Do You Have Pretty Privilege? | Crooked Media
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August 25, 2022
Dare We Say
Do You Have Pretty Privilege?

In This Episode

What the fuck is pretty privilege and do you have it? Are you hot or just rich? That’s what we’re asking this week because in world where social media is king and influencing is an aspirational career, the way you physically look has undoubtedly become thee form of currency. But who gets to cash in, and who gets left behind? I guess you’ll have to listen to find out! Plus! Another installment of ‘The Ickuation Room’, today’s topic for debate: Hookup Playlists…there can only be one: Ick or Yum.

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Josie Totah: Because I see those girls and I’m like, they have transformed and I realize that I’m like, this is like a trans woman and she’s like–


Yasmine Hamady: Please. 


Josie Totah: fully gone through a transition. I’m proud of her. She’s the same gender. She just like, looks completely different. And um I’m just like, truly, I’m like, it makes me feel better, but I’m it also because it’s so everywhere. It makes me like, want it almost like watching Mukbangs for me when I watch someone get like jaw filler. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes, Josie.


Josie Totah: And I feel like I’m getting jaw filler. 


Yasmine Hamady: I swear to god. 


Josie Totah: Do you do that too? 


Yasmine Hamady: I literaly watch like it’s like an under, like while I’m like, in bed at night, I’ll watch, like. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Under eye surgery to make it– 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: –Like, less hollow. And I’m like, what if I just why does that feel really good? It’s like a fucking craving, like you said. And I’m like, why are we living in a world where I’m craving a fucking knife to my face? [music break]


Josie Totah: Hello. I am Josie Totah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m Alycia Pascual-Peña. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I’m Yasmine Hamady and this is Dare We Say. 


Josie Totah: Dor we suh. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Hii. 


Josie Totah: As they say in the Netherlands. I, um I saw on Alycia’s page and just by talking to her that she became the ambassador of the Arts of the Dominican Arts. Right. Wait what was it called? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [laughing] I was appointed the Ambassador of Arts and Entertainment for this year’s celebration. 


Josie Totah: She was appointed the Ambassador of Arts Entertainments for this year’s celebration of Dominican pride by the mayor of New York. Like that is amazing. 


Yasmine Hamady: Alycia. In Arabic, we say Mabrouk when something good happens. Alycia, how do you feel? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: [laugh] Thank you, guys. Um. It was it was amazing. It was really humbling and and emotional. Like, as you guys know and a lot of people know, I’m from the Bronx and I’m first generation American on my dad’s side. So to be appointed and given that honor and privilege, it really meant the world, like it just felt like little Alycia was up there on that float. Also, I just love my people because we are just insane. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And it was such a turn up. But um yeah, it was emotional special. I got to share it with like my Abuelos and Tía’s and my Tío’s and Primos, and my mami and papi were there with me, like, on the float in the parade. Yeah. And then to be able to be a Dominican who got to uplift arts this week and our contributions that we make as Dominican artists, not only within the United States, but around the world, was just so special and meant the world. I have blisters on my feet from the parade, but it was worth it. 


Yasmine Hamady: Maybe if you were wearing Cariuma? 


Josie Totah: If you were wearing Cariuma shoes, you maybe you wouldn’t have had–. 


Yasmine Hamady: Um. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: If I was wearing Cariuma shoes that’s that [?] backwards instead of tacones which for non Spanish speakers are heels in Spanish. I would not have blisters but I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. It was so special guys. 


Yasmine Hamady: There’s a photo of you. There’s a photo of you that I literally have screenshotted so many times. It’s of your dad carrying you at the Dominican parade in the Bronx back in the day. And you look like the cutest nugget I have ever frickin seen, and having that photo that you posted now of your dad and you now and back then, I literally had a tear in my eye. It was so beautiful to see. 


Josie Totah: It was.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Thank you sisters. 


Josie Totah: It was so beautiful. And I think just as your friends were so proud that like we have a best friend and a sister that not only is such a hero to us, but to so many. 


Yasmine Hamady: So many people! 


Josie Totah: Young men, women and people that look up to you and as a just like a Dominican queen. And I we hope that you see your purpose shining bright. And Dominicans, they’ve done so much for our world, their contributions are insane your whether to dance and music or like uh actors. 


Yasmine Hamady: Culture. 


Josie Totah: Yourself, and like Jharrel Jerome or like my romantic lovers, like they really have done a lot um for for us and to us. 


Yasmine Hamady: Josie, what’s going on? Give me the tea. What’s happening? I need to know. 


Josie Totah: Um you guys. I was having an emotional day yesterday. I don’t know what– 


Yasmine Hamady: Wait, what happened. 


