Ira and Louis discuss the addictive new Sabrina Carpenter album, Bennifer’s divorce, Beyoncé rumors at the DNC, Popstar Academy, and the return of What Not to Wear’s Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. Hannah Berner joins to discuss her standup special We Ride at Dawn, the upcoming Giggly Squad book, and more.

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TRANSCRIPT

 

Ira Madison III And we are back with an all new episode of Keep It. I am Ira Madison, the third.

 

Louis Virtel I am Emmy nominee Louis Virtel. And do you know who I hear is going to be a secret guest on Keep It Today? You’re not going to believe this Beyonce. I’m kidding. That’s a DNC joke. We really were the stupidest people alive last week.

 

Ira Madison III That snowballed very quickly. Yeah, a really insane way. And someone said I was texting people who were at the DNC who at first were, not Jon, Jon and Tommy. By the way, I have other friends who were at the DNC.

 

Louis Virtel And you also have friends who have heard of Beyonce, so why would you even go to them?

 

Ira Madison III Jon Lovett who doesn’t even want to play Renaissance at his birthday party? We don’t have to talk about him right now.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, okay. Oh, I remember.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, remember that?  Beyoncé was rumored to be performing at the DNC. Now, this rumor had been going on for, like, a week. You know, like, people have really been talking about it, imagining like, oh, maybe she’s going to be there because she didn’t perform at the Olympics closing ceremony as if she was picking between one of the two.

 

Louis Virtel She’s like, I can only do one.

 

Ira Madison III In my hand, I hold one performance. And so once we got to the last day of the DNC, there were several things going on. One. We got a report that there was a special time slot being held, at the DNC, and only a few staffers knew what this time slot, was going to entail.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, and it’s not Australian break dancing. We’re assuming it’s something amazing that we’re all.

 

Ira Madison III Raygun was booked.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III That’s right. Yeah. She’s she’s standing trial for her crimes at the olympics.

 

Louis Virtel She’s at Guantanamo right now. Yes right.

 

Ira Madison III Still open?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right.

 

Ira Madison III And then someone on the Kamala team tweeted out a bee emoji.

 

Louis Virtel No they didn’t. I did not know that.

 

Ira Madison III You did not see this? It was white House political director, Emmy Ruiz who posted a bee emoji on Twitter. And then she claimed in a very Kim Kardashian way that, her daughter accidentally sent out the bee emoji from her phone.

 

Louis Virtel Oh my God. Well, it would have been amazing if, like, for example, Lily Gladstone and her collection of bees showed up on the DNC stage or something like that, and it was just a misdirect, but it also just means literally nothing. The bees didn’t turn into Beyoncé or anything related to entertainment.

 

Ira Madison III By the way. Side note you just brought up Lily Gladstone and the bees. And then I was thinking about your interview with Billy Magnussen and Peter Sarsgaard being a beekeeper.

 

Louis Virtel Right.

 

Ira Madison III Lily and Peter link up. You need to see this. Some sort of bee movie or documentary. Not an actual bee movie like Jerry Seinfeld.

 

Louis Virtel Right? No. And then maybe Maggie Gyllenhaal could adapt it. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. But, so there’s a bee moji. There’s rumors that Beyonce is going to be there because of a secret time slot. I’m texting friends at the DNC earlier in the day, I was being told absolutely not. She’s not coming.

 

Louis Virtel Right.

 

Ira Madison III Later in the day, they were like, yeah, looks like she’s coming. And then TMZ confirmed it. That she was coming. And Ta-Nehisi Coates couldn’t even get in as press. On that last day because the floor was packed, apparently because people heard about the Beyonce rumor and truly, everybody was rushing to the DNC so that they could see her. And then, lo and behold. We do not see Beyoncé anywhere on that stage.

 

Louis Virtel We saw Pink and the chicks, which, you know, I think they’re fans of Beyonce. Is that possible? That’s what they were going for. I have no idea. But can I just say on that front. So the chick sang the national anthem, and it was not the chicks national anthem that I wanted. They in the past, they did a Super Bowl performance and it was fabulous. This was less so. And I went I went down bad. I don’t know how to explain my feelings. Actually, I love those girls so much. And it was only okay.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, it wasn’t a great performance. I think, we needed to bring that trapeze out for pink because the note was somewhere in the air.

 

Louis Virtel Barnum and Bailey put it up there for her, and she could not reach our Ringling sister.

 

Ira Madison III But you know why? Maybe they weren’t ready to make nice.

 

Louis Virtel That’s true. Right? You know, they keep claiming they’re not. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Beyoncé did not appear. Kamala appeared. At some point Yvette who is Beyonce’s publicist, you know, the other most powerful publicist in the world who’s not Tree Paine.

 

Louis Virtel Tree Paine, yes.

 

Ira Madison III Taylor Swift’s publicist. Yvette put on Instagram the nastiest little, post, and I’m going to read this to you.

 

Louis Virtel Thank you.

 

Ira Madison III A photo of Kinzinger. You know, a former member of the January 6th Select Committee. Where it says on a Kyron at the bottom. Speaking tonight, Kamala Harris. So just a photo of whatever was on her TV at the moment. And she wrote at home watching and anticipating the VP’s historic speech. Focus on the win and register to vote. Do not report rumors. Focus. American flag.

 

Louis Virtel Thank you so much.

 

Ira Madison III You couldn’t have posted that earlier.

 

Louis Virtel Right? Yes. Just like allay our fears. Because we are we not only do we want Beyoncé to appear. We want it to be the momentous occasion of the year or whatever. So please, just, like, quash that right away. Get us feeling exactly the way we should be ahead of this, you know, great Kamala moment. You know.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, in a way, it’s kind of it’s kind of sad and a commentary on American politics that we were all. Is super excited. Geeked for Beyoncé to appear more than we were. You know, the Democratic proceedings.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. But whatever. Like, you got Tim Walz’s kid crying, which that’s the theatrics you want. That was fabulous. We love to see that. And again, you know, pink did her handsprings or whatever she does. So that’s enough for me.

 

Ira Madison III Also, I needed the possible appearance of a Beyonce anyway, because I’m sorry that this could have been my keep it, but it’s coming out right now. The DNC fans were like, I get my friends who are at work, but I’m talking about people who actually genuinely attended the DNC like they were attending the Olympics. Like, what’s going on here?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, it’s not really like rip your shirt open and belt to the stars sort of occasion. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III You spent four fucking days sitting through speeches.

 

Louis Virtel Right? I don’t think you put them online now. They put them online where you can see speeches and then, you know, move on with your time.

 

Ira Madison III And so I don’t need like, that much jingoism in my life, you know, like I can watch The West Wing. It’s on streaming.

 

Louis Virtel That’s just it. I mean, like, there’s I mean, I would say the speeches get a bit repetitive after a while, you know what I mean? Like, some of them have great moments and, you know, novel moments. But for the most part, it’s like the same thing again and again really, you know?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And especially since the DNC is always very not for us. The Beyoncé thing was finally something that was for us, right? I mean, the DNC is always very, here is a big show for the, moderate and maybe, deciding voters that always seem to pop up, every four years. And we got to convince them to vote for us by talking about cops in the military. I’m like, okay, girl, not for.

 

Louis Virtel Me. I have a date. Yeah. And you know, I don’t have a date. It’s a lie.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, yeah. I’m obviously loving Kamala. And I’ve been loving, like, the whole, run up to this. But the speech was certainly not for me, so.

 

Louis Virtel Sure. Yes. I guess I appreciate the very online insider joke of her wearing a coconut brown pantsuit. Which which dovetails with the lovely coconut meme that queer people have created for ourselves to be amused with that I actually don’t need to see referenced in any way by Kamala. Other than that.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, do not ever like lip sync the quote if she appears on Drag Race and ru tries to make a joke about it, shoot him. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel He’s not that fast. You can do it.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So, speaking of RuPaul, ru was guest host for Kimmel.

 

Louis Virtel That’s right. Yes. I, I wrote his gayer news bit. He did on Monday. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Listen, I know it’s not really her thing, but it was very funny watching ru interact with FKA twigs.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, my God. Also, and, not only FKA twigs, Maya Rudolph, where he goes, your mom saying that song loving you, and then sings it and then goes and hits the note, the crazy note that Minnie Riperton sings and screams that it is really funny, but it took a long walk to this bed.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. That Maya was unsettled. Yeah. And. And then twigs. We know she takes her word very seriously. Yeah. Even if her current album. You said she, is about, techno clubs in Prague, which is. It’s not that serious. We’re just doing drugs and dancing, baby. Right.

