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This week, Louis Virtel is joined by comedy writers Gus Hickey and Chris Schleicher to discuss Ryan Murphy’s new Kim Kardashian-led series All’s Fair, the Grammy nominations, Rosalia’s new album Lux, and Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein.

 

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TRANSCRIPT

Louis Virtel [AD].

 

Louis Virtel And we’re back with an all new episode of Keep It. I’m Louis Virtel and I don’t mean to sound somber and I mean the artist who was Grammy nominated. I’m somber because of course Kim Kardashian did not pass the bar exam and I prepped her so hard. I gave her all the books and she didn’t seem to care. Her psychics were who she was more concerned with and they had more to say and ultimately it did not turn out. So if the vibe in here feels off, it’s because of that and not because I’ve mysteriously just invited two of my best friends to be the co-host today. This is very unusual in that normally if I see a movie, I tell them first what I think of it, but I’ve actually held off on my opinion so we could talk about it today. But anyway, let me introduce you to these two people who are allegedly comedy writers. I don’t know if they’ll make anybody laugh or…

 

Chris Schleicher I’m probably not.

 

Louis Virtel That’s how I feel. That’s how I feel.

 

Gus Hickey We’re bringing a somber energy today.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Yes.

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah, we’re all morning.

 

Louis Virtel It’s really a funereal honestly This is my friend Gus Hickey who is a writer on a number of things including Will and Grace the other black girl Grown-ish any other credits you’d like to bring up? Skills?

 

Gus Hickey The Muppets, but.

 

Louis Virtel Yes

 

Gus Hickey That was a long time ago, so…

 

Louis Virtel Who’s your least favorite muppet.

 

Gus Hickey I don’t want to get in trouble, but you know, I… Probably Pepe the Crab. Mmm. Yeah. You didn’t naturally fall into that voice? I just, I think we overused him because people just love, like… You do that in life too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People just love like accent humor and I think that it was, it’s too much.

 

Louis Virtel It’s overused. And we also have with us Chris Schleicher, who we have a number of things in common. Very actress oriented person, very Oscars oriented person. He’s a writer on Never Have I Ever, the Mindy Project, but also we are both Jeopardy Losers.

 

Chris Schleicher It’s a nightmare I have once a month, where I’m once again hearing the theme song go over and over in my head and unable to pull the name Lisa Marie Presley. Oh, yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Well, you’ve just spoiled what I was about to do, which is, I have the question right here that you missed in Final Jeopardy. We both lost in Final Jeopardry, by the way, which, by way, is the worst way to lose. Chris’s Final Jeopardly category was celebrity marriages, and the clue was her third husband won a Best Actor Oscar in the 90s. Her second husband, like her dad, is a rock and roll Hall of Famer. Can you believe I didn’t write that? That’s such a queeny-ass question. Chris is like, shaking.

 

Chris Schleicher This is like a cruel, Maury-like thing you’re doing to me. Like bringing out someone from your past.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right.

 

Chris Schleicher You are the Loser of Jeopardy.

 

Louis Virtel Your pickle phobia, I bring out the pickles.

 

Chris Schleicher Well, also the two other guys said, Liv Tyler, my brain the whole time was doing this. Liv Tyler? No. Liv Tyler. No. And then I was running out of time. I figured Elizabeth Taylor had been married so many times, just right Taylor. Yes.

 

Louis Virtel Multi-step celebrity trivia question. So it feels like it’s right in our wheelhouse, but like to start with, she had her third husband won a Best Actor Oscar. Like you totally forget about the minute that Nicolas Cage.

 

Chris Schleicher Was married to Lisa Marie Presley. You better believe I went through every 90s, best actor winner in my head, went past Nicolas Cage, like he surely isn’t married to someone that could be the answer to this question. I know. It was.

 

Louis Virtel Right. So you thought about Jeffrey Rush for too long?

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah

 

Louis Virtel That’s a problem at this table, I think. What was your final Jeopardy? Mine was about, well, you know what’s so weird is my brother, Jim, who was on Jeopardi before me, we both lost in final Jeperdy on questions about prisons. Where you should be. I’m gonna say where I remain since losing the, it was a question, it was historic sites and it was convicted Nazi spy, Joseph Jacobs was the last person to be put to death here. You remember it? Yeah, Alcatraz. I’m being laughed at by the crew. It was not Elcatraz, it was the Tower of London. Oh my God, that’s right. No, we haven’t talked about that. And I lost to a European historical tour guide. Paola much? Yeah. I’m sorry, yeah. Quiz show scandal. Yeah, right, number two. That should be the sequel. May Robert Redford rest. Anyway, today we have much more important matters to talk about than our collective traumas. And that is the new trauma that is All’s Fair, a television series by Ryan Murphy starring every woman you’re a little bit worried about.

 

Chris Schleicher I was about to say, these women are about to be the next Peele put to death in the Tower of London. Yes, right. They’re starting it up again. If you were expecting a quality legal drama with Clank Close, you may be entitled to damages.

 

Gus Hickey Wow, Damage was preparing you for this.

 

Louis Virtel So, actually…

 

Gus Hickey It felt like she was tapping into something in her one scene that’s long and she actually gets to talk. It did feel like she was like, I can do this in my sleep. And because nothing else was worthy of her, like nothing else on the show.

 

Louis Virtel I think I would have felt a little bit better if there was somebody else in her, like, age and esteem bracket on the show, but it felt a bit like the combat, like I’m it. I have to be the older esteem person on this show to give it a little of gravitas. The other people on the shows have just as many accolades. You’ve got Sarah Paulson, you’ve got Nisi Nash Betts, who is an amazing actress, Tiana Taylor, who is going to be starring in this year’s Best Picture winner.

 

Gus Hickey And possibly going to win an Oscar this year. Right. And is this her Norbin?

 

Louis Virtel Yes. You know she’s already asked herself that question. I’m sure she’s aware of the stakes. But it stars Kim Kardashian. And I have to say, who would want this for her? I understand that she’s like vaguely associated with the legal system and vaguely associated with being on television. Why combine them in this way? She’s put into prison, and she’s put in prison.

 

Gus Hickey Is going to prison, so she can start on this. I do think, okay, I’m not going to defend Kim Kardashian, but I am going to to defend her acting a little bit here, because I, okay. The show is so ridiculous. These women are searching for something to do. Naomi Watts in particular. Oh no, you said her name. She’s grabbing things off of the wall. Like she doesn’t know what her character is, who is apparently British, for some reason that’s never explained. And Kim is doing this thing. Someone told her. Like, don’t move your face, just give less, less, less, someone told her that and she really, really internalized it. And delivered. And delivered, and it kind of gives you the only piece of the show that’s not insane. Like, it’s not moving at 18 miles an hour. Like, you watch Kim’s face is just sort of not moving, but it sort of is like, okay, well, at least I know this is like the main character of the shows, which is the only clear thing on the show.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Kind of Kristen Stewart in Twilight, you know, like, oh yeah, everybody else is haunted. You can be…

 

Chris Schleicher Monotone etc. I’m also like not trying to pile on like this has like a zero percent run it’s gone up ticked up like somebody somebody gave it a positive review I mean well Armand White like jumped in he said actually it’s the television show of the century so I’m kind of trying to meet it where it’s like I was not expecting Kim Kardashian to be Sandra Hewler yes I will be directing the remake of Anatomy of a Fall with Kim Kardashian okay you’re not a victim not at all your generosity conceals something Dirtier. I mean her. But like I said, it does create like a level where it’s like the amazing Sarah Paulson is like screaming, can I take Codberger into a phone? 100%.

 

Gus Hickey A hundred percent of the time a hundred percent. I feel so bad for her Look Ryan Murphy’s not the only writer on this John Robin Bates is also a writer on that’s a two-time Pulitzer Prize That’s nominee is giving Sarah Paulson these Incredibly vile insults to scream all day long. It’s just

 

Louis Virtel Wait, John Robin Bates wrote Other Desert Cities with Judith Light, who was in this?

 

Gus Hickey Who is in this? Yes, who’s in this. Yes, exactly.

 

Louis Virtel That is not right.

 

Gus Hickey It’s great and he created-

 

Louis Virtel From the Pulitzers to the police.

 

Gus Hickey And he created Brothers and Sisters, which was fantastic. And it’s… I just… I think one thing that’s important to remember about this show is that they’re all dressed like Guinan from Star Trek. And that they are actually on a different planet. I think if you think about it, this is like a sci-fi. Oh, sure. A simulacrum. Maybe that will give you some grace. That will give you some grace.

 

Louis Virtel Also, you just mentioned this, I guess what are supposed to be memeable dialog moments that are extremely vulgar, extremely profane, not only do they not work, it feels to me like the actors sometimes are forced to direct themselves. Why are they so loud? It doesn’t make any sense, or who is it directed towards? And also the editing is so choppy. It makes it feel extra undirected. They jump from one character and scene to a next. None of it even fits together remotely. So you’re just left with scraps of loud.

 

Chris Schleicher But also the one that like has been going around like you might want to pin your wig down because this is gonna blow it back I’m like quick like this gonna blow. It clean to Mars It’s gonna go a little bit back your way no just kind

 

Louis Virtel this whole show. Yeah, everything is a Housewives tagline, except not even a good one. I feel like those are routinely pretty funny.

