They brought up, like, her sexual history [indistinct] like, what does any of that matter?
Dr. Imani Walker: Are you serious?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. And she–
Dr. Imani Walker: She got shot in the foot.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And she was just like, I’m so embarrassed. My partner, you know, she has a a boyfriend–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –she’s currently dating rapper Pardisan Fontaine. And so it’s like, she’s like, he’s embarrassed because it’s like, these are certain things that you just want to keep between you and your lover. Sometimes you don’t want to tell him that. And now the world is here judging her based on that, when the whole point is the girl got shot in the foot. It’s like somebody–
Dr. Imani Walker: Listen.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –[?] y’all. Like why would you [?] I don’t understand why people are taking Tory Lanez side this man [?].
Dr. Imani Walker: He’s a gremlin. He is a gremlin. Let me tell you something. It tell– if Megan if Meg thee stallion was on only fans given men foot jobs, I would say yes. Ask her about her sexual history. She got shot in the foot in the feet. She got shot in the feet and and legit let’s not forget that shit is petty as fuck because we know Tory Lanez deliberately shot her in the foot and–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. And here’s the other [?]–
Dr. Imani Walker: –would it would it really like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: What it really reminded me of was remember Harlem Nights when Della Reese got–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –shot in the foot?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: In the feet? Or in the foot? And back then it was like, Oh, my God, this is so funny. And da da da da da I remember watching that scene and being like this is kind of fucked up now–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Because she was beating his ass.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: So I was like, so she was beating yo ass so you shot like you legit shot her in the foot. Like, I was always kind of like, I like Harlem Nights but I was always like, this is super fucked up, you guys. And so I kind of like I felt like it was those same type of people or that same type of mentality carried over into when Meg Thee Stallion got shot and it was like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh, ha ha, that’s so funny. You’re like, why would she do that? And it was like, why would she do what? Also–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Again, like hindsight is 20/20. Stop kickin it with Kylie Jenner, cause all this took place at her house.
Meg Scoop Thomas: No, no, no. They had to leave Kylie’s house. Because–
Dr. Imani Walker: I know. But why are y’all over there? She’s a culture vulture. Don’t fuck with her. [laughter]
Meg Scoop Thomas: People like–
Dr. Imani Walker: Like, I mean, legit.
Meg Scoop Thomas: [indistinct] laughing.
Dr. Imani Walker: I’m just like this. Like, I know, again, hindsight is 20/20, but there were so many, like, red flags in this situation, I’m just like, nah, why are you over there? And then. And then what what were y’all doing for Kylie Jenner to be like, you know, well y’all got to get the fuck up out my house.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Well, drunkenness I mean, I have heard from a few people that Megan be throwing–
Dr. Imani Walker: They was on one.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –that bottle back. So allegedly.
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh allegedly.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So I and then on the stand, her best friend, her ex-best friend Kelsey did say that um she was like, we I was drunk like it–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: This was a drunk ev– and so I’m assuming from that everybody was like super, super drunk. And to be honest with you, I don’t think they all three of them recall a lot outside of the fact that, yes, Megan was shot. I don’t, I don’t think anyone’s really clear on the details of it. They know what happened and they know who shot her.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: But outside of what, I think it starts to get murky. So y’all like, know your limits. Know your limits.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. I mean, also, I you know, I don’t I don’t know all of this tea, but, like, do we know why uh Kelsey and Meg are no longer best friends?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Um. I have a feeling part of this has to do with it. I don’t know. I mean, somebody said, you know, there was a issue with Kelsey sleeping with several men that Megan slept with.
Dr. Imani Walker: Eew girl.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s that’s part of what has been put out there um–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Including like uh DaBaby and Ben Simmons who said it wasn’t true. Um. So it seems like they had kind of that might be part of it. But also, I found out this part. Kelsey is married, right? She just got married, I guess, she just had a baby.
Dr. Imani Walker: Really?
Meg Scoop Thomas: She is married. Yeah. She’s married to a man that is either an executive or he works is somehow affiliated with 1501, which is the record label that Meg has just come from that she’s had so many issues with currently still having issues with.
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh!
Meg Scoop Thomas: Currently going through a lawsuit with them. Like it’s been horrible for her with this–
Dr. Imani Walker: Aw.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –This record label and she, her ex best friend is married to a guy that like works there. So I don’t know if–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –that’s part of them like–
Dr. Imani Walker: It could be.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –trying to take her down and like girl you with us now.
Dr. Imani Walker: It could be.
Meg Scoop Thomas: You know, that could be part of it. Another suggestion is that, you know, on the stand Megan said that Tory had offered both her and Kelsey a million dollars to not say anything. And she obviously was like nah I’m not taking that. Now, when the prosecution asked Kelsey the same thing like did were you offered money, she was like, no, like I wasn’t offered anything. And all I’m saying is this is giving you [?] boo, because if you’re going to say, in September in a recorded interview that Tory shot Meg, that, you know, all this stuff and now you’re backtracking and saying, Oh, I don’t remember–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Saying that or I don’t know why I said that it’s giving payoff. Okay? It’s giving payoff.
