TROUBLED BRIDGE OVER WATER
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NEWS NEWS NEWS
A magnitude 4.8 earthquake hit New York City and New Jersey on Friday morning. Mayor Eric Adams is expected to send 800,000 cops to investigate and arrest the earthquake.
Tesla scrapped long-promised plans for a mass-market, inexpensive car, Reuters reported, citing three sources and company messages seen by the news agency. CEO Elon Musk is somewhere drafting a tweet to blame this on DEI.
A new round of ceasefire discussions will occur this weekend between delegations from Israel and Hamas, mediated by Egypt and Qatar with support from the United States.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) claimed that the Tri-State area earthquake and the forthcoming eclipse are signs God is sending to America “tell[ing] us to repent.” Both are, of course, naturally occurring events, and we’ve known the eclipse was coming for decades.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is expanding his conspiracy theory portfolio, this time by continually questioning the events of January 6 and whether they constitute an insurrection. He released an eight-paragraph statement defending his beliefs on Friday, while also mentioning that he had “not examined the evidence in detail.” Yeah, my guy, we can tell!
After all that hand-wringing, the national director of grifters du jour No Labels says he would vote for Joe Biden over Trump, after the group gave up on a presidential bid, failing to secure a candidate.
A New York bankruptcy judge ruled that disgraced former Mayor Rudy Giuliani will be allowed to remain in his Florida condo for now, after declining to rule on a motion filed by Giuliani’s creditors that would have forced him out. Giuliani declared bankruptcy in December after being ordered to pay $148 million to two former Georgia election workers for spreading lies about their role in the 2020 election. The former mayor claims he needs to hold on to his Florida condo because—I wish I were making this up—he needs to record his podcast there. If he does end up losing both of his houses, Giuliani is a natural fit for living under a bridge and asking people to answer his riddles three.