 

Gus Hickey Sure. And I also, like, there’s that line that Sarah Paulson has, you know me, I do anything for you except represent you, which I wouldn’t do, even if I were penniless and starving on a street corner, forced to blow a priest with the chlamydia for a bowl of refried beans. That’s the whole insult that she gives this person. That would take up an entire page on Final Draft.

 

Louis Virtel That is insane. Also, it really rolls off the tongue. It also, it seems like an X-rated verse of like the Grinch song, you know? This undid several books that I’ve read in my brain. It deleted them. By the way, she is in two of my favorite movies and performances of the past 15 years. She should have been nominated for 12 Years a Slave, should have nominated for Carol. I don’t like being reminded that even people who are that good can be this bad.

 

Gus Hickey Martha Marcy Mae Marlene also, she’s fantastic.

 

Chris Schleicher Yes. I think it’s appropriate we’re here on Veterans Day to talk about all of the women who’ve served in the trenches of Ryan Murphy. Oh, please. Sarah Paulson, like, gorgeous woman. In the first episode, they keep talking about her like she’s like a horrible, like rabid dog, but she’s, like is in full glam and wearing gorgeous

 

Louis Virtel It makes no sense also I feel like usually the barrier of entry for Sarah Paulson is she will make those parts believable and this one This is the first time I’ve ever seen her in a Ryan Murphy thing where I’m like, why did you do this? She looks uncomfortable. Yeah

 

Chris Schleicher Here’s one of my issues, these women don’t need this show. Glenn Close, Naomi Watts, Nisi Nash Betts, we should be casting other people who Ryan lifts them up. You know who should be on All’s Fair? Carla Sofia Gascon.

 

Louis Virtel Yes. Oh my God. You just saved the show. Yeah. Well, by the way, the amount of like people on the show, I truly assume there is a whiteboard where they suggest crazy people to be on the show like Jessica Simpson, etc. You can’t tell me they didn’t like brainstorm that together. It didn’t occur organically. It feels like it’s all of Ryan Murphy’s neighbors.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah. And he just like walks down the street and is like, you want to be on All’s Fair?

 

Chris Schleicher I also got so excited when Elizabeth Berkley-Lauren appeared. We worked together briefly on Say It By The Bell, the reboot on Peacock. A show we loved. And I was like, okay, she understands being in something that’s a little camp and bad and has like 30 years of distance from showgirls. I was, like, maybe she’s gonna correct it. And the way she drops out of the show, literally. Oh, now that’s the curse of the J.

 

Louis Virtel Scorpion which she was in.

 

Gus Hickey The very next scene after Elizabeth Berkley. I mean, are we spoiling this for anyone? It’s spoiled.

 

Chris Schleicher From the jump. You can smell the TV show coming out of your. From the Jump. From the Jumps. Oh yeah, see.

 

Gus Hickey So she jumps. Anatomy of a fall in Ds. So it’s Anatomy Of A Fall. She jumps to her death and the very next scene, all the main characters of the show are on their private plane talking about themselves. There is no reaction to this woman killing herself in front of them. It’s so insane. And you’re just like, all right, I guess this show really doesn’t deal with one thing to the next. It does feel like every department kind of phoned it in I didn’t try, there is a lemonade. Music video reference where Kim has a, like, fantasy sequence where she… I want to do the rosary right now. Go ahead. She busts the windows out of the car of the woman who’s sleeping with her ex-husband and with a baseball bat and the baseball bat is a whiffle ball bat. It is a yellow plastic bat and you know that there were meetings, there were production meetings, there were props meetings. And they were just like, we love that it’s yellow because it goes with the yellow dress from Lemonade. And it is like, but it wouldn’t have the effect of breaking this car’s window. Mythbusters, can you get in here?

 

Chris Schleicher Who chose this?

 

Gus Hickey We need science here. I know, it’s really insane.

 

Chris Schleicher I once read an interesting piece of TV criticism about Ryan Murphy, and it was about Glee, I believe, that he had changed the essential unit of TV from the episode to the scene. Oh, yes. The episodes maybe don’t totally make sense all together, but scene to scene, there’s interesting things happening. He still has the ability to shock me with that. I had to watch Jessica Simpson throw sulfuric acid on Rick Springfield’s face. Right. I was not expecting to have that happen.

 

Louis Virtel And not just because he’s in her trailer for no reason, or why you would normally do that.

 

Gus Hickey And you say that sentence and you’re like that sounds entertaining, but then unfortunately, it’s not it’s You say that you’re, like i would watch that show it’s just

 

Louis Virtel It’s just pure gratuitousness, yeah. No, the idea that I would long for the simpler days of nip-tuck, the dignity of niptuck is so shocking. Anyway, we have an episode to get to, and hopefully no more All’s Fair to get too. Though I did come up with the pun the other day, the girl stepping out for a public All’s Fare. That’s for you, Jessica Simpson. Anyway, there’s a lot going on in today’s show. We’re getting into the new Frankenstein movie. Guillermo del Toro, I am a longtime fan of. We’ll get into what concerns me about this movie. Even though it did have entertaining moments, I actually am not sure where I land on this. You can help me decide. And then also, we’ll get into the recent Grammy nominations and then the mystique and allure and singularity of Rosalia and her new album, Lux, which Pitchfork actually perked up to listen to. They like took the smelling salts and existed in a reality of positivity to praise this album. And we’ll see what we think of that too. But that’s all coming up next on Keep It.

 

[AD]

 

Louis Virtel The Grammy nominations are here, kicking us into full awards mode. We’re going to get into the snubs, surprises, and shoe-ins. Then we’ll also get into the new Rosalia album, Lux, which might sweep the nominations next year. Chris, Gus. How are you feeling?

 

Chris Schleicher Well, I was waiting in my bed in the morning for the night machines to drop for the most important category that we all care about, best audio book, spoken word recording.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Chris Schleicher The EGOT way to get in.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, the way to get that G.

 

Chris Schleicher Audrey Hepburn’s Enchanted Tales is of course my favorite Grammy win of all time. Oh, yes.

 

Louis Virtel And so tuneful, the way she explains that garden or whatever she does, yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher I’m sorry to take us on this rabbit hole immediately, but there’s a guy from Milli Vanilli is nominated for his book about Milli Vanilly. Wait, this year? Yes! Wow, Rob Pilatus. No, Fab Morvin. Oh, the one who’s alive. And he’s up against Trevor Noah, Ketengi Brown Jackson, and the Dalai Lama.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, that’s how… That’s how, this is why we do awards.

 

Chris Schleicher And he had his Grammy nomination rescinded back in the day for Milly Vanilli. I believe they won Best New Artist. They took it back. Yeah. So we don’t have a winner from that year now. Mm-hmm. So I was in my Dalai Lama t-shirt ready for that nomination to come in, but surprised at Milly vanilli. Wow. Oh my God. Well, that’s like the kind of redemption story awards people are generally obsessed with, though. This category also is going to be from last year, our reigning winner, Jimmy Carter, may he rest. He really served [Unrecognized] on that one. Bye! He built houses whatever Barbara Streisand lost, remembering every sandwich she had on the set of Yentl. Also, she’s still reading. It’s 19,000 pages.

 

Louis Virtel There’s like a dictionary in it. That’s just a nice little break in the middle. You have a dictionary.

 

Chris Schleicher Before she goes back to screaming at Arthur Lawrence, yes. I think I’m jumping into audiobook because at large, the other nominations were not super surprising to me. No, if these nominations to me largely feel…

 

Louis Virtel Like the DVD extras of last year’s nominations, where people like Sabrina Carpenter are nominated six times for Man Child, a song I enjoy, but it just doesn’t compare to what she brought. To her previous album. Yeah, to Short and Sweet, to Espresso, to Please Please Please, et cetera.

 

Gus Hickey And I also feel, I mean, I think I might be alone on this, but I actually preferred Chromatica to Mayhem. And I am not shocked by these nominations. I think that Gaga did an amazing job on this album. I think she expands and also revisits all of the genres that she’s good at, but it, again, felt like she was revisiting stuff that she was really good at.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, no, it was sort of a safe zone for her, but also, just in general, I resist when Gaga over sings, and I feel like it’s like sometimes the belting is to compensate for a lack of truly great hooks.

 

Chris Schleicher The great Gaga nomination is for Harlequin is up for best traditional pop vocal.

 

Louis Virtel Did they, this might be a first, did they nominate her in this category to prank her? Because why would you prank her.

 

Chris Schleicher Up that this album exists. To Like a White Elephant, last year I brought the Harlequin vinyl like as a prank. Yeah, right.

 

Louis Virtel Silly, you work in comedy.

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah, then my boyfriend ended up getting it and then I did listen to it around the house like a lot and I was like one of the saints go marching in and around with the vacuum and by the way, what a banger

 

Louis Virtel I’m so glad she brought that back. But also, she covers the Carpenters in that album and I didn’t even care for that so something went terribly wrong with God

 

Gus Hickey It just, it felt like she was apologizing for the film with that album by being like, look, I know nobody’s going to like this movie, so here’s this at least. Well, also that was the…

 

Louis Virtel Weird case of it was supposed to be in the character that she plays in the movie, who’s not really a singer. So she’s not singing out either. You know what I mean? It’s more in character.