Josie Totah: I was just it was, it was one of those days that, like, I feel like things had been building up over the past week. And, you know, it’s only me and my castmates who have become like two of my closest friends out here, Immy and Aubri. We all had this thing happen to us where it, Aubrey had hers this week and then Immy had hers last week where like things kept building up and building up and building up. And then what we just, like. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Josie Totah: Broke out crying and like, we had it at different times. So I got mine yesterday and I think it was just a result of, like, feeling insecure and, like, tired of being scared in this world, that like. Has you know marginalized us and like made us feel like we shouldn’t exist. And I know that’s like very broad to say, but also I was like really tired at work, too, and I was just like, exhausted. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes, the crying. I’m sorry– It’s interesting that you bring that up because I was little I was talking about it with my therapist a couple of days ago where a pin could drop and I’ll start sobbing. 


Josie Totah: Yup. 


Yasmine Hamady: Like, literally, I. I don’t know what it is. I can cry at any moment, whether it’s good, bad or ugly. And I hate that about me that I’m like, so emotional all the time. I actually do. 


Josie Totah: Normally– 


Yasmine Hamady:  –Do you also feel that way? 


Josie Totah: Okay normally I can cry at any moment too. But yesterday I kept trying to go to the bathroom, like let it out. I felt like a teenage boy, like, wanking at, in like the airport bathroom. But it was me. 


Yasmine Hamady: You’ve been in the UK for too long. 


Josie Totah: It was me just wanking. Oh fuck, I didn’t even know that I said that. But for me it was just like trying to like run in the bathroom at work just to cry a little bit because I knew I needed to get out, but I could not get it out. So why? Why did it take just a little? I went home and I got in the shower and just a little bit of Oasis and sadly, some John Mayer just to just to let it roll. I got in the shower and I was– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yep. 


Josie Totah: –Just it was so ugly. It was just like. [loud sobbing sounds]. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup, yup, yup, yup. 


Josie Totah: I could not breathe as the water fell down my face [laugh] and the tears came down. And like, I was also just being just, like, a little bit of an insecure fuck. I mean, as a little as, like a T-girl, you know, like, things get tough sometimes, especially when you feel like you’re not deserving enough or you’re like, not a normal fucking girl. And you don’t get to you don’t get to have some of the same experiences sometimes. And I think this is triggered because my character in the show is is not trans but is different than the other girls for another reason. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmmm. 


Josie Totah: And the director was in the scene. I had to be emotional and the director was like, remember, you’re nothing like those other girls, like you’re never going to be like them. [laugh] And so I think yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Shit. 


Josie Totah: He spoke to my soul. And so I think that– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: –that so anyway, so I was feeling insecure and I was showering. And then I postmated my favorite pasta, which I took Alycia to in Scotland. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Really good. 


Josie Totah: Um and I postmated it to the apartment and I went downstairs and I um like gave the food to the, to the driver because he had been calling me for like the past 10 minues and was like, I can’t find it, I can’t find it. I can’t find it. And I was like, bro, it’s I told you what building it is. Like, just, you know, please show up. And I was trying to be as kind as possible because I had just been emotional and I went downstairs. I like had ran to him. And I’m just like in a, I’m in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. I just cried. My hair was soaking wet. I looked like I had just exited at like a plaraytus, a platypus. 


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: A platypus. 


Yasmine Hamady: I don’t know what that is. 


Josie Totah: No, no. 


Yasmine Hamady: A platypus? 


Josie Totah: Like what does a baby live in? In the stomach? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: A placenta?


Yasmine Hamady: Placenta! No, they don’t even live in it, they live in the uterus. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah they don’t, thats how they get there nourish– 


Josie Totah: Oh, wow, I don’t have– 


Yasmine Hamady: They live in the amniotic sac. 


Josie Totah: Well I wouldn’t know. I cause I don’t have one. Anyways, so I just look like I just exited that and he’s like, I’m so sorry I couldn’t find your building. And I go, I know you’re so fine. He looks at me, dead in the eye, looks me up and down like a fucking misogynistic prick. And he goes, You are so fine. And I walked away. Tell me why. In my heart of hearts I wanted to scream so loudly like, I have a dick, um just to like scare him. [laugh] But I didn’t do that. I also like for the record, don’t, not that that matters or that that’s important to any of you, but shout out Docty Marci Bowers for slaying the day away on my vajay. 


[spoken together] Slay. [laughter] [music break]


Josie Totah: Today we’re talking about pretty privilege and we’re also doing a wildly mind bending another rendition of the Ickuation Room. Let’s take a little break and get into it. Don’t forget to follow us at Dare We Say on Instagram and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Say. We’ll be right back. 




Yasmine Hamady: All right. I want to bring something up. I want to talk about this whole notion of this thing called pretty privilege. It was recently brought to my attention after a friend of mine said that I had it and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? That’s like, almost rude. And then I was like, wait a damn minute, you’re calling me pretty? And so, like, beauty, I get it today. It’s a currency, right? It’s there’s plastic surgery, photo editing apps and other, like, contemporary beautification techniques, like changing the appearance so you can fit this aesthetic of what society wants us to be, thus having pretty privilege, right? And like, what does this mean for our visual social media driven society and economy? The fact that people are benefiting off us getting more and I put in quote quotations, “Beautiful”. What does this mean? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: What do you. What? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Well, I want to ask, what do you think pretty privilege is. And why do we feel like pretty privilege has like a different connotation now? Because I feel like if we’re going to be honest, unfortunately, we live in a world that puts value on things associated with like how aesthetically pleasing it is. 