Dr. Imani Walker: It is. It is it’s giving pay off. And [sigh] I mean, I’m just it it’s it’s really unfortunate. Obviously, Meg got shot all up in the feet and stuff but what’s also unfortunate is that these people are really young.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: And it just really I’m like, damn, because I got into some dumb shit like dumb, dumb shit when I was younger. And it’s it’s just–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: It’s just so unfortunate that, like, you know, these are like, young people with money and or fame. I don’t know if Tory Lanez got money. I mean, I don’t know. He he probably does.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I mean he offered millions of dollars. He got a little residuals, he apparently is more popular than we would like to hope. Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Whatever, I don’t know I don’t care. But. But, but I guess, you know, I guess, [laughing] I guess, you know, when you when you take youth and you take money and you take fame and guns and hurt feelings and, you know, it could turn into this. So it’s it’s just it’s just really unfortunate. And, you know, I just I just want to see Meg walk away with some sort of, you know, positive outcome. And I want um I would like for Tory Lanez to be left out in the sun. So that he can dissolve into goo like his cousins did in Gremlins two. So anyway, that being said. [Laughing] That being said, um. Yeah, this case is wild. Like, I wasn’t expecting it to be. I wasn’t expecting it to be kind of like, you know, run of the mill, like, blasé, like, okay, we have like, you know, we’re going to court whatever I just like, we’re on day five today.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Like, this shit is crazy. So, anyway.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Anyway, Meg thee stallion, we love you. And I’m so glad. Legit. I’m so glad your feet are better. I was really concerned. I was like, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She she but she came back wearing heels and all kinds of shit. I was like, Girl, [sigh] get that youth. Because that is not–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Those are not my ankles. Those are not my feet. So anyway, [laugh] anyway.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Hey, everybody. Switching gears for a moment. If you guys are loving the show, let us know by rating the show on your favorite podcast app.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes, this is going to be a good show. I can feel it. So let’s get it started. [music break]
Dr. Imani Walker: Yay. Okay, so we want to know what’s on your mind, what are you struggling with? We love giving our professional and not so professional advice.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s right. It is time for Ask Dr. Imani Anything. Our letter today comes from Katie, and here is what she had to say. Hey, Dr. Imani and Meg, I have a friend who is clearly depressed. My friends and I have no clue how to support her. We’ve given her therapist recommendations to call and she won’t call them. We try to make plans with her and she will cancel. Now, it’s not the canceling that upsets us, but the lying when she cancels. She’ll tell us she had the flu or car troubles moments before she’s supposed to meet us. She’s gaining weight, isolating, and again, lying. We just want her to know we’re here for her. But we can’t be there if she’s lying. One friend says we need to pull up on her and have an intervention. Another friend says pulling up on her wouldn’t be healthy. Everyone always says, check on your strong friends. Well, we’re checking on her, but we feel like we need to be doing more. She isn’t doing well. And I’m worried. What can we do to help our friend help herself?
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay, so honestly, you know what this sounds like?
Meg Scoop Thomas: What?
Dr. Imani Walker: This sounds like me. This sounds like me. Um.
Meg Scoop Thomas: You wrote this letter to yourself? [laugh]
Dr. Imani Walker: I did. I wrote this letter to myself. Um. My name is Katie, and I’m writing about my fake friend, which is me. No, no, no, no. This. This sounds like me. Just in terms of, like not that. Well, is it a lie? Was I lying? I don’t know if I was lying, but I would made plans. Like, I still I still have this issue because I get I get tired sometimes. I just get really tired. Like, I’ve always just been that way–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Ever since I was like, like, pretty much since, I don’t know, I guess 2000, like my mid twenties, I was just like, I’m fucking tired I’m tired all the time. Um. It was depression and I didn’t know. And so I would make plans and be like, Yeah, let’s do this. And then I’d be like, You know what? On the real. I don’t feel well. Now I say that because it’s when you tell somebody that you made plans with like, Oh, I’m just really tired. It doesn’t hit the same as if you say like, Oh, I’m sick, because if you’re tired, they’ll be like, Whatever, girl, like, let’s just come on.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Like push through it.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Or drink some coffee or whatever. And I’m like, Yeah, no, y’all don’t understand the level of fatigue. So I would just say that I was sick. Right. And I would also I would isolate, like when I get depressed, I definitely isolate because that’s that’s definitely a symptom of depression. Um. So, Katie, here’s the thing. Um. I would I understand that the lying is bothersome to you, but you have to look at it in the scope of the fact that your friend is depressed. Right. And just like I said that. It’s not that I was trying to deliberately lie to, like, get some sort of, you know, secondary gain or I wasn’t trying to lie in order to, you know, do something else. Like, Oh, I don’t want to do this thing with my friends I made plans for plans with, I want to do something else that’s more fun. It’s just that I would have to say I was sick because that’s the only excuse that people would understand and then leave me alone about. So as as as annoying as it can be to be like, Damn, my friend is straight lying in my face. It’s less about that and more about the fact that you just need to have a little bit of compassion for your friend. It sounds like you definitely can identify with the fact that she’s depressed. Um. And let me think. Do, you know would I stage an intervention?
Meg Scoop Thomas: I would.
Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know if I would necessarily stage an intervention.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I absolutely would.
Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t know if I like just, like, run up on her and be like, girl, you depressed. [laughing] Like that or like, how would you do it?
Meg Scoop Thomas: No not like that. Not like that. I mean, because–
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: If this was one of my best friends. Like, you know about your best friends, right? You know what their patterns are.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And the thing Katie said is she isn’t doing well and I’m worried like they know this is not her usual behavior. Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So to me, like this your homegirl, you can run up on her if you want, right? Y’all know her like that.
