HOMEROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT With coronavirus outbreaks beginning to surge in the midwest and the first schools to reopen already activating their emergency protocols, President Trump has finally realized it’s time to shake up his approach and start yelling at a different public-health expert.
BABY GOT BACKLOG The bad news (question: is there any other kind anymore?) is that the most important part of Congress’s emergency coronavirus relief is set to expire tonight, and millions of Americans will experience financial hardship as a result.
GDP-ING HIMSELF With the American economy in record decline, President Trump could either start taking real steps to contain the coronavirus and set the economy on a path to recovery, or double down on trying to invalidate the results of the election before it happens.
HYDROX REDUX A week after debuting Somber New Tone #325793, President Trump has reverted to promoting a drug that’s dangerous to coronavirus patients, and spreading misinformation about masks, now with the help of a physician whose medical worldview includes, uh, sex demons.