Yasmine Hamady: Right. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But why is it like this new phenomenon, like all over TikTok, all over social media? I feel like we’re talking about pretty privilege in a different way. So what do you consider pretty privilege? 


Yasmine Hamady: For me, I think pretty privilege is fitting into the Western idea of what beautiful is. It’s fitting into like, you know, the whole small nose, the straight hair. It’s what society wants and thinks pretty is, think the Kardashians, think, you know, every all the Instagram influencers.


Josie Totah: Literally now, yeah people have careers off just being pretty. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Josie Totah: And like you were mentioning this the other day Alycia, how like, beauty is now like a currency in the world. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: And like that people can literally, you know, get by nowadays. They can fend for themselves. They can support their families and their kids just because they’re pretty. And I think, like, that’s why it’s, that that’s literally why we’re talking about it, because I feel like it’s important more than ever and like influencers have based some of their whole careers off of that. But I’ll tell you what pretty privilege is. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah, tell us.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Tell us.


Josie Totah: Pretty privilege. Pretty privilege. [laughter] Pretty privilege is the summer of 2019. 


Yasmine Hamady: Go on. 


Josie Totah: When I started my freshman year of college, one could liken me to that of the children’s character Calliou. 


Yasmine Hamady: Please. 


Josie Totah: In that I had–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Be quiet. 


Josie Totah: In that I had extremely short hair, dare I say, near balding. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Stop. 


Yasmine Hamady: Please. Please. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Justice for the pixie cut. Justice for the pixie. She looked amazing but continue. [banter]. 


Yasmine Hamady: So hot.


Josie Totah: It was like a blond, blond buzzcut. [laugh] I went through freshman year like whatever, I got by because I was, I always told myself you’ll never be the prettiest person in the room, but you will be the funniest. And one day you could buy everyone in it. And that is what– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mm. 


Josie Totah: –Got me through. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Not toxic.


Josie Totah: I’m not kidding. [banter]


Yasmine Hamady: I literally remember her saying that. Like, actually when we first met, she was like, I might not be the prettiest, but I’m damn near the funniest. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, yeah yeah yeah for sure.


Josie Totah: Literally, I was like, that’s what I that’s what I stuck by. But when I returned the summer of 2019, I had 22 inch exten– keratin extensions. 


Yasmine Hamady: Blond. 


Josie Totah: I had like, yeah, just full on makeover. My breasts had come in like everything just fully transformed about me. People reintroduced themselves to me. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup, it’s true. 


Josie Totah: At the O week party, you know? You know the party I’m talking about. 


Yasmine Hamady: Are we talking about casual Friday when you were in a bikini? 


Josie Totah: Well casual Friday was honestly a part of it, but it was before casual Friday. It was like the first night of O week. 


Josie Totah: Oh, I know exactly the day.


Josie Totah: [banter] The house. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes ma’am. 


Josie Totah: The house at the end of the. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Josie Totah: Cul de sac. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Josie Totah: And um I, yeah, that’s literally what it was. And people came up to me and suddenly, like people 100% were treating me differently and I was like, what is this? But you know what’s also really, really weird because I do think that we all benefit from pretty privilege. 


Yasmine Hamady: 100%. 


Josie Totah: Because you guys are effing beautiful.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Obviously, I’m not going to sit here and be like pretty privilege, doesn’t exist. Like I will take accountability. I think at one point because I wasn’t conceptualizing pretty privilege the way that people were explaining it to me. 


Yasmine Hamady: How were you conceptualizing it? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Like, I think I was receiving it as like kind of like what Josie was saying, like all her entire life. Like she didn’t always experience the same type of benefits from pretty privilege, you know what I mean? 


Yasmine Hamady: Mm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And obviously this is– 


Josie Totah: What? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wait is that what you were saying? Er no okay.


Josie Totah: I don’t want to invalidate you by any means. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Please invalidate me.


Josie Totah: But you were a child model. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah you were.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But I’m also Black. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And I’m curvy. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Oh I see what you are saying.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And I have big frizzy hair and I have a big nose and big lips. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And when I was in high school, I was fat because I’m not a size two and I’m not a size four and I’m not a size six. 


Yasmine Hamady: That’s a diiferent– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And mind you, this is me taking accountability because I still was benefiting from pretty privilege because you guys know my upbringing, right? I was fully a child model since the age of three and I paid for acting classes and helped like myself and people in my life off of modeling checks. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But at the same time, on a personal level. Absurdly did not feel that way. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mm hmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because I was Black in white spaces. And here’s the idea of like pretty privilege also, I think shifting greatly because always it has been Eurocentric standards. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yup. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Of beauty. Which hi, I’m Black and I’m proud of it, and I’m Latina. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And my hair grows to the sun, you know what I mean? Like. 