 

Louis Virtel And there’s some goulash nearby. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Dude. Trying to make, Hollywood Squares jokes. Yeah. Twigs, as she’s just looking at him like.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, I can give you this backstage insight into RuPaul. So I had to give, get some notes from RuPaul over a sketch. I go in, to his dressing room. And of course, there’s Raven, who does Ru’s makeup and.

 

Ira Madison III Some I don’t.

 

Louis Virtel Know. Yeah. It’s not that’s not Symone. And guess what artist RuPaul is listening to. I’ll give you one guess.

 

Ira Madison III Paula Abdul.

 

Louis Virtel A little older. Same vibe.

 

Ira Madison III Okay. Oh. Chaka Khan.

 

Louis Virtel Sheena Easton.

 

Ira Madison III Sheena Essa. I’m great. Same vibe. You’re right. The band should have been Caucasian. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel That’s right. I sat down and, I got Sheena Easton, best new artist, 1981. And he goes, I know you knew that Jeopardy! I am now Jeopardy to RuPaul.

 

Ira Madison III That’s a new nickname.

 

Louis Virtel I know, just jeopardy! Yeah, as long as I wear the shirt today.

 

Ira Madison III That is a high compliment from a black person, by the way.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, thank you so much.

 

Ira Madison III You know, because one thing we do, one thing that we do is now, this can either be an insult or it can be praise, but we usually refer to, you by either something you’ve done or like something you’re wearing. You know, like you could just say like, okay, shirt. If you’re very if you like, I love your shirt. Or I would be like, all right, shirt if I needed you to shut up. So. Okay. Jeopardy! That is. That’s a good, that’s a good sign from Ru.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. A mantle I’ll carry. I’ll carry. What the hell is happening this episode? What are we doing?

 

Ira Madison III Well, our guest this week is the delightful Hannah Berner.

 

Louis Virtel We take from the jump. She is immediately fabulous, as we knew she would be. So.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So, like, she was like, you fagots heard of Rock Hudson?

 

Louis Virtel Wait, wait to see me jump. Wiley Cat Coyote shit. When she says Rock Hudson’s name.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, she is one half of the Giggly Squad podcast, which she co-hosts with Paige DeSorbo. Her friend, who she used to be on Summer House with. And Paige has been on Keep It before, so we’ve collected them all.

 

Louis Virtel You go Ash Ketchum or whatever.

 

Ira Madison III Also this week, would you know, Jennifer Lopez is afraid of the truth, okay. And that is why she waited until minutes after we recorded last week’s episode to file for divorce against Ben Affleck.

 

Louis Virtel She said it herself. This is her now. Okay, so just things like this occur.

 

Ira Madison III So we’re going to get into a bit of her. Of it.

 

Louis Virtel All. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III There’s a lot to get into, by the way. This is it’s a lot has unfolded even in the days since, the announcement that they’re getting a divorce. Sort of like it ends with us drama, which is still going on, by the way.

 

Louis Virtel No, it’s like war and peace. I we’re going to go into, like, year six of this shit soon.

 

Ira Madison III Right now. Did you hear that? There is the, maybe scandal that Ryan rewrote a scene for. It ends with us. And it may have happened during the writers strike.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, exciting. Please, let’s get into some violations now.

 

Ira Madison III And then also, we are going to talk about the new pop girl of the moment, Sabrina Carpenter.

 

Louis Virtel And let’s be clear, she was kind of waylaid by brat Summer. Like, I had thought she was on the downturn. And then this album came out, and now it may be the definitive summer experience. We’ll get into it.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So, we will be right back with more. Keep it.

 

Ira Madison III [AD]

 

Ira Madison III This past weekend, Sabrina Carpenter finally dropped her much anticipated album Short and Sweet. And if you thought espresso was keeping you up all night, you will never sleep again after listening to this album because it is crack cocaine.

 

Louis Virtel I cannot believe she did it. I mean, I thought it was going to be good because I love the singles, but I. I would not skip a song on this album. And they’re not all entirely, pop bangers in the vein of espresso. But really, what is addictive about this? As you just said, citing crack cocaine, her personality. I mean, look, I really enjoyed that Diamonds and Dancefloors album by Ava max, but that really is just state of the art beats and hooks, and then the vocal is just a part of that. This is a pop album where all of the state of the art production not only serves the songs themselves, which are great, it really pushes to the fore this fabulous personality. I would say this is almost the movie clueless of pop albums where it’s, you want to look at it. It’s a fresh, country, witty vibe. But at the same time, what you’re really getting is an album that is an assembly line delivery system for this fabulous personality. Like, it really is an arrival of a star and a new, fabulous vibe.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. What’s so interesting about this album is that we’ve gotten hints of Sabrina Carpenter’s personality a bit. When you remember when nonsense was, popular as she kept changing that outro? Yeah, every time she sang it. And then it’s kind of. I was like, all right, I’m getting sick of this girl. But she managed to still make it funny. And now the album itself is like, really, really funny. You know, there’s, the jokes. There’s jokes within the lyrics.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. It’s constantly funny. It’s almost never not funny. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, it’s funny. She is. She’s singing, like you said, with personality. You know, these are songs that were, you know, written for her. I’m sure she had no involvement in it in the studio or whatever, but it is really sort of songs that feel like they are tailor made for her. Yes. And I, you know, I will credit, Amy Allen and Julia michaels for being songwriters on this album and then also, Julian Bonita and John Ryan, who are producers on this. They were famously the producers. I like the last few One Direction albums, and I really think that that. Is kind of what we were missing from bop like. When you revisit One Direction’s songs, they weren’t poppy. They fit all those boys as personalities and they were good. They were bangers, but they also felt funny and kind of romantic too. And I feel like we’re getting back to that sort of era of pop music with, this album.

 

Louis Virtel And also, I guess the word to describe that this. I’m stealing this from my girl Bonnie McKee, a maximalist pop vibe, you know what I mean? It’s it’s not like there’s nothing, like, hidden in the corridors about this, or like, I’m being awkward. Actually, that’s another thing I love about this album. Not a split second of her personality is self-conscious. It’s like the thing that’s great about Kylie Minogue. It’s just an effervescent, unselfconscious, let’s all have a good time vibe, like you’re you’re invited. And also, aren’t I cheeky? You know, she does have that, like Betty Boop, wink and whatever she does and that that’s exactly she’s been. Yes, she’s the best. I mean, if I had to rank them.

 

Ira Madison III Even please, please, please. Which would make you think it’s a song about her begging a man to stay with her is not. It’s like it’s. No, don’t embarrass me, motherfucker. Like it is. It’s. It’s the twist in what you think the song is going to be is so fun. And honestly, Jack Antonoff produced that’s, co-produced Slim Pickens. I think that this is some of Jack’s best work in a long while, I agree.

 

Louis Virtel Also, I have to say something else about this. We keep talking about how it’s just like, you know, a very well done pop album, but she’s doing versions of songs that I kind of expected from other artists, like Slim Pickens, which has a bit of an emotional quality to it. That’s sort of what I am missing from Kacey Musgraves right now.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel You know, like the song Bed Camp, which, by the way, bed camp, bed space. See.

 

Ira Madison III It’s such a funny line.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, but I keep wanting to call the song Camp Sex, which, by the way, is not the same thing. You can look it up yourself. Please don’t get involved. I’ll get. I’ll do it if I have to. But that song with its kind of, hint of funk, that really bedroom, swimmy groove. That’s what I want from Charlie Puth. You know, like, I would say, like, she’s doing certain things here that I wish Ariana Grande, was doing. So in a way, it’s a culmination of lots of, missed opportunities for other artists. I think also.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, I think, you know, the Ariana Grande day of it all, the Charlie Puth of it all, is very much what we’ve been missing from those two artists, too. Like, Ariana is very party. I mean, 34, 35 is funny. It’s not her funniest, but, you know, like she always used to have songs that were hilarious, you know, and Charlie Puth the done for me era attention like that. These were pop songs that were maximalist pop, but they had so much personality.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, attitude. And so, by the way, almost like I don’t want to use the word unlikable. I hate it, like, you know, like just putting it out there, like, here’s my douchebag relationship vibe, and now it’s a song. It’s like, I’m not saying I endorse that, but it’s real in a way, you know? So that’s what I think you’re also getting from this album is like a sense of a real person in real relationships, and also not just talking about the same type of relationship 25,000 times. Not to diss our girl Taylor once again, who remains in the same story line from 25 years ago. Anyway, here you go.

 

Ira Madison III Why is a man always got to bring up Taylor Swift? Wait.