 

Gus Hickey Oh right, yeah, she explained it like she’s supposed to be a bad singer when she’s Harley Quinn. Yeah

 

Chris Schleicher So it’s like, oh good definitely record that I want that in my home when I go to see Lady Gaga in a musical film I want to see her sing bad. Yeah, right just we Rob Marshall did Chicago We know how to boom boom into someone’s brain and suddenly they’re amazing at singing even if the character Diagetic Lee is not and they live in a mental institution. Yes, right

 

Gus Hickey Yes. And scenes are fantasy sequences. I also do think that the… Oh, we don’t need to talk about Folia.

 

Louis Virtel I knew it would end this way.

 

Chris Schleicher You came here with an agenda and you won.

 

Gus Hickey I do think that they’re going to build a mountain scene in Folio Da is really good and worth watching and should be on Gay Guy Music Video Night. But nobody wants nobody wants to say.

 

Louis Virtel I don’t remember a fucking thing you’re talking about. I remember when the courthouse explodes. That’s it.

 

Gus Hickey It’s just one of the main fantasy sequences when they’re in the institution. It doesn’t matter. We don’t ever need to talk about this movie You are correct

 

Louis Virtel You are correct, you are correct. Okay, let’s just talk for a minute about record of the year. Uh, DTMF by Bad Bunny, who I feel like is probably a little low on Grammys at the moment. So if he wins a bunch, that’s exciting. You have Man Child by Sabrina Carpenter, Anxiety by Dochi. Who thinks that’s the best Dochi song?

 

Gus Hickey It’s so sad. She has so much more to offer than that song.

 

Louis Virtel And like last year she was the star of the Grammys and it was a real crowning moment for her and I’ve heard the song Which of course samples somebody that I used to know by gotcha. I thought maybe the internet put this together. They did it was

 

Gus Hickey They did. It was a hit on TikTok, and then she hadn’t released it. She just released it on TikTok as like a thing, and it was such a hit on TikTok that her record label was like, you’ve got to release this as a single. And so she did.

 

Louis Virtel I guess we’re effing starved because now it’s nominated for like the Oscar of music. We have Wildflower by Billie Eilish. What was that?

 

Gus Hickey Years ago? No, it is to have Wildflower, and she may perform it at the Grammys, like it’s insane. Like it’s insane.

 

Chris Schleicher We need the clowns in Congress to figure out the Grammy’s release schedule and explain it to all of us. Yeah. Like we simply can’t have songs from years ago. And then there’s such a length between the nominations and the show that like. Yeah, what is that? The Emmys are similar. It’s like why.

 

Louis Virtel Hearing in like early July before we get to this in late September. Why are we still giving awards to Lessons in Chemistry? Like let’s stop. No, finally. Nurse Jackie is the best TV show of the year again. I can’t explain it. We also have Luther by Kendrick Lamar and Abracadabra by Lady Gaga. You know, just I find that to be mid-tier Lady Gaga

 

Gus Hickey It’s even mid-tier on that album. I don’t even think it’s the best song.

 

Louis Virtel It’s like her doing drag.

 

Chris Schleicher As herself.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, yeah, right. Apatah by Rosé and Bruno Mars and The Subway by Chaperone. A song by Chapelrone I don’t care about.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, that one missed me. I didn’t really love it

 

Louis Virtel Also, I just think like last year, there was such natural competition because of how good everything was. Like to see Chapel Rowan up against Sabrina Carpenter for Best New Artist, like, okay, that’s like a provocative question. Like are you going to go for the, you know, genre pop girl or like the up and coming kind of Cyndi Lauper-ish singer-songwriter? Like that’s at least a compelling debate. When we get to the Best New Artists situation this year, it’s Olivia Dean, Cat’s Eye, The Marias, Addison Rae, Sombra, Leon Thomas, Alex Warren, Lola Young. Music for 10 minutes.

 

Gus Hickey Yes, right

 

Louis Virtel of the industry.

 

Chris Schleicher Okay, but Cat’s Eye is legitimately exciting to us and many of our friends. Yes. It’s like the only dance I’ve learned of anything in the TikTok.

 

Louis Virtel Have they ever once released music that you would consider the best?

 

Chris Schleicher Oh no, that’s not the point of gay guy music, Stanak. Right, true. You’ve completely misunderstood the assignment.

 

Gus Hickey I also think there’s an interesting thread between the Milli Vanilli thing and Cat’s Eye and Huntrix. Where there is this sort of like… I’m seeing all the red string. Go ahead. We really, really vilified Milli Vanillia as like, get out of here. You’re fake. Everything’s fake. And it’s like, okay, we didn’t like them because they were put together by producers, which is what Cat’s eye is. We also didn’t liked them because, like, they were lip syncing and that’s what Huntrix is. Like, let’s be honest. We need to give them back their Grammy.

 

Louis Virtel Right, actually they were innovative and important.

 

Chris Schleicher But also, what I love about Cat’s Eye is like, what if Destiny’s child was mixed with Nadiya Komanichie? The things these girls can do with their bodies is insane. And we need to honor them on like an Olympic sport level.

 

Louis Virtel No, I want to say, and I support the Tate McCrae’s and the Benson Boons, tricks are a part of pop. Yes!

 

Chris Schleicher Let’s add that category, because they did add, like, best cover art this year, or whatever. Because everyone was complaining they’re too few Grammys.

 

Louis Virtel Well, that’s the thing about the Grammys is that everybody has them now, so it’s actually only notable who doesn’t have them. So if you don’t have a Grammy and you’ve been in the industry a while, it is mind-boggling.

 

Gus Hickey It is, you must be disliked, there must be something about you.

 

Louis Virtel There’s also some.

 

Chris Schleicher Oh, Nicki Minaj, like yeah, there’s something going on, yeah, et cetera. Here’s a gay guy, Oscar guy angle for us. The K-pop demon hunters, like Huntrix thing being like, that could win Best Original Song and is that for Song of the Year as well?

 

Gus Hickey Uh… It’s up its record of the year

 

Chris Schleicher I always have to look up the difference every year, like buffalo versus bison. It’s weirdly that it’s…

 

Gus Hickey It’s weirdly that it’s not song, but for Huntrix with record of the year, it is a lot like Alvin and the Chipmunks, which has 14, they have 14 Grammy nominations and five wins. How crazy is that?

 

Louis Virtel No, but like, they are an industry, like they began in the 50s, et cetera, but. Yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher Avidly likes that. Oh, every time I listen to Christmas, Christmas time is here, I say this is the best song. Yeah. Wait, but the last time that we had like an Oscar and Grammy juggernaut was like shallow. And I do think that-

 

Gus Hickey It’s song of the year.

 

Chris Schleicher Oh, okay. My instincts were right. You were right Gus put me into a folie a deux, where I thought I was losing my mind. And you’ll never recover, yes. But I think the last time a number one song on the billboard charts did not go on to win the Oscar was Happy, but that’s because it lost to Shallow. So I really think we are going to see a steamroll of K-Pop Demon Hunters to this Oscar. Oh my gosh.

 

Gus Hickey And best animated film, probably.

 

Chris Schleicher And my five-year-old is thrilled.

 

Louis Virtel You’re right.

 

Chris Schleicher Ugh, that really is a little.

 

Louis Virtel I don’t want them to have everything, really. Isn’t it enough to be like the most popular thing on Earth?

 

Gus Hickey And also, I wonder, like, isn’t there a best children’s album, Remy, like can’t they win that and buy that?

 

Chris Schleicher And, of course, Diane Warren is in her chambers, like, crushing a crystal right now and be like, -“No, not again!” -“Yeah!”

 

Louis Virtel I was talking this weekend with someone from Canada about Buffy St. Marie, who I feel like will normally dominate something like the children’s category. That’s where she needs to come back.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah. Oh, that’s that’s where we live.

 

Louis Virtel Speaking of Oscar winners, yes.

 

Gus Hickey Yes, yes. I also, speaking of EGOTs, this will be, I believe we’re going to see Darren Criss get three quarters of an EGot with a Grammy this year. Too much too fast. Too much to fast because Ed Plattson.

 

Chris Schleicher We need reform. I’m speaking to the clowns in Congress again. Yes, right. We need Grammy’s reform, awards reform. They took away that Emmy that was fraudulent, right? Where you could just perform on Good Morning America. Perform on Good Morning America.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, when you do one song from a musical on the Today Show and you win an Emmy.

 

Louis Virtel That was one of the worst mistakes in American history. It made no goddamn sense because Hoda Kotb introduced you, you got to compete at the level of like, I don’t know, Alanis Morissette or Bob Newhart or the Grammys we actually care about. Sure. Yes. Okay. But speaking of people we should be caring about more, Rosalia. Yeah. She put out an album that is both good and so baffling. She made an album called Lux that, you know, it’s interesting that Bjork has featured on this album because if I had to compare it to anything, and believe me, it is hard to compare, I would maybe say. The Bjork album Homogenic, which has a kind of balletic, even operatic quality, and then a sort of rumbling percussion beneath it. And that’s a lot of what’s happening on this album. But otherwise, what an innovative person. I mean, this is a an utterly strange, very emotional album. And I want to say she recorded it in 13 languages. So she wanted to make sure everyone was confused for at least a second.

