DOGE EAT DOGE

Elon Musk is acting like both the House speaker and shadow president, while steering the government toward a possible holiday shutdown. What if — bear with me now — Elon’s actually terrible at this?

• “Some people just want to watch the world burn,” chortled Elon Musk reflected Bruce Wayne’s butler Alfred in the 2008 Batman film, “The Dark Knight.” Centibillionaire Musk, who’s suddenly calling the shots in Washington D.C., seems to have taken up the line as his governing philosophy.

• The U.S. government is now hurtling toward a shutdown with an 11:59 p.m. Eastern Time deadline, after Musk flexed his newfound political muscle as the self-styled “First Buddy” to goad both President-elect Donald Trump and House Republicans into rejecting a bipartisan spending deal. At 4:15 a.m. Wednesday morning, Musk posted: “This bill should not pass,” blowing up weeks of painstaking dealmaking by GOP House Speaker Mike Johnson and setting off a wild scramble to find a deal that, somehow, can make everyone happy.

• Now, Johnson’s in a mad-dash to: 1) Appease Trump and Musk, 2) Keep House Republican support, 3) Somehow get support from Democrats, 4) Keep his job. As of Thursday evening, he seemed to have only managed that first one. Johnson and at least some Republicans reached a deal amongst themselves that pleased Trump and Musk and includes their own crucial priorities: Raise the debt ceiling (a move Trump wants now, and not next year, when he’s president), hand out aid to farmers, and include disaster relief to hurricane victims.

• Trump supports it. But Democrats don’t. They’re hardly inclined to help Johnson, Musk or Trump out of their hole. Democratic House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries made his position crystal clear: “I’m not just a no. I’M A HELL NO!”

This debacle is the country’s first real taste of Trump 2.0 — or perhaps, as even some in Trump’s orbit are saying, of “President Musk.” And Musk… seems to suck at this? Let us count the ways.

• First of all, Musk based his theory of the case on a litany of falsehoods, which were debunked almost in real-time by Politico. Musk repeatedly insisted a shutdown would be painless. “Defund everything. We will be fine for 33 days,” he wrote. But in reality, a shutdown could easily encourage even essential employees (like air traffic controllers) to play hooky, as it did back in 2018-2019. That could mess up air travel right before what’s expected to be the biggest holiday travel season ever.

• Second: How long do you think it’ll take before Trump gets annoyed at people referring to his new buddy as “President Musk”? Trump notoriously hates sharing the spotlight, and has repeatedly turned on anyone who dares to upstage him. Trump spokesperson Karoline Leavitt had to put out a statement today declaring: “President Trump is the leader of the Republican Party. Full stop.”

• The new bill is also clearly slap-dash. It looks like a high school finals paper compared to its original. Among its drawbacks: It scraps a bipartisan $190 million in funding for a child cancer research program. Thanks, Elon!

• Musk is treating the government as if it’s his brand new tech startup, and threatening to primary members of Congress who won’t go along with him. But he can’t fire them as if they were tech workers at X. At best, they’ll be around for at least two more years.

• “If Elon Musk is kind of cosplaying co-president here, I don’t know why Trump doesn’t just hand him the Oval Office, or Speaker Johnson should maybe just hand Elon Musk the gavel if they just want that billionaire to run the country,” said Rep. Greg Casar (D-TX), the new chair of the progressive caucus.

Amid this shitstorm, “Donald Trump is the happiest he’s ever been,” Slate wrote about all the chaos. “EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!!!” he posted online last night, after dining with Elon Musk and Amazon founder Jeff Bezos last night, which is coincidentally my nightmare blunt rotation. I doubt he’ll be in good spirits for long

MAKING IT RAIN

Donald Trump wants to plunder President Joe Biden’s climate plan. So Biden’s scrambling to spend as much of the approved funds as possible, before Trump can get his hands on the dough, as climate reporter Stephanie Ebbs writes.

The fate of the world’s largest-ever climate spending package hangs in the balance. That’s the Inflation Reduction Act, which includes $400 billion for climate progress and clean energy manufacturing. Trump promised to “terminate” the bill and rescind that money. But Biden’s on track to give out more than 80 percent of the IRA’s grant dollars — more than $100 billion — before leaving the White House in January.

MAGA tech bro Vivek Ramaswamy wants to use Trump’s planned cost-cutting initiative, DOGE, to claw back Biden’s “last minute spending spree.” But experts say the rules make that extremely difficult. “If Congress says you must spend this money, the president can’t just unilaterally withhold that,” Martin Lockman, a climate law fellow at the Sabin Center for Climate Change Law, told What A Day.

Trump could pressure Congress to repeal or change the IRA. but then he’ll have to deal with Republicans who have started to like the IRA because there’s so much money going to their districts.

Three times more money for clean energy projects has gone to red districts than blue ones.

The reality is that Republicans are more likely to take a scalpel to specific parts of the IRA they don’t like rather than a hatchet to the whole thing. But either way, it’s going to be a big fight over where to make the cuts.

This story is supported by our nonprofit partner, Crooked Ideas.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

Drivers at seven Amazon distribution centers went on strike today to protest working conditions. Amazon has said it doesn’t have to bargain with the workers, who are technically employed by other companies. The drivers’ union, however, argues that Amazon controls the working conditions. The National Labor Relations Board has also said that the drivers are Amazon employees, and that it’s illegal to not bargain with them. For more about Amazon worker conditions (spoiler: they’re not good!), our friends over at Hysteria happened to drop a new video on Monday about the all-powerful Oz himself, Jeff Bezos.

Luigi Mangione, the suspected UnitedHealthcare CEO shooter, agreed to be extradited to New York and face charges including first-degree murder and terrorism. If found guilty, the 26-year-old could face a life sentence. Police led him through the city like a Gotham City villain, and of course NYC Mayor Eric Adams had to make a cameo.

Judges in Georgia disqualified Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis from prosecuting Donald Trump’s 2020 election subversion case, citing conflicts of interest. It’s a huge legal win for Trump against the case’s lead prosecutor, though the charges weren’t dropped. Willis is likely to appeal.

Brain worm survivor Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is “open” to putting restrictions on mifepristone, the widely-used abortion pill, if he becomes Trump’s head of Health and Human Services, Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) said. That could appease anti-abortion Republican senators, who have been skeptical about Kennedy’s past pro-choice comments. They have no such objections to his antivaxx or 5G-allows-the-government-to-control-people conspiracy theories, notably!

The Federal Aviation Authority banned drones from being flown over parts of New Jersey for the next month unless they get permission, due to the mass hysteria caused by recent drone sightings there. Enacting this earlier would’ve maybe been a good idea???

Dominique Pelicot and 50 other men were found guilty of raping Pelicot’s wife of 50 years, Gisèle, in the horrific trial in France that has shocked the world. Gisèle’s decision to go public with her own identity as the victim in the case has earned her admiration across France and beyond.

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