THE SITUATION DOOM

Donald Trump’s top aides are reportedly discussing a plan to catch his attention for intelligence briefings: Make their own fake internal Fox News show.

• There’s a tried-and-true saying among those in MAGAworld: If you wanna get President Donald Trump’s attention, go on Fox News. Now, one of his closest aides has apparently hatched a hilariously ridiculous plot to turn that wisdom to her advantage: National Intelligence Director Tulsi Gabbard has held talks about hiring a Fox News producer and one of the network’s personalities to create network-style videos that can finally (finally!) get him to pay attention to his intelligence briefings, according to NBC News.

• Trump is famously uninterested in book learnin’ — and he is virtually impossible to brief, according to John Bolton, his own former national security adviser. “He spoke at greater length than the briefers, often on matters completely unrelated to the subjects at hand,” Bolton wrote in his memoir.

• And these briefings are important! The President’s Daily Brief (PDB) keeps the commander-in-chief updated on the most pressing national security issues. It has traditionally been a classified digital document created for the president and cabinet members that can shape how Washington makes life-and-death decisions about war, peace, trade, spycraft and more.

• Trump has always loved the drama, the prestige of television… but these briefings seemingly bore the shit out of him. Since taking office, he has sat down for the briefing 14 times, according to his public schedule. Compare that to former Presidents Joe Biden (90) or Barack Obama (63) at this stage in their presidencies. It’s a bad number even by Trump’s personal standards: He received the briefing 55 times by this time in his first term! “The point of having an $80 billion intelligence service is to inform the president to avert a strategic surprise,” a former CIA analyst told Politico.

• The Trump administration vehemently denied that Gabbard is considering bringing Fox News into the Situation Room. The idea might indeed be too outlandish to actually happen, a former Trump White House official texted me. But he conceded that Trump doesn’t have the best attention span: “I mean, he might get distracted when getting briefed or something, but he’s not a child that only learns if you turn the material into TV.”

This absurd idea underscores a much more serious issue.

• It’s concerning that Gabbard is even having this discussion, because it shows how desperate Trump’s intelligence team is to keep him focused and informed. Entertaining such a silly-sounding concept suggests that even his own top aides question whether Trump knows enough to do his job well.

• There have already been plenty of times when Trump, uh, didn’t seem to know much about a given crisis. His default phrases for a difficult topic he doesn’t want to talk about: “I don’t know,” or “I haven’t heard.” He feigned ignorance about Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth leaking warplans to a journalist on Signal. He claimed not to know about four U.S. soldiers who died in a training exercise in Lithuania, and Tufts University student Rumeysa Ozturk’s arrest by ICE in Boston.

So if California governor and newbie podcaster Gavin Newsom wins the presidency in 2028, will he get his intel briefings in a daily pod? Would he name it… Pod Save The White House?

HATE IN COLORADO

There are fresh details — and political finger-pointing — in the wake of the violent attack in Colorado yesterday.

The 45-year-old man suspected of throwing firebombs and using a “makeshift flamethrower” on supporters of Israeli hostages is an Egyptian citizen whose visa had expired, Department of Homeland Security spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin said. He entered the country on a tourist visa in August 2022 and stayed past its expiration the following year.

The attack, during which witnesses and federal authorities say the suspect shouted “Free Palestine,” left eight people hospitalized and others injured. The alleged perpetrator was charged with a federal hate crime and attempted murder.

The man “specifically targeted the ‘Zionist Group’ that had gathered in Boulder, having learned about the group from an online search,” according to a criminal complaint. He had been planning the attack for a year and “stated that he wanted to kill all Zionist people and wished they were all dead.”

He is being held on a $10 million bond, according to court records.

This marks the third attack against the Jewish community in recent months, following the fatal shooting of two Israeli embassy staffers and the arson of Gov. Josh Shapiro’s (D-PA) home.

Donald Trump responded in typical fashion, using the horrific attack to blame the Biden administration for its immigration policy.

“He came in through Biden’s ridiculous Open Border Policy, which has hurt our Country so badly. He must go out under ‘TRUMP’ Policy,” the president wrote on Truth Social. “This is yet another example of why we must keep our Borders SECURE, and deport Illegal, Anti-American Radicals from our Homeland.”