Yasmine Hamady: That was beautiful. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Thank you. Thank you so much. It’s one of the affirmations that I tell myself. 


Yasmine Hamady: Good you should. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: In regards to, like, my frizzy hair and I’ve learned to love it. 


Yasmine Hamady: And you’re beautiful. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Which was a process. Right? 


Josie Totah: You are beautiful. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So, I won’t ever sit here and say I won’t benefit from pretty privilege. In the past I did because I wasn’t seeing it. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But what also makes me laugh, and I think this gets on the topic of like how just fleeting and ridiculous this idea of like beauty is. And it’s ridiculous that we get so fixated on it because it changes, right but like– 


Yasmine Hamady: Every like decade. It’s– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So in high school. My personal experience was I had people who were smaller than me calling me fat and calling me ugly and telling me to do things to associate myself with whiteness. And now, honey, I’m slim thick, and you have people who are not of color wanting to replicate the features within our cultures, whether it be Middle Eastern or whether it be Black or people within other cultures, Asian. You know what I mean? So it’s interesting. 


Josie Totah: So your privilege can vary based on the culture and the era. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: That people in society are in.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Because. Absolutely. 


Josie Totah: Because it’s a trend. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It’s a trend. It’s like not real, like it’s arbitrary and we make it up. And now I benefit, I think the most I ever have with my looks, um which is a very peculiar thing to say, because I also think that I don’t perceive myself the way that other people perceive me. I do think like five years from now people will go back to saying like certain things that I may have heard in high school or as a middle schooler because this shit changes so much. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. And I also I want to bring up the the saying. First of all, is it fashion or is she just skinny? That was it. That’s another one. And the second one is, did she glow up or is she just rich? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I want to bring that up because we you talk about these cosmetic surgeries, like the BBL, the the lip fillers. And I’m very open when I say I have gotten lip fillers and they’re one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. [banter] Like I’m not even lying like– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You look phenomenal. 


Yasmine Hamady: Thank you. Because I go with a more natural look and like it literally. Yes, it enhanced my beauty. But I think a lot of these influencers and a lot of these people are are going into dangerous circumstances like the BBL is actually a very dangerous procedure. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, its really invasive. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I’m not trying to– anyone you want to do it. Please do your research and do it. Absolutely. I support you. That being said, it’s people are spending an arm and a leg of their life savings into fitting an aesthetic that’s going to be gone in three years, like Kim Kardashian, I’m pretty sure, and the whole Kardashian family like reduced it. And also like they have trainers, they have nutritionists, they have chefs who are constantly there giving them all this thing, all of this like help. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: That they have pretty privileged because they’re rich. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And you and I have talked about this a thousand times in a transparent way, because thank you for being so um open about discussing work that you want to get down to work that you have gotten done. And here’s the thing. There’s no issue with changing your body. 


Yasmine Hamady: Do what you want. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Bodily, bodily autonomy is important. 


Yasmine Hamady: And we support you. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Having agency over your body is so important and beautiful, girl, get everything you want to get. What terrifies me is feeling the need to have to do it. And now navigating the space in which we live in with social media and face tune and all this stuff and feeling the pressure to get it when it’s not something sincerely that people may want, but like if you want to get work done and you think that that is going to empower you and it’s your own natural inclination to do that girl I’m a be girl guy. They them. I will be twerking in the club with you. But if it is something that you are now saying, my life is going to greatly benefit for this that. So I think I should do it. Even if I may not want to, even if I’m scared because the influx of people. 


Josie Totah: I will say that, yeah, I feel like it’s just everywhere now. Like it’s almost like the way that I look at past surgeries sometimes is almost like a craving and I have to, like, wean myself off of, like, wanting to get something done to my face because I feel like everyone has and I just have to remind myself that like this is not how regular people look. And even I see like I went to high school with some people that I see them now on Instagram and for those, if you’re actually from my high school that that high school, it’s not you bitch. You still look the fucking the same.


Yasmine Hamady: I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead.


Josie Totah: I was talking about my other high school. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I’m screaming. 


Josie Totah: I’m talking about my other high school that I went to for like three months and was with a lot of rich children. Um because I see those girls and I’m like they have transformed and I realize that I’m like, this is like a trans woman and she’s like– 


Yasmine Hamady: Please. 


Josie Totah: Fully gone through a transition. I’m proud of her. She’s the same gender. She just like, looks completely different. And um [laugh] I’m just like, truly, I’m like, it makes me feel better, but I’m it also because it’s so everywhere. It makes me like, want it, almost like watching Mukbangs for me, when I watch someone get, like, jaw filler. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes, Josie. 


Josie Totah: And I feel like I’m getting jaw filler. Do you do that too? 


Yasmine Hamady: I swear to god I literally watch like, it’s like an under like while I’m like in bed at night, I’ll watch, like. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Under eye surgery to make it. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: Like, less hollow. And I’m like, what if I just. Why does that feel really good? It’s like a fucking craving, like you said. And I’m like, why are we living in a world where I’m craving a fucking knife to my face? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. And, like. 