 

Chris Schleicher And I have confirmed this with friends from Spain. In those languages, she pronounces them kind of like jazz, like I’m gonna say how I want, but they’re like, in Spanish, we also don’t understand her. She does, that’s her whole thing. That’s her thing, so you can’t criticize that her Arabic is a little off.

 

Gus Hickey But I like that I get to have the authentic experience because I don’t understand anything on a, but I did love it. Yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher Go on, I love it. Needed this after watching All’s Fair to cleanse me of the demons that had entered my body. Yeah, right. It was like a religious experience. And it has an exorcism type quality, this album. I put it on in a dark room laying down because I needed like mommy time after doing nothing all day. Oh, I didn’t know you were like wine mama clock girl. Who is this? I need a job, I need boyfriend.

 

Gus Hickey She’s wearing her pussy hat

 

Chris Schleicher But like it took it in in that way and I swear like I like floated off of my bed like the exorcist and like had like a lightning coming on my fingers like Kirsten Dunstan melancholia. I briefly had powers. Yes. I’m not the type of person like I cried at that. I was like welling up at the one in like Portuguese Mio Cristo Pia Diamante. I think I pronounced it as good as she does. Oh I’m so sexually aroused. There’s so much sound in it that like your body convulses.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, I love that it was also kind of funny. It’s everything. You experience every emotion. And you were talking about comparing it to other albums. I feel like one album that you can compare it to is like a prayer. And it feels, in the experimentation with Catholicism, there’s this like long metaphor of Catholicism throughout the album.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, she goes to heaven and comes back and then

 

Gus Hickey And then yeah, she comes back and she saves people and then she it’s all about like heaven on earth and Also in one of the exclusive tracks on the physical album called jawn it is written by Charlotte gainsburg has a writing credit on it and you just said melancholia You just said it. We’re cracking the code. This is fully a dig. And in what it feels like for a girl on the vocal you hear at the beginning is her. That’s Charlotte Gainsburg. So I do think that maybe she’s making a reference to, that Rosalia was maybe making a reference too Madonna by asking Charlotte Gainburg to be on the other side.

 

Louis Virtel Well, it’s funny that you say that because Madonna went on social media and was congratulating Rosalia like a lot Which makes me think there might be some collaboration in the future because it’s so unlike her to just give out a compliment without you know Kissing the ring Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher Pound of blood in return. Then there’s also that ending where she’s like, and then it’s gonna go like, ba-ba-bam. Oh, yes, that funny part. Yeah, yes.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, where you can hear her producing the album a little bit.

 

Chris Schleicher And then calling God a stalker, Dios es un stalker. Very funny to me. I do recommend the experience though of like, I did not know what these songs were about and I was watching the lyric videos with English translations on. I thought La Perla was this like beautiful little traditional song. It’s about like the worst man. Yeah.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, it’s about a guy who like you you have to pay attention to because he’s evil

 

Louis Virtel Perla means the pearl, but it’s a very insulting song towards this man. It’s a diss track. And also I think it’s an album you have to keep returning to again, because although we can sort of find vague comparisons to other albums, it is like its own genre. Yeah. And she is very concerned with breaking genres and breaking open music. Like her past albums, there was like a Flamenco was something she was interested in exploring. And every once in a while, you can hear a little bit of that come back into this music. Or whatever that is.

 

Chris Schleicher MOTO MAMI WAS like reggaeton?

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, they were also talking about in the New York Times like will this compete in pop or will it compete in like classical? Like what is the genre at the Grammys that it will compete in?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. And by the way, that is actually a concern of mine with the Grammys. I love categorization, but at the same time, I think a lot of the times what you’re actually rewarding is who best fits a genre. You know what I mean? Like when I think of like Sabrina Carpenter winning pop vocal, it’s like, it is also the most traditional, you know, it like it’s not breaking the mold. When they

 

Chris Schleicher when they invented like best electronic dance song so that Kylie Minogue could win like best gay guy music video night song against Roy Ceylon.

 

Gus Hickey This year best traditional country album so that they can keep Beyonce out of the country award. It’s just the most blatant. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel Like redlining nonsense ever. Furthermore, Bjork has the most solo nominations in the category of best alternative album. And I feel like that is where Rosalie is gonna end up. And by the way, how can we have that many genres of music and then we still have other? As a category. Well, it’s just like, I mean, like think about like the Oscars, all of the nominations are for the entire movie and it’s not about category. And I feel like that’s why it’s way more esteemed. I’ve just had a fully idea.

 

Chris Schleicher I’m going to start working with Katy Perry on campaigning an other, like you don’t get it. 143 is this other experiment in this space, you’re not getting it. Satire.

 

Gus Hickey She couldn’t have done it wrong if there’s no rules. This is from the planet that All’s Fair is set up. I also, okay, you said God is a stalker, makes me think of God control. It’s another- Oh my God. She’s reaching out to Madonna. You’re using Madonna against me. I know. This is my Louis Bates. You’re playing your Pesuca over there. Yeah.

 

Louis Virtel I can’t get over God Control, the Madonna song from the Madamax album. That is supposed to be a pun on like gun control, right? And we’ve lost it. We lost God Control. But that song fixed it. How we lost, yeah, right. But also we lost gun control. It just feels very, I speak English as a fifth language, like what?

 

Gus Hickey And listening to the album, but listening to Lux, you do feel like, okay, I think English is done as a language for music. Like, it’s so beautiful. Spanish, French, all of the language. Japanese, yeah. The parts where she breaks into English, it like, ah, stop! No, that’s disgusting!

 

Louis Virtel Well, that reminds me of one of the greatest tweets of all time by Get Ready, Liz Farrot, where she says nothing is more unnerving than opera sung in English. Like, it’s just not meant to be heard that way, yes. Anyway, I think that’s all the Grammy nominations, there’s none left. Yeah, I do have one.

 

Gus Hickey One of the snubs at the Grammys, Nicole Scherzinger for best musical theater album. What the fuck? Oh no. It was insane. Why? I mean, it has cleared the way for Darren Criss to win for maybe Happy Ending, but I am shocked. Also because that album is recorded live. So it even has like extra specialness to it that the Grammies would love.

 

Louis Virtel Well, also, by the way, with one look from Sunset Boulevard was never one of my favorite musical theater songs until Nicole Scherzinger’s. I mean, it really is. It transforms the songs in this musical that nobody would ever put in their top tier. Never. It’s the only.

 

Gus Hickey Only Grammy in all of the Grammys that honors musicals, which is crazy. And so they just completely ignored the best musical performance of the year. I mean, Audra and her are sort of tied, but.

 

Chris Schleicher I’ll have the category best Jamie Lloyd musical for an extra one. We’re going to have a bunch, yeah. Zegler’s going to sweep.

 

Louis Virtel No, that is so weird. How is there not, well, again, this reminds me of, and yet there’s still not a best song, Tony, which kills me too. Tony too, which kills me too.

 

Chris Schleicher Also, Cat’s Eye being nominated is sort of in the genealogy of Eden’s crush, that they didn’t get there with Nicole Schurzinger. So the Cat’s eye could make it. They’re fulfilling the dream. They are the witches you could not burn. I do feel like Cat’s eyes.

 

Gus Hickey They’re standing on their coasters and shoulders.

 

Louis Virtel Cat’s Eye is sort of like if Nicola Sturzinger burst into seven parts, you know what I mean? Yeah, she is the Megazord of Cat’s Eyes.

 

Gus Hickey Yes, she and she is Rita repulsa. Yeah

 

Louis Virtel She will let out a Rita-like cackle. My favorite English-dubbed character in television history. Such a strange little agreement. Other than Naomi Watson, all fair. Naomi, we want better for you. Yeah, right. What was the last thing we truly loved her in? The one with the big dog? Big dog is my friend movie? The one the bird on shoulder. Bird on shoulder?

 

Gus Hickey But i don’t know if you’re asking at least you got out of the guys are literally

 

Louis Virtel Naomi Watts has been in movies where she has been out acted by a dog and a bird.

 

Chris Schleicher Can I say, my problem with her, why is All’s Fair taking it all over? She’s like kind of a shrinking violet on that show and she’s best when she’s fierce, like Mulholland Drive and The Impossible, like 21 Grant, there’s like this emotional ferocity in her and there’s waste in her.

 

Louis Virtel Right, but there is a quality about her in general. You would almost think she’s Canadian like it’s like don’t look at me too much.

 

Gus Hickey Well that was when she was Diana.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, ugh.

 

Gus Hickey Alright.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, my god, the nadir. Yes. Okay, anyway, the Grammys have been discussed, unpacked, there’s none left.

 

Gus Hickey Still more, All’s Fair to come.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, get ready.

 

Chris Schleicher Stay tuned.

 

Louis Virtel We’ll be right back with more Keep It, but before that, some quick housekeeping.