 

Louis Virtel But okay, on the critical front though, I was. Can you guess the one lyric on this album I don’t like?

 

Ira Madison III Oh, yes. The the Gay awakening line.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, no, I enjoyed that. That was kind of funny because they put. And then there’s the they, I guess inserted a grinder noise when she.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel That was very clever. No, it’s in the song. Dumb and poetic when she’s, you know, making fun of this guy and she says, try to come off like you’re soft and well-spoken. Jack. Off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen. That to me, first of all, if a man knows any song that is older than Despacito at this point, please keep him. My God, we need him around. We’re at a dearth. Second of all, Letter Cohen is awesome. And third of all, it just feels like I could be wrong about this. Maybe Sabrina wrote it herself. To me, that feels like some other songwriter thought he was in his bag being like, oh, this is the kind of things girls complain about. And it actually sounds like a leftover lyric from, like, Katy Perry’s One of the boys era.

 

Ira Madison III That’s fair. I will say what’s interesting about Sabrina and why she sort of fits in the mold of all of these different songs is she is a Disney girl.

 

Louis Virtel Quite. And and she’s from Girl Meets World, by the way.

 

Ira Madison III Yes, yes, which I. Completely blanked on that. She was that character on the show. Even though I watched about six episodes of Girl Meets World. You.

 

Louis Virtel Know, it didn’t win the Peabody. It’s easy to forget. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III But she’s fit the mold of all of these different characters, vibes, etc. you know, like these Disney people can do anything, basically. And her previous albums, this is her sixth album, by the way.

 

Louis Virtel No, this is going to be a Shelby Lynn situation where I am almost sure she’s going to be nominated for Best New Artist, and she already has this giant catalog behind her.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And I think that’s also why this is such an assured pop album, emails I can’t send, which had come out, a couple years ago, which had nonsense on it. It had feather.

 

Louis Virtel Is that Sue Me also.

 

Ira Madison III That’s singular act one was a two part album that she did. The first one was very poppy and then singular. Act two is sort of like R&B, and hip hop inspired. You know, she’s had five albums prior to this, so she’s had the chance to be messy and play around with her sound, you know, like singular act two has this song, they Looking at me, which was basically like it came out the year after Havana, and it’s literally her doing her best. Camila Cabello, you know. And so she has tried on different hats, different sounds, and I think she’s finally at the sound that works for her. And I think that it, it’s fantastic that the, the album sort of blends like pop and R&B and country, in a fun way, where it doesn’t sound like a bunch of things thrown together, you know, like they all sound like they’re part of the same album.

 

Louis Virtel Right? Also, it must be said about this, this is one of the aggressively most horny.

 

Ira Madison III And business.

 

Louis Virtel And sexual albums. Betty Boop on the market. I mean, when she says, come right on me, I mean camaraderie. I mean, excuse me, I mean, look, no, I’m I’m tipper Gore. I’m like, slap a sticker on that album.

 

Ira Madison III There are two songs on this album that are reminiscent of other R&B songs. Bad Kim Is Giving You to Me is so into you.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Ira Madison III And Good Graces, which is my absolute favorite.

 

Louis Virtel Like, you have been popping up about good graces and I do get it. I like the song and I also can’t place what it reminds me of.

 

Ira Madison III Ghost Town is my boo.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, of course, that’s exactly what it sounds like. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Yes, yes. Megan Garvey reminded me of that. And, she is just. She’s doing the work.

 

Louis Virtel Also, I have not stopped playing. I mean, I don’t skip a track, even though there are singer songwriter Lee songs on this that aren’t as, you know, that really feel more Kacey Musgraves than say, Katy Perry. You know, it all fits together. I love how coherent it is, even given the range of styles and the range of styles is very casual. She’s, as you said, she appoints herself to all these different genres and they work for her.

 

Ira Madison III Listen, she’s talking on pony tail, all right. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Right. I mean, like, who’s playing that up? I mean, again, it’s like I’m not playing that duet by album right now. You know, like this is giving me what I wanted from that album too. Like Ariana Grande. I’m not really listening to that as much. I just want to say Tinashe is album that we talked about last week debuted at 199. How is that possible?

 

Ira Madison III I thought she made it out of the Kia Asylum. No.

 

Louis Virtel Why did I put her name on that random asylum? That’s why.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Are Kiah sorry? Yes.

 

Ira Madison III My best friend drew told me that, the Kia for him stands for creating her impact. Alternatively, that’s how.

 

Louis Virtel It seems aboveboard until you get to the final adverb.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, yeah. Listen. Going back to Ariana. I was listening to that album so much this year, to be honest. Eternal Sunshine. But yeah, Ariana is as matured as an artist to the point where, you know, she was going through a divorce. She was making wicked, you know, like there was a lot mentally going on for her that she needed to get out on that album. So it makes sense that, Sabrina Carpenter, is able to have a lighter, hornier, freer album than Ariana at her current place in her career, you know, which is great. I mean, this is giving me, it’s the 10th anniversary this year of, my everything, and this is feeling like it’s harkening back to that era of Ariana Grande that.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. I mean, it’s right there in the lyrics to espresso. I give a fucks around vacation. That is extremely the the general feeling of this album. Certainly.

 

Ira Madison III Also she broke up with Barry.

 

Louis Virtel Did she really?

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Of course. Did he Instagram the photo with his kid? So he has free time now?

 

Louis Virtel Oh wow.

 

Ira Madison III To be a.

 

Louis Virtel Dad and to be more joker?

 

Ira Madison III Haha yeah that’s sad. I like them together. I like to short king and queen.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, the short est. I mean, they’re the new Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Did they break up and get back together after?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, they did break up at least once and then got back together because God said, I put you both here for a reason on this planet, so.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. All right. Well, so what’s your favorite on the album?

 

Louis Virtel Ultimately, I mean, I think espresso is still the best song I do. Bed cam to me is the Jam. I just love a song that has that kind of sexy, sinister vibe. And also the lyrics are downright filthy, like the thermostat going to 69. Okay. Moving on.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Baby bed cam. She made she made that one for the. You know what? We’ll leave that word out. Yeah, but.

 

Louis Virtel It reminds me of that Brian McKnight album where he made just.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, very.

 

Louis Virtel Sexually explicit music. And it was l-o-l. When you say those words out loud, it’s funny. But yeah, I also love the song Juno. She tells of why I May Let You Impregnate Me is the theme of the song, and it’s just. But it’s a bouncy pop song that belongs on the first Carly Rae Jepsen album, which is still, to me, her best album.

 

Ira Madison III Speaking of Brian McKnight, do you know his, tour sales are in the toilet? Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel That’s your update on Brian McKnight? Yes, because I hate the back at one video. I hate the beautiful man. Hate the back at one video.

 

Ira Madison III He had some crazy statement where he, called his children with his ex-wife products of sin, because he he called them, he favored his new family, like marriage, you know, or something, like, you know, like being part of, like, the real marriage is, what really makes his current family great. And his old kids are, like, products of sin.

 

Louis Virtel Well, psychotic. Okay.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So now people have responded by, not going to his shows.

 

Louis Virtel Reap what you sow. Okay. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Now he’s back at one. Square one.

 

Louis Virtel One ticket. Yeah. Back at no tickets, please. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III All right, well, when we’re back, Hannah Berner joins us. Our guest this week is not just one of the funniest women in comedy, but one of the funniest people. From her podcast Giggly Squad. With her co-hosts Paige DeSorbo and burner phone to her recent Netflix special We Ride at Dawn. She sang her piece on bachelorette parties, Older Men, what she calls Zaddys, and the girls are feeling for it. Please welcome to Keep it, Hannah Berner.

 

Hannah Berner Thank you for having me, boys. I also love how different your shirts are right now.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, yeah. It’s a real. It’s a real, what? Really looks like the White Stripes or something. It’s a red and white thing we have.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Hannah Berner Jeopardy! And American psycho. Two very different brands. And I’m obsessed. That’s the chaotic energy I want.

 

Ira Madison III You know, that’s a that’s also represents both of our brands. Yeah, yeah.

 

Hannah Berner That’s how I am with my podcast host. We always walk in not for the same event ever.

 

Ira Madison III I know, and I’ve had the pleasure of Paige being on keeper before. Yes, yes. Tell me about I mean, the giggly squad in general. It is. Your podcast is blown up. You’re everywhere. And you have a book coming out, too.

 

Hannah Berner Yeah, it’s crazy because we can’t read or write. So I don’t know how that.

 

Louis Virtel Controversial choice to give you a book.