Josie Totah: Damn. [banter]


Josie Totah: The world taught us that we, like, need to change ourselves, to, like, fit in. And, like, I honestly think Eurocentric beauty standards play into that 1,000%, obviously. But it’s also just like, I don’t know, it’s just the way the world is. Like when you go to a club, like. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Mmm. 


Josie Totah: I’m, well I will confidently say, I’m not the prettiest person ever. Like I hope no one ever thinks I’m trying to say that. I will say that I am– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You’re so hot and stunning.


Josie Totah: One of the smarter people and like I could, I could, you know, purchase the home that you might live in. I’m not saying I’m hotter than you now, but when I go to a club, when I go to a club, I know for a fact that there is a reason me and my friends can go to the front, [laugh] This is the most [?] shit in the entire world. 


Yasmine Hamady: Say it. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh my gosh.


Josie Totah: We’ll like pick it apart after. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: We’re gonna get cancelled. [banter] bunk vision of us right now. 


Josie Totah: I have been told by promoters like don’t bring ugly people. And I was like I was like, you’re so disgusting. And this is in high school when I used to talk to promoters. I obviously don’t talk to them anymore. But when I was in high school. 


Yasmine Hamady: High school. 


Josie Totah: And I would talk to them. They would say that and I would think to myself, this is awful. And I didn’t know any better. And I wish– 


Yasmine Hamady: No. 


Josie Totah: that I had the heart that I have now to be like, fuck you, dude. Everyone’s beautiful. But like, they would literally say, unless you bring someone, not skinny or not this, not that. Like we won’t let them in. And I was I that I think that traumatized me. 


Yasmine Hamady: In order for someone to be pretty someone has to be deemed ugly. And who’s the person that’s deeming people ugly? 


Josie Totah: It’s like Kellyanne Conway. [laugh]


Yasmine Hamady: Please. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That girl should not be talking. And that’s all I’m going to say. She should not be talking because she not cute. None of those people. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: But no, it’s like also we’re pandering to the male gaze. Not to be mistaken with G-A-Y-S, gaze G-A-Z-E but like, we’re pandering to like these standards that are set for us, that, like, aren’t supposed to empower us or make us feel beautiful. And it’s like this whole idea of like, yes, if you look a certain way, you’ll be treated kinder. But now I feel like it has just gotten to like really dangerous places because now it’s not just at the club anymore. Now it’s just not like in real life when you see people like it’s not like, oh, you skip a line because you’re deemed pretty, which already is naturally awful. It’s now like now I can have 2.5 million follow– followers. 


Yasmine Hamady: And have an income solely from that.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And have an income. And support myself solely off of how I look. That didn’t exist in the past. Now I can have brand deals because of how I look, now I have access to shit I didn’t even know existed. Let me tell you something, and this is not on like pick me, choose me. This is just on simple ignorance. I didn’t know certain surgeries existed until I got to L.A., until I heard people be like, Oh, I got this. Or I want this. 


Yasmine Hamady: Which one.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Um like, like um threads in the face or just like like baby botox. I just thought all Botox was Botox. Um and mind you, I love it for some of my friends, but it’s also like. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who’s getting a consultation for plastic surgery today. And I never heard her talk about it before or even like think about it in actual terms. And it makes me have to question like how much of what we do in regards to beauty standards is being perpetuated onto us? Or is it just like weathering us down because we’re fed so much shit on social media? You know what I mean? And I’m like, that’s where it’s like it’s getting scary that we even live in this paradigm that it’s become so much more important than it’s ever been. But it’s also like going back to what Josie was saying, like, I talk about this all the time, as much as pretty privilege is a thing, yes, I benefit from it. I can’t negate that. I’m not going to sit here and gaslight gatekeep girlboss, you feel me? But there are like dangerous aspects. The same way I benefit from it is the same way I–


Yasmine Hamady: We’re target too. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I like have and once again not to be like my life is hard because I’m pretty because cancel our show. 


Yasmine Hamady: Say that again. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I can’t. No, absolutely not. Like, you’re not going to do that to me. 


Yasmine Hamady: Did everyone hear that? Did everyone hear that? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Quiete la boca. Quiete la boca. Quiete la boca todo el mundo. Pero. I will say it’s the same reason because the world, as of right now deems me pretty, is the same where I’m put in some of the most uncomfortable situations. 


Yasmine Hamady: Mmmm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And like the world tells me that I have to be okay with being treated like me, actual me. 


Yasmine Hamady: Because you’re asking for it. 


Josie Totah: Although I will say we need to not associate aesthetics with abuse. 


Yasmine Hamady: 100%. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: At all. And that’s what I’m saying. 


Yasmine Hamady: 100%. 


Josie Totah: Yeah. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: That’s what I’m saying. I’ve had people look– 


Josie Totah: Yeah, because like ugly people get abused, too. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh that line. [laugh]


Josie Totah: I know. But I’m just saying, like, we can’t say, oh, it’s because you’re pretty. It’s your fault. 


