UNHAPPY CAMPER

Is Elon Musk trying to ruin the great outdoors? Sure looks like it, given what’s going on at the National Parks Service.

• Ah, America’s national parks. Yellowstone! The majesty of Yosemite! If there’s one thing Republicans and Democrats can agree on, it’s that the United States boasts some pretty spectacular nature. Who doesn’t love a hike through the redwood forest and watching the sun set over some ancient canyons? (…Wait for it….)

• “First Buddy” Elon Musk, apparently. In recent weeks, the so-called Department of Government Efficiency fired some 1,000 National Park Service employees, just before the busy season. Another 700 accepted DOGE’s infamous fork-in-the-road offer to resign. The Trump administration is now allowing NPS to hire for open positions — but park leaders doubt there will be enough time to fill the spots before millions of people visit. I spoke with two National Park Service employees with knowledge of the DOGE impacts, which go way beyond layoffs.

• All National Park Service purchase cards across the country had their limits set to $1 this week, according to the employees and an email obtained by What A Day. There’s only one person with an active purchase card in the entire Intermountain Region — which serves about 90 areas managed by NPS from Arizona up to Montana. “Parks are quickly going to run out of cleaning supplies and toilet paper, let alone everything else required to operate a park,” one of the employees said. Parks can’t pay for phone service, internet for security cameras, or even new signage, the second employee said.

The Trump administration is reshaping national parks without even giving employees a heads up.

• In a virtual meeting last week, NPS workers criticized high-level staff for removing the word “transgender” from its Stonewall website, the second employee said. The Stonewall riot was a major turning point in the fight for LGBTQ rights, led by a transgender woman. But the Trump administration gave the staff a choice: “Change the language or shut down the whole website, so they opted to change the language,” the employee added.

• Some probationary staff who were fired include people doing legally required compliance work on a Grand Canyon project to replace an old pipeline that keeps breaking, the first employee said. It’s likely to delay the contractor’s work, the person added, which could cost the park an estimated $64,000 every day. The inefficiency doesn’t stop there! DOGE is planning to have electric vehicle chargers removed from at least one NPS center in Denver, even though it would be cheaper and more efficient to leave them there, the person added.

• This will affect kids, too. Some offices are almost out of National Junior Booklets, educational pamphlets for young children — and they can’t buy more because of the $1 limit. “Our only option is to print via our printer until we run out of ink … so we’ll likely not have any Junior Ranger books on hand to give kids for the upcoming spring breaks,” the second employee said.

• The Trump administration is warning that more mass firings are coming. Park workers are bracing for devastating repercussions: Any number of firings “will cripple the parks” in terms of hosting tours, cleaning facilities, and maintaining trail, among other essential tasks, the first employee said. In Boston, many events planned to commemorate the United States’s 250th anniversary are now in flux.

“Funny how the administration who wants to celebrate ‘American greatness’ is the one putting up all the obstacles,” the second employee said.

Do you work in the federal government? Message me on Signal at mattberg.33 or at whataday@crooked.com. I’ll keep you anonymous!

MAGA FOOD FIGHT

An absurd and laughably dumb fight has broken out inside MAGAworld over one of Donald trump’s former party pals: Jeffrey Epstein.

Conservative commentators were seen holding binders with the title “Epstein Files” on them at the White House today, after Attorney General Pam Bondi promised to release classified files about the late child predator and financier, who was often seen with Trump.

But the contents haven’t been made public — sparking a hilarious fight among far-right influencers. “There are no files,” MAGA nutcase Laura Loomer wrote on X. “Open the binder and post every single screenshot or you’re a liar … This level of deception is something I’d expect to see from the Biden admin.” Get their asses, Laura! In reality, she’s probably just salty that she didn’t get invited…

A conservative journalist criticized Bondi, posting this summary of what happened today:

Pam Bondi: “We’re releasing the first of the Epstein files tomorrow.”

Americans: “Cool! Then we’ll get to read them?”

Bondi: “Well actually you’ll get to see fun little photo shoots of conservative personalities & influencers holding a binder!”

Even Republican lawmakers trolled the Trump administration for the move… by “Rickrolling” social media users.

The fun doesn’t stop there. Today, Bondi sent a letter to FBI Director Kash Patel, claiming that the FBI is withholding documents about Epstein — and ordered Patel to launch an investigation into why. “When you and I spoke yesterday, you were just as surprised as I was to learn this new information,” she wrote.

(Side note: Patel recently proposed using the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) to help make FBI agents swole. I am not making this up.)

“We are ruled by the dumbest people in America,” Crooked’s Jon Favreau wrote on social media about this whole situation.

You said it, Favs.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

Far-right social media grifter Andrew Tate and his brother landed in Florida today after they were released from Romania, despite being arrested and charged with human trafficking (Tate was also charged with rape). Both men deny the allegations. Securing their release is too grimy for even some MAGA elite. Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) said that the two incels aren’t welcome in his state. Even the “Don’t Say Gay” bill guy thinks they’re too toxic and disreputable? Damn.

Iowa state lawmakers passed a bill to strip transgender people of civil rights protections in the state. Iowa will become the first state to remove such protections if Gov. Kim Reynolds (R-IA) signs the legislation.

The Food and Drug Administration unexpectedly canceled a meeting to update next season’s flu vaccines, CBS News reports. This comes a day after an unvaccinated child died from the measles and HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said it wasn’t anything abnormal, which it absolutely is.

The Department of Defense will begin removing openly transgender troops from the military. It has previously barred transgender people from joining, but this action goes much further and is expected to face widespread pushback.

DOGE paused billions of dollars in cuts to the Department of Veterans Affairs after facing backlash from vets and lawmakers. The cuts would’ve affected critical services, from cancer care to assessing toxic exposure. Worth remembering that DOGE is not an official government agency and no one in it was elected! Also, one of its main guys is a 19-year-old who calls himself “Big Balls”!

The Federal Aviation Administration is expected to cancel a $2.4 billion contract awarded to Verizon to overhaul air traffic control’s national communications system — and give it to Elon Musk’s Starlink company instead. After less than two months, the administration already has corruption coming out of its eyeballs.

CBS anchor Gayle King, pop star Katy Perry, and Jeff Bezos’s fiancé Lauren Sánchez are planning to lead the first-ever all-women crewed mission to space on a Blue Origin flight this spring. That’s the company owned by Bezos, the shiny-headed wannabe space cowboy!

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