 

Hannah Berner Yeah, yeah, I do. We we thought we were getting, like, spammed. But I do think that when you, like, find someone, a friend that you have great chemistry with, you should monetize it. No, I’m just kidding. It’s. I think the reason that Glee Squad has been so fun is because we actually never had a business plan or anything. It was the kind of thing where we just kept wanting to do it, and it’s like, my favorite time of the week is just talking with Paige. And I think in your 20s, in your 30s, you’re so lucky to find like a person that just like, loves you unconditionally and latch on to that. I think a lot of people want to be like, popular and have hundreds of friends, and it’s like, find just some real ones and surround yourself with good people. And Paige is like, my person. She’s my my wifey.

 

Louis Virtel Can you tell this to the gay community? Because all we do is meet thousands of other people who dress the exact same as us, and we don’t really prioritize like a dozen the way you just said.

 

Hannah Berner Oh my God, this is so random. Did you guys watch the Rock Hudson documentary?

 

Louis Virtel I’m a human being aren’t I?

 

Ira Madison III Of course.

 

Louis Virtel I saw that.

 

Hannah Berner And I was like, fascinated by like in Santa Monica. They just had, like, his harem.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah.

 

Hannah Berner Of, like hot men. And they just, like, kept going. And I’m like, how many close friends did this guy have? But then all of them kept it on lock like no one exposed him or outed him. Anyway, I kind of I was jealous. I was like, I want that. I want that kind of protection in the community.

 

Louis Virtel You know, what’s weird is, like, we’re obsessed with old Hollywood or whatever, but like, we will never know the full story with some of these people because they really kept the secrets. I mean, just as they had to, you know, at the time.

 

Hannah Berner And it was so funny to have like the older guys just be like, back in my day, we had a great time in Santa Monica and these guys, I was like, you don’t look like you’ve ever even been to a party. And they’re like, we had orgies a lot of orgies.

 

Ira Madison III I would say that is a great gift, sort of, I mean, it even goes to like the current gay community, though, you know, I feel like there’s secrets that say, within a gay community that would never let out. But the the too many friends thing is one of them. The networks they’re wide had. I mean I mean Lewis in our Leo’s too. So we like, you know, like a big birthday party but like and I know you’re one two, aren’t you?

 

Hannah Berner I’m a Leo. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III You like a big birthday part?

 

Hannah Berner I’m an August Leo. I’m like obnoxiously a Leo.

 

Ira Madison III So I just had my birthday party, and it’s like you have one that’s close friends. I mean, I’m a gay who lives in New York, so, like, it was a small one at a rooftop, but then, like, you still run into people who are like. Wow. I guess I didn’t get that invite to your birthday party. And I’m like, I can’t be close friends with everybody.

 

Louis Virtel Just come to the Eagle. Yeah, yeah.

 

Hannah Berner Like, just walk outside and every day it’s my birthday, we’re celebrating. I’m bringing you my personality. Enjoy it. I do think, though, like, I love being like friends and, like, on good terms with, like, I think about high school. Like, I like walking down the hallway and being fist bumping everyone. And get in here, but there’s only like 3 or 4 people that I’m sending memes to all day. You know, like, we only have so much capacity to send so many inside jokes. So, like, I have my people. And then overall, just like trying to feel connected. I feel like you have, like a party group too, in your 20s and then in your 30s, you get a little more like tired and like, who’s actually going to show up for you when there isn’t, you know, a fun, glamorous event?

 

Ira Madison III Well, the meme thing is actually interesting, too, because, I mean, you are a funny person, and I assume that your friends and stuff, you know, always look to you for, oh, your take on something or they want to share something funny with you, like people. I feel like people do that to me, Louis, to, you know, like they want to take part in that. Yeah. But does that then become exhausting to. It’s like you can send three memes all day to like, your close friends, and you’re doing that back and forth, but then there’ll be people who are probably responding to, like, your Instagram stories, or trying to start a joke with you or laugh with you. And you’re like, I don’t have the mental capacity to respond to everything that you think it’s funny.

 

Hannah Berner It’s the thing is, is the online community, there’s so many different parts of it, and I’ve somehow created this corner of the internet of like people who just want to laugh. So I like, love when I post a photo and then the comments are just like eating me up, like in a in an inside joke kind of way. And sometimes my followers are so much funnier than me. Like the should they say, like, it’s so entertaining. So I kind of love the energy of like, my DMs are just people trying to make me laugh, which like, it could be so much fucking worse. And then I feel like the people who are close to me are so annoyed by me. Like my like, page of my husband. If you look at our DMs, it’s just me sending them memes and they’re not responding. So like my close friends don’t appreciate it or like everyone else is like, Hannah’s so funny. Whereas Paige is like if you send me one more cat meme, I swear to God, and I’m like, this is quality. But I got into comedy because I’ve, I felt like I was always like the funny one in the group chat, but I didn’t know that could be a career. And then growing up as a, someone from New York, like, I feel like you’re always just busting each other’s balls. And that’s just like how we cope with things is to find laughter. Like, I. The only thing I’ve ever been able to control in this life is laughter. So it’s ironic that that became the thing that I do for a living.

 

Louis Virtel I feel like you have definitive podcaster energy, like you could talk to anybody. You can make other people interesting who, like, have never spoken once in their life. Like like the children who are, like, didn’t speak till they were eight. You could get a great story out of them.

 

Ira Madison III You know? Oh my God.

 

Louis Virtel But what’s interesting is like, even though you’re this, like, definitively modern comic, I feel like then when you reach a certain level of success, then you have to do like an old fashioned comedy special or put out an old fashioned book. How has it been fashioning what you do to these formats that are not as extremely modern as say, you are?

 

Hannah Berner Great question. Well, I’m actually really passionate about like why there’s not more women or gays in the stand up community. Like, why is it so straight, man? Because I know it’s not that straight men are like, I’m sorry, gay men are just born funny through the trauma. I don’t know what the like algorithm is. It just guys are just the funniest fucking people. So it’s like, why isn’t everyone, as a gay man on Netflix doing standup? And then, like, women comedy’s made for women. Like, we love to gossip. We love to complain. We love to observe where we’re socially like, really into everything. Like that’s comedy. So I was kind of obsessed with why there weren’t more gays and girls doing standup. And then I realized, like, just coming up, the standup space is just not the most welcoming space for like, all kinds of people. So, like, you might be like, I’m funny and start going to some, like, clubs at like 11 p.m. in the Bronx with like a bunch of dudes who are just drunk, and then no one’s laughing and you’re like, oh, maybe I’m not funny, and this isn’t for me, but you just aren’t speaking to like, your community. So I kind of love the concept I have just I use TikTok as like my open mic, which is so much safer and easier to just be like, I’m going to say a thought and see who it reaches. So I have like bits on Netflix that you can like go back months or years to, like when I first started as a TikTok rant to then I tried it in the club too. Then I tried it in the theater too. Then eventually it got to Netflix. But, I did a more nontraditional route, and I think we’re in a really exciting time where, like, different voices can be get involved in comedy through the not modern space to then change like what the stereotypical landscape of standup is. That’s my thesis.

 

Louis Virtel That makes perfect sense. I also just want to add to that. I think a big barrier of entry to standup is just that. A huge part of the audience of standup is men and men, generally speaking, don’t like seeing anybody accept other straight men as authorities like I’d like, because being funny is one thing, but like. When somebody is on stage, they’re like, we’re agreeing with what they’re saying. You know, we’re subscribing. And I think there’s a bit of like, there’s an emasculated quality to if it’s not somebody who is exactly me on stage than I am, then they’re better than me or their cat.

 

Hannah Berner Is such a fucking good point, and I’ve actually never thought of it like that. I mean, Nikki Glaser has a joke where, like, people think male comics are hotter than they are because they are the authority. They’re like, you know, just like telling people what to do. And that’s hot. But like when a girl or a gay does it, the men are like, I don’t I don’t really understand this dynamic. So it is kind of just evolving. I feel like when I’m on stage, I try to make it like we’re all in on the joke. This isn’t like I’m not yelling at people. I’m not being mean for no reason. Like, this is an experience we all can be a part of. And then honestly, when the gays started to like me and my life changed.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Hannah Berner Like once, like, like a couple of gay guys started to come to the show. I was like, am I Lady Gaga? And then my head.

 

Ira Madison III Got a huge.

 

Hannah Berner Head got fucking huge because most of the gays, they, they like page like page is the girly one. She has the great outfits. But then when the gays started to like my comedy, I was like, I started to become a monster. I was like, this is what I meant to do. No one tell me what to do. This is my path. So shout out to the gays for believing in me.