Yasmine Hamady: Alycia just got up. That was crazy. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, thank you for making that point. 


Yasmine Hamady: 100%. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And that’s what I’m saying. I couldn’t agree more. 


Josie Totah: I know that’s not what you’re saying. Obviously. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, no. I’m glad that you’re–


Josie Totah: But I just want to make that clear. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, I’m glad that you said that. That’s why I was like, I want to make sure that this doesn’t get convoluted into that, like. But I think. An aspect that blows my mind about being beautiful is the fact that people have looked me in the face and been like, well, why you surprised? Look at you, girl. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I even had family members be like– 


Josie Totah: You experience more pretty privilege than me. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: What? Where did that come from? You’re also stunning and super hot. 


Josie Totah: I think, I think because you’re prettier. But I obviously– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: What! 


Yasmine Hamady: Should we have a pretty pissing con- uh contest? 


Josie Totah: Experience white– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: This has become the most toxic space to talk in. 


Yasmine Hamady: Whose prettier, who got more work done? Let’s go first.


Josie Totah: I experience, I experience white privilege so I do win in like. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh yeah. In the whole scope of like oppresion.


Josie Totah: The most disgusting way.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay so I guess. 


Josie Totah: Yes. Obviously. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Okay, alright. 


Josie Totah: But like. I don’t mean like I like. Yeah, I win in the race. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña:  That was so random. [banter]


Yasmine Hamady: Lets, lets have a contest. Whose prettier? 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You privilege more from being pretty. 


Josie Totah: No, I don’t. I think I privilege more from being famished and white looking. 


Yasmine Hamady: Not the famished. 


Josie Totah: But not–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Not the famished. 


Josie Totah: But not, not being pretty. I have to say it’s the truth. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You’re also just so hot. I literally like. 


Josie Totah: I have to– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I had a whole conversation. 


Josie Totah: I’m not saying that I’m not hot. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay everyone’s been– 


Josie Totah: I’m not saying that.


Yasmine Hamady: calling each other hot except for me. So what am I going to hear that– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, yeah, we’re leaving Yas out. 


Yasmine Hamady: I’m kidding. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: You’re so hot. 


Yasmine Hamady: So I also want to bring up the pretty privilege. 


Josie Totah: Yasmine obviously you get you literally just had a make out with the Coast Guard in Hawaii. No one’s ever– 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Tea. 


Josie Totah: Looked at me on vacation. The only person who’s ever looked at me is the guy who tried to deport me after I started a fight in Caribbean. 


Yasmine Hamady: I, people literally will sell their soul to the devil. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Not the devil. 


Yasmine Hamady: To become an Instagram influencer, to be on, um to have an onlyfans channel and sell and like get different types of plastic surgery to achieve this look. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, like and attaining that look is now–


Yasmine Hamady: Dangerous too. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: No, it can be super dangerous because it’s like now I have to look a certain way to get this, quote unquote “job”, not to shame influencers. Get your bag how you get your bag. I’m proud of you, but will now say I need this look to get this quote unquote “job” that I want. And do you guys know this? This is a bit terrifying. Let me paint a scene. Christmas, New York. My little cousins are opening up gifts. One of the gifts in which one of my prima’s, my little cousin opens, is like a fake YouTuber set. This girl is seven years old. Did you guys know that? That there are toys to mimic, like. 


Yasmine Hamady: YouTube channels. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: YouTube Channels and like, influencer things. So it’s like props, like a tripod, not for a real camera to go on because these girls are six, seven, eight years old. But I think that that is just a testament to how much influencers and YouTubers and social media is influencing our culture. So now at the age of seven and six and eight. 


Yasmine Hamady: They’re looking at–


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Little girls– 


Josie Totah: They’re becoming filmmakers. [laughter]


Yasmine Hamady: They’re filmmakers. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: They’re filmmakers, art, cinema. Um, but they now are looking at these women who do have artificially, you know. 


Yasmine Hamady: Augmented. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Augmented bodies, which there’s nothing wrong with. But now they’re looking at that as the goal. 


Yasmine Hamady: As the norm. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Before they’ve even– 


Yasmine Hamady: As that’s normal.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: –Grown into their own bodies. And before, like they’re full, like synapses are in their brain are developed. They’re saying, I want my body to look like that. 


Yasmine Hamady: I want this and this different. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: So I can be an influencer or so that I could be a YouTuber. And that does terrify me. 


Yasmine Hamady: Okay. Well, I was actually reading this article from The New Yorker, and I think this was it was written in like 2019 or something. It was talking about like how like nearly 95% of all the influencers and models that we see today on social media use facetune, use different apps and Photoshop to to to change their bodies and change the way they look. All they want is to. I feel like the goal is to constantly look younger and look younger. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Which is a whole other thing. 


Yasmine Hamady: But at what point. What you want is like a fucking newborn? Like, what do you want? You want your cheekbones to be up near your like. The back of your skull, like how much change do we want? And then we tear people apart for not fitting in, for actually growing older. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And mind you, we’re not even ever looking at real pictures. 