Dr. Imani Walker: It’s true.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So I sometimes you gotta do that because your strong friend is going to always be like, I’m good, I’m fine. You know? They they’re not going to ask for help, so sometimes I think all [?] I don’t think it should be an intervention we’re y’all sit around in like you know, like on that show. No. I think you guys should pull up with, like, a movie or some popcorn, blankets, you know, some products and do facials for yourselves and just have a girls night, like, pull up at her house and have a girls night. If she’s depressed, her house may be nasty and like she might. It might just be messy. Help her clean it up and just start clean it up. Because sometimes when you’re depressed, you need a cleaner, clean space. Helps you feel better.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right? So, like, just be like, we’ll come in here and clean. We’re gonna come in here. We’re gonna put you in the shower. We’re going to do whatever. We don’t care. Like we’re going to–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –do facials, we’re going to have a girls night, we going to eat this popcorn and eat snacks and we gonna like we’re just going to have a good time together. To me, I think that’s important. When you have somebody that is that close to you and you know, like they’re not in a good place and they’re not going to ask for help.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right. Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So–
Dr. Imani Walker: I agree.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And cause I because at the end of the day, like, if your friend if you’re if she’s as bad off as you say and she something happens to her, like, God forbid, she commits suicide, you’re going to always look back and go, like, why didn’t I do more? So just do more. The worst she going to be is–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Mad at you, right and be like get out of my house. Okay, well–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –at least you know we here we gonna come back tomorrow. So you better get it together like we coming back.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: We not letting up. We not giving up.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, no, I agree. And all this, of course, you know, brings up, um you know, this past week, DJ Twitch um apparently committed suicide. I, I, I didn’t do I didn’t do this purposefully, but I was reading an article in USA Today and they had a link um that at that point had shown that the the coroner was investigating. Um. They didn’t have a cause of death, but it was uh circulated that he um may have committed suicide. I don’t know if there was a letter left or, you know, a suicide note, anything like that. But um I, I do I do agree with Meg. I do think that, you know, first of all, Katie, be prepared that your friend is going to be very, very resistant. Like, No, I’m fine, I don’t you know, like, it’s cool. Let’s just do this later. You really kind of have to, you know, get past that and just be like, okay, girl. Well, here’s the thing. I’m just going to come in and, you know, if are you hungry? Do you I mean, the answer to everything she says is going to be no. Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right. Exactly.
Dr. Imani Walker: But as, right but as somebody who has been really depressed, um even when somebody was around me, like it took me maybe like 30 minutes, but then I was like, all right, you’re here. And sometimes, you know, it’s like I like I’ve had people say to me, listen, like, you can be depressed. I’m just going to be here. Like, you can just–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Do what you gonna do. I’m just gonna be here.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Sometimes that’s all you need. That’s all you you know you, it’s hard to get out of a dark space, but if you have the people that are closest to you that really know and really care about you, then it’s easier. It’s easier to kind of be like, okay, well, like, I don’t feel like going out, y’all knew I was lying like, but this is cool. At least you all are here supporting me.
Dr. Imani Walker: Right? Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I would. I would I would do that. I would do a gentle intervention, a gentlevention, if you will. [laughter] Um.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I like that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, but I would. Yeah, but I would. I would just legit be like, yo, I’m not, I wouldn’t even be like, I’m coming over. I would just be like, yeah, I’m outside. Like, come open the door, you know?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Um. Because again, like, she’s going to be like, Nah, I’m good. Like, I’m fine girl–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Whatever da da da da da because people who are depressed, you know, even, you know, especially the strong ones and I’m including myself in this. We are very adept at being like everything is fine, I’m great, I’m good, I practice smiling so much so that like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Nobody knows that I’m like, sad or or–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: I don’t even know what’s going on, so just be prepared for that. But um. But I think, yeah, I think that that is what you need to do. Don’t get so caught up in the fact that she’s lying. Just see this really as like, just cause people who are depressed sometimes [baby cooing in background], you know, we have poor judgment. So she’s not purposefully lying to you. She’s just trying to find the right words to say so that she can be left alone, so that she can continue to be depressed. Um. It’s kind of like, you know, like like inertia, like a body at rest will stay at rest. And when you’re depressed, you will stay at rest until some serotonin happens to, you know, come into your body and and then you feel better. So, you know, just but also a body at rest will stay at rest, but a body in motion will stay in motion. So get her–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. Yup.
Dr. Imani Walker: –you know, get her moving, you know, get her moving. So. Thank you, Katie, for submitting your question. I really hope that me and Meg were able to help, you.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Now if you have a question or a problem centered around your mental health and you want our help, please send your emails to askdoctorImani@crooked.com. You can also text or leave us a voicemail because we like to hear from you at 818-252-9462.
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay, we’re about to switch things up. So this holiday season, we talked about slowing down and setting boundaries, but now it’s time to get into the art of rest. I’m especially talking to all my Black women out there who feel they have to do everything, host everyone, or work on their days off to get it all done.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Ooh, ooh. Girl, are you talking to me?
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Everyone always say that it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but it also wears me out. I think we can benefit from this deep dive, so let’s get into it. [music break]
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. Here we go. Let’s get right into this deep dive. I wanted to especially highlight the importance of taking real moments of rest, real moments of rest. Most of us have a few days off for the holidays, but Hustle Culture will have you thinking that you need to be planning your 2023 instead of just resting. So do not let this holiday break you. All right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Please don’t.
Dr. Imani Walker: Now–
Meg Scoop Thomas: It ain’t worth it. It’s not worth it.
Dr. Imani Walker: It’s not worth it. Okay, you know what I just thought of when I was when I was saying that? Do you–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Vision boards. Girl vision boards.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Wait you don’t like them?