 

Louis Virtel I wrote. I are still waiting for that endorsement, by the way. So good for you.

 

Hannah Berner I feel like it’s easier. It’s harder within the on your own community. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III We don’t want to see each other win. Yeah. You’re right. Yeah, yeah.

 

Hannah Berner But it is. I’ve always been so fascinated, by gays in comedy because, well, especially lesbians have really paved the way for women because they don’t give a fuck what straight men think.

 

Louis Virtel Totally.

 

Hannah Berner So they get on stage and they’re just like, I don’t care if you think I look hot. I don’t care if you think this is funny. I’m. I don’t give a fuck about you. We’re straight women might be more. So be like, ooh, I’m distracted by this and that. And then gay men, I think, have just. It’s. They don’t want to be around gross straight dudes.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I mean, even going back to what Luis was saying, you know, there’s also this idea of, you know, lesbian women on stage or woman that a band doesn’t necessarily have to be attracted to. We were talking about, this Netflix special, you know, about queer people in stand up recently. You know, it’s like they the lesbians, if you like, they would lean in and see, you know, like their look like a masculine look, like on stage. You’re not conforming to what a man sort of thinks a woman has to look like. And I think that even when you think about, comedy and television shows and movies, you know, there’s usually the idea that, we grew up with men writing these shows. Right? And so you always see the narrative of, like, a screech or someone like trying to get the girl, and the girl is usually like a hot girl who’s a bitch.

 

Hannah Berner Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III You know. And so.

 

Hannah Berner It’s just not multifaceted.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Right no.

 

Ira Madison III Because it’s them writing a wish fulfillment for themselves in a way, you know.

 

Hannah Berner Yes, 100%. I think when I was on stage, I love I love showing that, like, women can be, you can be hot, but you can also be insecure and you could be a boss, but also have anxiety. And I like, love playing with that. And I also think I, I love playing with like outfits and fashion. You see, right now live events are so fun from like Taylor Swift chaperoned all that stuff. And like that’s what I want to embody when I’m on stage and stand up comedy. That’s never what people thought about it. But like, hot girls and gay come to my shows as like a party, as an event, and they know they feel safe. And it’s just, it’s become like so much more glamorous than I ever thought it could be.

 

Louis Virtel I also want to say about your shows, the way you interact with audience members is always so memorable, which is no surprise given that you on TikTok are fabulous at interacting with weirdos on the street who are who are routinely extremely funny. Just random people. When you interact with audience members, is there any trepidation about just inviting a random person to start speaking, or is that a particularly confident part of your act?

 

Hannah Berner I think the trepidation is the fun part because I’m on the road touring, doing my bits, and I’m honestly like a curious person. I love to gossip and I get bored easily. So I’ll be on stage and I’ll see a guy with like, a strange hat and I’m like, I need to know everything about this man. Like, how did this happen? Why is he with her? So I think for me it’s like a fun chat. It’s just like an improv game where I just go, what’s going on here? And I go in with, like, I want everyone to be in on the joke. And then when you talk to someone and you guys have this moment together throughout the show, I get to do callbacks to be like, remember, we all were part of this. And then I just. I feel very connected to the audience because I’m not giving a speech. It’s really more of like a dance. If they’re not giving me things back, then it’s like, yeah, standup is really more like a you feel like a conductor and you’re like, you’re with the crowd. It’s not a speech at all. You have to have the crowd like involved, especially as you start doing bigger rooms. You’re like, are people in the back? Are you guys in on this? Like, I’m just, like, very obsessed with maybe I’m just a people pleaser, but I’m obsessed with the audience feeling connected.

 

Ira Madison III Giggly squad is getting so big now for you and Paige. And of course Paige is still on Summer House, the Bravo show that you used to be on. Has there ever been any sort of, desire to go back, to the show, at least to promote the podcast? Like, is that something you’re like, I never want to be under a Bravo light again.

 

Hannah Berner I think I honestly, I have like, so much gratitude toward Bravo, and I feel like I wouldn’t be here without them, like putting me on. And I think that now it’s kind of like. I don’t know if it just would make sense because I’m not on it.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Of course.

 

Hannah Berner So it’s kind of like you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

 

Ira Madison III Absolutely. You know, I feel like, it is interesting to sort of get a start from a show like at least for of a wider audience, you know, and then sort of now, you’ve done an excellent job at establishing, you know, your own self outside of that now.

 

Hannah Berner Yeah. I also feel like when I’m, when I’m in something, I give it my all and I feel like I really gave that my gut show my all. So. It’s like, let’s be honest, you don’t have s Hannah coming in for two minutes.

 

Louis Virtel I feel like shows like that must be the most exhausting gig in TV, because you just want to make sure the material is there and you have to make it your life, and you have to make it authentic and just give a compelling performance constantly, you know?

 

Hannah Berner Oh, yeah. Well, and and I love making a great show and I love being on. I think Gigli Squad was so successful because there was so much footage of us being funny that just ended up on the cutting room floor with reality TV, and we were like, so like something would air and I was like, oh my God, they didn’t put any. They kind of like to laugh at you, not laugh with you, which like is very funny sometimes. But I feel like Paige and I shine when you’re like, you’re in on the joke with us. And I think reality TV, they’re not always ready to be like, oh, these people are actually making jokes like, oh, I want to do is make the video guy laugh because they were so bored. These poor guys were so bored sweating profusely. And I just be sitting there, I haven’t. And then I’d be like mid crying. And then I’d like try to say something to make them laugh. But it’s, it’s funny how like, you want to think what you want to put into this world. And I feel like I, I’m most valuable when I’m like being vulnerable and making people laugh. And I think sometimes reality TV, they don’t they don’t want that side of you.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. There’s no room in the episode arc or whatever for. I’m saying that somewhat generously, but yeah. Yeah, exactly.

 

Hannah Berner It’s sometimes not the storyline that you want to be.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, yeah. I mean, and like you said, you have to be on all the time. So you are filming all day, and you’re on in different scenes and then you’re like, well, 4% will be on TV.

 

Hannah Berner I do have to say shot people will, like, make fun of Paige and me back in the day for and Sierra for being in the bed. The reason for the bed is because when you leave the bed, then you get into it with people. So if you stay in the bed, you’re safe. You will be in the bed. And they’d be like, hey, can you guys go up to the kitchen because so-and-so wants to talk to you? We’d be like, no. So if you stay in the bed, you’re safe. So it’s like, I would jump in the pool to be safe also, because I’d have to take off my mic so you no one can get to you when you’re in the pool. There’s all these, like, ways to, like, get a break. But yeah, emotionally it’s it’s it’s difficult. But Paige and I are trauma bonded from it, and we got stronger from it. And I kind of love when they don’t want to see two girls, get along, and then they do. And see where it goes. You know.

 

Louis Virtel I assume this upcoming book is a good place to deposit all of these dimensions you keep talking about, like, you don’t have to edit anything. What’s been the main pleasure of putting it together?

 

Hannah Berner Oh, my gosh, it’s funny. It’s been it’s been kind of therapeutic because we didn’t ever say we want to write a book. It kind of came to us. And then we were like, what the fuck do we write about? And every week we just we had no rules. I don’t like rules. I’m better with, like, I write, Dear person and then tell me, like, cut it down. So we just wrote about everything that would make us laugh. We opened up about our own, like, anxieties and just like we, we just didn’t, have. Much structure, and it was more just like what makes each other laugh. And I think that’s what’s made my standup good is like, if Paige wouldn’t laugh at the joke, I’m not saying it. And I think when you write to just make your friend laugh, that’s when other people connect to it.

 

Louis Virtel That’s also such a good way to get over a writer’s block is to think of an ideal audience. Maybe if it’s even just one person, be like, okay, well, what would make that person laugh? And that’s like, then it becomes more of a social exercise than a I’m coming up with something brilliant, this pretentious moment of creation.

 

Hannah Berner And I think people don’t realize how much of standup is writing. So writing the book did actually come pretty naturally to me, and Paige and I would just riff and sit and be like, let’s, let’s make each other laugh about, like, you know, types of girls when they go on different bachelorette parties, like, let’s judge that. And we would just go in and it was just like fun. And I’m really proud of us to have like a physical thing. And it all just like, wasn’t planned. And I think sometimes that’s the best stuff when you’re not forcing it.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. I mean, you know, Lewis and I never wrote a damn book, so together, together.

 

Louis Virtel I know I find the idea of writing a book, so I just don’t have the attention span. Didn’t think anybody did any more. So, let alone to read.

 

Hannah Berner Or to write or both.