Yasmine Hamady: We’re not looking at real pictures. And I’m sorry. I facetune myself. I know. Almost everyone I know does too. And you  I don’t think you should lie about it. But at the same time, I do think it’s something to think about that like. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I think there’s like a lack of integrity. 


Josie Totah: There’s a lack of integrity. And also there’s a lack of confidence in just being proud of the skin you were born in, who you are. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I’m saying that I’m saying that more for myself than I am for you guys. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I think, like, not me being crazy. I don’t know if is going to make any sense. Like, defund the police. Like devalue beauty. And I feel like we’ve talked about this in our friend group. When we give compliments to each other, we should try to be more proactive about giving compliments and saying things to people when we want to be positive in their life that are of substance. Nothing to do with aesthetics. Like, yes, empower people around you how you see fit. But like, I’d much rather be told, like, that was really intelligent or like, you empowered me today, or I thought I was really funny rather than my beauty, because this isn’t going to last. It’s like you were saying, baby girl, like beauty is fleeting. And it’s like, am I gonna to lack value when I don’t look this way anymore? And I feel like if we were more proactive about saying things that have less to do with aesthetics, have less to do with the way that people look. And quote unquote, “their beauty or how hot they are”. I feel like as a society we would become more cognizant of how hurtful and how awful and degrading, like continuously commenting on people’s bodies and like. Very truthful moment for me. Like, you both know, I lost weight since, like, I’ve known you guys. When I met you guys, I was much heavier. I ate so much more, and I went through some pretty difficult stuff in my life, and I lost a lot of weight. And you guys saw every week, every day for like the first two months of me being in L.A., people being like, you lost weight. You look so great. Yeah, depression, babe. Like I was sad.


Yasmine Hamady: It’s mental illness [?]


Alycia Pascual-Peña: It’s mentall illness babe. Like I was sad. And it just reminded me, wow. Like, people are just–  


Yasmine Hamady: That’s they compliment you saying you’re so skinny. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: People. Yeah. People just and then also people associated that with beauty. 


Josie Totah: They would say, look at you. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And like Josie would see it. 


Josie Totah: I remember. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Especially on set like let’s not even open up the door of how superficial the entertainment industry is. But people on set, people in spaces would be like you look so good. What are you doing? Just like immediately. 


Yasmine Hamady: Tell me your secret. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah, like commenting on my body when it’s like, stop. Stop saying things about people’s bodies. You don’t know battles that people are having behind closed doors and, like, just show up as yourself and do what feels right to you and love other people past like the physical. 


Josie Totah: I will say then I think we need to stop saying when we look at people on Instagram and in life, oh, that person has a good body or that body’s so hot. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Because what the fuck is a good body? You know, what’s a good fucking body? Someone that is happy and that is healthy and that is eating well and that is getting good sleep. And that is a good person who is spreading good values, not someone– 


Yasmine Hamady: Yes. 


Josie Totah: –who has washboard abs or a 24 inch waist. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: Like that’s not what a good, like what even is a good body. We need to stop saying that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Healthy is hot. 


Josie Totah: And I think that’s how we move forward and it’s how it’s whatever it is to you and I personally still struggle with that like I’m just going to. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah same. 


Josie Totah: I struggle with eating and stuff all the time because I’m like. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: I want to profit off my size and like, I don’t know how small I am sometimes and that’s something that I need to work on, but it’s not my fault. It’s the world’s fault. 


Yasmine Hamady: Yeah. 


Josie Totah: And I just think we just need to be open and we just need to say it aloud and we need to just have these conversations, because the more we do, the more people will realize that, like, fuck pretty privilege. Like, if you really want to have the privilege of something, it should be the privilege of being a good person with a good soul, because that’s what’s really going to take you far in life and that’s what’s going to give you good friends and a good career and pretty only lasts so long. My acting coach used to say that. He used to say, you know, pretty fades and he was like, not you, Josie, though he was talking to a girl behind me. But um [laugh] but he did tell her that. And it made me think that like, we can’t survive off that, so let’s just stop using it as a currency. If we all stopped using dollars, we would solve the economy. No I’m just kidding. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Wow. Yes Bitcoin [?].


Josie Totah: But like if we just threw away the currency then like there is no market for it then. [music break] Welcome. Welcome to the beating heart, the epicenter of the most divided and political, social discourse of our time. I am Judge Josanna! And this is, ma’am this is a Wendys. Just kidding. No, this is the Ickuation Room. [gavel sound] [laughter] Alright as you guys know, there can only be one Ick or Yum, there’s a topic on the board. And the topic on the board has to be just under 30 seconds or less. The topic on today’s board is hookup playlist. Playlists that you play while you’re hooking up. Playlists. 30 seconds on the clock. Yum goes first. Take it away. [gavel sound]


Yasmine Hamady: I’m listening. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: When you’re in that intimate space with someone and you’re sharing your energy. Don’t you want a beautiful soundtrack? Don’t you want to hear the right R&B, the right lucky day, the, you know, Anita Baker’s of it all? I think it just, you know, heightens the experience. It makes it more beautiful. And also there’s so much thought and intention that goes in. So, like, I made this specific thing for us to share together as a playlist. 