Dr. Imani Walker: Vision boards are great. No, no, no.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh you do like, okay–
Dr. Imani Walker: I’m saying vision boards are great. Vision boards are great right. I’m not a vision board person. I I do understand the sentiment. But, you know, I’m just like I’ve just I’ve never really done one like I’ve attempted to, but I’m like, I could just do this shit in my head. Like, it’s it’s just not for me. [laughter] But–
Meg Scoop Thomas: That that defeats the whole purpose of the vision board, talking about cause I could do it in my head. [laughing]
Dr. Imani Walker: Well, I guess what I’m saying is when it comes to me and vision boards, like I when I when I want something real bad. Like, it’s not that that’s all I think about, but like, I think about it to the point where I start to put things in motion so that I can get it. Right? So I know that–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: –For, you know, a lot of people like that, creating a vision board is like, yes, I’m taking the time, I’m I’m putting this together, I’m focusing on this, I’m thinking about it. But for me, I’m just like, well, I really want this job, or I really want this thing. And then I’ll just keep, you know, I’ll just keep like thinking about it and then make it happen. Um. But it got me thinking about vision boards because this is really like peak vision board time, if you know what I mean.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Around new years, all that stuff yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. It’s like, make a vision board. What do you want for the new year? And I think that’s great. I think that’s great for some people. I think for other people it can I think it can be a little bit, you know, overkill right now. Like I really, really have embraced the concept of of rest and I–
Meg Scoop Thomas: You, you really do. I will admit that you have–
Dr. Imani Walker: I do. [laughing]
Meg Scoop Thomas: I have never seen somebody be more–
Dr. Imani Walker: You’ve been to my house.
Meg Scoop Thomas: You are so restful like you you value your time and it is so apparent. You your time is like the number one currency for you. That is like the highest payment for you is your time and–
Dr. Imani Walker: It is.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –I say that you specifically and I’ve learned that from you and I like watching you be like, look if it costs me time, it costd me my peace. No, thank you.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. No.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And you are so quick to do that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. And I’m saying this is this is new me, this new Imani. This is like AARP Imani. This is like, you know, this is like the second part of my life, Imani, like like granted for to me, I’m not going to hit middle age till I turn 50, so I got three more years. But I’m telling you, like, I’m like I’m [?], I didn’t make a vision board, but in my head I have like I told you this, like I have like, okay, like what? Like what is my look going to be for the second half of my life? Like, am I doing, you know–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Am I doing like Imperial Guard, like Star Wars type shit. [laughter] Like you know what I’m saying, like am I doing, you know, even more platforms, and more hats? Like, what am I doing? But legit. It’s about rest. Like, I’m just like like. Legit. I’m just like if this like you said, if it costs me my peace and it’s too expensive, get the fuck out of my face. I’m laying down. I mean–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –And that’s to anybody. Like, that’s even.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay, you want to. Okay. This is real time legit. I just got a text from my mom. She called me. She doesn’t know I’m recording. She said, please call me ASAP. My friend’s daughter in L.A. was triggered by Twitch’s suicide and is talking in a frightening manner. Now I would love to drop everything and talk to my mom right now, but I also know that that could be a lot for me. So I’m going to just finish doing this. I’m going to and and also–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: I know my mother very well. I know that sometimes, you know, it’s good for her to just have some moments and just, you know, think about, okay, like what’s going on and I will deal with this later. It’s important. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very important. But at the same time, I I’ve had a tendency, my younger self has had a tendency to internalize other people’s issues, which is why being a psychiatrist has been fun and great and very rewarding. But it’s also been very like stressful at times. And so for me to be the best person and the best psychiatrist that I can be to my patients sometimes, yeah, I’m just like, you know what? That is super fucked up. Here’s the thing. I’ll be back. I’ll be back like in an hour.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Wait what?
Dr. Imani Walker: And then we can–
Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s what you say? For real?
Dr. Imani Walker: I mean. Yeah, like. Like I’ll be yeah like. I’ll be. I mean, I may not say this out loud, but but, like, if I’m if I was working at the hospital and somebody was just like, ahhh you know, just really going through, like, an episode, I would just be like, you know what I’m a give you some medication, I’ll be back. I’m a let you–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: I’m a let you marinate. Yeah, I’m a let you marinate.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Okay that makes sense.
Dr. Imani Walker: Like literally marinate in these medications and then I’ll be back. And then, like, if there’s something you wanna talk about, we could talk about it then. But, you know, like, sometimes it’s so what I’ve learned is that I need to protect my peace and my space. And I also have, am experienced enough to know that sometimes people just need their time and their space, too. And it’s not to say that I’m not going I’m coming back like you can count on me.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right, right.
Dr. Imani Walker: It’s just that sometimes I need a moment too. So just because it’s it’s a lot like I know like in the past few years people like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: That make sense.
Dr. Imani Walker: I’m an empath. Yeah, like I’m an empath. I’m an empath. Maybe. Maybe we all are empaths. But it also means that if you are an empath and if you are somebody who really does internalize other people’s pain, you need moments like you need to pace yourself. And um and so that that that’s what I do. But yes, to your point, I’m glad that you that you see me like in my new form, um my, my, my new like my new like, you know, AARP life where I’m just like, oh, okay. [laughter] So I don’t know but, I mean, I guess they’ll let me know at some point. And even if they just got back to me, I don’t know, I’ll get back to them like they ain’t gonna die. They’ll be alright.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh my gosh.