 

[AD]

 

Louis Virtel Guillermo de Toro’s Frankenstein has been out for a little while now, but it just landed on Netflix. It’s the first ever adaptation of this material. Frankenstein’s never been put on film before. People don’t know that. It was a really brave idea. Anyway, we’re all huge fans of Guillermo De Toro and we want to get into this movie. First of all, what makes this Frankenstein adaptation different from others is that in this one, Victor Frankenstein invented body tea.

 

Chris Schleicher Where?

 

Louis Virtel Is the berries that Dr. Victor Frankenstein goes to. Excuse me, this man is born and he’s immediately in a Herb Ritz exhibit. He’s like holding a tire and like winking at the camera.

 

Gus Hickey But also Oscar Isaac is ripped as hell in this movie.

 

Louis Virtel But you know what he also is? He has long hair like this, and he’s often wearing a pinstripe coat. He looks like Friendly Boots’ stunt double for the first half of this movie.

 

Gus Hickey Pretend it’s a person.

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah. Ah, yes. Remember when we watched that? God bless Guillermo for deciding we needed Oscar Isaac to have a Eureka in the bath moment to get out and just run around and be like artfully covered.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, that’s right, we do get like an ass shot or something as he has a panic moment. Did not need to happen, but I’m so glad it did. Yeah, I would say this is not a shining moment for Oscar Isaac. I didn’t come away taking anything from his performance that felt new for the character or that interesting. And I feel like the thing this movie really is lacking is interesting characterizations.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, I liked the melodrama of his performance. I thought that that was interesting that he was so heightened, but unfortunately, it did feel like nobody else was playing the game with him. Like, I don’t know. I don’t know. Do you think maybe Dr. Frankenstein is the real monster? Oh, oh, God.

 

Chris Schleicher I might be the first person to have this talk.

 

Gus Hickey Well, you and a character in the film who says it to him, as his last words, he’s like, I don’t want to, I’m going to be spoiling this, go ahead. So the brother is dying and he goes, I’ve been afraid of you my whole life. You are the monster. And it’s like what, okay.

 

Louis Virtel You can hear the notes from up above.

 

Gus Hickey But your brother is saying you are the monster. The brother was unaware of a creature that existed at all, ever. He didn’t know that his brother had made a monster, and he’s just saying you are the Monster. What monster are you comparing him to? You don’t know about the other thing.

 

Louis Virtel He just had a feeling. It was just like… He was like…

 

Gus Hickey I’ve read this book!

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah, I will say I kind of like this movie. I think it really gets cracking after the monster is made. Yes Oh, no, yes, let’s flip in POV is yes. Yes. There’s no suspense Like I wonder if electricity is gonna animate this thing We all know where it’s going get us to Jacob Elordi learning word

 

Louis Virtel No, once Jacob Elordi appears and you understand the character he’s bringing to the monster, or even the physicality he’s bring to the Monster, then it becomes interesting. But before then, I even think the look of this movie, for the most part, felt like you were in a Frankenstein escape room. It was all pretty predictable, and that thing looks like that, and even Guillermo’s esthetic was going to be predictable. You’re like playing Myst.

 

Chris Schleicher Yes. Crimson Peak unused sets. I had such whiplash though, like the Antarctica stuff I found like so starkly beautiful, especially at the end, you’re seeing like a lone sled go across and stuff. And the part in the laboratory looks like ass. It looks like she’s university.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, it was very wicked, very wicked.

 

Gus Hickey They even have that huge backlit window that is in from Schiff’s. By the way, the lighting throughout this, it was so.

 

Louis Virtel It just it felt like that Netflix standard of it has to be lit by this one way people have to have weird shadows that you know you only see kind of their nose.

 

Chris Schleicher His laboratory must have a giant comedy hole in the middle. Like, I hope no one falls down this. Charlie Chaplin should be roller skating around that hole. Those little pennies that you put in the fair. Not even a railing. Like, who is the building inspector in this area of Europe to allow… Yeah, what was that room?

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, what was that room for in the first place other than throwing crystals?

 

Louis Virtel Also now you’ve said his name when he fucking shows up and like he’s doing his He’s like Waluigi. He comes in and he’s like cackling and like like Obviously the bad guy and then price has arrived. Yes, right And it’s just he’s done this so many times before now I get it’s like you want to cast somebody for these roles Who’s capable of doing them? But just every single note of what he brings is so we’ve done this 90 fucking time And there’s no…

 

Gus Hickey No one ever finds out that he wasn’t killed by the monster. No one finds out the way that he died. There’s no repercussions for it. He disappears from the film. It’s like he was a villain for 20 minutes. What is the point of that story?

 

Louis Virtel I was kind of amused when he falls down the big hole and then hits his head on the bottom. What happens is, the way it looks is you think he’s sort of falling into kind of like an abyss, but then no, Oscar Isaac just runs downstairs. Oh, shoot. It’s like real, like America’s Funniest Home Videos.

 

Gus Hickey Did he really go to check on him? Was he like, oh, I hope he’s okay. I also think one of the flaws with the first half of the film, and I hate to do this to a person who is probably, I don’t want to ruin this person’s life, but the kid actor was bad. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was like, Oh, this I actually think might have been saved a little bit if this actor was different.

 

Louis Virtel I also think there needs to be a super cut of every time Gene Siskel and Siskel, and Ebert hates a kid actor. You can’t just say you hate them. Like, you know what I mean? You have to be like, I feel so bad, but like the prelude you have to give. But no, I mean, not, also, I’m surprised you like the Antarctic sequences, at least in the beginning. To me that looked like, it didn’t feel real. It looked like snow on a greeting card, or something to me. It’s more the latter half of the Antarctic sequences are better. Yeah, yeah, it looks better later. I also thought- Well, also everything about the latter half of the movie is better.

 

Gus Hickey The dog CGI in Antarctica was terrible.

 

Louis Virtel Oh God when all those wolves are attacking Frankenstein and he’s like throwing them back and forth. Oh It looks like your aunt’s like wolf’s t-shirt. Yeah, yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher When there are good dog actors out there, including the one from Anatomy of a Fall, that they brought in. I think we knew that dog’s name once upon a time. We did. I only remember Uggie from The Artist. Right, yeah. Make Your Rest. Yes, right. That child actor though, his life was made, but he got to meet Mia Gough.

 

Gus Hickey Which, I shamefully did not realize it was Mia Goth until I was leaving the theater. Who on earth did you think it was? I thought it was another actress! I was like, wow, they really lucked out. They really luck out that they found this book alike.

 

Chris Schleicher No, she was doing her, like, Shelly Duvall-ass thing in this movie. Coincidentally, Mia Goth is something that Jacob Elordi’s character would have said. Yeah. When he was becoming Poet and Frankenstein’s boss. That’s what the cast or he just said it during an improv session.

 

Gus Hickey During an improv session, they’re like, let’s call her. I also have to be clear. I knew Mia Goth was playing Elizabeth. I didn’t know Mia Goth also played the mother. Oh, okay, okay. I thought that was a different actress.

 

Louis Virtel Got it. Yeah, she really is special, though I feel like she was sort of asked to do like a McDonald’s version of what she normally does. You know, it’s like, oh, be a little spooky and just it feels like she’s been married to Frankenstein for 15 years anyway. She’s a fancy lady, but she likes bugs.

 

Chris Schleicher Different from the other girls.

 

Gus Hickey I did like her long scenes with Oscar Isaac, I was like, oh, this is interesting, this relationship has more depth than I thought it would, but then she just sort of, again, kind of like disappears from the film. Yeah, right. Surprisingly early. Surprisingly early, and isn’t the whole point of making the monster to overcome death and then she dies in front of both of them and they do nothing with it. They’re just like, oh, she died. And it’s like, but you know how to achieve immortality. Like, go put some electrodes on her and save her.

 

Louis Virtel It’s so crazy to me. What was this movie about? Also, I think another problem I have with this movie is, at the point in which it gets really good, it starts to really resemble the shape of water. You know, like when you’re literally in the kind of sewer-y environment and it has that kind of waterlogged look. It’s just like, it feels like when Tim Burton makes a movie like Alice in Wonderland, halfway through, you’re like, did you actually make this before? Like, this is actually redundant based on the past things you’ve put out. I was worried they were going to end up in Nightmare Alley. Yeah, oh, right. Which I still am in. That was an interesting movie because it started out in one place and then you realized you didn’t need the entire first hour and a half of the film. At all. Best picture nominee.

 

Gus Hickey I didn’t need Tony Collette, which unfortunately…

 

Chris Schleicher That’s how life is. That’s what life is, yeah. Here’s the interesting thing about this, a change that I do not like, from the Mary Shelley original, our favorite 20-year-old author, she was the Lena Dunham of her time, that Frankenstein’s monster is now like an X-Man who like heals immediately from everything. Right, yeah, unkillable, et cetera.

 

Gus Hickey I was interested in that. I was screaming about it, I didn’t know what this movie was about, but it’s very clearly about fathers and sons and, you know, perpetrating the trauma that your father perpetrated on you. Forgiveness. Forgivness and how it’s stronger to forgive than to seek revenge and being alive while you’re alive. But I thought that the thing about the immortality was interesting because you really then do understand why he needs the companion and why he wants to die because he …and…

 

Chris Schleicher This is a trend I don’t like. Monsters in movies used to be Boris Karloff moving very slow. Mummies used to slow, Frankensteins used to, zombies used to. Now they can all run super fast and are stronger than anything. Bring back slow monsters, although I do love it in the mummy when we get hot mummy Imhotep. So I take it back for that instance specific.