 

Louis Virtel Both. Both. Absolutely. Both. Yeah.

 

Hannah Berner So this book, to be honest, like I was on tour the whole time. So I would like not write for like two months. And then I would get like a bunch of inspiration and sit down and write for like four hours and write like 40 pages. And then I would like, not touch it for a while. So it wasn’t this like, wake up in the morning and write a page of my book and do that every day. It was not. It was like writer’s block. And then just like vomit and then writer’s block again. And they would get worried. They’d be like, hey, like, this is due next month. And I’m like, I just need one day of inspiration and I got you. And then it’s a kind of book that you can literally pick up and read any chapter and enjoy it. And then it also just like really cute coffee table book. Let’s be honest, it’s we we found this like really cool Australian Instagram artist who does sick collages. And we were like, can you fuck up a collage for us in the cover? And she was like, yeah. And she did it. And we were like, this is perfect so.

 

Ira Madison III Margot Robbie? It was her?

 

Hannah Berner Yeah, it was Margot.

 

That was nice of her. Yeah.

 

Hannah Berner It’s her like side hustle that she does. And all you have to do is DM her.

 

Ira Madison III For the record, I did read, we didn’t do a podcast one together. I did write a book. Yes.

 

Hannah Berner Shout out.

 

Ira Madison III Yes. Thank you. We’re two book writers, and Leo’s here. So, Louis, what are we doing? Write a trivia book up.

 

Louis Virtel Right. God, there’s so much trivia in the world. I admire what you both do.

 

Hannah Berner Please, at least an e-book.

 

Ira Madison III How to win jeopardy.

 

Hannah Berner At least a caption.

 

Louis Virtel A caption.

 

Hannah Berner Long caption.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel I’ll put 6 or 7 tweets together. Wait for it.

 

Ira Madison III Hannah, thank you so much for being here.

 

Hannah Berner Oh, my God, this was so much fun. I could talk to you guys forever. We were really vibing.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel As we promised each other we would.

 

Ira Madison III After two years of marriage and months of rumors, Jennifer Lopez has officially filed for divorce from Ben Affleck and now hopefully looking for a lawyer because apparently they did not have a prenup.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, that shouldn’t be messy at all. Tie this up really quickly. I give it one week.

 

Ira Madison III I want to say something about Bennifer. I have never really liked this whole press cycle surrounding their marriage, in the sense that people were so giddy about the possibility of them getting a divorce before they even got married. The whole like, Bennifer divorce watch thing always just felt very gross to me.

 

Louis Virtel Or cynical.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, yeah. Very cynical.

 

Louis Virtel Not treating them like people. Right.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And it’s it’s weird because I mean, like, obviously J.Lo has had a year of being dragged to hell and back. But, we generally liked them. Before this year, I feel like we generally enjoyed Ben Affleck. Enjoy J.Lo. It really wasn’t until they got back together that people were like, actually, you know what? They suck.

 

Louis Virtel I also, I mean, Ben to me now feels like some 60s or 70 celebrity of like grizzled and like Ben through it and like he should be in like a Raymond Chandler adaptation or something like play a detective or gun or whatever. But I will say my question about these two what did we really want from them? Like, did we we think we were going to get like amazing red carpet appearances, like dual interviews, a project together. Because I don’t know that we’re craving a Ben and J-Lo movie experience. Really. I don’t I definitely don’t need it.

 

Ira Madison III We have too.

 

Louis Virtel But that’s what I mean. We have them. And I don’t need a Dear Ben part three or whatever she wanted to add to that I don’t need. This is me with Ben now. So I’m not actually sure. What the apex of this relationship should have been or could have been.

 

Ira Madison III Okay, well, and this is going to be be getting very, raw. To quote Nicole Kidman. Yes.

 

Louis Virtel Her new word is ragged. Actually, she’s talking about her new movie. She’s like, I was run. I was ragged on this movie.

 

Ira Madison III But yeah, it’s, make sure the girls go and read my profile with her in Officielle, which is out now. People were mad at her, by the way, for saying that she wants to be on like a horror movie, like a hardcore horror movie. And people are like in my and say, well, what about the others? And I’m like, first of all, that’s a ghost story, bitch.

 

Louis Virtel It’s not a it’s a psychological.

 

Ira Madison III It’s psychological.

 

Louis Virtel It’s frightening. But not like, yeah, like she’s talking about Ty West, which is obviously gruesome. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III I mean, get a little raw here. I think honestly, what I was looking for, for both of them was for them to be happy. And I think that she’s had so many marriages and you watch her like you know this is me now movie thing where she’s working in the heart factory.

 

Louis Virtel You know what I would say about that movie when you describe it out loud, it does feel a bit dopey. But there are moments in it that, like, you’re tapped into who she is and her creativity. So it works in a way.

 

Ira Madison III Like it must feel incredibly emotionally, like vulnerable, like like almost like you’re like you’re ripping yourself open like and exposing yourself to the world to make a movie about how you keep failing at love. But you want to keep looking for love. You know, and everyone knows that this is about you. It’s not a character like this is actually you. And to be making it with your man who you had a failed engagement with years ago. And now you’re back together. Like, I think I was just hoping that this was it for them. But, like, they’ve been through so many messy relationships that, they finally just, like, found the person that was going to make them happy and it was going to be, you know, it. And like, I didn’t need any projects from them, you know, like just be happy and do your own shit, you know.

 

Louis Virtel And you’ve done enough. You know what I mean? Like, their careers are full. So. Yeah. I will say on that front, though, hearing from the quote unquote Jennifer Lopez sources that part of the reason they broke up was there’s a darkness to Ben that nobody can fix. Why are we talking about him? Like he’s the Batman? I mean, like, he’s up for it, but is that really what you want to go on the record saying, like, is that a helpful quote to put out into the world? It’s so vague and strange.

 

Ira Madison III You know, I mean, I’m sure Matt Damon could fix it.

 

Louis Virtel So, yeah, that’s.

 

Ira Madison III What true love, to be honest.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Precisely. No. Also, apparently that movie, The Last Duel was really good.

 

Ira Madison III Oh, I should go see that. Go see that. I’m assuming. I’m sure. Tubby. I don’t know.

 

Louis Virtel Toby. Always a good reference.

 

Ira Madison III I mean, the darkness thing was so silly. And then. But then you also think of him. And like, the his era of celebrity is, it’s very much him and George Clooney and Brad Pitt and men. And we know what’s going on there. You know, so I’m like, I mean, these these are men who need some therapy and some healing.

 

Louis Virtel I’m still getting over Tarantino saying that George Clooney isn’t a movie star. That means that just means there are no movie stars. I mean, that doesn’t mean that he’s not a movie star anyway. Yes, obviously. And by the way, I feel like Brad Pitt and whatever’s going on there should be discussed more. Another one of his kids just removed the name Pitt from. Is it Shiloh who removed the name from her name? That is very specific. It just feels like it keeps getting, like, thrown under the rug for some reason, and I don’t understand it.

 

Ira Madison III Yes, it’s it’s Shiloh, because Zahara is busy, strolling at her HBCU, and those videos are so fun to watch, by the way. Yeah. I don’t know the whole Brad Pitt thing. And then, him just like I’m back on the press trail with George Clooney, and we’re just a couple of guys laughing, and it’s, like, dubious. All right. Yeah, right. Meanwhile, I have no interest in seeing the movie, Wolf, whatever it is.

 

Louis Virtel No, I mean, I barely sat through the first one, and I enjoyed that one with Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer.

 

Ira Madison III That’s a pretty good movie, though.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. Also, weirdly, a mike Nichols movie.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. He was he was he was freestyling on that one. Let’s just say that he was like.

 

Louis Virtel Let’s keep it fucked up this time. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Speaking of Angelina Jolie, she is looking fucking amazing as the press is ramping up for the Maria premiere.

 

Louis Virtel And I keep hearing that that movie might not be it, which is really disappointing to me. Again, I know nothing. It could be amazing.

 

Ira Madison III I know you didn’t like any of the others in Pablo’s trilogy anyway, did you?

 

Louis Virtel Spencer, I thought, had okay moments. Jackie I straight up didn’t like, other than I actually do really like Greta Gerwig in that movie. And also John Hurt in that movie I think is really good.

 

Ira Madison III Did she play the gunshot? Yes.

 

Louis Virtel The quirky gunshot. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III She did the jitterbug. Yeah. Before she did draft.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, no. Yeah. By the way, everybody needs to watch Mistress America. I feel like that movie goes totally under the radar for Greta Gerwig.

 

Ira Madison III I actually have not seen it.