Dr. Imani Walker: They’ll be alright, like you safe. Yeah, I mean legit because, because when, because when you can’t prioritize yourself, everything is an emergency and your anxiety can be so high. So high, so, so yeah. That’s, you know, that’s um that’s what I do. And honestly, I kind of I mean, you’re busy, like, you got two little kids. Um.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes girl.
Dr. Imani Walker: I can be busy, but I’ve chosen not to. So like I have I, we’ve talked about this. I schedule time in my sched– I schedule time to be alone or not do anything. And that’s that’s what I do. Like, it’s really important that I–
Meg Scoop Thomas: I love that. See.
Dr. Imani Walker: That I do that. Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I just ugh.
Dr. Imani Walker: And you got to commit to it. You got to commit to it.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: It took me a couple of years to be like, well, okay, like, well, let me just take care of it. And I’m like, No, why don’t you take care of you? Take care of you. Cause’ who’s gonna take–
Meg Scoop Thomas: That is so important girl.
Dr. Imani Walker: Who’s gonna take care of you? Nobody.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That is so important.
Dr. Imani Walker: So, yeah, I have. You remember Pearl from 227? She used to be sittin in the window. That’s me right now. That’s me. I’m like, oh okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh my gosh. I love her, she was my favorite character on that show too.
Dr. Imani Walker: She’s my favorite.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: I know. I know. She was my favorite character. Jackée was second but Pearl, she was like, I don’t girl I don’t know. I don’t know. And I don’t really care.
Meg Scoop Thomas: She didn’t have time for it.
Dr. Imani Walker: I know I’m a sit right here though and enjoy this breeze–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: So.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Yeah. So that’s that’s pretty much that’s pretty much my view of things. And then also, if we want to take a more like, I guess, global approach and when I say global, I mean like our whole bodies and just, you know, factoring in cultural, cultural and historical issues. Honestly, Black folks need to rest.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Thank you. [?]
Dr. Imani Walker: We need to rest.
Meg Scoop Thomas: We ain’t [pause] I want to say we probably were better at resting before enslavement for for American Black people. But like. We haven’t had a chance to rest in like 400 years. Why?
Dr. Imani Walker: No, we haven’t had a chance to rest.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Your ancestors did not go through all that for you to have to be living your life full of stress, and like [?] but there’s more to life than than your job, than failed relationships, than debt, like there’s other things that we don’t need to be so concerned with. And I say that because I have been a part of that whole hustle culture as well. Like up until probably I had children, I was like, I sleep when I’m dead. I was part of that group [?] in bed, I don’t need, not not knowing that the lack of sleep is what’s going to kill me.
Dr. Imani Walker: Exactly.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Legit. And now I’m trying to undo years of not sleeping because I like I just have never. I was so busy working multiple jobs, trying to make my dreams happen. And I was like, Man, I don’t need sleep and now I’m sitting here like, okay, now my metabolism is jacked up alright, all these issues because I didn’t sleep.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Because I just felt like there’s no time to sleep. Well, no there’s time to sleep. You need to schedule that–
Dr. Imani Walker: There’s time to sleep.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –In there. You need to schedule that in.
Dr. Imani Walker: And you have to like. And that’s why I was saying it took me a while to really internalize that. Like, it has to like it just it took me a while because up up until that point in my life, I was always geared and I guess in a way taught that, well, you got to be better than everybody else. You got to, you know, always like be first, always be the best, always this, always that. And that is I mean, that breeds not only anxiety, but it breeds like it really can cause you to, like, doubt yourself. Because let me tell you how mad–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –I’ve been the majority of my life that I lost a spelling bee in third grade.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh, my gosh. Me too.
Dr. Imani Walker: I was something like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Mine second grade though.
Dr. Imani Walker: Are you? Oh, my God.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes.
Dr. Imani Walker: I’m just–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Girl. What was the–
Dr. Imani Walker: I was just like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: What was the word you lost on?
Dr. Imani Walker: Balloon.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Ugh.
Dr. Imani Walker: Balloon.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Mine was roam. R-O-A-M, I didn’t know there–
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –was such a thing. I just knew–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –R-O-M-E. Still mad about it.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, right. I’m right still mad. And at the end of the day it’s like, first of all, Imani, nobody cares. This was third grade.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right, right.
Dr. Imani Walker: This was 19– This was fully 1983. Nobody cares. The girl who won don’t care. Why do you care? Because it was like, well I have to be the best and I have to be perfect and da da da da da and this, that and the third. And it’s not that anyone specifically told me, you have to be perfect, but but it became something that I told myself, because so much of our culture and so much about just like even seeing my mom work and my and and my grandmother and everything. It was just like, you got to be the best. You got to be like this. You got to, you know, be first. And so, you know, it’s only recently that I’m like, okay, well, you know what? Maybe maybe you lost that spelling bee so that you could really learn how to spell balloon correctly for the rest of your life. [laughter] I’ll never forget.
Meg Scoop Thomas: You’ll never get it wrong now huh?
Dr. Imani Walker: I will never get it wrong. I’ll never get it wrong. All this talk about resting though, so there’s there is a woman. Her name is Tricia Hirsch, Tricia Hersey. And she’s the founder of the NAP Ministry. And I’ve been wanting for her to come on this podcast forever and ever and ever.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oooh I love it.
Dr. Imani Walker: Um she yeah, she wrote a book. It’s a New York Times bestseller, too. It’s called Rest is Resistance. And I’ve been following her on Instagram for the past couple of years. But her one of her one of her beliefs is that rest is a form of resistance and reparations. And I agree.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oooh yes that is so true.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. I agree.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That is so true.