 

Louis Virtel I would say that the movie Halloween is terrifying because he’s slow but intentional. You know what I mean? Like you have to be frantic while he’s not

 

Chris Schleicher I mean that was kind of the whole thing of it follows as well like the dread versus like this You have no chance if Frankenstein gets you. Oh, yeah

 

Louis Virtel But of course, the real conversation here is whether Jacob Elordi will get an Oscar nomination, which would be pretty unusual for this category, even though Best Supporting Actor typically does reward a lot of monstrous characters, like villains in movies and things. But is the physicality, do you think, worthy of a nomination? Also, I have to say, I am a little annoyed by the way this character talks in the movie. How he’s always like, is it love? Just like he has just like two words to say every once in a while. Every once in a while.

 

Chris Schleicher I think the movement work is like really good early on. It’s bringing back to like acting class viewpoints. Yes, right.

 

Louis Virtel And you can feel the stakes with him because he’s like very, you know, venerated as sort of a matinee idol character, but he wants to be, you know, like Bradley Cooper and Jake Gyllenhaal.

 

Chris Schleicher I wanna be the crazy guy secretly. Also, the design of him is like both so like exquisite, but also looks like the VHS cover of Bicentennial Man. Yeah, important film. Just really, what a choice. It is, but it is sort of like-

 

Gus Hickey But it is sort of like marble statue is what I took away from it is that it’s like oh, it’s the David or whatever

 

Chris Schleicher A bit Fritz Lang Metropolis, so I’m gonna go for a low brow one, the high brow being Byzantine Old Man. Um, but I think… I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. No, I mean, like, in this kind of before we have Willem Dafoe and, like Shadow of the Vampire being, like… No, Sviratu, but, like also literally a vampire. Yeah, right.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah, right. You have Martin Landau being literally Bela Lugosi.

 

Louis Virtel Oh, yeah. But I mean, that was actually like a character role. Yeah, yeah, yeah Also, fabulous performance and definitely Tim Burton’s best work, I think. But I have to say, again, about Oscar Isaac and Willem Dafoe, remember when he was in At Eternity’s Gate playing, was it Paul Gauguin? Also over the top. I feel like he has a problem reining it in some

 

Gus Hickey Um, Willem Dafoe?

 

Louis Virtel No, Oscar Isaac. Oh. Yeah, yeah. No, Willem Dafoe was great. He was also 90 years too old to play Vince Avenga.

 

Gus Hickey I’m just getting home from school, I can’t wait to paint. Also we, as we talked about the Grammys, I think for the Oscars this year, it is a sort of disappointing crop so far. So I wouldn’t be surprised if Jacob Elordi gets in.

 

Louis Virtel No, I hope we take this opportunity of not having a lot to really tout this season to at least kind of try new interesting nominations that are actually worthy and not, if this came up last week with Kyle Isabella Rossellini in Conclave. Oh gosh. When people aren’t upset about that, are we not the same species? She used the printer so good.

 

Chris Schleicher I’m coming from the future though. I got to see an early screening of Hamnet and oh the things you have coming. I had to be taken away like in an ambulance. Like the amount of like ugly crying my friends saw me do, I don’t think we can come back from.

 

Louis Virtel Oh God, well also is she the only nominee from that or is Paul gonna get it too?

 

Chris Schleicher Paul Mescal. You think he will? I think threat to win. Because it’s… For supporting or lead? Too soon. Don’t do it, Paul. It is one of those ones where he is the male lead of the film, isn’t so much of it. Goes away for a little bit, like Kieran Culkin did, but gets to do literal Shakespeare scenes where he’s teaching someone how to act better, and it’s like, this is cheating.

 

Louis Virtel Katherine Hepburn in Morning Glory where she’s an aspiring actress and the way she sort of secures the actual Oscar She then won she does monologs from Shakespeare as part of the character so cheating

 

Chris Schleicher We are absolutely setting up a replay this year of Shakespeare in Love versus Saving Private Ryan, where the more emotional Shakespeare-y movie is going to overtake the auteur big movie of the year. But I think PTA, like Spielberg, will win director. And I think Hamnet’s going to take picture and actress.

 

Gus Hickey Well, comparing Hamnet to Shakespeare in Love, this is like Shakespeare in love that didn’t take its Prozac. It’s like, I wish Shakespeare in Luv made me cry more. I already cry enough at Shakespeare in Lov. Have you seen Hamnet?

 

Louis Virtel Okay, yeah

 

Chris Schleicher Oh my god.

 

Louis Virtel You think it’ll take best picture?

 

Chris Schleicher It’s not unsaid, you’re saying crazy things. You cannot underestimate the movie that hits you super emotionally. And anyone who is a parent, anyone who’s lost someone, like the grief aspect of this.

 

Gus Hickey To all the parents, to all the children in the world. As Celine Dion once said when she dedicated a song to everyone who’s ever lived. Joe Alwyn also is in the movie, right? Yeah, he’s around. Tall, blondish. We can do your Hamnet episode now.

 

Chris Schleicher Oh, please. Zoom right into it. Or just a Shakespearean love one. Yeah. I know something of a woman in a man’s role. By God, I do know about that.

 

Louis Virtel I’m so sorry I brought my friends here today. We need to be separated in class, that’s our whole vibe. Letter grade for this movie? I think I would say maybe a B minus. I think a B, B minus Yeah. It just doesn’t stick out to me as a Guillermo movie. I don’t feel like he made any choices that even speak to why it’s like his passion project. This has been his like longest term goal.

 

Gus Hickey Speaking of that, I also think that that may be why it’s kind of disappointing because he has been working on this since 2007. Oh my god. And he has this quote where he’s like, once you make your dream project, it’s done. You can’t dream about it anymore. Which was so sad to hear. But I also, because he’s been thinking about it since 2007, it is his dream project. It feels like when you think about it that much, you come up with too many ideas. And you just sort of are like, well, I had that idea 12 years ago, I gotta put it in. And you put too many themes into the film that just sort have made it feel very diffuse.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, if I had to pick a favorite monster movie, honestly, I really, I really, Charlize Theron in monster. Uh, I think I would probably go with the original Bela Lugosi, Dracula. I love him in that movie. It’s scary, but also, I don’t want to say campy because he is frightening in that movie, but it’s like, we just used to have, um, Hungarian faces in movies and you would have to look at them.

 

Gus Hickey Mm-hmm. I love Interview with the Vampire. Do you really? I think it’s sexy. There is something not quite sexy about this Frankenstein. Oh, no. Like, other than Jacob, who is, like, hot. Yeah. But, like the sexual tension between Oscar Isaac and Mia Goff is, never realized in any real way. But Interview with The Vampire is just like, oh, everyone’s fucking and everyone’s hot.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah. Actually, this Frankenstein movie, I could almost say it’s for children. Yeah. Like it’s not.

 

Chris Schleicher I mean, it’s like a bloody movie and a violent movie, but. It’s not particularly scary.

 

Louis Virtel Not particularly scary. Yeah, yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher And also we get Antonio Banderas in an interview with The Vampire, which makes me think that Spain is more suited for Dracula’s than for Frankenstein’s. Yes. I think Guillermo del Toro’s Dracula will be something I’m more interested in. Does it count as a monster movie? I think it does. The original Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Oh, never seen it. Never seen it! The 70s one, also great. Just the kind of terror that anyone near you could be a monster, I think, is the thing to me that’s like, maybe society’s the monster.

 

Gus Hickey Oh, so yeah. Okay. Also American beauty. Oh, yes. Where, you know, capitalism is the monster. Oh, sure. Chicago. Yes. Where razzle dazzle is the monster. All’s fair. Yes, I guess Naomi Watts is the

 

Louis Virtel Now, speaking of actresses, Elle Fanning is back in this, what is it?

 

Chris Schleicher Sentimental Value is the Joakim Trier new movie with Renata Reinsva and Stellan Skarsgård. I saw the other week. It’s exquisite. I think Renata is like a lock for a nomination. Elle Fanning was actually the biggest surprise for me. She has to play an American actress who’s dropped into this kind of like Norwegian passion project that Stellan Skaarsgaard is making. They turn it to be an English language movie and she’s like trying her best but not really getting there. And she’s to deliver like a monolog that has to be both good enough. They’re like, yeah, she’s actually did work on this, but like not quite there. I thought she like was walking on the edge of a knife with it and like absolutely killed it. Um, it was a little bit of like, um, clouds of cells, Maria. Yes. How?

 

Gus Hickey I was just gonna

 

Louis Virtel If our viewers have not seen Clouds of Sils Maria, I’d say Julia Benoist, Kristen Stewart, Chloe Grace Moretz movie. Chloe Grace moretz.

 

Gus Hickey But I’m glad to hear that L. Fanning pulled it off. Pulled it off because I don’t know if Chloe Gershman doesn’t really get that moment in that movie.