 

Louis Virtel The really good. And, Lola Kirke is good in it, too. Anyway, but I look forward to a story about Maria Callas. I love the play Masterclass by, Terrence McNally. I know that’s not the same vibe at all, but, I think she’s a fascinating, figure.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Anyway, I think that, you know, part of the problem with J. Lo is that, this is just because of who she is. There’s this inability to not monetize everything about her life.

 

Louis Virtel Right?

 

Ira Madison III So maybe that was part of the problem, too. You know, like, I wanted them to be happy, and we don’t need a product, but she’s used to being the product. And what do you do when you can’t sell yourself?

 

Louis Virtel That’s true. Wow. I feel like you just put out better video for the This is me than movie than she even wrote.

 

Ira Madison III I’m just here thinking about her being Alexandra Georgiou and sweet bird of youth. Okay, Michael.

 

Louis Virtel You think Jennifer Lopez is the new Geraldine Page? Okay. Okay.

 

Ira Madison III And then Affleck is the new Paul Newman.

 

Louis Virtel Okay. That I could kind of dial into a little bit, at least in terms of the ruggedness that that there’s something behind the eyes that’s actually a little bit darker than you expect.

 

Ira Madison III Although she actually might be the Geraldine page here, because he is the one who is now picking up with a younger paramour.

 

Louis Virtel That’s oh my God. And then when this story came out, first of all, I don’t even want to say the words Kick and Kennedy, let alone because they represent a person.

 

Ira Madison III What it let me tell you about process and discovering that, Ben Affleck is. Hanging out with a woman named Kate Kennedy.

 

Louis Virtel I know.

 

Ira Madison III I was like, there’s another one. Right there. These kids come out of the woodwork, right? Two I googled her name because I was like, it has to be a nickname. And it is. Her real name is Kathleen. But then I looked it up as to how she got the nickname kick, and it comes from her great aunt. Who, you guessed it, died with her husband in a plane crash. Oh, sure. Yeah, because she’s a Kennedy. Yeah. She was nicknamed kick because she was a kick at parties, and I’m like, I thought the 20s were something where I would say, girl, what a.

 

Louis Virtel Slapper came up with.

 

Ira Madison III This? Yeah, well, you’re a real kick. Yeah. And then to name her that.

 

Louis Virtel She, she have, like, a sister named the Bee’s knees. Kennedy.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So this this was the whole process in discovering this. And then I discovered a friend of mine had, like, a mutual friend with Kennedy, and one time had, like, asked her to leave their home.

 

Louis Virtel Okay.

 

Ira Madison III Because he’s RFK, his daughter.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Right, right. Yeah. So the other.

 

Ira Madison III Crazy part about this RFK daughter is who Ben Affleck is hanging out with. That side of the Kennedy family seems to be like the the messy side.

 

Louis Virtel I would describe them as rancid. Yes. I think we are very much done with Cheryl Hines, much as I enjoyed her in the original movie of waitress.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Yeah. There’s a lot going on with the Kennedys right now, and it’s feeling very. It’s feeling very America, the television series, in a way that it’s like, are we really are just like, never going to get rid of these certain American dynasties, are we? We’ve got I mean, the Trumps fought their way in to be these new characters the past few years. And I’m like, I really cannot endure a fourth Trump election cycle like this. These to be the end. Yeah. And I do not want another one of them to try and run for office. But, you know, like one of the Dons is going to try to don Jr one of the Don’s. There’s only one Don Jr. And the other one’s name is Eric.

 

Louis Virtel We can call them collectively Don’s. That’s fine.

 

Ira Madison III The gods we’ve got them. We’ve got the Clintons. It’s just like enough.

 

Louis Virtel No, it’s a bit sickening. Yeah, well, again, it’s it’s like how people only want to see movies they’ve seen before. I constantly think about when I was out at the University of Iowa, there’s a girl came to the desk and she goes, she’s looking for the movies you can rent. She goes, oh, I only want to see something I’ve seen before. And I’m like, that is a fucking sickness. And that is what is going on with this country. I said, 21 year old in my oversize Iowa t shirt. Hahahahaha.

 

Ira Madison III Sometimes that does hit me though. Sometimes you do want to rewatch something you’ve seen before, but not all the time.

 

Louis Virtel Right? I don’t want to. Yeah, certainly I don’t want to live in a recycled politician universe.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, yeah. But no, the whole Kennedy of it all, RFK B let’s just talk about it. He is Norman Bates. With the dead carcasses like that keep popping up around him. He ran over a cub.

 

Louis Virtel Right. And then he had to be in his car. And then it became like a 90s family film where just like you left that in the car. And that’s supposed to be, I don’t I it’s very shocking. We can’t get into it. Pod save the world, please.

 

Ira Madison III He killed the bear cub and then placed it somewhere in Central Park.

 

Louis Virtel And it was a mystery that lingered for years. People were forgotten.

 

Ira Madison III The stories which. And by the way, one of the Kennedys, I think, Jack Schlossberg sister, is the one who wrote the initial New York Post article about the dead bear cub, not knowing that it was her uncle who had done this.

 

Louis Virtel No, this is like something out of, like, some Mary Higgins Clark shit. What is going on here?

 

Ira Madison III And then there was the new story about how, he was driving around with, like, a whale carcass, his head on the top of his car. This is a creepy family, okay? And, I mean, there’s already the Kennedy curse. Like, never get on a plane with any of these people. Please. But.

 

Louis Virtel Eddie. Transportation. Honestly, I’m thinking about Ted Kennedy. Go ahead. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III The dead animals. His creepy workout videos, too. Like, what is wrong with this man?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, there’s that one thing is right. And also, I still am not over the cycle that happened with the worm in the ear and in the brain. Yes. Cuz.

 

Ira Madison III Oh my God, yes, the worm in the brain.

 

Louis Virtel What last minute as Aaron Sorkin pitch was that that there is actually a worm in his brain.

 

Ira Madison III We might be in Ryan Murphy territory. Yeah, this is the politician.

 

Louis Virtel And. Excuse me. Well, let’s move on to that. Did you fucking see the preview for the new Menendez Brothers show that Ryan Murphy is responsible for? And the Menendez brothers are, excuse me, hugging shirtless Lee. And they’re also the most ripped people I have ever seen.

 

Ira Madison III Ryan.

 

Louis Virtel It’s time for a lobotomy. It is time for the lobotomy. Sarah Paulson, help him.

 

Ira Madison III He is always cooking, isn’t here? This, new show coming out that Travis Kelsey is going to be in called Grotesquerie. She just sit around coming up with titles, right? And then it’s like, this will be a show.

 

Louis Virtel Right? Maybe. And he’s inspired. He’s like, what word would fit in the song Family Affair by Mary J. Blige isn’t there yet? Grotesquerie.

 

Ira Madison III So yeah, Ben Affleck, I don’t know if there’s this darkness that J.Lo is talking about, but I said, don’t get involved with the candidates.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, please. Oh, please. J.Lo, please, we’re begging you.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. Say somebody like Jen and Jen. Jen Garner and Jennifer Lopez, station intervention. Keep them away from Kate Kennedy.

 

Louis Virtel That would be. Thank you so much actually. And I would watch a First Wives Club like movie with exactly the three of them.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. All right. That’s our talk about Bennifer. I wish them luck.

 

Louis Virtel Whatever they need. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III Damn. Love is really going to cost a lot of things. Yeah. As it work.

 

Louis Virtel That’s the Jay Leno joke we needed to end on. Not that he would have known what love don’t cost a thing was, but he should.

 

Ira Madison III I tell you one thing. I’ll tell you one thing Jay Z is going to do. You know, she is just waiting to wear that dress again. That Versace dress. That.

 

Louis Virtel Oh my God. Of course. Round four.

 

Ira Madison III I know that dress hates to see her, Tommy.

 

Louis Virtel Not this bitch again. Folding its own arms.

 

Ira Madison III All right. When we’re back, it’s our favorite segment. Keep it. And we’re back for our favorite segment of the episode. Keep it. Louis. Yeah. What is there? Keep it this week.