Dr. Imani Walker: I agree. Because so much of like [baby crying] hi! Because so much of like grind culture and hustle culture is is rooted in like white supremacy. It’s rooted in like, you know, what we were taught to to internalize when we were enslaved and–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Even down to like, I mean, even down to like like what always, always bothered me. [baby cooing] Yay. What always bothered me was when like, there’s that old Nas lyric where he’s like, Sleep is the cousin of death. And I’m like, No, it’s not.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right right.
Dr. Imani Walker: No it’s not, like that’s weird. Everybody has to sleep. If you don’t sleep, you gonna die. That’s crazy. So [baby sounds] I I don’t know if I’ll go so far as to say that rest is reparations. I would like money. I would like my money.
Meg Scoop Thomas: [laugh[ Yes. You do need money.
Dr. Imani Walker: Um. Yeah, I would like my money because I would, you know, like the the disparities between what we could have, what we what we could be working with versus what we are working with is so sickening. But–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –I do believe that when it comes to rest, that it’s something that just as human beings, we owe ourselves and–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Absolutely.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Absolutely.
Dr. Imani Walker: And that’s that’s I mean, that’s pretty much it. Like, I I am definitely somebody who delights in keeping my life as sterile from white supremacy as possible. [laughter] So aside from the fact, aside from the fact that I just like resting and I’ve internalized that now and it’s like a core tenet of my life, I’m like, Oh yeah, I’m not participating in this white supremacy. Like, I will I will take a nap, I will go to sleep on you. So, like, fuck around and find out I’m asleep. Goodbye. Till I wake up and then I might ignore you then too.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. Yes.
Dr. Imani Walker: Until you come until you come correct.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. You hear Milan say–
Dr. Imani Walker: So. Yeah, I–
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Yes, honey yes.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yes.
Meg Scoop Thomas: That’s what we doing.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yes. Yes Milan! Because because it’s just I mean, you’re not doing yourself any favors. So, you know, resting now clearly resting, you know, can mean sleeping, napping, which is my favorite. But you can also there’s also other ways to rest. A lot of people, not me, thank God, but a lot of people have issues with insomnia and some of that insomnia–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oooh me honey, that’s me. That is me.
Dr. Imani Walker: You do? Yeah you do.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. But you know what? I feel like mine is like anxiety ridden. Like–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I just need to stop thinking so much. Just clear your mind. Go to sleep. Lay down.
Dr. Imani Walker: It’s very common. It’s very common.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: And that’s what I’m saying. Like resting. It’s you got to practice it. It’s a practice like you can’t like my mind too. Like, I would, I would, I would have to smoke weed every night just to go to sleep because my mind–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh wow.
Dr. Imani Walker: –was just like [making frightened panting sounds].
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: And now I’m just like, girl, I don’t even be remembering when I, I just be waking up like, Oh.
Meg Scoop Thomas: [laughing] When did I go to sleep?
Dr. Imani Walker: When did I go to sleep? This happens all the time. Peter, be like, You just fell out. And then I’ll be like, I’m not fall. I’m not going to sleep. I’m just laying here with my face in the pillow. I can hear everything that’s going on.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Child.
Dr. Imani Walker: Next thing I know girl, it is 6 a.m. I’m like Imani, okay.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I love it. I love it.
Dr. Imani Walker: But it’s but it’s also important because part of part of that, like I think one of the one of the hardest things for people, especially with social media to let go of, is not checking your phone like when you’re in bed. Like when I was when I was an adult, but younger, I used to purposefully not have a television in my bedroom. And that’s because social media wasn’t a thing. And now that there is like now that we have [baby sounds] everything at arm’s reach with our phones, part of that grind is still like checking emails, checking the news, checking, you know, like what’s going on [baby crying] with the Megan thee Stallion trial, like what’s going on and exactly. And it’s just something that we have to like it it just it takes practice. But resting can also mean journaling. It could also mean meditating and meditating if you guys have never meditated, I would just like to suggest headspace, which I’d you know, they’re not a paid sponsor. I just really like their little cartoons and I like how their app is organized. It’s really, really nice. Um. But I really like headspace. Um I just I’ve I’ve run the gamut of, you know, journaling, meditating, you know, I’ve I’ve even, like, jogged and run as a form of meditation. I can’t do it now because I have a messed up knee. But–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oooh okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: But also most importantly is that you like especially I think you Meg like, like really paying attention to like, like when you’re sleeping, like giving yourself time to wind down.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Um.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh yeah. For sure.
Dr. Imani Walker: I know iPhone does it for me there like bitch it is 9:15, it’s time to wind down.
Meg Scoop Thomas: [banter] I set that feature. It does help. It does help because it’s like, okay girl, you’ve got 50 million things to do, but it’s time for bed. I’m getting better at it. But like, you know, with little kids, sometimes they’re they’re all over the place.
Dr. Imani Walker: Oh yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So. It’s been tough, but like, I’m the one thing I will say that I can see about myself is that I’m prioritizing it. Like, for me–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Rest looks like, you know, like today I went and got a facial–
Dr. Imani Walker: Oooh!
Meg Scoop Thomas: I had, I still have a million things to do, but that’s what I’m saying like I and then I subscribe to a place that, like, it takes the money out of my account monthly to get this facial–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So I have to go. They taking my money–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –And I’m not just about to give them some free money. So–
Dr. Imani Walker: [whispered] Oh my god.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –Like that, it makes me go do that. And that’s important for me because I need this, this is restful for me, going to get my nails I like, I have to–
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –go get it done. That’s my rest time, sometimes I fall asleep. Sometimes–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: –It’s just relaxing, but it’s time that I’m like purposely taking for myself because regardless of how old my kids are, like I still got to take care of me and I still got to be me.