 

Louis Virtel Also, the weird thing about Elphandia, she’s been in every movie over the past 30 years. She could be anywhere between the ages of 11 and 35. I have no idea. And it goes up and down. She was the neon demon for two seconds, and then we didn’t know what that was, so we moved on. She was getting beguiled with Nicole Kidman. Right, right, she’s in that, 20th century women. The Great. Yeah, The Great was sort of like her actual kind of crowning star moment. But otherwise, she is this weird case of somebody who’s always around, but like you. You’re never supposed to think about her that long. Like she did win that national board of review award for a complete unknown. And then you’re like, oh yeah, she was in a complete on none.

 

Chris Schleicher Also, like in the way that Teyana Taylor’s Oscar chances might be dimmed by All’s Fair, like she’s in Predator Badlands this same month.

 

Gus Hickey Making $40 million dollars

 

Chris Schleicher Is huge at the box office, like it’s gonna be out there in front of people in a way that will remind them of her and be like, oh yeah, I do like her and she had such a big year. There’s that sort of Oscar thing of like, well they had a big your collectively Kate Winslet doing Revolutionary Road and the reader together.

 

Louis Virtel Grace Kelly being in all those Hitchcock movies and then the country girl.

 

Gus Hickey Nicole Kidman being in The Others and Mulan Rojas the same year and then… And Birthday Girl, bitch. And Birthday girl. And Gwyneth Paltrow being in A Perfect Murder and Shakespeare in Love the same year. Yeah. Right. That said, those are all like really huge stars we’re always talking about and this is L. Fanning. Oh, congrats, you did two movies. All right. But it is, I mean, it is huge and the reviews for Badlands are amazing also.

 

Chris Schleicher I am surprised at the success of Predator in that, like, if you had told me that Tron was gonna be huge and Predator would pop, I’d be like, that makes sense to me, but it went the opposite way. I don’t know what anyone has seen or cares about anymore.

 

Louis Virtel Right. And like, do people care about those?

 

Gus Hickey Like, I’ve got to go see Predator. Well, Prey, the thing that Dan Trachtenberg, who did Badlands, Preye was a Hulu streaming Predator film that did incredibly well for Hulu, and I sort of revitalized the Predator franchise. Got it. So that’s whose hands they’ve trusted this IP with. Oh, that’s so important to me. I’m so glad you said all that. Also, there is this funny thing in Predator Badlands that… It is a, there is a tie-in to the Alien franchise that, so, L. Fanning is a clone made by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, which is the corporation that is in the Alien, is the bad company. And it’s sort of funny to think that like, now all sci-fi things just sort of like take place in one universe. Are married. Yeah.

 

Chris Schleicher Are married, specifically the Disney universe.

 

Gus Hickey Well, that’s like, okay, so Xenon Girl of the 21st century was also Waylaundry.

 

Chris Schleicher I am seated for Predator versus Goofy. Yeah, I would see it. Garsh, I love that. You just saw a Goofie movie this weekend. Did you love it? The songs of Tevin Campbell? It is a perfect film and it will come up during my keep it. Oh, good. Okay. Well done. I love when you say that.

 

Louis Virtel You working showbiz? We’ll be right back with more Keep It.

 

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Louis Virtel And now it’s time for our favorite segment of the episode. In fact, still the only segment of the episode with a name. So it’d be hard for any other segment to be your favorite. It’s Keep It. Gus, we’ll start with you. What is incensing you this week? All right, so this is- I see you brought your Harriet the Spy Moleskine notebook to help you.

 

Gus Hickey It’s so embarrassing, but I have so many problems with my keep-it that I have to bring them up. Okay, and I think that this is something that both of you will also be incensed by, but my keep it is first reaction screenings before review embargoes come up. Influencer screenings of films where studios will invite people, journalists, and also not journalists, influencers and creators to screenings and offer them merchandise and say, look, you can post your first reaction to the film, but it cannot be a review, AKA, it cannot critical of the film. Right. And you have to say, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen, and I love my Wicked lunchbox or whatever you got. And it is so confusing, I think, to people who are not in the industry to see these reactions be posted by Variety and Deadline and Hollywood Reporter being like, okay, I hate to pick on this movie, but Wicked part two is the greatest sequel since Godfather part two. And it’s like, okay. So sure they saw both. This was an actual reaction that was posted on Variety. And then last year, somebody, I think it might have been the same account, said Gladiator 2 is the greatest sequel since Godfather Part 2. And not every sequel is Godfather 2. A very Brady sequel was not Godfather part 2. I just don’t think that we can have these things that are sort of devaluing film criticism, devaluing actual reviews and critical things of movies. They’re firing the film critics at Vanity Fair. They’re firing film critics at the LA Times and they’re firing critics at New York Times. And it’s like, because those things don’t matter anymore, all that matters now is, I don’t know, goosing a Rotten Tomatoes score by elevating these people with not that many followers, sometimes a lot of followers, but people who won’t say anything bad about a film to get them to qualify for Rotten tomatoes. So then your score will be higher. That is my biggest problem. The deadline piece that was talking about Wicked was also paired with an exclusive interview with Jon Chu. And it’s like, you wouldn’t have gotten that interview with John Chu if you had said something critical about the film. So they are gatekeeping access to these films with you have to say something bubbly and positive about a movie that you may not have liked. And somebody out there is going to think that this is the best movie since Godfather 2, and we just…

 

Louis Virtel I just can’t have that. And by the way, they have extra incentive to say something positive, because that means they get lots of retweets, et cetera. You know what I mean? Like a mediocre or half-hearted review is not going to gain traction really. You know, what I means? Whereas this, you know, all the Stan accounts, which are endless, namely when it comes to a movie like Wicked, will keep it going in perpetuity. You’re right. This totally sucks. I mean, I can’t even begin to. Talk about how much I hate this because, again, it is a pleasure to read film reviews. It’s a pleasure read somebody who has seen other movies, for instance, besides The Godfather Part II. We can talk about other sequels. I can’t believe you came for a very brainy sequel on my podcast. Leave Christine Taylor alone, fucking monster.

 

Chris Schleicher Something that angers me is like, people we know who work in the industry, very smart people like fall for this. Yes, yes. Many people are, like Donald Trump, like many people are saying. Like, this movie is amazing. It’s like, who? Who are the people? It’s not Pauline Kael. No, no. It’s at Wicked Fan.

 

Gus Hickey And they got their wicked blanket or whatever. And I also think that this is incentivizing these younger people who may want to get into film criticism, these influencers and people, to only have positive takes on films and understand that they won’t get access to these things unless they pretend to like the movie. Whereas if we are eliminating these, I don’t mean to gatekeep film criticism but if we are gay if we are eliminating these people with experience and with degrees in film and in criticism, like these younger people won’t see the language and have this sort of inspiration of reading these people’s experience and reading these better reviews and learning how to talk about movies again. They’ll only know how to say like… Stan language. Yeah, oh my God, it was amazing, Slay, wow.

 

Louis Virtel Right. Also, we need to just get rid of the word amazing.

 

Gus Hickey Donatello Versace’s least favorite word in the English language. In the English language.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, precisely. Oh, she’s routinely right, namely about the shape of water. Look up the video. Chris, what is your keep it this week?

 

Chris Schleicher Okay, so I took my beloved son, Armie, five years old, to see a Goofy movie for the first time this weekend at the New Beverly. We had an amazing time. We were trying to train him in film criticism, talk about it afterwards at McDonald’s. And he says, Dada, I liked it. I think it was a little bit long though. A Goofie movie is 78 minutes long. Fuck your son. Someone had to say it. Army, what would you trim out of those 78 minutes? So this is my keep it, is everyone now thinks it’s their original take. Like, movies should be shorter. Every movie should be 90 minutes. And like, yes, I love a tight 90 minute movie. No it’s not a scandal, I rewatched the other night. It slays. But if you’re going to tell me that, what would cut? Like Frankenstein is a half hour too long. I would cut a lot of the laboratory stuff where we’re assembling him and sewing him and figuring out electricity. We know about that. We can cut through that. And also- The stuff with the kid at the beginning. Some movies should be long. Like the goblet should be the shape that presents the drink in the best way. I know Lewis would like John Dielman to be eight minutes long.

 

Louis Virtel Yes.

 

Chris Schleicher But the whole point of that.

 

Louis Virtel If you haven’t seen Jean Dealman, my gosh, she is cutting up carrots for three hours. Go ahead.

 

Chris Schleicher The whole point of it is that it’s long. Also, what are you aching to get back to in your life? Everything is bad out there. You’re in a, I go to the theater all the time to get away from mommy time at home. And having my phone off and being there for an extra 30 minutes, oh, I’m living, mama. Like, let’s enjoy long movies. If you like movies, you should like having more of them. But similarly, like, back up your criticism with something, like it’s so facile to be like. You have to take out 20 minutes, like, get in the editing bay with Filmachine Maker and figure out what 20 minutes are. It’s like when people say, oh, Lindsay Lohan should have been nominated for an Oscar for Mean Girls. Like, who’s she taking it from? Right. Candelina Sandino Moreno?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, right. Well, her in the lead actress category.

 

Chris Schleicher Are we terminating the Vera Drake nomination?