 

Louis Virtel This is sort of a Keep It, but I want to say something about this show. So Clinton Kelly and Stacy London, who helmed the show What Not to Wear in the 2000, the fabulous TLC show where they were truly rude to people about what clothes they wore and what they should be wearing, are coming back. They have reunited. They had a long falling out for years and years. They are friends again and they have a new show called Wear whatever the F You want. And now I will say for 2024, that’s probably the spirit of a show like this. Like let’s, you know, whatever somebody’s personal style is, let’s just enhance that. Let’s not put too many rules on them. Let’s help them find the best way to express this thing that is inside them using clothes. My keep it, though, is I do feel that the title of this show implies that something was wrong, or shall we say, utterly insensitive about what not to wear. And I want to say keep it to that, because that show was important for what it was, which was it wasn’t just prescribing rules and saying, if you don’t dress like this, it’s bad. They found rules specifically for each individual person, and I felt that on that show, even though they were sassy, even though they would ruin some of these people’s day by criticizing their favorite skirt, you know, that had like a completely unsound hemline or whatever. There was something about that show where the rudeness actually got through to people, because I thought on that show, the genius thing was they were addressing people who never thought critically about what they wore. That thought that clothes didn’t send a message, that they were absolved from the world of fashion as they participated in the world. And the fact is, no matter who you are, you’re wearing a uniform. Your uniform says something, it pertains to a function in the universe. It pertains to what you think of yourself. And all of these things are evident and should be evident to you. So I just want to say, in a sort of weird, I keep it, that the original point of What Not to Wear, I think, still stands. And even though this show sounds a little bit more, I’m sorry to use the word woke, but I think both this show and the original version of the show still have a place in the world, and I hope they don’t lose their saltiness when addressing these people.

 

Ira Madison III Well, I appreciate it. That, cerulean monologue that you just gave me.

 

Louis Virtel What not to wear and where the whatever the f you want. They’re so different. Yeah.

 

Ira Madison III The What Not to Wear was the original. Oh. This stuff. I think it has nothing to do with you.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, yes, they were both so funny. That show was so much funnier than it needed to be.

 

Ira Madison III Well, I hope that this show still allows them to be cons.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. No. Again, people now use the word bullying. I don’t think it’s always bullying, but like, that’s what people remember. Oh, you said something devastating about my outfit. Now I’m going to associate that with the outfit.

 

Ira Madison III Why do you think we do supercuts of Michael Kors? When he was on Project Runway? We missed that, right?

 

Louis Virtel Oh, my God, the disdain.

 

Ira Madison III I miss Tabitha. Take it over.

 

Louis Virtel Tabitha is one of the most intimidating people ever to have lived, let alone Beyonce. If she looked right at you, you would dissolve. I mean, like, there should be a biopic and she should be played by, of course, Tilda Swinton.

 

Ira Madison III I see that. I see that, you know what they added the Tabitha shows to Peacock finally. I think I should rewatch them. I want to see how mean this bitch really was.

 

Louis Virtel Tabitha. Salon takeover, you’re talking.

 

Ira Madison III And then just Tabitha’s takeover, which it became in like the last couple seasons when she was just walking into any front door and telling people what was wrong country.

 

Louis Virtel She’s like, let’s switch this up. I want to watch, actually, sheer genius again. I thought Jaclyn Smith was a good host of that show.

 

Ira Madison III Jaclyn Smith, my favorite joke in Zoolander, which.

 

Louis Virtel Was.

 

Ira Madison III When one of the evil models is making fun of, Christine Taylor, and she refers to her where, her, Jaclyn Smith Kmart collection clothes.

 

Louis Virtel Of course. Of course. IRobot is here. Keep it this.

 

Ira Madison III Week. Okay. My keep it, involves a show that I binged all day yesterday. So I’m sick and was like, let me watch a TV show. And then I ended up watching all eight episodes of Pop Star Academy Cats.

 

Louis Virtel I I’ve seen it episode and a half of this. It is very addicting.

 

Ira Madison III Yes. So this show is a behind the scenes documentary of a YouTube series that existed prior called Dream Academy. So Dream Academy aired from August to November, and last year it was creating a global girl group. And global girl group means like they were assembling people from all over the globe. There were the Planeteers basically a pot.

 

Louis Virtel Sure. Yes. Earth. Fire. Wind. Water. Heart. Go.

 

Ira Madison III And it was made in conjunction with Geffen Records and Hybe. Which is, which is like a K-pop label.

 

Louis Virtel It’s in the mold of creating a K-pop group, but with a global theme. Yes.

 

Ira Madison III So there’s a lot of international girls in it, people speaking different languages, but it’s all very like K-pop with, you know, the moves and the, the faces and.

 

Louis Virtel The it’s.

 

Ira Madison III Really the attitude and it’s created in these sort of essence of K-pop. You know, I love Blackpink. You know, I’ve loved Red velvet, I love LA. Who pop up in this series? But this show, going behind the scenes of it, I never watch Dream Academy and. Seeing how this show was crafted is kind of diabolical. It was a survival series where people are eliminated. It’s very American Idol esque, you know? But there came a point where some of the girls were being eliminated, and then at one point, the girls have to sort of name who they would pick in their group for one of the eliminations. And they’re recorded saying this, and then the girls are shown what the other girls were saying about them.

 

Louis Virtel I just want to say this is like the tenderest age of all time. These people are like teenagers. It’s just it’s utterly traumatizing. It’s horrible to pit people of this age against each other like that.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And especially since you’re creating a group that you want people to be connected with. I just thought the creation of this group, which I think is kind of great, and I love their song, this debut is like a really fun song. And their EP sisters came out. But, the creation of this group was just like so nasty to watch the way that they sort of, like, fostered this sort of, hatred against the girls and creating clicks and everything. There was this girl mentioned in the group, this black girl. She was one of the few black girls who was actually in the program, too. She doesn’t really fit in with the girls. She doesn’t have a roommate. And so she gets to live with her sister at her home in L.A.. And this, of course, separates her from the girls even more. And then she gets Covid and is missing some rehearsals. And there’s just certain parts in the series where you can see the other girls aren’t voting for her in that elimination thing. For her to be in a group like they’re not even happy for her, that she’s doing so well in the fan votes. And that’s just sort of sad to see that. Now we’ve created this group, and now there’s this documentary on the behind the scenes, and she’s going to see all of this about, you know, what her teammates thought of her.

 

Louis Virtel Right? I also just thinks that I’ve only seen an episode and a half of this. The adults on this show are bone chilling. Like these.

 

Ira Madison III Oh, baby.

 

Louis Virtel Like these people who are looking for stars and they have these rubrics for what makes like she’s the most talented dancer or like one of them is dancing ability. One is, singing ability, one is attitude, another one is, wants to learn, like, wants to learn. Yentl, this is your shot. Let’s get in there.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, the the critiques are harsh, and, you know, the the critiques are harsh. The behind the scenes where they’re just discussing the dancers in such a technical way. It is. I mean, it’s a peek behind the curtain, but I don’t think I wanted to look behind that curtain.

 

Louis Virtel Right. And in a way, it’s like it’s interesting because you can sort of, if you’re being a critic, like you might make the same decisions yourself, but there’s just a hardness to the whole operation that is so grim.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And, we know what the K-pop girls go through. And so it’s it’s just hard seeing these girls go through that same thing, too. But, it was an entertaining to watch, so maybe I’m part of the problem.

 

Louis Virtel Also, when we get into Podcast Academy, absolutely, we’re going to be eliminated and on attitude grounds, I absolutely a positive.

 

Ira Madison III I will be Mia now. I’m missing rehearsals. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel You’ll get Covid a record amount of times.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. All right, well, that’s our show this week.

 

Louis Virtel Thank you so much to Hannah Burner for being her, for burning us all with her wonderful wit.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. And to let you all know. We don’t have an episode next week for labor.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, it’s just safer that way. I’m going to be in San Francisco next weekend. Also, before we go, I just want to say I rewatched Pretty Woman over the weekend. I think it is the definitive LA movie. What a pleasurable experience. Go ahead and watch Pretty Woman. It’s on Max.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, with that whore. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Vivian also love Laura San Giacomo on that movie. That part should have been bigger.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah, and also, Jason Alexander is nasty in that film.

 

Louis Virtel He sure is. He is gross as fuck. Love Jason Alexander interviews, though. Go ahead and watch those.

 

Ira Madison III Yeah. So we will see you in two weeks. When we’re back. Hooray for us! Don’t forget to follow Crooked Media on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.

 

Louis Virtel You can also subscribe to Keep It on YouTube for access to full episodes and other exclusive content. And if you’re as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.

 

Ira Madison III Keep It is a Crooked Media production. Our producer is Chris Lord and our associate producer is Kennedy Hill. Our executive producers are Ira Madison, the third, Louis Virtel, and Kendra James.

 

Louis Virtel Our digital team is Meaghan Patsel, Claudia Shang, and Rachel Gaieski. This episode was recorded and mixed by Evan Sutton. Thank you to Matt DeGroot, David Toles, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landes for production support every week.