Dr. Imani Walker: Girl, you just reminded me that I have a massage membership. And I’m like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: You’re like wait a minute.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, I was like hold up, I was like [indistinct] hold up. I was like wait. I was like, I need to schedule my 90 minute massage. Like, fuck around I need to I need to do that so. So, in any case, hey, everybody, rest. Get your rest. Get your rest. Even if even if–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes yes please.
Dr. Imani Walker: –your friends and family are like, but we were supposed to do blah blah blah. Like just be like, you know what? I hear you. Here’s the thing. I’m not going anywhere. We will get to it. But right now, I really just need to take some time for myself. And people understand that, like, they’re not going to be like–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –You’re an asshole. You’re terrible.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And you know, it rubs off. It rubs off when you–
Dr. Imani Walker: It does.
Meg Scoop Thomas: When you’re like, I’m very restful. Like people like, Oh, well you know what? I feel like I could rest a little more, so–
Dr. Imani Walker: Exactly.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah don’t be afraid to share that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. So get your rest on everybody. So in any case, that’s all the time we have for our deep dive conversation today, because I’m going to take a nap after this. I’m just kidding. I’m not. Um. I hope that you all get some rest this holiday season.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yes. That was such a good discussion. So let’s move on to our favorite segment, pop culture diagnosis. [music break]
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. Let’s get right into our pop culture diagnosis for this week. One of the best parts of this year is the holiday movies. I love holiday movies. I love Black holiday movies especially. So Meg–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oooh yes.
Dr. Imani Walker: –I wanted to take it back. Yes, I want to take it back to one of my favorite holiday movies. Can you please give the listeners a quick synopsis of the movie, The Best Man Holiday and who we are going to diagnose today?
Meg Scoop Thomas: Now, this is the sequel to the nineties cult classic The Best Man. Now, when college friends reunite after 15 years over the Christmas holiday, they discover just how easy it is for long forgotten rivalries and romances to be reignited. Now, I definitely recommend going back and watching both Best Man and the Best Man Holiday this break. The Best Man, the final chapter was just released on Peacock, so I’m definitely watching that. Terrence Howard said he was retiring from acting. So I think it’s only right we diagnose the troublemaker and the bad boy of the bunch. Quentin who’s played by Terrence Howard.
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. So first of all, let me back up. Terrence Howard said he retired from acting.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay Terrence Howard. Okay. What you about to do?
Meg Scoop Thomas: I mean, you what if he, he might, he might have some plans.
Dr. Imani Walker: Girl. You don’t even know. You don’t even know and he don’t either. Terrance Howard, if you don’t stop fucking around–
Meg Scoop Thomas: I know.
Dr. Imani Walker: –And and make another movie and and do whatever. I know you probably still butt hurt about Iron Man. Okay. But we love you.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh yeah. That was bad. [laughing]
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, but like we but we love you.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I liked Don Cheedle better. I’m sorry.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. I mean, I yeah. Like I I’m like Terrence Howard we love you. And, you know, I have I have sat through the YouTube compilation of him saying Mayne um from Hustle and Flow. It’s like 25 minutes. It’s crazy. Um. [laughter] Uh. But I, I love me some Terrence Howard. And honestly, it’s so funny because if it wasn’t for Terrence Howard in this movie, it would not be as good as it is. So um I saw I actually–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. I agree with that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, coincidentally, I saw the Best Man holiday this week and um I think Quentin is a great character to analyze, although Lance, Lance, we can do him another time. Lance is out of control. Lance is just he he’s a mess to me. Um. But Quentin.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Now, let’s talk about Quentin. He definitely is the bad boy of the bunch, um Quentin. Let me see. Quentin is definitely somebody who he has this, like, hard candy shell, but he’s really, like, soft inside. A lot of–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: A lot of what I see in Quentin and this is not diagnosable, by the way, is that he just reminds me, you know, obviously, of Black men of a certain age. So there was one point in the Best Man Holiday, where he said to um uh Harold. Uh. Oh, my God what. Oh, Harold Perrineau’s character who’s married to Regina Hall in the movie.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: Um. He was like. He was like, will you y’all bamma ass married a stripper? And I was like, wait a minute. I was like strippers are people, too. That’s not like that’s not a character flaw.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah. [laughing]
Dr. Imani Walker: I was like, nigga don’t say that. That’s fucked up. So they get into a fight in the backseat of Lance’s car because Lance is driving, they driving somewhere girl that they this whole the movie was great but the whoever planned the events for this like in this fictitious like, you know, movie this fictitious Christmas like did not have rest in mind because it was they was doing all kinds of shit all the time anyway. Quentin is like I feel like Quentin uses like this hypersexual, like bad boy image to mask the fact that he really is somebody who’s dealt with trauma in the past. And there’s one particularly–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –like really touching scene in this movie in The Best Man Holiday, where um Taye Diggs’s character um loses his job. He’s he’s a parent. He in the movie, he’s like a professor at NYU. And then also the book that he had written his his uh I guess his agent doesn’t feel that it’s good enough to bring to his publisher. So he’s ass out he has no money coming in. He’s it when they went to somewhere to the store and the credit card bounced. And so Quentin was like, yo, like, if you need some money, like legit, I’m doing well, like, hit me up. And it was a really touching scene because he was like, yo, for real. Like, I got you. Like you, my boy. Of course, Taye Diggs was like, No, I’m fine. Everything is fine. And then of course–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Later on in the movie, Taye Diggs was like, I do need some money. He was like, Boy, if you would have just said something before. He was like, I could have been gave you money. And then after that, okay, this was the funny part to me because because this is just because I’m just stupid. So after that, so okay, let me back up. Before Taye Diggs admits that he needs the money to to Terrence Howard–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –He gets into a fight with um–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup.
