CRINGE-BILLY ELEGY

The GOP VP nominee, Sen. JD Vance (R-OH), is stumbling out of the blocks, facing awkward moments on camera and embarrassing old interviews. Some Republicans are expressing buyer’s remorse.

• Disgraced former President Trump managed to pick a No. 2 that ties him even more tightly to the controversial Project 2025, the ultra-MAGA plan to remake the federal government as soon as Trump seizes power. Trump has tried to distance himself from the highly unpopular proposal, which was written by many of his closest allies and folks likely to staff his next administration. Facing that dynamic, what did Trump do? He chose a running mate who literally wrote the foreword for a new book by the architect of Project 2025, in which the author praises the Jan. 6th riots and calls progressives “unhuman.” All the best people!

• If that weren’t enough, Vance also seems to be angling for trouble with a figure that nobody in their right mind would challenge to a popularity contest: Taylor Swift. Recently unearthed footage from 2021 in which Vance criticizes “childless cat ladies” has sparked an uproar online among Swifties. “When it hits you that Taylor Swift is childless and has cats,” one user posted, “JD Vance really effed this one up. The armageddon is coming for him.” Or, as Governor Tim Walz (D-MN) put it: “My God, they went after ‘cat people,’ good luck with that! Turn on the internet and see what cat people do when you go after ’em!”

• Some Republicans are telling reporters that Trump whiffed on his veep choice (along with so many others in his time, of course, but we digress). “The road got a lot harder… I think everyone has now realized that,” one House Republican told Axios. Another told the outlet: “On the whole, the feeling is: doesn’t add much.” Another pick, like Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), Gov. Doug Burgum (R-ND) or former U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley, might have had “the capacity to have expanded the map a little bit” and been “more beneficial,” the House Republican said.

Vance, author of Hillbilly Elegy, turns out to be the least-liked non-incumbent vice presidential nominee in at least four decades, according to CNN data analyst Harry Enten.

• He’s also catching flack for arguing that people with more kids should get to cast extra votes. “Let’s give votes to all children in this country, but let’s give control over those votes to the parents of those children,” Vance said in another resurfaced video, adding that childless Americans shouldn’t have “nearly the same voice.”

• Then there’s the truly bizarre couch sex thing. This week, the Associated Press issued a curious fact check aimed at tamping down false rumors that the freshman senator once claimed to have had sex with a couch (we don’t get it either!). That led to the astonishing AP headline: “No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch.” It’s the kind of headline that raises more questions than it answers! The AP pulled down its own story, and has been a little vague ever since. “The story, which did not go out on the wire to our customers, didn’t go through our standard editing process. We are looking into how that happened,” AP spokesperson Nicole Meir said in a statement. Too late — the memes have already begun.

Vance, of course, should have known this job was cursed. After all… he could have just asked the last guy, former Vice President Mike Pence, why the position was open in the first place.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

President Biden and Vice President Harris each met with Benjamin Netanyahu separately on Thursday to push the Israeli Prime Minister toward a ceasefire deal. Afterwards administration officials said the parties are inching toward an agreement. “The gaps are closable,” White House national security spokesman John Kirby said, according to the AP.

The Trump campaign said their guy will take part in a debate with Harris, but was also “non-committal” about the previously-agreed-upon September 10 debate, reportedly over concerns that the host would be ABC News and not a more conservative outlet. More likely it’s over concerns that Harris will go Prosecutor Mode and wipe the floor with him.

Ninety-three-year-old Conservative media tycoon Rupert Murdoch is embroiled in a bitter battle with his children over the future of his entertainment empire, according to court records obtained by the New York Times. Damn, they should make a prestige TV show about this.

A judge set a December 9 trial start date for Steve Bannon, who faces fraud charges for the role he played in the “We Build the Wall” fundraising scam to build a wall at the southern border. Maybe Mexico will pay for his lawyers?

FBI Director Christopher Wray said Wednesday during a lengthy Congressional hearing that the bureau isn’t completely sure that what struck Trump in the ear during the assassination attempt in Butler, Pennsylvania earlier this month was a bullet, and that it might have been a piece of shrapnel.

Melania Trump will publish a memoir this fall. Her eponymous opus will detail “a powerful and inspiring story of a woman who has carved her own path, overcome adversity and defined personal excellence,” according to the erstwhile First Lady’s camp. To quote her infamous jacket: I really don’t care, do u?

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