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, and Meldist-Aunton? Yeah, speak now. Well, also, I mean, I feel that way when people say anything is too long. When people are obsessed with the Oscars being too long, it’s like, so which of these categories from actual artisans should we be getting rid of? And also, again, it’s, like, what do you then want from the Oscurs? You know what I mean? Like, if you are obsessed with it not taking too much of your time, why?

 

Chris Schleicher Kind of like we live in like a checklist culture of like I completed things, like I saw that I saw that like, but you’re not enjoying being in it, you’re waiting for it to be over. Right, so you collect.

 

Louis Virtel So you can collect it in your bank.

 

Chris Schleicher And then post or tweet about it, like just riff, live, laugh, love inside Frankenstein Mama.

 

Louis Virtel Yeah, well, I mean, the whole point of movies, once upon a time, these like epics was that you would stay at the theater. You know what I mean? And you’d have air conditioning. Yes, right. You know, like David Lean existed so you could just be in desert for like five hours.

 

Chris Schleicher Also, I know the comment is are gonna be like I have a small bladder or whatever I’m giving you permission go to the bathroom

 

Gus Hickey They’re bathrooms, right? They have bathrooms.

 

Chris Schleicher Pick things up from context clues. Peeing is a short activity. You can just go and do it. You can just go and do it.

 

Gus Hickey I also feel like they often, like, producers of the Oscars, they’re like, we’re going to give the Oscurs to producers who, like don’t come from film, don’t, haven’t done the Oscers before because we want to, like invite people in who don’t who aren’t fans of the Oscar’s. It’s like those people aren’t going to watch, they aren’t gonna watch anyway. Shortening it is not going to get people to watch. Adding the, um, the flash enters the speed zone Oscar is not gonna get people to watch the Oscar’s. We can’t

 

Chris Schleicher And it’s going to devalue the Oscars all time. We can preempt the very special Kimmel on after the Oscars. We’ll just cut Lewis’s segment, or tell it like it is. And then we can see someone accept their best makeup and hair styling Oscar.

 

Louis Virtel Allow me to volunteer. Yes, no.

 

Chris Schleicher I want that woman to go off.

 

Gus Hickey Yes, but you should want more of the things that you like. Why would you want less?

 

Chris Schleicher This is famously old Hollywood story. Michael Patrick King comes out of the editing bay for Sex and the City 2, having been in there for like weeks and he’s only cut like eight minutes from the movie. And I was like, I think it’s still a little long. He’s like, you like Sex and The City, right? Why wouldn’t you want more of it? True. And it’s like the L.E. At long. But what I would cut for Sex And The City 2 is the entirety of I Am Woman. Right, yes. From beginning to end. Right. That’s what I will cut.

 

Louis Virtel We have differences that way. My Keep It This Week is about the shirt I am wearing, which this is the podcast. If you’re not listening to the podcast, you can’t see what I’m wearing, but it’s a shirt that says Elizabeth Taylor on it, and it’s sort of in an orange hue that a white person can wear. There’s no other, it’s like burnt orange. Anyway, I have worn this several times now. On the street, adults will say to me, will point at it and say, Taylor Swift. I get to explain to them That a little Taylor actually predates Taylor Swift I checked the almanac and she came before Taylor Swift. Now, I had to be somewhat grateful to Taylor Swift that on this album, The Life of a Showgirl, she has a song called Elizabeth Taylor. She apparently read the first paragraph of the Wikipedia of Elizabeth Taylor, she’s aware that she did a White Diamonds commercial, right, so can’t value. Had violet eyes, it was a joke about cried my eyes violet or whatever, and that’s really where the comprehension ends. Yes. Here’s the thing, I am like a gay man of a certain age. You should assume I know who Elizabeth Taylor is. In fact, get this, we used to assume gay men knew stuff. You know what I mean? There is a portrait of Elizabeth Taylor at the Abbey. Yes. Like gay men know who this woman is. And she would go there and hang out and you’d be like, this is so frightening. What are you doing here? Why are you in a wheelchair? Get out of here. There’s a go-go dancer. Go home, be safe. Yeah, but like, no, once upon a time, you’d come out to like your mom. And then after the evangelical screaming, she’d be like, oh good, now I can figure out this garden. You know what I mean? Like gay men were like supposed to be like the keepers of knowledge, like art facts and things. Yeah, yeah, we were like the giver. We were that person. Yes, my favorite Meryl Streep movie. But I was thinking now, what is this generation’s like gateway into Elizabeth Taylor? Like, is it just who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? What else would they watch?

 

Chris Schleicher They watch, National Velvet. And that she was married a bunch, like the Liz and Dick of it all, like the Lindsay Lohan vehicle. Bringing it back to All’s Fair, because it’s apparently the only thing I talk about. Kim Kardashian getting the diamond, it’s like, it belonged to Elizabeth Taylor. I’m like… Well, she’s obsessed with Elizabeth Taylor also. Right. But I’m, like, is she?

 

Gus Hickey Yes, no, it’s the same sort of, she I think probably is like married a bunch of times, divorced a bunch times. Do the words Rain Tree County mean anything?

 

Louis Virtel Anything to Kim Kardashian. Suddenly last summer, she doesn’t know fucking Jackson. How about that? Yeah, Butterfield, just anything. I would like someone to have one kernel of information about Elizabeth Taylor that wasn’t regurgitated to them via Taylor Swift.

 

Gus Hickey Well, I wonder, is it because Elizabeth Taylor never did like a big IP franchise thing? I mean, I think there’s no sort of there’s no sound of music for her. There’s no like thing that you show your children.

 

Louis Virtel The only thing is being at like Michael Jackson’s wedding, which that does feel like a Marvel super team of the weirdest people who ever lived.

 

Chris Schleicher And Alien vs. Predator vs. Martha from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Yes, right. Oh yeah, they perish immediately. She cleans the floor with that.

 

Louis Virtel And makes fun of their drinking. And how they’ll never be academics.

 

Gus Hickey I guess, I mean, Cleopatra is probably one of her most famous things.

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah, but I don’t think kids are watching that.

 

Louis Virtel No.

 

Chris Schleicher Talk about something that’s long.

 

Louis Virtel No, imagine sitting through that. Yeah.

 

Gus Hickey Yeah. I was at Din Tai Fung at Westfield Century City the other day and I, as a gay man, was explaining, like, you know Century City only exists because Cleopatra flopped so hard, they had to sell off part of the lot.

 

Louis Virtel And they were like, sir.

 

Chris Schleicher And people were like keep talking, please.

 

Louis Virtel You’re like, sir, you actually need to die of a weight right now. You’re sitting alone at the bar, people are waiting. You were like Blue Jasmine, just like talking to yourself.

 

Gus Hickey Tip big, boys, tip big.

 

Louis Virtel Gentlemen, thank you so much for being here and for talking so slowly so that everybody could understand. Thank you for indulging our folie adieu. Yeah, no, it’s crazy this is your first time here. Ladies, where can we find you on social media?

 

Gus Hickey I am at HickeyLeaks, it’s a pun on WikiLeaks that I thought would be relevant forever. And for some reason I’m stuck with it now.

 

Louis Virtel That is tough. That’s tough. And Chris?

 

Chris Schleicher I’m at Sea Shlikes Run. It’s a pun on Sea Spot Run that is forever at, you know, X, Instagram, wherever you want to get my takes on Raintree County.

 

Louis Virtel Yes, which also has Eva Marie Saint in it, right? Happy 101st birthday.

 

Chris Schleicher Yeah, I was about to say, not May She Rest. She will never, she’ll outlive us all.

 

Louis Virtel No, she’s doing like front handsprings right now.

 

Gus Hickey We also need to say, you know, R.I.P. To Sally Kirkland today.

 

Louis Virtel I mean Sally Kirkland best actress nominee 1987 in a year of towering iconic performances She was up against Sharon Moonstruck Holly Hunter and broadcast news Meryl Streep and iron weed and Glenn close and fatal attraction and she’s in a movie called Anna that I’m sure people have never Heard of she is really really good and she

 

Gus Hickey And she won the Golden Globe. Yeah, and she fully was in the conversation of that year. Like she actually truly slay, slay slay. And Polina Parskova also is good in that film.

 

Chris Schleicher Let’s look into the cause of death, I suspect Polina Poroskova. She had it out for her.

 

Gus Hickey I didn’t have that gun in Anna!

 

Louis Virtel And then for like the last 30 years, she’s been performing in cabarets in like the valley somewhere, Sally Kirkland. Anyway, may she rest, fabulous performance, and Anna. We will be back next week with more Keep It. Don’t forget to follow Crooked Media on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. You can also subscribe to Keep It on YouTube for access to full episodes and other exclusive content. And if you’re as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Keep It is a Crooked media production. Our producer is Bill McGrath. Our associate producer is Kennedy Hill. And our executive producers are Louis Virtel, Ira Madison III, and Kendra James. Our digital team is Delon Villanueva, Claudia Sheng, and Rachel Gajeski. This episode was recorded and mixed by Jerik Centeno. Thank you to David Toles, Kyle Seglin, and Charlotte Landes for production support every week. Our head of production is Matt DeGroot. Our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

 

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