Dr. Imani Walker: With Sanaa Lathan. And then once he gets the money. He was like, okay, girl, like, let’s talk it out. I’m like, I bet you want to talk it out because now you have some money, you can eat. Pay some bills. Look at you.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Right.
Dr. Imani Walker: Being raggedy, raggedy.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Raggedy.
Dr. Imani Walker: Raggedy. Anyway. Terrence Howard’s character, Quentin. Um. I don’t know, is he diagnosable? He just seems to be he seems to be, like, a bit impulsive at times. Like he’d be sending–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: He be sending dick pics to Shelby, and, [laughter] like, he just kind of seems like a little like he just seems like a free spirit. And I don’t know if that’s diagnosable, but I, but I definitely do feel like Quentin is somebody who is, I remember like he played the guitar really well in the first Best Man, and I think he’s–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah he did.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Someone that and–
Meg Scoop Thomas: He did.
Dr. Imani Walker: I want to say am I tripping or did Quentin say something at some point that like he had a troubled, like, childhood? I don’t know, like where I’m getting this from–
Meg Scoop Thomas: I don’t remember that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, I don’t know where I’m getting this from.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I don’t remember that.
Dr. Imani Walker: Okay. He just seems like a really creative and talented, like person. And, um you know, maybe, maybe I’m, you know, fabricating this belief that somehow uh Quentin had a troubled childhood. But but I. But I do really see him as like, although he can be impulsive. And I think that’s his way of of kind of deflecting um from his true emotions, like when his friends really need him, he’s he’s a real softy. And so I really I think that’s why, um especially when I was, you know, doing some research leading up to us having this discussion for pop culture diagnosis, a lot of people were like, Yo, Quentin’s my favorite character. Like, he really made the movie. Like, he just he just seems the most human, I guess, um because–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Oh, yeah, no that makes sense. I would say.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, he seems the most human. Um. I was gonna say like once, like when I was thinking about this, like Quentin reminds me a lot of like he just has like he’s he’s a lot of him is Id like, just that unfiltered, unsolicited, like type of thinking, like he just says what’s on his mind. Um. But then, you know, like I said, when his friends really need him and like there’s a there’s need for discretion. Like it’s there. Although there is the scene with him and Harold Perrineau’s character when um in Best Man Holiday. When when uh when Quentin grabs uh Harold Perrineau’s phone because Regina Hall was in the same room, and she was like, oh, let me use your phone. But the video of her, like, you know, basically soliciting sex from from from this dude that she was stripping for, like is on the phone. And Quentin grabbed the phone and–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah.
Dr. Imani Walker: –Grabbed it and slammed it to the ground. So, yeah, I don’t know if Quentin has a diagnosis. He just seems like a really, like, free spirited type of a person. And I’m not mad. Yeah. I don’t know.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Is it free spirit or–
Dr. Imani Walker: Maybe I’m missing something.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Is it free spirit or is he just going through so– I just feel like he has trauma from the past, to be honest with you.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Yeah. I think he has trauma. I don’t think we were able to see a like, honestly, if somebody wanted to make a movie of just Quentin so that Terrence Howard can come out of retirement. That would probably help me, like, diagnose him a little bit better. Um. But for now, I’m just going to say that, you know, Quentin’s character or Terrence Howard playing Quentin seems to he’s he has some type of trauma, but he’s a really good friend. So I can’t really I can’t really diagnose him yet. So that that’s that that’s where I’m at.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Yup. Okay.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah. Althuogh–
Meg Scoop Thomas: Well, I’ll give, I’ll say the same thing. I don’t I don’t know. I just say there’s some kind of trauma there in order for him to, like, be the bad boy. But I–
Dr. Imani Walker: Right.
Meg Scoop Thomas: I don’t know, I what? Not narcissism because you taught me what that is.
Dr. Imani Walker: No, he’s not a nar- he’s not a narcissist.
Meg Scoop Thomas: And it ain’t, this ain’t it. This ain’t it.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, he’s a narcissist.
Meg Scoop Thomas: So. Yeah. I don’t know.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yeah, but he’s definitely we could definitely kick it because they was smoking weed all up in the house and shit and I was like, damn, okay. [laughter] Okay Quentin. Like let’s go. So, so anyway, that’s it for pop culture diagnosis. If you guys have suggestions for fictional characters out there that you’d like for me to diagnose, hit me up on Twitter at @Doctor_Imani, hit Meg up on Instagram at @MegScoop and email the show at AskDrImani@Crooked.com. Happy holidays, everybody. And thank you as always for listening.
Meg Scoop Thomas: Happy holidays. Don’t forget to take your rest.
Dr. Imani Walker: Yes. Rest. Rest up. Bye. [music break] This is a Crooked Media production. Our executive producer is Sandy Girard. Our producer is Lesley Martin. Music from Vasilis Fotopoulos, edited by Evan Sutton. And special thanks to Brandon Williams, Gabi Leverette, Mellani Johnson and Matt DeGroot for promotional support.