Yasmine Hamady: Sure. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: I think it’s really beautiful and it can be empowering and it can make you feel more comfortable [gavel sound] especially if you’re not the most comfy in those spaces. And I think they’re the best and they can be personal. 


Josie Totah: Okay. Yeah that’s it.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And specific. 


Josie Totah: You sound like a fucking guidance counselor at a high school.


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Thank you so much. Love yourself. 


Josie Totah: Ick take it away, please. 30 seconds on the board. [gavel sound]


Yasmine Hamady: I’m just. Riddle me this. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Oh, my God girl. 


Yasmine Hamady: Oh, my God. What? Listen, when you’re having this moment with someone, right, and you’re hearing the ASMR of you kissing them, you touching them, I feel like that is hotter than the songs. I feel like listening to your partner be pleasured is maybe the sexiest thing alive. 


Josie Totah: Oh, okay. 


Yasmine Hamady: And so I feel like that’s more than The Weeknd. That’s more than Bryson Tiller. That’s more than all of these other people that makes these really fucking great music. [gavel sound] I’m sorry. I feel like you could just listen to the rain or something when you’re doing something fun. 


Josie Totah: Love rain. All right, well, I’m done hearing you’re guys arguments. Um I guess the only way to figure this out is to like test it out. But we’re at a– [laughter] We are at a place of work. So that means that we can. Um. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Uh. 


Josie Totah: Not. Obviously. 


Yasmine Hamady: I just got so wet. Literally.


Josie Totah: No one described what just happened. She just yicked up her entire. [banter]


Yasmine Hamady: [?] My yerba matte ta te. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Eew wait. Is that what it is that called. 


Yasmine Hamady: Your yerba matte titty out of my fucking– [strange sound]


Josie Totah: You guys please stop moving? I personally um. Listen!


Alycia Pascual-Peña: The girls are fighting. 


Josie Totah: I personally just. I cannot go, like, an hour of silence without music, because then I have to confront my own thoughts. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Thoughts, ugh. 


Yasmine Hamady: God forbid.


Josie Totah: And I’m, as I said to my a horror movie professor on the first day of school, when everyone around the room and said, what are they most scared of? And I said myself. And then it was very awkward. [laugh] That’s what I mean. And so music always has to be playing. And for that reason, [gavel sound] Yum wins, music should be playing when I’m doing nothing and when I’m doing it all, so adjourned. And I’m going to go take the bailiff out to dinner tonight. [laughter] The bailiff is our producer Ari. [laugh]  [gavel sound]. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Ow. 


Yasmine Hamady: Jesus. [music break]


Josie Totah: Oh, well, you guys, that was our show. How are you feeling? 


Yasmine Hamady: Um, learned a lot. Um, Live laughing and loving at the moment, but also lots to think about. 


Josie Totah: I think something that is important to end on. To end on. Suddenly, I don’t know what accent I have attained. Is that what makes someone the prettiest ever is actually someone who is kind and compassionate and is is a competent human being. And there is nothing uglier than someone who is mean and small minded and talks down other people. And that to me is the opposite of being pretty. So stay pretty. Stay being nice. 


Yasmine Hamady: Can I can just add, if there’s one person–


Josie Totah: I don’t know why I said that. But.


Yasmine Hamady: Who doesn’t have pretty privilege. 


Josie Totah: I did. 


Yasmine Hamady: And I’m okay with saying this. It is Marjorie Taylor Greene and you could tell her I said that. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: Well, thank you guys for hanging out with us and listening. And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review. We need like your validation please. Obviously. In addition to being pretty, we need you guys to give us some feedback. So tell us what you think and stay engaged, stay hot and keep doing you boo. Bye gorgeous friends, adios. 


Yasmine Hamady: Bye. Love you. [music break]


Josie Totah: Dare We Say is a Crooked Media production. 


Yasmine Hamady: Caroline Reston is our showrunner, producer and mommy, and Ari Schwartz is our producer and show daddy. Fiona Pestana is our associate producer and Sandy Girard is the almighty executive producer. 


Josie Totah: It’s hosted and produced by me, Josie Totah. 


Yasmine Hamady: And me, Yasmine Hamady. 


Alycia Pascual-Peña: And me, Alycia Pascual-Peña. Vasilis Fotopoulos and Charlotte Landis. They’re both our engineers. Brian Vasquez is our editor and theme music composer. Our video producers are Matt DeGroot, Narineh Melkonian, and Delon Villanueva and Mia Kellman. 


Josie Totah: Lastly, thank you to Jordan Silver, Gabriela Leverette, Jesse McLean, Caroline Heywood, Shaina Hortsmann, Deisi Cruz, Danielle Jensen, and Ewa Okulate. For marketing the show and making us look so damn good.