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Ukraine pulled some James Bond-level shit over the weekend, using spies to smuggle drones deep into Russian territory for a surprise attack — which destroyed more than 40 Russian bomber jets. The attack is like “killing the archers, instead of intercepting the arrows,” defense analyst George Barros told the Wall Street Journal. Peace talks between Russia and Ukraine lasted for barely an hour today. Although Moscow is pissed about the offensive, both sides agreed to a prisoner exchange and to continue negotiations.

Trump’s head of FEMA told staff that he didn’t know that there’s a hurricane season, Reuters reports. For the record, hurricane season began yesterday and goes through November. Just wait till Trump’s pick to lead the IRS finds out about April 15!

New White House hiring guidelines require applicants to answer four questions based on their level of patriotism and support for Trump’s agenda, Axios reports. They have to respond in essay form, with a 200-word maximum. What is this, the AP Authoritarianism test?

Trump adviser Stephen Miller “eviscerated everyone” in a recent meeting with top ICE officials, saying that they aren’t doing a good enough job rounding up and deporting migrants. “They’ve been threatened, told they’re watching their emails and texts and Signals,” an ICE official said. “Stephen Miller wants everybody arrested. ‘Why aren’t you at Home Depot? Why aren’t you at 7-Eleven?’” Stephen, why aren’t you at Bed, Bath & Beyond, applying for a weekend shift monitoring the parking lot dumpsters, or something like that more suited to your peculiar qualifications?

Some Tesla executives were baffled when Elon Musk denied that he had killed a highly anticipated $25,000 electric vehicle last year. “Reuters is lying,” Musk tweeted after the outlet broke the story. But executives knew Musk was actually the one lying: “Musk’s post was so confusing to some senior managers that they asked him whether he’d changed his mind. Musk rejected their concerns and said the project was still dead,” Reuters reports. Welp… Ketamine is one helluva drug!

Speaking of the final boss tech freak, Musk recently suffered another defeat when a buddy of his who’d been slated to lead NASA was pulled by Trump without an explanation — one day after Musk officially left government. The space agency is still without a leader five months into the term, a bad sign as it faces large budget cuts from Capitol Hill. Let’s hope none of this delays Elon’s trip to Mars!

Matt Miller, Biden’s top State Department spokesperson, stated that Israel has “without a doubt … committed war crimes” during its war in Gaza. So, why did he deny questions from reporters about that? “One of the things about being a spokesperson is you’re not a spokesperson for yourself,” he said. “You are a spokesperson for the president, the administration, and you espouse the positions of the administration.” Uh, that answer raises a few more questions here, but… okay.

Karol Nawrocki, a Trump-backed conservative nationalist, won Poland’s presidential election today. He’s skeptical of integrating with Europe, opposes Ukrainian membership into NATO, has adopted a “Poland First” mantra… and has little political experience. I don’t love these carbon copy Trumps popping up around the world! (Being president in Poland is largely ceremonial, so at least there’s that. Any tips on how we can make our president ceremonial, ASAP???)

China’s global popularity has risen in the age of Trump to the point where its net favorability exceeds that of the U.S., according to the new poll. This isn’t a meaningless popularity contest: Fewer tourists are visiting the United States, the value of the dollar is falling, and opportunities for American business could diminish as the world turns up its nose at U.S. products. But don’t worry, I’m sure Trump’s massive military parade in D.C. later this month will bring back the good vibes!

MIT barred the 2025 class president from attending graduation after she gave a pro-Palestinian commencement address. “What I am dealing with right now is absolutely nothing compared to the people of Palestine, and I’d take on much more if it meant helping their cause,” Megha Vemuri said afterwards.

Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT) launched a new PAC that aims to give out $400,000 to groups that oppose the GOP’s Medicaid cuts, and to register young voters. “I’m a believer that the only thing that is ultimately going to stop Trump’s corruption and his destruction of democracy is mass mobilization,” Murphy said. So, yeah… I expect to see this guy chugging two Red Bulls and squaring up with Gavin Newsom on the debate stage in 2028.

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